# The Ongoing Online Dating Advice Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 27, 2010, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978 "2010-05-27T18:50:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 102
**Author:** ![pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pseudotriton_ruber_ruber)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2022 "2011-07-27T19:50:06Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > I hate it when people who’ve been active under a certain name for a long time change it. I hate “Pseudotriton Ruber Ruber.” Everytime I get logged off, I have to type that whole fucking rigamarole over again, usually two or three times, before I get it right. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2023 "2011-07-27T19:52:55Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > For the record, I hate it when people who’ve been active under a certain name for a long time change it, especially when it was unique to begin with (i.e., didn’t just have something common with a bunch of numbers slapped on the end). I hate the fact that a lot of people probably think my user name is just my name with a bunch of random numbers slapped on the end. (It’s not random, it’s _pi_) ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2024 "2011-07-27T19:54:55Z")
> [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](#): > > I hate “Pseudotriton Ruber Ruber.” Everytime I get logged off, I have to type that whole fucking rigamarole over again, usually two or three times, before I get it right. Just swap it to **prr** , like at the Geeb. That’s easier to type without making the rest of us remember a whole new name. Or, you know, have your browser remember the name. > [@Joey\_P](#): > > I hate the fact that a lot of people probably think my user name is just my name with a bunch of random numbers slapped on the end. (It’s not random, it’s _pi_) Sorry **Joey** , still random. Would also be random if it were your birth year, your dog’s age, etc. ---
**Author:** ![Invisible\_Chimp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f05b48/32.png) [@Invisible\_Chimp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Invisible_Chimp)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2025 "2011-07-27T19:56:22Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > For the record, I hate it when people who’ve been active under a certain name for a long time change it, especially when it was unique to begin with (i.e., didn’t just have something common with a bunch of numbers slapped on the end). I changed my name after 9.5 years here. Nothing wrong with my old name, but I felt like a new person and wanted my name to reflect that. Half my posts under each name shows how I’m different. Old me wouldn’t have posted in an online dating thread. New me wanted to sign up for a dating site, only to find I already had. I had forgotten. If I had had the foresight, I’d be something different on OkC. I don’t want to start over again, though. I’m not going to change my name on the SDMB again, either. ---
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2026 "2011-07-27T19:57:12Z")
> [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](#): > > I hate “Pseudotriton Ruber Ruber.” Everytime I get logged off, I have to type that whole fucking rigamarole over again, usually two or three times, before I get it right. Know what I hate about ‘pseudotriton ruber ruber’?? It sticks in my fucking head!! It’s like the Brady Bunch song or, ‘It’s a Small World’. Run across a post by prr and I think about that name for the rest of the day. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2027 "2011-07-27T20:04:02Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > Just swap it to **prr** , like at the Geeb. That’s easier to type without making the rest of us remember a whole new name. > > Or, you know, have your browser remember the name. > > Sorry **Joey** , still random. Would also be random if it were your birth year, your dog’s age, etc. I know, but I’m ridiculously uncreative, hell, I was lucky to think of that. Besides, I’m a math major and I have a pi tattoo so it does actually have something to do with me. Most of my email addresses are things that happened to be nearby when I made them. My mom is still annoyed at me because her email address is the model number of a modem that happened to be on the desk next to me when I created it. Anyhow, it’s random to _you_ but some people will recognize it, it’s not like it was _e_. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2028 "2011-07-27T20:11:43Z")
> [@Invisible\_Chimp](#): > > Half my posts under each name shows how I’m different. Except that your old posts show under your new name once it changes. You’d have to create an entirely new account\* to keep them separate. \*Don’t anyone do that, it’s against the board rules. > [@Joey\_P](#): > > My mom is still annoyed at me because her email address is the model number of a modem that happened to be on the desk next to me when I created it. That’s kind of hilarious. > [@](#): > > Anyhow, it’s random to _you_ but some people will recognize it, it’s not like it was _e_. It’s entirely my own personal peeve. It just bugs me when people come up with a name, see that it’s taken, and then just slap a number on the end (even a fun number) instead of trying a different word or phrase. Oh, before I forget: the thing across from Wicked Hop is [Cafe Benelux](http://www.cafebenelux.com/), owned by the same folks as Trocadero, Cafe Hollander, and Centraal. They have rooftop seating! I may be grabbing lunch there with a coworker next week, so I’ll let you know how it is. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2029 "2011-07-27T20:12:58Z")
So, Match just started something called Date Spark. You pick an activity in 250 words or less, then pick a day (Any Monday, any Tuesday etc), and a time (morning, afternoon, evening), post it and see what happens. Before I tried it, I googled it and found it it’s been around since January (it’s just now making it to my area, or out of beta testing or something) but it’s a complete and utter ripoff of a website called [HowAboutWe.com](http://HowAboutWe.com) Has anyone used that? I just signed up for it to check it out. Seems like quite a bit of overlap from Match and OKC, but I’ve only glanced at it for a few minutes. Basically, people post ‘dates’ and if you’re interested you contact them about it (or at least that’s what I’m getting out of it from looking at it very quickly).] [Here’s](http://www.howaboutwe.com/date-report/542-in-response-to-match-com-s-copying-our-style-we-re-giving-match-users-3-months-free-on-howaboutwe) the link showing how it’s exactly like Match’s new service. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2030 "2011-07-27T20:16:10Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > That’s kind of hilarious. I’m not sure she feels the same way. Perhaps you could explain it to her. My email address is Nec3f@ and before that was Nec3fG3e@, it was the model number of the monitor that was in front of me at the time. > [@](#): > > Oh, before I forget: the thing across from Wicked Hop is [Cafe Benelux](http://www.cafebenelux.com/), owned by the same folks as Trocadero, Cafe Hollander, and Centraal. They have rooftop seating! I may be grabbing lunch there with a coworker next week, so I’ll let you know how it is. I didn’t know they had more then three places. It must be a recent acquisition. My parents love Centraal, but as a picky eater, I’ve never been big on that place. Too much seafood for me to find something I like. But they do have a ton of beer to chose from. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2031 "2011-07-27T20:23:55Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > Oh, before I forget: the thing across from Wicked Hop is [Cafe Benelux](http://www.cafebenelux.com/), owned by the same folks as Trocadero, Cafe Hollander, and Centraal. They have rooftop seating! I may be grabbing lunch there with a coworker next week, so I’ll let you know how it is. I just glanced at their menu, they have [Lakefront Fixed Gear](http://lakefrontbrewery.com/fixed-gear.html). Perhaps you could order that…and then lob it off the roof at someone on a fixie. And the beer is by a different brewery, but looking at the menu, they have (for food) derailleur, sprocket and single speed for burgers. The chef must like biking. ---
**Author:** ![Sierra\_Indigo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@Sierra\_Indigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sierra_Indigo)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2032 "2011-07-27T23:09:18Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > Ha! If this was inadvertant and not an “I see what you did there” then it’s even funnier… Sorry, it was entirely on purpose 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Invisible\_Chimp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f05b48/32.png) [@Invisible\_Chimp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Invisible_Chimp)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2011, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2033 "2011-07-28T22:28:51Z")
I hadn’t had as many people visit my OkC profile as usual lately. I realized it was new main pic. I put my previous back as my main pic and got three women visitors in 15 minutes. Part of it is that I changed my profile, so I was on people’s activities feeds, but I think it probably is a better pic. Last year when I was laid off, I disabled my account. Now I’ve recently been fired, I don’t think I’ll do that again. I probably won’t message any new women, but I’m open to them messaging me. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2011, 7:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2034 "2011-07-29T07:30:53Z")
> [@Sicks\_Ate](#): > > Know what I hate about ‘pseudotriton ruber ruber’?? > > It sticks in my fucking head!! Whenever I read “pseudotriton ruber ruber”, in my head I hear it in the voice of the Hamburglar. Whether I’ve just made things better or worse for you, I don’t know. ---
**Author:** ![Atomic\_Alex](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atomic_alex/32/175_2.png) [@Atomic\_Alex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atomic_Alex)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2011, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2035 "2011-08-10T23:20:34Z")
I’d appreciate a little advice and this may be the appropriate thread. A little background, I’m a 32 year old heterosexual male, I have a stable professional career _(I’ll never be rich but I’m reasonably well off)_, if I’m honest I’m fairly average looking _(not ugly by any means but hardly movie star handsome either)_, fairly fit and in decent shape, I’m pretty well educated and considering taking a pHd. I believe I get on well enough with people, male and female, but I am a private person and a bit shy and quiet around people I don’t know. A long time ago I had a very bad experience in the early stages of a relationship which kind of put me off the whole dating thing since. I have female friends, acquaintances and colleagues who _(as far as I can tell!)_ I get on with fine but I’ve tended to push people away who expressed any inclinations towards a romantic relationship. The older I get the more I realise this is something I have to get over, no matter how difficult it is, and fate has recently thrown the ball into my court. I was contacted by a colleague who said that a friend of hers had noticed my profile on facebook and was asking about me. I’ve checked her picture on facebook and she seems attractive enough and she’s 36 years old. My colleague has given me her mobile phone number and told me to get in touch with her if interested. This of course is where the problems start, I’ve been out of the dating game so long I really wouldn’t know where to even begin, if I call or text her how would I introduce myself and break the ice and so on, how do I bow out gracefully if it doesn’t work out? I feel tense even thinking about it but I would like a little female companionship at the same time, so I’m conflicted. Its really the initial stages that are the main problem. Any help or advice is greatly appreciated, I feel embarrassed even typing this but they do so the first step to a solution is admitting you have a problem… ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2011, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2036 "2011-08-11T00:13:10Z")
From an easier said then done POV, I’d suggest calling her up and saying “Hi, I’m Disposable (it just sounds funnier that way), Nancy mentioned you might want to get coffee some day, would Thursday work?” Of course, if I were in your shoes, I’d be a nervous wreck and probably just throw out the number, I just simply can’t operate like that. There’s just no way I could take a phone number and make the call, it’s just not my style. You can give me all the pep talks in the world, and I’d still never do it. Honestly, I’d ask the mutual friend to have _her_ contact me via facebook and introduce herself or better yet, since she’s probably shy as well or should wouldn’t be using a middleman, I’d ask the mutual friend to find a night when the three of us could all go out together. ---
**Author:** ![Man\_from\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Man\_from\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_from_Mars)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2011, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2037 "2011-08-11T05:29:34Z")
> [@Disposable Hero](#): > > This of course is where the problems start, I’ve been out of the dating game so long I really wouldn’t know where to even begin, if I call or text her how would I introduce myself and break the ice and so on, how do I bow out gracefully if it doesn’t work out? I feel tense even thinking about it but I would like a little female companionship at the same time, so I’m conflicted. Its really the initial stages that are the main problem. > > Any help or advice is greatly appreciated, I feel embarrassed even typing this but they do so the first step to a solution is admitting you have a problem… There aren’t any specific strategic procedures for you to follow. You could get a bunch of dating books, go to dating counsellors, I suppose, but that isn’t necessary. What you do is simple: you call her, you say something and then she says something and then you say something and then you start to feel better and take it from there. If it doesn’t work out, then you deal with that bridge when you get to it. But that’s pretty much what dating is anyway. Easier said than done, of course. I pretty much could have written your post myself, except that I’ve been an abysmal failure on these so-called online dating sites and haven’t even come close to having an opportunity to call anyone. So, even more urgently you should call this woman, that is, if she gave your mutual friend permission to give you her number. If so, this means she wants you to call. Go for it. I think the worst thing is not being rejected or laughed at or having to deal with turning someone down. The worst thing is not even trying and then wondering years from now what might have been if you did call. Speaking from experience, let me tell you to stop overthinking and just do it. ---
**Author:** ![Invisible\_Chimp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f05b48/32.png) [@Invisible\_Chimp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Invisible_Chimp)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2011, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2038 "2011-08-11T23:13:34Z")
OkC’s app has a new beta feature called Locals. It shows you people in your neighborhood, not just your city. I recently read a Q&A with an OkC employee and they said the 25 miles limit on searches is a technical issue, not a safety one. OkC knows your ZIP code, not your address. ZIP codes can have funky sizes and shapes that limit accuracy. This new Locals feature uses the GPS in your smartphone. ---
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2011, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2039 "2011-08-11T23:53:46Z")
Okay, I need help. I now live in a fairly small city, where I plan on staying at least until I retire. How small? Well, I’ve only been here about seven months, and in my day-to-day life I often see people whose profiles I’ve seen in online dating sites. I’ve already seen several women that I met previously, who I’ve turned down, or who have turned me down. No, I’m not stalking them; I just see them in everyday situations. What’s the problem? Occasionally, a woman will write to me with what seems like the perfect email. I’ll check out her profile, and it’s well-written, cliche-free, and, on the surface at least, it seems like we’re cut from the same cloth. Then, I’ll see the photo, and … [uhhh, no](http://priceisrightlosinghorn.com/audio/fail.mp3). She’s either unattractive, or she’s larger than me. (Pit me.) I know I don’t owe anybody I haven’t met anything, but I also know I’m frustrated when I write to someone who seems so “right”, and it seems like my message is unceremoniously deleted on the other end. I don’t want to be one of these assholes who blows people off, especially those women who put a lot of thought into their first contact. How do you politely reject someone when you’re not physically attracted to them, but they’re otherwise a great match? You can’t say “I don’t think we have much in common” when the profile and email prove otherwise. Remember, this is a small city, and I _will_ probably encounter them in the real world at some time. ---
**Author:** ![Invisible\_Chimp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f05b48/32.png) [@Invisible\_Chimp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Invisible_Chimp)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2011, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2040 "2011-08-12T00:20:37Z")
**elmwood** , have you considered just being friends? They might look better in person. Also, they might introduce you to their better looking friends. Online dating shouldn’t be the only way you’re meeting people. Or, since you live in such a small city, you might be forced to lower your standards. ---
**Author:** ![pricciar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f4b2a3/32.png) [@pricciar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pricciar)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2011, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2041 "2011-08-12T00:42:36Z")
I was going to say something similar to **Invisible Chimp**. He said it first, so he’s smarter. But, I’ll say it anyway. **elmwood** , I would suggest that you set up dates with them. You never know if their pictures are true portrayals of what the people look like. They might not photograph well. Maybe that hairstyle made them look like a goat, but in real life with a new hairstyle they don’t look anything like a goat. On your date you can evaluate whether or not your picture eye was correct. If you don’t feel a connection romantically, but you still feel like you get along well you can offer to be friends. The worst that can happen is you have one meeting and when you see them in passing while you are walking down main street you remember the failed date. The best is you find out someone doesn’t photograph well and start a relationship. The middling you make a friend with common interests. None of those outcomes sounds so terrible. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=101) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=103)