# The Ongoing Online Dating Advice Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 27, 2010, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978 "2010-05-27T18:50:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 101
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2011, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2002 "2011-07-25T19:22:25Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > It’s not a bit more kinky then facebook or OKC. It’s a social networking site for the BDSM fetish community". brb making fetlife account > [@Joey\_P](#): > > A)Well that sucks, was it Amy Winehouse? > B)Which one, we had two of them in the last few days? a.) No. “Family friend I’ve known for close to 20 years,” not “crazy bitch who can sing when she isn’t drugged out of her mind.” b.) The one who posted over the weekend. > [@Joey\_P](#): > > I think she’s probably just along the same lines of Seamus that doesn’t realize you can’t join a message board, try and ask a serious question in one place, but be a jackass in another place on the same board and think no one will notice. I think the problem is kind of a chronic one for socially retarded people. They don’t understand that you can’t walk into an established community/discussion and just insert yourself like you know these people and you’ve always been there. I see it a \*lot \*on the internet. ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2011, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2003 "2011-07-25T19:27:20Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > I think the problem is kind of a chronic one for socially retarded people. They don’t understand that you can’t walk into an established community/discussion and just insert yourself like you know these people and you’ve always been there. I see it a \*lot \*on the internet. Well, shit. So that’s what I’ve been doing wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Invisible\_Chimp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f05b48/32.png) [@Invisible\_Chimp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Invisible_Chimp)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2011, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2004 "2011-07-25T20:00:40Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > Never heard of it, but I just threw my browser into private mode and checked out the home page. It’s not a bit more kinky then facebook or OKC. It’s a social networking site for the BDSM fetish community". Go over there and hit refresh a few times to see the pictures. I think you’ll see what they’re aiming at. Thanks, but I already had the general idea about what it was. My question was about experiences with FetLife. ---
**Author:** ![EvilTOJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee59a6/32.png) [@EvilTOJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilTOJ)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 8:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2005 "2011-07-27T08:02:06Z")
> [@Invisible\_Chimp](#): > > She has deleted her account now, but one of my top matches used to mention that her OkC account was basically a copypasta of her FetLife account and she checked her FetLife account more. Anybody have any success with FetLife? I’ve heard it’s more like a kinky Facebook than a kinky OkC. I’m on fetlife, and it sucks. It’s not easy to find people at all, it seems to be built as a discussion forum for people with fetishes. There’s no ads, just a profile you set up and link your kinks to it; there’s groups and postings in the groups for particular fetishes. The big problem is there’s no way to search for people in your area at all, so if you want to find a girl who’s into albino clown porn [del]like me[/del] for example, you have to find a group, the scroll through the membership list until you find some people in your area, then awkwardly message them. Put another way; imagine if OKCupid didn’t have any way to search for profiles by location, age, relationship status, etc. and instead made you search for people by interest. > [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > brb making fetlife account how YOU doin’? ---
**Author:** ![Sierra\_Indigo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@Sierra\_Indigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sierra_Indigo)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 11:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2006 "2011-07-27T11:34:32Z")
You can search for people in your area on Fet. You click on “places” at the top of the screen and you can at least get a breakdown by state, and I believe if you’ve put your closest decent-sized city in it actually gives you a link to search by your city as well - actually, I’ve just tested it and that’s precisely what it does. Not to mention if you click “Events” there’s a tab for “near me” which gives you events in your city, again if you’ve put your city details into your profile. Yes, you can’t narrow it down by miles or kilometers, but there are ways and means of narrowing the search rather than just by interest and hope. However it IS a fetish site. You’re going to get a lot more people on there who are looking for play partners or casual hookups than LTRs. And it’s rather self-selecting in that the most vocal people tend to be the very out there kinksters/fetishists, and because it’s a “safe” space they’re not afraid to go balls to the wall describing exactly how they want you to fuck them. Or how they want to fuck you. ---
**Author:** ![Edward\_The\_Head](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ce73a5/32.png) [@Edward\_The\_Head](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Edward_The_Head)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2007 "2011-07-27T12:51:37Z")
I was all excited to get an unsolicited email, until I saw that it came from a dude 50 miles away and only said I want to get to know you. Spam at it’s finest. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2008 "2011-07-27T12:57:24Z")
> [@EvilTOJ](#): > > There’s no ads, just a profile you set up and link your kinks to it… Is that essay, or multiple choice? ---
**Author:** ![Sierra\_Indigo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@Sierra\_Indigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sierra_Indigo)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2009 "2011-07-27T13:09:51Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > Is that essay, or multiple choice? Little bit of both. It’s a profile you can write, but there’s a feature they have where there’s a list of fetishes you can tick and flick as you please. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2010 "2011-07-27T13:22:35Z")
> [@Sierra\_Indigo](#): > > …there’s a feature they have where there’s a list of fetishes you can tick and flick as you please. A list like that might prove to be very interesting reading. ---
**Author:** ![Sierra\_Indigo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@Sierra\_Indigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sierra_Indigo)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2011 "2011-07-27T13:26:57Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > A list like that might prove to be very interesting reading. Depends how jaded and cynical you are. If you’re too innocent, there’s a whole lot of “What, wait, WHAT?” and possibly the destruction of some cherished childhood memories. Rather like the rest of the internet, to be honest. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2012 "2011-07-27T13:28:52Z")
> [@Sierra\_Indigo](#): > > If you’re too innocent,… Well, that leaves me out. ---
**Author:** ![Sierra\_Indigo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@Sierra\_Indigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sierra_Indigo)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2013 "2011-07-27T13:30:18Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > Well, that leaves me out. Heh, then you go the other way and surf through the list going “Done that, done that, haven’t done that but watched a girl doing it on redtube the other night” ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2014 "2011-07-27T14:18:05Z")
> [@Sierra\_Indigo](#): > > Heh, then you go the other way and surf through the list going “Done that, done that, haven’t done that but watched a girl doing it on redtube the other night” No, I meant I failed on that criterion. Descriptions of me often include the words “driven snow”. Been here 11 years and still have to explain stuff like this. ---
**Author:** ![EvilTOJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee59a6/32.png) [@EvilTOJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilTOJ)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2015 "2011-07-27T14:28:19Z")
It’s that mechanical contrivance attached to your shoulder. It makes people think you’re worldly. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2016 "2011-07-27T15:37:41Z")
> [@EvilTOJ](#): > > It’s that mechanical contrivance attached to your shoulder. It makes people think you’re worldly. I’ve been thinking of changing my board name[sup]\*[/sup] if I could ever come up with a better one. Anything I think of while reading this thread would probably be just too depressing, though. - Seems like there ought to be a better term for that. _Nom de planche_, perhaps? ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2017 "2011-07-27T15:38:58Z")
I always assumed that he \*was \*a robot arm, versus \*having \*one. In which case, assembling cars all day is no way to experience the wide world of porn. ---
**Author:** ![Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/4bbf92/32.png) [@Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heart_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2018 "2011-07-27T16:46:33Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > I’ve been thinking of changing my board name[sup]\*[/sup] if I could ever come up with a better one. Anything I think of while reading this thread would probably be just too depressing, though. > > - Seems like there ought to be a better term for that. _Nom de planche_, perhaps? I like **Robot Arm** , but if you really want to change it, you should go with **Nom de planche**! Very meta. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2019 "2011-07-27T17:07:47Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > I always assumed that he \*was \*a robot arm, versus \*having \*one. In which case, assembling cars all day is no way to experience the wide world of porn. I had this whole big thing written out about cars and robots and glove compartments with porn and stepford wives…but instead will just go with Howard and the [Robot Arm.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-VJLz65QhM) ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2020 "2011-07-27T18:38:54Z")
> [@Sierra\_Indigo](#): > > …However it IS a fetish site. You’re going to get a lot more people on there who are … not afraid to go balls to the wall… Ha! If this was inadvertant and not an “I see what you did there” then it’s even funnier… ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2021 "2011-07-27T19:07:11Z")
For the record, I hate it when people who’ve been active under a certain name for a long time change it, especially when it was unique to begin with (i.e., didn’t just have something common with a bunch of numbers slapped on the end). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=100) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=102)