# The one line that sold you... **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [June 2, 2006, 8:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-one-line-that-sold-you/359125 "2006-06-02T08:52:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Ghanima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Ghanima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ghanima)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2006, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-one-line-that-sold-you/359125/41 "2006-06-02T23:07:23Z")
Happy Texas: Harry and Wayne have stolen an RV and have been mistaken for the owners. They are searching through the RV for clues as to who they might be. Wayne opens a closet and finds a bunch of very small, elaborate costumes. "WAYNE: Midget clothes. We’re midgets. HARRY: We’re not midgets. No. Maybe whoever owned this had kids. WAYNE: Circus kids. HARRY: Hey, what about this? WAYNE: Hey, maybe we are tailors. We travel from town to town tailoring dresses for circus midgets." Maybe you had to be there, but I was laughing like an insane person at this point. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2006, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-one-line-that-sold-you/359125/42 "2006-06-03T00:32:38Z")
Some lines that did it for me: **Arrested Development** : “Now, the blue part is land.” (From Buster, who supposedly studied geography, as he looks at a nautical chart). **Buffy**. I first saw it in the 4th season (we had no cable until then). Willow has cast a couple of spells and this demon wants him to join him. She refuses. He asks if she means it. She says, yes. The demon shrugs, gives her a coin, then said, “Well, if you change your mind, here’s my token. Give me a summons.” ---
**Author:** ![Tracy\_Lord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@Tracy\_Lord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tracy_Lord)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2006, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-one-line-that-sold-you/359125/43 "2006-06-03T00:48:01Z")
Stephen Sondheim: “Can you see me as a poet writing poetry? All my verse will be – free!” and about sixteen bars later, “It’s the necessary essence of democracy.” I recall throwing my pen onto the floor of the theater in amazement, delight, and a slight tinge of self-disgust that I hadn’t thought of it. And so my relationship with The Master began. 😃 Scrubs: “Wherever you go in life, watch out for Johnny the tackling Alzheimer’s patient.” “Who’s Johnny the–” “WHO AM I?” [fwoomph.] Good Omens (and by extension both Gaiman and Pratchett, really): “I _said_, that one went down like a lead balloon,” said the serpent. Patrick O’Brian: “‘Is it poisonous?’ ‘Extremely so. I dare say it will attack you, directly. I have very little doubt of it. Was I to put the silk stockings over my worsted stockings, surely the hole would not show: but then, I should stifle with heat. Do you not find it uncommonly hot?’” ---
**Author:** ![Campion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4491bb/32.png) [@Campion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Campion)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2006, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-one-line-that-sold-you/359125/44 "2006-06-03T01:01:58Z")
Lyle Lovett, in _Her First Mistake_, a song about trying to pick a girl up in a bar. She, sadly, rebuffs his advances and leaves: > [@](#): > > There I sat, so all alone, > Like a king who sits upon his throne, > And whose kingdom may have just gone home > With another kingdom. ---
**Author:** ![MaxTheVool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc29f/32.png) [@MaxTheVool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaxTheVool)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2006, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-one-line-that-sold-you/359125/45 "2006-06-03T01:15:02Z")
> [@Tracy Lord](#): > > Stephen Sondheim: “Can you see me as a poet writing poetry? All my verse will be – free!” > > and about sixteen bars later, “It’s the necessary essence of democracy.” > > I recall throwing my pen onto the floor of the theater in amazement, delight, and a slight tinge of self-disgust that I hadn’t thought of it. And so my relationship with The Master began. 😃 I… don’t get it. ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2006, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-one-line-that-sold-you/359125/46 "2006-06-03T01:34:21Z")
> [@AerynSun](#): > > For me, the \*Firefly \* moment wasn’t a line - it was when Mal rushed aboard, instantly assessed the hostage situation, and shot the cop in the head, like it was a nuisance interfering with the main problem of avoiding the Reavers. Oho, I said to myself, finally a hero who isn’t Lawful Good! That was my _Firefly_ moment, too. Before that happened, I still knew that I was gonna like the show, no matter what, but that one moment just _made_ Mal. During the first season of _House_, I didn’t really watch TV, but my sister did, specifically _American Idol_. And then she’d be too lazy to switch, so she watched _House_ after by default. And got hooked. I’d wander in and out while she was watching it on TV–and later on DVD–and the line that got me to sit down and watch (during the interviews to replace Cameron) was “You want to be a rebel; stop being cool. Wear a pocket protector like he does, and get a hair cut.” (The later interview with the woman just clinched the deal.) ---
**Author:** ![Pyroette](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/90db22/32.png) [@Pyroette](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pyroette)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2006, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-one-line-that-sold-you/359125/47 "2006-06-03T02:18:18Z")
My _Firefly_ moment was from the first episode I watched, way back when it was actually on TV. Simon, in _Jaynestown_: “No, **this** must be what going mad feels like.” ---
**Author:** ![Tracy\_Lord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@Tracy\_Lord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tracy_Lord)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2006, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-one-line-that-sold-you/359125/48 "2006-06-03T02:18:32Z")
> [@MaxTheVool](#): > > I… don’t get it. It’s from “A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum”. Pseudolus, a slave, is singing a song about what it will be like to be free, and every line ends with the word “free”. “Free verse,” of course, is a specific type of poetry. “It’s the _necess_ary _essence_ of democracy” is just silly wordplay, but it completely embodies the Sondheim aesthetic for me. ---
**Author:** ![zamboniracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e9a140/32.png) [@zamboniracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zamboniracer)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2006, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-one-line-that-sold-you/359125/49 "2006-06-03T04:09:42Z")
Back in college when I first saw “Monty Python & The Holy Grail” I was hooked when I heard this: Listen, strange women lyin’ in ponds distributin’ swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony. ---
**Author:** ![Waenara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/50afbb/32.png) [@Waenara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waenara)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2006, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-one-line-that-sold-you/359125/50 "2006-06-03T04:45:50Z")
“The penis will be obsolete within 5 years.” - Opening sentence in John Varley’s [Steel Beach](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0441785654/qid=1149309845/sr=2-1/ref=pd_bbs_b_2_1/002-1455602-9953623?s=books&v=glance&n=283155) “Now strip naked and get on the Probulator.” - From the first episode of Futurama. ---
**Author:** ![Raguleader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/258eb7/32.png) [@Raguleader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raguleader)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2006, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-one-line-that-sold-you/359125/51 "2006-06-03T05:13:51Z")
From the first broadcast ep of Firefly, as a bar fight is about to ensue: _Mal straightens coat_ “OK, let’s do this.” _cut to outside the bar, where Mal is seen flying through the window_ * * * And from the first episode of Buffy that I caught on TV, “Nightmares” where everyone’s nightmares were coming true: Xander: Remember my sixth birthday party? Willow: (laughs) Oh, yeah! When the clown chased you and you got so scared that you had… (stops smiling, looks frightened) Oh! ---
**Author:** ![Equipoise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/equipoise/32/151_2.png) [@Equipoise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Equipoise)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2006, 7:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-one-line-that-sold-you/359125/52 "2006-06-03T07:36:15Z")
Kate Bush: Delicate piano tinkle…ghostly bells…otherworldly voice… “Out on the wiley, windy moors, we’d roll and fall in green…” from _Wuthering Heights_ Happy Rhodes: Strange electronic tapping…odd guitar strumming…“I knew a man who was very odd. He’d always thought that someone was following him. He’d talk of entities that didn’t exist. Or so I thought.” From [“_Off From Out From Under Me_”](http://wretchawry.com/happy/samples/HappyRhodes_Ecto04_OffFromOutFromUnderMe.mp3) ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Mapp](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miss_mapp/32/369_2.png) [@Miss\_Mapp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Mapp)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2006, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-one-line-that-sold-you/359125/53 "2006-06-03T12:57:28Z")
Since I was recently talking about this scene in another thread–Curt Wild in _Velvet Goldmine_: "The world is changed because you are made of ivory and gold. The curves of your lips rewrite history. " And the kiss that immediately followed. ---
**Author:** ![Rachael\_Rage](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/71c47a/32.png) [@Rachael\_Rage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachael_Rage)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2006, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-one-line-that-sold-you/359125/54 "2006-06-03T20:22:12Z")
Band: Faith No More Song: Falling to Pieces Album: The Real Thing \*From the bottom, it looks like a steep incline From the top, another downhill slope of mine But I know, the equilibrium’s there \* For years I’d say to Faith No More doubters, “How many pop/rock bands use the word ‘equilibrium’ in a song? I mean, really.” How can you not love that? ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2006, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-one-line-that-sold-you/359125/55 "2006-06-03T21:55:02Z")
> [@pinkfreud](#): > > I enjoyed **A Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy** from the start, but the line that hooked me and made me realize that Douglas Adams was my kind of writer was this one: > > “The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don’t.” My fave was, “It is said that Vogons are not above bribery in the same sense that the ocean is not about the clouds.” ---
**Author:** ![ambushed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3bc359/32.png) [@ambushed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ambushed)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2006, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-one-line-that-sold-you/359125/56 "2006-06-04T05:53:32Z")
> [@pinkfreud](#): > > I enjoyed **A Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy** from the start, but the line that hooked me and made me realize that Douglas Adams was my kind of writer was this one: > > “The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don’t.” That’s my favorite line, too! I sat there and marveled at the invention of it (and so many, many others). I’ve quoted it often to let people see the flavor of Adams’ writing. As far as I know, there is only one other writer who had much the same gift: **P.G. Wodehouse** , of whom I’m a huge fan (even though he almost always employed the exact same pretense to structure his stories). Here are a few samples: > [@](#): > > I flung open the door. I got a momentary flash of about a hundred and fifteen cats of all sizes and colours scrapping in the middle of the room, and then they all shot past me with a rush and out of the front door; and all that was left of the mob scene was the head of a whacking big fish, lying on the carpet and staring up at me in a rather austere sort of way, as if it wanted a written explanation and apology. > > … > > He lugged them out of the drawer as if he were a vegetarian fishing a caterpillar out of his salad. > > … > > We all shook hands, and the policeman, having retrieved a piece of chewing gum from the under-side of a chair, where he had parked it against a rainy day, went off into a corner and began to contemplate the infinite. > > … > > I’m not absolutely certain of the facts, but I rather fancy it’s Shakespeare who says that it’s always just when a fellow is feeling particularly braced with things in general that Fate sneaks up behind him with the bit of lead piping. > > … > > “What ho!” I said. > > “What ho!” said Motty. > > “What ho! What ho!” > > “What ho! What ho! What ho!” > > After that it seemed rather difficult to go on with the conversation. ---
**Author:** ![ambushed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3bc359/32.png) [@ambushed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ambushed)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2006, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-one-line-that-sold-you/359125/57 "2006-06-04T06:22:16Z")
These lines are from John le Carré’s [Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0080297), the first le Carré novel I had ever read. He remains among my top ten favorite novelists, in large part because of dialogue like the following… In this scene (which I’m repeating from my lousy memory), the extraordinarily wise and contemplative British espionage agent George Smiley (who is as far from James Bond as it is possible to get) is trying to persuade a captured Soviet agent (who will one day (unbeknownst to Smiley) become the extremely important Soviet spymaster named “Karla”) to recant his allegiances and defect to England. (In the exceptionally good mini-series made from the novel, Sir Alec Guinness plays Smiley and a completely silent Patrick Stewart plays Karla, the first time I’d ever seen him). > [@](#): > > Smiley: Each of us have experienced innumerable technical victories in our wretched “cold war”. I’m sure each of us once held great visions, but not any more. Surely, not any more. After all we’ve seen? It would be too complicated to set up the background for the following, so I’ll just quote them. > [@](#): > > Roy Bland: You’re an educated sort of a swine. “An artist is a bloke who can hold two fundamentally opposing views and still function.” Who dreamed that one up? > > Smiley: Scott Fitzgerald. > > Roy Bland: Well, Fitzgerald knew a thing or two. And I’m definitely functioning. As a good socialist, I’m going where the money is; as a good capitalist, I’m sticking with the revolution, because if you can’t beat it, spy on it. > [@](#): > > Bill Haydon: I still believe the secret services are the only real expression of a nation’s character. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_the\_Immortal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Max\_the\_Immortal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_the_Immortal)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2006, 6:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-one-line-that-sold-you/359125/58 "2006-06-04T06:43:03Z")
One of the first episodes of Buffy I ever saw had this line: “You know, the last time I tortured someone, we didn’t even have chainsaws.” ---
**Author:** ![Sassy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@Sassy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sassy)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2006, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-one-line-that-sold-you/359125/59 "2006-06-04T17:21:40Z")
John Hiatt has many lines that delight me, but the one I usually quote is “I was gonna get off that bar-stool, just as soon as I could figure it out.” ---
**Author:** ![Lissla\_Lissar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lissla\_Lissar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissla_Lissar)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2006, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-one-line-that-sold-you/359125/60 "2006-06-04T19:12:33Z")
“You were a lousy clown, anyway! Your balloon animals sucked. _Anyone_ can do a giraffe!” -Xander, _Nightmares_ “Today I ruined a perfectly good salad” -Nigel Slater, _Kitchen Diaries_ The bit in one of the Discworld books about the Patrician’s view of crime: if there is crime, there ought to be punishment, although the specific criminal and the specific punishment don’t have to coincide. I just looked for it, but i can’t find the exact quote. “I’m workin’ on an idea- why don’t we shoot them first?” -Jayne, Firefly [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-one-line-that-sold-you/359125.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-one-line-that-sold-you/359125.md?page=4)