# The Ongoing Online Dating Advice Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 27, 2010, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978 "2010-05-27T18:50:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 107
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2011, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2122 "2011-08-26T15:10:17Z")
If she knows you’re not working, it’s entirely possible that \*she’ll \*pick up the tab. In fact, I think the majority of my OkC dates, I’ve generally been the one to pay for the first date. ---
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2011, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2123 "2011-08-26T15:20:43Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > If she knows you’re not working, it’s entirely possible that \*she’ll \*pick up the tab. In fact, I think the majority of my OkC dates, I’ve generally been the one to pay for the first date. Yeah? Plans tonight? Seriously, though, you mean that you pay for your date as well? Really. I have had a first date pay for me once (for coffee and a pastry), and that’s just because she felt bad because she was super late. Evry other date (this time around) has been dutch. Why do you end up paying? Because you win the fight? Or because you asked them out? Or because you know that they are short on cash? ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2011, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2124 "2011-08-26T15:35:22Z")
I usually insist on paying when I picked the venue, which I’ve mostly done so far. I also tend to assume that I make more money and/or have less debt (student loan debt, I mean, for the MDs, PhDs, etc.). ---
**Author:** ![Invisible\_Chimp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f05b48/32.png) [@Invisible\_Chimp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Invisible_Chimp)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2011, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2125 "2011-08-26T20:02:46Z")
My average visitors per week has jumped from 14 to 38! Part of it is I linked my profile on Reddit and part of it is that I switched my main pic, but two women have messaged me just to tell me I look much better clean shaven. In two months, I got four unsolicited messages. In the last week, I’ve gotten six. This must be what it feels like to be an ugly chick on OkC. > [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > (student loan debt, I mean, for the MDs, PhDs, etc.). Sometimes I wonder if my lack of formal education is hurting my chances with women I’m a high match with. There was a chick who linked her profile on Reddit who insisted her match not only have a PhD or be working towards one, but it had to be in a STEM field. We were a 99% match. ---
**Author:** ![stpetey77](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a698b9/32.png) [@stpetey77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stpetey77)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2011, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2126 "2011-08-26T23:22:28Z")
> [@Invisible\_Chimp](#): > > Sometimes I wonder if my lack of formal education is hurting my chances with women I’m a high match with. There was a chick who linked her profile on Reddit who insisted her match not only have a PhD or be working towards one, but it had to be in a STEM field. We were a 99% match. Or perhaps your lack of self confidence? ---
**Author:** ![pancakes3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ba9def/32.png) [@pancakes3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pancakes3)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2011, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2127 "2011-08-26T23:29:56Z")
how many questions did you guys answer before you started getting 95+ matches? ---
**Author:** ![Invisible\_Chimp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f05b48/32.png) [@Invisible\_Chimp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Invisible_Chimp)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2011, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2128 "2011-08-27T00:11:12Z")
> [@pancakes3](#): > > how many questions did you guys answer before you started getting 95+ matches? I’ve seen women I’m 95+ match that answered about that many questions. ---
**Author:** ![Invisible\_Chimp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f05b48/32.png) [@Invisible\_Chimp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Invisible_Chimp)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2011, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2129 "2011-08-28T03:10:41Z")
> [@stpetey77](#): > > Or perhaps your lack of self confidence? I like you. Your first post and you called me out on my bullshit. I needed that. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2011, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2130 "2011-08-28T03:19:34Z")
> [@pancakes3](#): > > how many questions did you guys answer before you started getting 95+ matches? It always throws me when I see this user name here. There’s a user on Match and OKC in Milwaukee with the name Pancakes followed by a number. It’s not Pancakes3, but it always catches me off guard when I first see it. ---
**Author:** ![Invisible\_Chimp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f05b48/32.png) [@Invisible\_Chimp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Invisible_Chimp)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2011, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2131 "2011-08-29T01:06:48Z")
Thank you again to **stpetey77**. He/She helped me realize I need to get treatment for my depression soon or I will end up hurting myself. I need money, but every time I look at the want ads and think of the jobs available to a college drop-out with a shitty job history and no driver’s license, I get even more depressed. I’ve been using OkCupid and thinking of all the fun I could be having with these women as a way to feel better, but this latest chick is the closest I’ve even gotten to getting a fucking date off OkC. We exchanged email addys, but I haven’t heard from her since. I should probably get off OkC, I’m in no shape to date, but I can’t help but be lonely and horny. Even if I get a date, these women won’t make me happy. I forgot the lesson I learned last summer/fall when I briefly had my depression under control on my own, that I need to be happy first, the other stuff follows. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2011, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2132 "2011-08-29T17:59:58Z")
> [@Invisible\_Chimp](#): > > Sometimes I wonder if my lack of formal education is hurting my chances with women I’m a high match with. **stpetey77** nailed it. I only want to date smart men, which I don’t assume necessarily correlates to having earned at least a bachelor’s. However, IME, most smart guys who \*haven’t \*finished college tend to be really self-conscious about that fact. So, if you’re a smart guy who’s comfortable with the fact that he didn’t finish college, then it probably won’t hurt you (except with women who care about a piece of paper, and who gives a shit about them). If you aren’t comfortable with that fact, then it falls under the general heading of my #1 rule, which is **Don’t Expect People to Like about You What You Don’t Like about Yourself**. > [@Invisible\_Chimp](#): > > He/She helped me realize I need to get treatment for my depression soon or I will end up hurting myself. Please do! Untreated depression is shitty. Of course, trying to get treatment for depression is often like trying to get to the ER with a broken leg–the injury itself makes seeking treatment harder. > [@](#): > > I should probably get off OkC, I’m in no shape to date, but I can’t help but be lonely and horny. Well, at least stop looking for relationships until you get your shit together. Nothing wrong with being up-front about just looking for sex (although you should be prepared for more rejection from anyone who’s not). ---
**Author:** ![stpetey77](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a698b9/32.png) [@stpetey77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stpetey77)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2011, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2133 "2011-08-30T00:10:44Z")
> [@Invisible\_Chimp](#): > > I like you. Your first post and you called me out on my bullshit. I needed that. It’s not just you because most of these guys give off a desperate creep vibe. You just happened to be the last one crying in a post. ;p The ladies here are wicked awesome. Learn from their words and follow their advice. ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2011, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2134 "2011-08-30T00:23:41Z")
> [@stpetey77](#): > > It’s not just you because most of these guys give off a desperate creep vibe. You just happened to be the last one crying in a post. ;p > > The ladies here are wicked awesome. Learn from their words and follow their advice. Putting down AND sucking up in one post. Nice. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2011, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2135 "2011-08-30T00:25:15Z")
> [@Bosstone](#): > > Putting down AND sucking up in one post. Nice. The trick isn’t to put down and suck up, but to go down and put out. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![stpetey77](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a698b9/32.png) [@stpetey77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stpetey77)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2011, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2136 "2011-08-30T00:37:54Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > The trick isn’t to put down and suck up, but to go down and put out. 😃 Which by judging from some of your posts isn’t happening much these days! ---
**Author:** ![EvilTOJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee59a6/32.png) [@EvilTOJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilTOJ)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2011, 9:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2137 "2011-08-30T09:08:20Z")
Wow **stpetey77** , you’re making all \*kinds \*of friends in this thread! Why don’t you go away until you actually have something useful to contribute instead of kissing all the women’s asses and denigrating the men? ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2011, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2138 "2011-08-30T20:15:54Z")
Yeah, everyone knows you’re supposed to neg \*the women \*to get them to go out with you. Jeeze. ---
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2011, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2139 "2011-08-31T02:14:22Z")
Wow, glad I haven’t been around to make myself a target for awhile! ---
**Author:** ![pancakes3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ba9def/32.png) [@pancakes3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pancakes3)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2011, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2140 "2011-08-31T16:20:51Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > It always throws me when I see this user name here. There’s a user on Match and OKC in Milwaukee with the name Pancakes followed by a number. It’s not Pancakes3, but it always catches me off guard when I first see it. sorry. guarantee it’s not me - i just joined a few days ago and i don’t go by my syrupy nickname on it. i’ve answered 100 questions exactly and i think i like answering those questions (and using them in actual conversations) than using the site as a means to meet people. i’m just wondering what the typical match % is. theoretically i can get a 99% match but the highest i can find is 92 and most are in the mid 80’s. is that low, or high? it seems a little low if it’s going solely off answer matches. out of 100 you’d think the law of large numbers would kick in and have someone even randomly select compatible answers. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2011, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2141 "2011-08-31T16:34:38Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > Yeah, everyone knows you’re supposed to neg \*the women \*to get them to go out with you. Jeeze. Have you put on weight? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=106) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=108)