# The one thing your spouse does that drives you nuts? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 15, 2011, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-one-thing-your-spouse-does-that-drives-you-nuts/589147 "2011-07-15T17:31:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2011, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-one-thing-your-spouse-does-that-drives-you-nuts/589147/81 "2011-07-21T17:28:09Z")
> [@shiftless](#): > > I am very curious to see how she will manage to be late for her own funeral. Dad, how did you find out about the Straight Dope?! > [@Dung\_Beetle](#): > > One? One single thing??? > > I guess I could stick with the theme of the OP just to narrow it down. My husband has a chronic case of road rage which begins pretty much as soon as he sees another car. He just wants to get from point A to point B as fast as possible and all these other people are in his way! Mine is okay on the highway for the most part because everyone is moving relatively quickly. But in most residential areas, while he won’t be dangerous or tail people, he will vociferously bitch, moan and get angry and the stress’ll carry over to the next 15 minutes to hour after we’re in the car. Worse, he usually insists on driving rather than being in the passenger seat. We’ve talked about it. There’s really no help for him changing. He hates teh stoopid and has taken measures in the rest of his life to avoid stupid people at all costs (shopping at off hours, going to restaurants on weeknights, being a diligent student, not working crappy min wage jobs and getting nice gigs at libraries and so forth, etc). But driving puts him squarely in the crosshairs of the most incompetent among us and it pisses him right the hell off. I sympathize - a little - but don’t condone. ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2011, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-one-thing-your-spouse-does-that-drives-you-nuts/589147/82 "2011-07-21T17:34:52Z")
> [@Shirley\_Ujest](#): > > But give him a weedwacker and every living plant on the planet, except weeds, are his enemy. > He has _decimated_ my perennial garden around a fence that took me years to groom and love and adore. The extremely tall, very pickery weeds that are Waiting To Attack anyone who touches it, are unmolested. Auntie, you’ve found the straight dope! And all the way from Delhi, too! ---
**Author:** ![PandaBear77](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@PandaBear77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PandaBear77)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2011, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-one-thing-your-spouse-does-that-drives-you-nuts/589147/83 "2011-07-21T17:49:07Z")
I remembered another one. The thermostat. He wants it on 74. I want it on 70 or 71. I burn up when it’s set on 74 and he’s happy as a clam. Can I take off my clothes and walk around the apartment naked? Not with a kid around, nope. If he’s cold can he throw on a blanket? Yes. So why’s it gotta be 74? Huh? HUH!?!?!?! ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2011, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-one-thing-your-spouse-does-that-drives-you-nuts/589147/84 "2011-07-21T17:51:27Z")
> [@Soylent\_Juicy](#): > > he doesn’t do the “Jeep Wave” when he is driving my Jeep. > > Those of you with Jeeps know that when you see another Jeep you wave. I used to do this with my Datsun 210 in the 1980’s. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2011, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-one-thing-your-spouse-does-that-drives-you-nuts/589147/85 "2011-07-21T17:58:26Z")
> [@delphica](#): > > There is apparently some sort of issue with throwing things away because he will put a beverage container with 1/2 of an inch of beverage in it back in the fridge, or a bag of chips with five broken chips at the bottom back in the cupboard, and GO BUY MORE CHIPS and repeat until there are ten bags of (really essentially empty) chips bags in the cupboard. I have tried to ignore them to see how many bags will pile up before he does something about it, but always I end up caving and throw them out myself when they start falling out on me when I open the cabinet door. This is my SO, but this is not the one thing that drives me nuts. The one thing is never listening and asking me to repeat everything. Everything I say ends with a “Whut?” This drives me crazy on two levels. First of all, I was always raised with the idea that saying just “What?” is a little rude, and I rarely say it. I’ll say “I’m sorry?” or “Come again?” But the bigger irrritation is thay 9 times out of 10 he _has_ heard me, as evidenced by his answer shortly after! He just automatically says “What?” even if he has to play it back in his head first cuz he wasn’t listening! And to make matters worse, I hate repeating myself. And this is when we’re in our thirties. I shudder to think what will happen when he is genuinely hard of hearing. ETA: Ya’ll reminded me of another - he has a truly amazing ability to disappear in stores. Seriously, I’ll stop to look at something and 2-5 seconds later, look up and he is _nowhere_ to be seen. I’ll find him like five aisles over. How did you get here that fast? You really couldn’t wait for me for three seconds? And it’s even worse if I say, “I’ll meet you over in \_\_\_\_”. When the time comes he is three departments over. STAY PUT! ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2011, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-one-thing-your-spouse-does-that-drives-you-nuts/589147/86 "2011-07-21T18:03:30Z")
> [@PandaBear77](#): > > I remembered another one. > > The thermostat. > > He wants it on 74. I want it on 70 or 71. > > I burn up when it’s set on 74 and he’s happy as a clam. > > Can I take off my clothes and walk around the apartment naked? Not with a kid around, nope. > > If he’s cold can he throw on a blanket? Yes. So why’s it gotta be 74? Huh? HUH!?!?!?! Thermostat should always be set to the lower person’s needs, unless they are being really ridiculous. Why? Cost savings and efficiency. It is cheaper to put on a blanket/sweatshirt than raise the heat a few degrees. ---
**Author:** ![Baracus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/2bfe46/32.png) [@Baracus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baracus)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2011, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-one-thing-your-spouse-does-that-drives-you-nuts/589147/87 "2011-07-21T18:47:31Z")
While my wife does several things that annoy me that other people have mentioned, one semi-petty one that is somewhat atypical is how she uses the kitchen sink. We have a split sink with a disposal on one side. When cooking spaghetti she always drains it on the non-disposal side which inevitably leads to escaped strands that need to be picked out rather than just washed down. Then whenever she puts a pot in the sink to soak, she always leaves it in the disposal side making it useless for scraping off into. ---
**Author:** ![RedBloom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/dbc845/32.png) [@RedBloom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RedBloom)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2011, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-one-thing-your-spouse-does-that-drives-you-nuts/589147/88 "2011-07-21T19:01:29Z")
My husband is glued to his iPad/iPhone/computer/Wii game all the time - from the time he gets home until bed time. I have to repeat myself constantly because he’s so engrossed in his electronics that he always says “what? what?”. He’ll ignore the kids for as long as he can until they get loud enough, then he’ll bark at them (pisses me off). I especially love it when it’s bedtime and the kids need baths, they’re fighting, dog is barking, jammies on, teeth brushing, and he’s on his iPad _completely_ unaware of what is going on. I"m sweating from running around doing it all while he’s relaxing after a “long” day (I work full-time too!)… I’m unsure if he has the ability to actually be present and attentive with his family. When he is with us (sans electronic), he seems irritable and edgy, kind of looking around and unable to focus or really be engaging. I rarely speak up about it, so perhaps it’s my fault. The anger is far too repressed now 🙂 Last time he pulled this stuff a few years ago it was an affair. Sheesh, maybe I should go to the Pit for awhile… ---
**Author:** ![Vihaga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Vihaga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vihaga)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2011, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-one-thing-your-spouse-does-that-drives-you-nuts/589147/89 "2011-07-21T19:17:33Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Thermostat should always be set to the lower person’s needs, unless they are being really ridiculous. Why? Cost savings and efficiency. It is cheaper to put on a blanket/sweatshirt than raise the heat a few degrees. I’m only willing to accept this if it defaults hotter in the summer, too, because it’s also cheaper. I hate being cold _all_ the time because of my husband making this argument. If “just putting on a sweatshirt” were enough to cut it, everyone could happily keep their houses just above freezing, but they don’t. Because it freaking sucks to be cold all the time in your own house. Thermostat wars have been a huge bone of contention with us, obviously. Luckily we compromise by meeting in the middle. 😃 The thing that drives me most crazy, though? My husband’s packrat tendencies. He’s not immune to reason, but his default position is to not throw things away. I am the opposite, which probably drives him equally nuts. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2011, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-one-thing-your-spouse-does-that-drives-you-nuts/589147/90 "2011-07-21T19:22:57Z")
> [@Vihaga](#): > > I’m only willing to accept this if it defaults hotter in the summer, too, because it’s also cheaper. I agree with this, too, actually. While I do like AC and all of its wonders, I’m with you - I don’t want it to be so cold. For years I thought I absolutely hated it and then I realized it was because everyone I knew set their AC to the low 70s or even 60s. Now that I have my own, I set it in the mid to high 70s and I feel deliciously comfortable and not sniffling and sneezing because of the cold. ---
**Author:** ![prodicus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d9b06d/32.png) [@prodicus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/prodicus)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2011, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-one-thing-your-spouse-does-that-drives-you-nuts/589147/91 "2011-07-21T19:26:35Z")
spits ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2011, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-one-thing-your-spouse-does-that-drives-you-nuts/589147/92 "2011-07-21T19:28:08Z")
> [@prodicus](#): > > spits dtmfa :d ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2011, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-one-thing-your-spouse-does-that-drives-you-nuts/589147/93 "2011-07-21T19:28:42Z")
> [@](#): > > He doesn’t get it that I only know what we have in the pantry or fridge if I am staring into the pantry or fridge at this very moment. He’s always asking me, “do we need X?” at the grocery store. How the hell would I know? I confess, I’m the reason for this. I CAN remember if we’re out or nearly out of mustard, or onions, or whatever. I do almost all of the cooking, and I will observe how much we’ve got of whatever without even thinking about it. Sorry. My husband decides to change things up all the time. To my mind, there is usually one and ONLY one optimal arrangement of the furniture in a room. The optimal arrangement usually only changes if something is added or subtracted. I hate a rearranged room. Now, if he has a real reason to change things, that’s one issue. But it’s not nice to change the furniture around when one spouse is pretty much blind without her glasses, but might need to navigate. What’s worse, he’ll change the arrangement of the litter boxes. Now, a couple of our cats are a bit shaky on the whole litter box concept, and the very last thing that we want is for them to be confused as to where to go. Yet he will put a box here one week, but move it to a different location the next week. NO, I tell him, the cats need consistency. And then I make him move the boxes back. I’m happy to report, though, that at least one cat enjoys and uses the new Litter Maid catbox. It’s that robotic catbox that waits 10 minutes (for the litter to clump), and then automatically scoops and sifts the litter. ---
**Author:** ![StGermain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stgermain/32/2868_2.png) [@StGermain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StGermain)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2011, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-one-thing-your-spouse-does-that-drives-you-nuts/589147/94 "2011-07-21T19:31:20Z")
I’m not married, so I’ll just put down a few things that irritate me about myself. I can’t remember to change my clothes when I get home form work, before I start meesing with the horses, feeding dogs, watering flowers, etc. I change twice a day. Once when I get ready for work, and then after my shower at night I get into my nightgown. I can’t tell you how many decent shirts I ruin with stains and tears because I’m working around the farm. I seem to accumulate crap on my computer desk. I empty my pockets before my shower and everything ends up on my computer desk. Gas receipts, used Q-tips, wire fencing pliers, dog treats, etc. Or I forget to empty my pockets and the end up in the wash. Cellphones don’t do well in the laundry. And I can never buy just one of something at the grocery store. I may have never tried something, and I don’t know if I’ll like it, but I pick up two, just in case. StG ---
**Author:** ![Gleena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b3f665/32.png) [@Gleena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gleena)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2011, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-one-thing-your-spouse-does-that-drives-you-nuts/589147/95 "2011-07-22T03:01:16Z")
I’m pretty sure that when I just pick up and go somewhere without carefully checking where we’re meant to be going or what time or whatever and then end up somewhere (wrong/early/late) it shits him endlessly. He’s very careful about travel or going somewhere new, and he’s meticulous about looking up directions, double checking addresses, etc. I am…not. For me, it’s him giving me instructions on how to drive. He doesn’t actually drive himself, which makes it 10 billion times as annoying. He hasn’t driven a vehicle in 20 years, and then it was a motorbike, and he wrecked that. He actually does not know how to drive a car, despite having had a learner’s permit. Again, that was 20 years ago. In another state. But it doesn’t stop him from suggesting I should speed up or slow down or OMG GET READY TO TURN HERE HERE HERE HERE!! or park closer or further or OMG THERE’S A TRUCK AT LEAST A MILE AWAY SWERVE TO AVOID IT NOW NOW NOW!! or any of the things he does that make me want to pull over and strangle him to death. If that’s the only thing he does, though, we’re all good. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![ReticulatingSplines](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e274bd/32.png) [@ReticulatingSplines](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ReticulatingSplines)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2011, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-one-thing-your-spouse-does-that-drives-you-nuts/589147/96 "2011-07-22T03:44:28Z")
My girlfriend always uses “like” instead of “says” or “asks,” so every one of her stories goes, “And then she’s like X, And then I’m like, X, and so then she’s like X, and then I’m like X…” God, that bugs the shit out of me. ---
**Author:** ![orderfire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/orderfire/32/10908_2.png) [@orderfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/orderfire)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2011, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-one-thing-your-spouse-does-that-drives-you-nuts/589147/97 "2011-07-22T04:47:31Z")
Despite his many positive attributes, there’s one that makes me INSANE and I’m not even sure I can describe it properly. I think he’d say he was “humming”, but he has no musicality and can’t carry a tune in a paper bag, so what it amounts to is this sort of under-the-breath, monotonous, one-note…puffing. To any song, any tune, anywhere. Commercials. Classic rock. Gaga. Anything. It’s like he closes his throat and let’s this little non-musical repetitive sigh out his nose. hm hm hm hm hm hm hm hm hm hm Oh holy gourd, he started doing it to the soundtrack of a _porn movie_ one night, I turned on him like Medeusa and very quietly said "Do. NOT. Hum along with porn music. _Ever._ Talk about a bonekiller. That said, he washes the handles, puts stuff away, folds laundry, brings me coffee in bed. But that fucking hm hm hm hm hm hm hm… ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2011, 7:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-one-thing-your-spouse-does-that-drives-you-nuts/589147/98 "2011-07-22T07:31:15Z")
> [@Rhiannon8404](#): > > He’s always moving. He can’t sit still. Tapping his foot, bouncing his knee, etc. I try to ignore it as much as I can, but sometimes he’s making the whole sofa or bad move…and not in a good way. > [@PandaBear77](#): > > If he’s sitting down, one of his knees is bouncing. Constantly. > _bouncebouncebouncebouncebounce_ > > If I put my hand on the offending knee to make it stop, the other one starts in > _bouncebouncebouncebouncebounce_ > > Grrrr! That’s [not exactly a habit](http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/restless_legs/detail_restless_legs.htm). > [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > 1. Our top refrigerator shelf allows much more vertical space than all the others. Tall things go up there, because they cannot go elsewhere. But she will place a cup of yogurt, a piece of fruit, and a small bowl of Jello on the top shelf. I know this, because when I go to put the gallon of milk away, I have to first move the yogurt, the fruit, and the Jello to another shelf to make room. Grrrrrr. > [@nashiitashii](#): > > We both do this, but the husband does it a little more often. I adjusted the shelves in the fridge so we could store wine bottles in there, but set one side so that it’s significantly higher and meant for shorter jars and leftovers and such. If I don’t continually move shorter stuff to that shelf, the tall shelf gets loaded up with little odds and ends because it’s the first place he sees to put something. Having noticed that trait in many of my relatives, I set the shelves in my fridge in such a way that the tallest space is NOT the one easiest to reach. They go on putting stuff in the easiest-to-reach spot, but I don’t need to move it out of the way to put in the juice and milk boxes. The Bestest Ex is a helluva guy, but Jesus Mary Joseph, he gave me such an overdose of Metallica I couldn’t listen to them for years without wanting to commit murder upon small furry animals and large dark-haired men wearing dark clothes. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2011, 7:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-one-thing-your-spouse-does-that-drives-you-nuts/589147/99 "2011-07-22T07:41:52Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Thermostat should always be set to the lower person’s needs, unless they are being really ridiculous. Why? Cost savings and efficiency. It is cheaper to put on a blanket/sweatshirt than raise the heat a few degrees. That applies for heating, but not for a/c, where the lowest temp is the more expensive one. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2011, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-one-thing-your-spouse-does-that-drives-you-nuts/589147/100 "2011-07-22T14:36:47Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > That applies for heating, but not for a/c, where the lowest temp is the more expensive one. Please look at my follow up reply post to Vihaga. I already addressed this. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-one-thing-your-spouse-does-that-drives-you-nuts/589147.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-one-thing-your-spouse-does-that-drives-you-nuts/589147.md?page=6)