# The Ongoing Online Dating Advice Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 27, 2010, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978 "2010-05-27T18:50:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 131
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2012, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2602 "2012-03-10T21:06:56Z")
> [@Edward\_The\_Head](#): > > I might just get a 5th date. Player. šŸ˜‰ ---
**Author:** ![Edward\_The\_Head](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ce73a5/32.png) [@Edward\_The\_Head](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Edward_The_Head)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2012, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2603 "2012-03-10T21:33:47Z")
> [@Misnomer](#): > > Player. šŸ˜‰ Hey after almost 2 years single itā€™s about time I can get at least a date or two. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2012, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2604 "2012-03-10T22:23:24Z")
> [@Edward\_The\_Head](#): > > Hey after almost 2 years single itā€™s about time I can get at least a date or two. I was teasing. And maybe a little jealous. šŸ˜‰ But I feel ya: Iā€™ve been single for almost three years now. Meeting that one guy for coffee the other week was my first date since before I met my ex (five years ago), and now suddenly Iā€™ve had three ā€“ with three different guys ā€“ in the past two weeks. Hereā€™s hoping our mutual karma continues! ---
**Author:** ![ataraxy22](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ataraxy22/32/307_2.png) [@ataraxy22](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ataraxy22)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2012, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2605 "2012-03-10T23:45:37Z")
> [@Misnomer](#): > > It _could_ be code ā€“ thatā€™s always a possibility ā€“ but if sheā€™s already been out with you a few times I doubt thatā€™s the issue. In fact, I think itā€™s the opposite: sheā€™s realized that she might really like you, but doesnā€™t feel able to commit to anything ā€œrealā€ due to her personal and work issues. Thatā€™s actually the space Iā€™ve been in with IRL Guy #1 for the past five months. It totally sucks. Sorry. It was code. Iā€™ve officially been friend-zoned by someone who thinks I am awesome but doesnā€™t have romantic feelings for me. Sigh. It might be three years before I meet someone Iā€™m so attracted to again. There have been those ā€œwhat would your superpower beā€ threads here on the SDMB in the past. Iā€™ve decided that the one I would want would be that I could inspire romantic feelings in those women that I had such feelings for. I have a feeling this would involve picking certain low probability future world time lines posited by the Many Worlds Interpretation of Quantum Mechanics, so as to not alter someone elseā€™s free will, but so be it. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2012, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2606 "2012-03-11T00:28:20Z")
> [@Invisible\_Chimp](#): > > I said those who are unsuccessful should do most of the posting, not all of it. **Joey P** is the most prolific poster in this thread and he is still single, as far as I know. **Shot From Guns** is next and I think she wasnā€™t single for most of the time she was posting. Poor, pitiful me is third. Then there is **AClockworkMelon** and **Mauvaise**. He hasnā€™t posted much lately, but he last said he found some short-lived success, while she found some offline success. Itā€™s a strange coincidence that the top two posters in this thread are from the same city and the fourth and fifth are from the same city. Is there something in the water in Milwaukee or Phoenix? Vanity searches! Iā€™ve found more success on OkCupid and, when Iā€™d posted last time, it hadnā€™t been my first time finding success, either. OkCupid is a goldmine. šŸ˜ƒ ---
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2012, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2607 "2012-03-12T16:20:20Z")
> [@Sicks\_Ate](#): > > Still, seeing who looks at you can work to your (meaning, my) advantage. I noticed a woman had looked at my profile a couple times with in a few days so I checked her out. Liked what I saw, so I favorited her to e-mail later. Within 15 minutes, she sent me a wink. Had our second date today, and a 3rd is in the works. And the subsequent dates have gone swimminglyā€¦so sticking with this one and seeing what happens šŸ˜ƒ ---
**Author:** ![Edward\_The\_Head](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ce73a5/32.png) [@Edward\_The\_Head](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Edward_The_Head)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2012, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2608 "2012-03-12T18:01:29Z")
I hope none of them are lurking here, but I have a date tonight and two on Wednesday. Thereā€™s a fourth I thought, but now canā€™t remember when or where! ---
**Author:** ![Invisible\_Chimp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f05b48/32.png) [@Invisible\_Chimp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Invisible_Chimp)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2012, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2609 "2012-03-12T23:07:04Z")
I know online dating is full of flakes, but today I got a message on OkC and two hours later when I checked it out, she had already deleted/disabled her account. I know what time she sent the message because I get email alerts about new messages on OkC and I saw my email first before I went to OkC. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2012, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2610 "2012-03-13T14:34:37Z")
So, the guy who I had the really good first date with on Thursday? We met for coffee on Sunday morning. šŸ™‚ We already had plans to see each other this Friday night, but I was going to a morning showing of _John Carter_ near his place on Sunday and I thought Iā€™d see if he might be up for meeting me beforehand. It was a little on the early side for both of us, especially given the time change, but we managed to pass a very pleasant hour together. Yesterday we firmed up our Friday night plans via email (heā€™s coming to my place, where weā€™ll order a pizza and watch a movie), and I expect that weā€™ll continue to write to each other about random stuff this week. There is definitely potential hereā€¦if we get through this next date without major incident, I might just be off the market for a little while. Is it Friday yet?!? šŸ˜ƒ > [@ataraxy22](#): > > It was code. Iā€™ve officially been friend-zoned Ughā€¦sorry. > [@Sicks\_Ate](#): > > And the subsequent dates have gone swimminglyā€¦so sticking with this one and seeing what happens šŸ˜ƒ Huzzah!! > [@Edward\_The\_Head](#): > > I hope none of them are lurking here, but I have a date tonight and two on Wednesday. Thereā€™s a fourth I thought, but now canā€™t remember when or where! Player. šŸ˜‰ > [@Invisible\_Chimp](#): > > I know online dating is full of flakes, but today I got a message on OkC and two hours later when I checked it out, she had already deleted/disabled her account. I know what time she sent the message because I get email alerts about new messages on OkC and I saw my email first before I went to OkC. Was it a ā€œrealā€ message ā€“ like, it seemed as though she had read your profile ā€“ or was it more of a form message? ---
**Author:** ![Invisible\_Chimp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f05b48/32.png) [@Invisible\_Chimp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Invisible_Chimp)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2012, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2611 "2012-03-13T16:09:44Z")
> [@Misnomer](#): > > Was it a ā€œrealā€ message ā€“ like, it seemed as though she had read your profile ā€“ or was it more of a form message? It definitely referred to something specific in my profile. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2012, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2612 "2012-03-13T16:25:58Z")
Ok, thatā€™s just weirdā€¦ ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2012, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2613 "2012-03-15T05:26:11Z")
Got a message at the end of last week from someone. Sheā€™d seen me in her visitors list. Sheā€™s a bit far away, but travels up this way every now and then. But she seemed quite nice, and we traded messages back-and-forth for a few days. Then, a couple days ago, nothing. I seem to have discovered several new failure modes for this in the last couple weeks. ---
**Author:** ![Trom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/958977/32.png) [@Trom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trom)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2012, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2614 "2012-03-15T17:13:29Z")
Hereā€™s an interesting article that argues even with the fancy algorithms and matching engines online dating sites are no better (or worse) than trying to meet people at the bar. > **[Opinion | The Dubious Science of Online Dating (Published 2012)](https://www.nytimes.com/2012/02/12/opinion/sunday/online-dating-sites-dont-match-hype.html?_r=2)** > > A mathematical formula cannot identify pairs of singles likely to have a successful romance. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2012, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2615 "2012-03-15T18:26:14Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > I seem to have discovered several new failure modes for this in the last couple weeks. Ughā€¦still nothing? > [@Trom](#): > > Hereā€™s an interesting article that argues even with the fancy algorithms and matching engines online dating sites are no better (or worse) than trying to meet people at the bar. I donā€™t think that will come as news to anyone who has used an online dating site. šŸ™‚ ---
**Author:** ![Invisible\_Chimp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f05b48/32.png) [@Invisible\_Chimp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Invisible_Chimp)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2012, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2616 "2012-03-15T18:41:49Z")
OkC is the only dating site Iā€™ve used. Many of the criticisms mentioned in that article donā€™t apply, I think. The article mentions religion and sexual compatibility as important and OkC has religion and sex as subcategories, for example. OkC differentiates between compatibility and similarity( match and friend %, respectively.) Of course compatibility doesnā€™t equal chemistry. The problems with OkCā€™s percentages are that people donā€™t know what they want or donā€™t know how to answer the questions properly, people donā€™t take the questions seriously or donā€™t answer honestly, or donā€™t answer enough questions(the more info you give the algorithm, the more accurate the results, IMHO.) But the beauty of OkC is you donā€™t have to take their percentage blindly, you can see the answers to the questions that determine why OkC says youā€™d be a good match or not. In my admittedly limited experience, OkCā€™s numbers track better than randomly approaching people at a bar with how well Iā€™ll get along with someone. YMMV. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2012, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2617 "2012-03-15T21:47:44Z")
> [@Misnomer](#): > > Ughā€¦still nothing? Not a (digital) peep. ---
**Author:** ![ataraxy22](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ataraxy22/32/307_2.png) [@ataraxy22](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ataraxy22)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2012, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2618 "2012-03-16T01:16:18Z")
Itā€™s been remarkably quiet here too. I think everyone using online dating sites are more interested in enjoying the warm weather this week though, than meeting new people through their computers. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2012, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2619 "2012-03-16T02:04:02Z")
With regards to OkCupidā€™s percent system, I think it can be helpful. If a girl and I have a very low match percentage sheā€™s very likely to be a party girl or deeply religious, for example. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2012, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2620 "2012-03-16T14:16:39Z")
> [@Invisible\_Chimp](#): > > The article mentions religion and sexual compatibility as important and OkC has religion and sex as subcategories, for example. OKC filters for similar attitudes about sex, but I thought the article was talking about the actual physical act. > [@Invisible\_Chimp](#): > > In my admittedly limited experience, OkCā€™s numbers track better than randomly approaching people at a bar with how well Iā€™ll get along with someone. YMMV. I think OKC and bars highlight two different aspects of dating: personalities and chemistry. ā€œMeetingā€ someone on OKC makes chemistry the big question, while meeting someone at a bar makes personality the big question. Two equally important sides of the same coin, therefore I donā€™t believe that one or the other is a better predictor of overall romantic compatibility. > [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > Not a (digital) peep. Meh. > [@ataraxy22](#): > > Itā€™s been remarkably quiet here too. I think everyone using online dating sites are more interested in enjoying the warm weather this week though, than meeting new people through their computers. Could beā€¦but spring fever should eventually start working in your favor. šŸ™‚ > [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > With regards to OkCupidā€™s percent system, I think it can be helpful. If a girl and I have a very low match percentage sheā€™s very likely to be a party girl or deeply religious, for example. Oh, the percentage system is _definitely_ helpful, for exactly that reason. Iā€™m just saying that when it comes to long-term relationship potential, itā€™s not really any better/worse than meeting someone in a bar. ---
**Author:** ![ArrMatey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/arrmatey/32/3522_2.png) [@ArrMatey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArrMatey)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2012, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2621 "2012-03-16T16:46:26Z")
So, one of the people I met on SoulGeek has now said she never wants to talk to me again. I gotta admit, itā€™s that blatant, harsh level of rejection that makes me nervous to move forward. (In the interest of disclosure; I made a joke in poor taste, and, even after apologizing for it, it was apparently too much.) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=130) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=132)