# The Ongoing Online Dating Advice Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 27, 2010, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978 "2010-05-27T18:50:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 113
**Author:** ![Invisible\_Chimp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f05b48/32.png) [@Invisible\_Chimp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Invisible_Chimp)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2011, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2242 "2011-09-13T16:53:35Z")
> [@JessMagic](#): > > Hmm, not sure there’s a definite line between “companionship” and “dating”. I admit it’s really a distinction without a difference. I want to date, but I know I can’t. I’m frustrated and whining about it. > [@](#): > > **Invisible Chimp** - you say you want female companionship, but you’re also considering ignoring any messages you do receive? I suggest that you respond to any messages you get, even if it’s just “thanks for taking the time to contact me - I’m not interested in dating right now”. I didn’t originally phrase it as a question, but what I was asking was, “Should I mention something about not being able to date right now in my profile text?” You are suggesting that I mention it when I message girls back, in the off chance they contact me. I’ll consider doing that. ---
**Author:** ![JessMagic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c0e974/32.png) [@JessMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JessMagic)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2011, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2243 "2011-09-14T01:52:09Z")
**Invisible Chimp** : OK, I didn’t make myself very clear there - apologies. I was suggesting “thanks for contacting me - I’m not interested in dating right now” as a polite response if you get contacted by someone you’re not interested in. I think there was a conversation earlier in this thread where it was proposed that if someone takes the time to email you, you should respond, even if it’s just a brush-off. If it’s someone that sparks your interest, I’m not sure how you should play it. I wouldn’t go wading in with “I can’t date right now”! Maybe get some email small talk going - nothing too deep. So, perhaps leave your profile text as is, then just deal with any messages as they come. Even jump on to this thread for some advice. Bear in mind I’m new to online dating, and male, so “pinch of salt” and all that! JM ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2011, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2244 "2011-09-14T04:03:01Z")
> [@joey p](#): > > 10,000th post! 13,000. ---
**Author:** ![Invisible\_Chimp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f05b48/32.png) [@Invisible\_Chimp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Invisible_Chimp)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2011, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2245 "2011-09-14T19:20:09Z")
> [@Sicks\_Ate](#): > > Wow, I gotta start whining more! You really should. Everytime I do it, I get a new message. I whined again in this thread, got a message last night. Be advised, just because it works for me, it might not work for others. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2011, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2246 "2011-09-14T20:33:13Z")
> [@Invisible\_Chimp](#): > > You really should. Everytime I do it, I get a new message. I whined again in this thread, got a message last night. Be advised, just because it works for me, it might not work for others. Bloody typical. It would just work for you, wouldn’t it. I guess I won’t even bother whining 'cause it wouldn’t do any good anyway. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2011, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2247 "2011-09-15T01:57:00Z")
I went on my first OK Cupid date of the season tonight. It went okay. I don’t want to kiss him, but it was a fun night anyway. I guess it’s mildly fun meeting new people. ---
**Author:** ![JessMagic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c0e974/32.png) [@JessMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JessMagic)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2011, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2248 "2011-09-15T04:56:57Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > Bloody typical. It would just work for you, wouldn’t it. I guess I won’t even bother whining 'cause it wouldn’t do any good anyway. Well played! ---
**Author:** ![Invisible\_Chimp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f05b48/32.png) [@Invisible\_Chimp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Invisible_Chimp)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2011, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2249 "2011-09-16T06:11:56Z")
Is it just me, or does the OkCupid app for smart devices suck donkey balls now? It freezes on me all the time. The locals feature is horrible. The same people broadcast all the time, at least in my area. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2011, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2250 "2011-09-16T21:30:47Z")
> [@JessMagic](#): > > This online dating lark is a piece of piss. I… have no idea if that’s good or bad. I’m inferring good, from context. > [@Invisible\_Chimp](#): > > I don’t want to delete my profile text. I’m wondering if I should add something about how I’m not in a state to date right now. Make sure your “looking for” is just the friends-y options. I’ve gotten solicited even when mine were just those, though (although as a dude YMMV), so a line about not being interested in dating but wanting to stay active on the site is probably a good bet in your intro section. > [@Invisible\_Chimp](#): > > I accidentally a word and messed up my joke. If it makes you feel any better, my brain filled in the missing word, so I didn’t even notice. Of course, now that you pointed it out, I’m imagining a frontier settler, stocking the cellar with horniness to prepare for winter. > [@Joey\_P](#): > > 13,000. Well, now that **Dio** ’s banned, someone’s got to do it. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2011, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2251 "2011-09-16T22:38:56Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > Well, now that **Dio** ’s banned, someone’s got to do it. At my rate, I should pass him up in about 40 years. But hopefully this online dating thing will work out before then and it’ll take closer to 50 years. ---
**Author:** ![Invisible\_Chimp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f05b48/32.png) [@Invisible\_Chimp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Invisible_Chimp)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2011, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2252 "2011-09-16T22:46:20Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > Of course, now that you pointed it out, I’m imagining a frontier settler, stocking the cellar with horniness to prepare for winter. You just made my lame, messed up joke 10x funnier. ---
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2011, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2253 "2011-09-17T00:18:57Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > Well, now that **Dio** ’s banned, someone’s got to do it. No kiddin’? News to me, that’s what I get for not checking in very often. Had a grrr-tastic dating experience this week. Had a lunch date with a gorgeous tall ( 6’1") woman on Thursday. We ‘met’ over the weekend on POF and hit it off right away. Had a nice phone convo Monday evening and then exchanged several nice little texts and e-mails until Thurs. I made some pesto and marinated mozz. and tomatoes and got a loaf of bread and we met at a conservation area near where I work. Sat at a picnic table and talked for a solid two hours, and left on awesome terms, both of us agreeing that we could have easily stayed for the rest of the afternoon. We thought we should see each other again this weekend, and come up with something after checking the weather. Now, I am and have been a very good judge of abooooout how well a date went. This one went _super_ well. As in, every other first date I have ever had that went this well resulted in at least a few more dates, and usually several more or in some kind of relationship. Got a few great texts from her yesterday afternoon, to which I replied. Decided that Saturday would be the day. I texted her last night to see if she’d be available in 30 minutes or so for a call, because I was putting my son to bed. I had some ideas about this weekend to run by her. She replied that she was getting ready to eat dinner. Ok, I said, then maybe later when you have time or tomorrow. Shot her a little ‘good morning’ e-mail this morning. Called around 5 today to talk about tomorrow. Left voicemail…at this point, I’m obviously wondering. Still haven’t heard anything. Got a text an hour later that things were really hectic today, and this weekend won’t work because she has some work things to finish up, maybe next weekend. Dang. Ok, maybe she’s really busy, which is disappointing. I understand that people get busy…I guess it’s the text thing that bugs me. I know it’s much more common for every type of communication, but if I were in that situation I think I’d call…hey, sorry, talk for a bit. So we will see, hopefully…stand by… Ok, she just texted that she hoped I don’t think she’s blowing me off, she is really busy. I’ll take her at her word and hopefully another opportunity will arise soon. If not…ok then. Anybody else running into too many texts? ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2011, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2254 "2011-09-20T16:34:03Z")
Personally, I \*hate \*talking on the phone: I’d much rather text or email. Also, if she’s busy, be sure you don’t overwhelm her with too much communication when she doesn’t have the time to respond, or you could come off as clingy/needy. ---
**Author:** ![Invisible\_Chimp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f05b48/32.png) [@Invisible\_Chimp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Invisible_Chimp)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2011, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2255 "2011-09-20T16:53:09Z")
Last night I made some of the kinkier questions I had already answered public and immediately regretted it. I got a message that wasn’t explicit, but was a little too forward for me. I think a flogger was mentioned. I’ve now answered exactly 3000 questions on OkC. ---
**Author:** ![Invisible\_Chimp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f05b48/32.png) [@Invisible\_Chimp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Invisible_Chimp)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2011, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2256 "2011-09-20T22:50:43Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > Personally, I \*hate \*talking on the phone: I’d much rather text or email. In the 3000 questions I’ve answered on OkC, I can’t recall a question about this. It could be: When using the the phone, do you Prefer texting over voice calls Prefer voice calls over texting Like texting and voice calls equally Dislike both texting and voice calls equally ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2011, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2257 "2011-09-21T14:50:07Z")
You should make the question! ---
**Author:** ![JessMagic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c0e974/32.png) [@JessMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JessMagic)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2011, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2258 "2011-09-22T04:05:46Z")
NM ---
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2011, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2259 "2011-09-22T17:04:08Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > Personally, I \*hate \*talking on the phone: I’d much rather text or email. Also, if she’s busy, be sure you don’t overwhelm her with too much communication when she doesn’t have the time to respond, or you could come off as clingy/needy. Did take that into consideration. Short text Sat. evening produced short reply. Sent nothing Sunday. Short text Monday morning asking about something she said she planned to do resulted in a one-word response. Next! > [@Invisible\_Chimp](#): > > In the 3000 questions I’ve answered on OkC, I can’t recall a question about this. It could be: > > When using the the phone, do you > > Prefer texting over voice calls > Prefer voice calls over texting > Like texting and voice calls equally > Dislike both texting and voice calls equally That would be a hard one for me to answer, because I prefer both mediums at different times, and if you throw in e-mail that complicates it even more! In general, I usually don’t like to talk to people on the phone whom I’ve never actually met. I like to be able to judge their reactions the first time we talk. I also don’t like text for anything remotely important. Wanna change our meeting time from 4:40 to 5? Ok. Let me know you’re 20 minutes behind? Thanks, much appreciated. But setting up or cancelling a date is not something I think text is for, at least not in the initial stages. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2011, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2260 "2011-09-22T18:30:30Z")
Just a note, **Sicks Ate** , it looks like you’re taking the fact that this woman is busy awfully personally. Someone I’ve just met immediately trying to monopolize my time, especially when I’ve already explained that I’m interested but quite busy, would be a big turn-off for me. ---
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2011, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2261 "2011-09-22T18:53:00Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > Just a note, **Sicks Ate** , it looks like you’re taking the fact that this woman is busy awfully personally. Someone I’ve just met immediately trying to monopolize my time, especially when I’ve already explained that I’m interested but quite busy, would be a big turn-off for me. That’s exactly not what I’m doing. What I am, is (was, I guess) confused by the sudden change in frequency and tone of contact on _her_ part, because leading up to that, there was no indication it would occur. Until the point at which I posted, I was no more monopolizing her time than she was mine. If someone sees fit to send me a ‘Good Morning’ message out of the blue on one day, I think it’s appropriate to send her one on another. If there is only one day between when tentative plans are made and the day they are to occur, I don’t see how it isn’t appropriate to make contact on the intervening day to solidify those plans. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=112) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=114)