# The one true religion. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 8, 2003, 7:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-one-true-religion/217717 "2003-12-08T07:15:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2003, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-one-true-religion/217717/82 "2003-12-10T21:06:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by rimshotgdansk \* > \*\*But how do you define _best_? I say it’s whoever throws the best parties. \*\* Well, I like the idea the Judaism demands literacy and education. Unfortunately, that makes it harder to motivate sheep-like obedience from the masses and whip them into a frenzy, thus Jews get slaughtered on occasion. ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Serpentine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3be4f8/32.png) [@Silver\_Serpentine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Serpentine)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2003, 7:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-one-true-religion/217717/83 "2003-12-11T07:10:12Z")
LeVay Satanism encourages literacy and education, too . . . Folks just don’t like it cause it’s all named “Satanism” and such. Being a Pagan, I dpon’t believe that there’s any One True Religion. Whatever fits folks for what they like and need in their life. My religion is such a mish-mash of verious religions and personal ideas that I don’t think anyone else _could_ follow it, heh. ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2003, 10:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-one-true-religion/217717/84 "2003-12-11T10:38:12Z")
After I read The Screwtape Letters, I wrote the following. It’s really just a rough draft > [@](#): > > ``` > I am, as you know, Undersecretary Screwtape. Though I now hold this fine position, I was once just a tempter in training like any of you. Only through years of experience, cunning and skillfull plotting did I descend so low in the structure of command. Some of you may even now be plotting to depose me. Hell has always thrived on such ambitious demons. I have always thrived on those demons whose ambitions outstripped their abilities. But, we must always be mindful that competition within the ranks never interferes in the war with The Enemy. > > It is that Enemy and His work on earth, that are the subject of this lecture. First and foremost, some younger tempters have fallen prey to the error of believing our own propaganda. Many devils lose their targets because they come to view Christianity as The One True Faith. How many tempters have waited for sweet reward as their victim died only to find instead that horrid shining and buzzing which accompanies His soldiers? The Enemy has said time and again that He esteems equally all good souls. Thus Muhammed, Maimonides, and Buddha are all just as lost to us as Aquinas. > > Remember, the Enemy never works to make one man say he is better than his neighgbor. Such things are always our doing. One of the greatest tactics in our war has been The One True Faith.Look in the Bible, the Koran, The Talmud, The Tao-Te Ching or any of the Enemy's propaganda rags. Any fool can see that they all say the same things and give the same advice. Indeed, there have been times when it seems as if all of humanity is about to take that advice and live in peace and harmony. When Muhammed brought his words to the Hebrews, they rejected him. Then, he told his followers they were to love Christians and Jews as their cousins! Many in the ranks were terrified by this. Think of it, three major religions living side by side in peace. But our great weapon, The One True Faith, prevailed. > > Instead of peace, we had the Crusades. What a glorious time that was! Three centuries of all that we love in man. Any soldier could commit the greatest attrocities, glory in sadism and murder, and tell everyone he did it in the name of faith! It was a simple matter too, to take those few who really believed and nurture the seeds of hatred and bloodlust in them. A man could leave his home thinking only of his love of the Enemy, and return filled only with the love of killing. There was war after war, retribution after retribution. Soldiers slaughtered whole villages of women and children. All the time each army was convinced that the Enemy was on their side. Oh, how the sins piled up. Each soldier tricked in to thinking that his faith excused the most hideous murders. > > Murder was but one dividend. After the Crusades ended, there were many more gains for us. Each faith learned not to trust the others. They watched each other constantly. Each faith fought hard to be different. It is our work indeed that the Christians and the Hebrews don't even agree on which day of the week is holy! With all this it was a simple matter to make them hate each other. They may not have gone to war, but there were unfair taxes, ghettoes, laws against intermarriage, and all those wonderful slurs. All this because of The One True Faith. > > We gained many souls in this climate of pride, hate and fear. Then came another great surprise, the Inquisition! The One True Faith had driven the druids and other almost to extinction. The Inquisition finished the rest. Those who believed tortured and executed thousands. All for the crime of calling the Enemy by a different name. Again the faithful fell to love of sadism and murder. Again the sadists and murderers could show their sickness to the world and claim they did it out of love for Him. Neighbors feared one another. Some accused others out of greed or lust. Some witch finders demanded bribes in naked worship of General Mammon. Most humans, like the sheep we know them to be, followed blindly and even happily. Those few thinkers who could have made a difference, whose words could have kept thousands from us, kept silent out of fear. > > Some of you may think that our rewards came when a "witch" or "heretic" was executed. Very, very rarely did a true believer in us come to the Inquisitors. Most victims went to their deaths muttering prayers to Him. Those few pagans, there simply weren't many left by then, may have muttered a different name. They were lost to us all the same. Our reward came with the death of an Inquisitor, or witch finder. Men who had spent lives devoted to sadistic torture, greedy "fees for services rendered", and lustful "examinations for witch marks". Our rewards came when people who had let innocent neighbors die, who had watched every public execution with a hunger like lust or gluttony, or had helped the Inquisition find "godless heathens" met their ends. There is nothing sweeter than a soul who thinks they are assured of Heaven, and finds themself with us. > > I assure you, you will find it just as bitter to lose a soul you thought was safely yours. Many tempters think that by steering a target in to the new paganism, that they have won. These devils discover too late that even worship of idols and the casting of spells can serve the Enemy. Think on it. What does the Enemy care who they worship? He doesn't want them just to worship Him. He wants them to be like Him. How is a prayer for children to a Greek, Roman, or Hindu goddess different than a prayer to the god of the Hebrews? He wants them to be good. Whether they are a good Jew, Christian, Muslim or even a good witch is of no consequence. Do we care whether a soul comes to us by murder, greed, or envy? It is the same in the Enemy camp. The road is unimportant. Only the destination matters. > > If you can keep your target from religion altogether, excellent. If your target turns to religion, you greatest tool is the One True Faith. How you use it depends on many things. How was the target raised? Do they live in a community where everyone shares the same religion? Most of all, does the target truly believe? With The One True Faith, you can turn the target away from the Enemy. By careful steps, you may even turn them from their faith in favor of a crusade of their own. > > ``` There’s more, but I think this post is long enough and the remainder is even more unpolished. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2003, 10:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-one-true-religion/217717/85 "2003-12-11T10:54:54Z")
It doesn’t matter. All Gods ignore me equally. ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2003, 11:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-one-true-religion/217717/86 "2003-12-11T11:25:32Z")
The One True Religion is a fish-based faith. **Pisceano** Not a lot of people are gonna make it to Heaven, I think. ---
**Author:** ![Hydrocortisone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e19b73/32.png) [@Hydrocortisone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hydrocortisone)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 6:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-one-true-religion/217717/87 "2003-12-12T06:58:49Z")
As for the comments about the difference between how my system of government would work and Chirst being the only way to Heaven - I believe in the seperation of church and state. Sure my government may cause almost everyone to go to Hell, but that shouldn’t be a concern of government. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 7:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-one-true-religion/217717/88 "2003-12-12T07:05:53Z")
This is why I no longer believe in religion. I believe in God. Everything else is just window dressing, as far as I’m concerned. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 8:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-one-true-religion/217717/89 "2003-12-12T08:35:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Hydrocortisone \* > \*\*As for the comments about the difference between how my system of government would work … \*\* I thought the overwhelming consensus was that your proposed form of government _wouldn’t_ work. ---
**Author:** ![kp\_72110](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e68b1a/32.png) [@kp\_72110](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kp_72110)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 10:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-one-true-religion/217717/90 "2003-12-12T10:46:36Z")
Just to set the record straight, it’s the Mormons that got it right. Southpark said, I believe it and that settles it. The rest of us will be in hell at a luau. Sounds more fun to me anyway. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 11:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-one-true-religion/217717/91 "2003-12-12T11:09:59Z")
I worship the religion of “ **Hydrocortisone** is a big knob”, which is of course the One True Faith. Our beliefs are simple, and come down to one fundamental ethos, which is: “ **Hydrocortisone** (may He always be a tool) is a big knob”. Our customs, however, are complex. For example, every day I wipe blue cheese on a small effigy of **Hydrocortisone** (may He always be a tool). This purifies Him, and ensures He will indeed be cheesy for eternity. Each worshipper is required to have a large _linga_ in their back yard which depicts what we believe **Hydrocortisone** (may He always be a tool) to look like - for nobody actually knows - and every new moon, we dance around it, sprinkling it with piss and vinegar. We shall know each other by the skin cream we wear on our noses. ---
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2003, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-one-true-religion/217717/92 "2003-12-12T13:43:32Z")
Truth is in the eye of the perceiver. Often literally. Case in point. Try telling the “true” color of something to a person who is partially or completely color blind. Better yet, try describing color to someone who’s completely blind. Also, go look at some sculpture made by a blind person, you’ll find that their proportions are different than what you see with your eyes in some cases. My point? There is no “True Religion”, only a series of faiths that various people follow. Some many agree with, some few agree with. Each is a matter of personal choice, and may not be correct for you. Truth must be percieved, then accepted. Often it is taught at an early age, though in some cases it’s “found”. Just because one person sees things one way, does not change or give more relevance or priority to the “truth” as percieved by another person. We each tend to give more priority and relevance to the “truths” we see as such. Some of us can see that this does not make us better than others, or give us more privilege. Arguing a “truth” like this with others whose “truths” differ is pointless, and will win you no laurels. Why argue something like religion? It’s a matter of personal choice for each individual, who make the choices based on “truths” they were either taught, or “found” for themselves. Live and let Live. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-one-true-religion/217717.md?page=4)