# The Ongoing Online Dating Advice Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 27, 2010, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978 "2010-05-27T18:50:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 135
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2012, 12:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2682 "2012-03-22T12:39:49Z")
> [@Trom](#): > > It was a joke. > > I was pointing out that you don’t want phone calls. My friend was rejected because his potential date _did_ want a phone call before meeting. How’s a person supposed to know a person’s communication preferences prior to communicating? Granted, this applies more to numbers acquired in person… Clearly I didn’t get the “joke” part…and most of the above indicates that you were being serious. 😕 IMO, comparing **Mauvaise** ’s preference of not talking on the phone before she meets someone to the other examples is like comparing apples to oranges: if someone asks for her number before she’s ready, she can simply say, “Not yet, thanks.” Totally not the same as completely rejecting someone simply because they initiated communication the “wrong” way, and you expected them to read your mind. I guess my point was that you only need a “rulebook” when you’re dealing with picky bitches (or bastards): people worth dating will be reasonable during the initial communication/“getting to know you” stuff. ---
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2012, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2683 "2012-03-22T13:52:21Z")
I preferred to not talk on the phone before meeting. I feel that I can judge a persons personality well enough through e-mail that I don’t also need to screen through a phone call. Also, some people just aren’t good on the phone. I am fine, but I think it’s actually likely that the other person might be nervous or something and therefore not give me a good impression. I will/have had phone conversations first, but that’s easily a minority. It wouldn’t bother me if someone insisted or refused to talk on the phone before a first face-to-face meeting. ---
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2012, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2684 "2012-03-22T14:00:52Z")
> [@Misnomer](#): > > I guess my point was that you only need a “rulebook” when you’re dealing with picky bitches (or bastards): people worth dating will be reasonable during the initial communication/“getting to know you” stuff. Is everyone familiar with the ‘3 day rule?’ Where you don’t call for 3 days? I don’t use it and think it’s stupid but I think it’s pretty commonly known. One I just learned recently was the ‘3rd date rule.’ Or maybe it’s just a guideline, but apparently (depending on who you talk to) you’re almost expected to have sex on the 3rd date. I wonder (making myself sound old) if this is a meme circulating among the younger crowd. ---
**Author:** ![Mauvaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mauvaise/32/11084_2.png) [@Mauvaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mauvaise)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2012, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2685 "2012-03-22T14:52:59Z")
> [@Invisible\_Chimp](#): > > Why no phone calls? I find phone calls between two people that don’t know each other can be awkward and if it’s too awkward that can remove any desire to meet. Which isn’t fair to either party if said awkwardness was due to nervousness. I’ve been on both ends of that scenario. I think it’s much better to just move from email to meeting in person, skipping the phone call. Plus this: > [@Sicks\_Ate](#): > > I feel that I can judge a persons personality well enough through e-mail that I don’t also need to screen through a phone call. ---
**Author:** ![Edward\_The\_Head](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ce73a5/32.png) [@Edward\_The\_Head](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Edward_The_Head)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2012, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2686 "2012-03-22T14:56:20Z")
> [@Sicks\_Ate](#): > > Is everyone familiar with the ‘3 day rule?’ Where you don’t call for 3 days? I don’t use it and think it’s stupid but I think it’s pretty commonly known. > > One I just learned recently was the ‘3rd date rule.’ Or maybe it’s just a guideline, but apparently (depending on who you talk to) you’re almost expected to have sex on the 3rd date. I wonder (making myself sound old) if this is a meme circulating among the younger crowd. I’ve heard both and I’m 38. I don’t follow the 3-day for calling/emailing, I usually give it about a day or so. For the 3rd date rule, that seems about right in my experience. Usually by that time you’ve been talking on the phone or emailing for a couple of weeks. But what the hell do I know, I haven’t had more then a second date in 8 years now. So now after my four dates I’m back to zero. Even my swim meet had no women in my age group that were not married. I swear I think the early to mid 70s had no female births. ---
**Author:** ![Mauvaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mauvaise/32/11084_2.png) [@Mauvaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mauvaise)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2012, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2687 "2012-03-22T14:57:36Z")
> [@Sicks\_Ate](#): > > Is everyone familiar with the ‘3 day rule?’ Where you don’t call for 3 days? I don’t use it and think it’s stupid but I think it’s pretty commonly known. I would stop dating anyone that played by any set of “rules”. I don’t think dating (or relationships) are games that have a set playbook. Be yourself from Day 1 and do what your instincts tell you to do (or not do) not what you think you should do. > [@](#): > > One I just learned recently was the ‘3rd date rule.’ Or maybe it’s just a guideline, but apparently (depending on who you talk to) you’re almost expected to have sex on the 3rd date. I wonder (making myself sound old) if this is a meme circulating among the younger crowd. I’m probably older than you and the ‘3rd date rule’ is not new, I’ve known about it for years and years and years. I don’t follow it though - I’ll have sex with someone new when the time feels right. Hell, my current boyfriend & I waited about 6 months (until we were sure we were in it for the long haul\*). \*There are extenuating circumstances about our relationship that necessitated being extra cautious. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2012, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2688 "2012-03-22T15:52:12Z")
Sorry to slap a dead horse (I don’t intend to actually beat it), but I just want to say that I now regret posting about my “snag.” Not because of **amanset** , but because it was way too soon to call the situation anything like a problem, or to be so pessimistic about it. I was just very frustrated that day, because prior to meeting this guy I’d spent five months waiting for someone (IRL Guy #1) who talked a good game about liking me and wanting to date me but who never really did anything about it. So the day of that post I was feeling selfishly tired of “all talk” situations; momentarily tired of having to be patient and understanding, even though the two guys/situations are completely different. Anyway, I’m actually feeling way more optimistic about this guy than that post let on: the more I get to know him the more I like him, and the feeling seems to be mutual. We’re still going out and spending the night together on Saturday, and we’ve added dinner on Friday to our weekend plans. The performance anxiety will work itself out; there’s no “deadline.” That is all. Thanks for letting me backpedal a little. 🙂 > [@Sicks\_Ate](#): > > Is everyone familiar with the ‘3 day rule?’ Where you don’t call for 3 days? I don’t use it and think it’s stupid but I think it’s pretty commonly known. I’ve certainly heard of it – my entire dating life, it seems – but I thought that these days it was only mentioned ironically and no longer regarded as a legitimate guideline. Wishful thinking, perhaps. _grin_ > [@Sicks\_Ate](#): > > One I just learned recently was the ‘3rd date rule.’ Or maybe it’s just a guideline, but apparently (depending on who you talk to) you’re almost expected to have sex on the 3rd date. I wonder (making myself sound old) if this is a meme circulating among the younger crowd. I’ve heard of that for a long time, too; maybe not as long as the phone call “rule,” but a while. > [@Mauvaise](#): > > I would stop dating anyone that played by any set of “rules”. I don’t think dating (or relationships) are games that have a set playbook. Be yourself from Day 1 and do what your instincts tell you to do (or not do) not what you think you should do. Bingo. At the end of my first date with this current guy, we made plans to go out the following weekend. But I found myself wanting to see him again sooner, so two days after the date I asked him to meet me for coffee the next morning. I knew there was a chance he’d think I was being pushy, but instead he was glad that I asked – and it gave us a little in-joke/recurring “argument” about whether it counted as date #2. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Trom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/958977/32.png) [@Trom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trom)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2012, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2689 "2012-03-22T20:25:34Z")
> [@Misnomer](#): > > Clearly I didn’t get the “joke” part…and most of the above indicates that you were being serious. 😕 > … I guess in addition to the rulebook we need a tongue-in-cheek font. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2012, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2690 "2012-03-22T20:55:53Z")
> [@Trom](#): > > I guess in addition to the rulebook we need a tongue-in-cheek font. Or the sarcasm smiley that has long been called for on this board. Writing is such an imperfect communication medium… ---
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2012, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2691 "2012-03-22T21:28:36Z")
> [@Misnomer](#): > > Or the sarcasm smiley that has long been called for on this board. > > Writing is such an imperfect communication medium… That’s why I _require_ a phone call before I’ll meet anyone face-to-face. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2012, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2692 "2012-03-22T21:47:41Z")
😃 ---
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Imp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58956e/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Imp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Imp)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2012, 7:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2693 "2012-03-24T07:08:23Z")
We have set a date for our second date 🙂 Sadly it’s over a week away, as I’m off on holiday tomorrow, but at least it’s set. I may be bowing out of this thread for a while, but good luck everyone else, and thanks to \*\*Misnomer \*\*and **Robot Arm** for checking out my OKC profile for me! Oh, I’ll leave you with this opening message I got from a guy on OKCupid - seems legitimate, right? 😉 > [@](#): > > My Sweetheart, > Thank you very much for your nice and lovely profile, that s good and fantastic > Dear , I m happy to know you, You are so amazing that you make me feel complete. I would not want any other person. I only want you in my life. I could not love anyone because my heart only cries for you. Feelings are many but words are few, clouds are dark but sky is blue; Luv is a paper, life is glue, everything is false, only My Luv is true > I m a man 36 years, 1.74 m, 72 kg, Hispanic, my job is basically the greatest thing ever, i m engineer in electricity, i really like my job. I wish I was making more money, I m a serious and honest man, you can discover me more in the future, > I love to read. I read history and philosophy books, listen the music: country music, folk song, rock,…., watch movies : romance, adventure, horror, ,I love to travel and have been to Turkey, France, England, Spain, Portugal, golf countries, Egypt, Algeria, Tunisia, > I m looking to meet woman and to start with friendship and to make sure that the relationship is 50/50. I want to know what the other person enjoys. Just like I would like to know what the like and are interested in. > Dear Loving you is my joy. I promise I will not exchange you for anything. > You are my hope and my dream that is coming true. I hope you will never change. I hope you will stay the same 'cause I love the way you are/ > I am so thankful and so very happy that I have found my destiny in you. > > I m totally devoted to you, > I love you > Best regard > > I wait your note in my email:\*\*\*@gmail.com > > Seduce my mind and you can have my body.. Find my soul and I’m yours forever ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2012, 9:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2694 "2012-03-24T09:40:50Z")
OKC once had a list of five tips to write the perfect message. I took it as a challenge to create the most awful message that still followed all the rules. **hermette** ’s is better. ---
**Author:** ![ArrMatey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/arrmatey/32/3522_2.png) [@ArrMatey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArrMatey)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2012, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2695 "2012-03-24T17:15:57Z")
Yeah… Wince-worthy. But congrats on the second date! Hope it goes well! ---
**Author:** ![Love\_Rhombus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/love_rhombus/32/10694_2.png) [@Love\_Rhombus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Love_Rhombus)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2012, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2696 "2012-03-25T01:47:12Z")
Heh, it seems I’ve messaged all the ladies in my area, now they’re trying to match me up with folks in DC. Sorry bit too far, I’ve done and failed at the long-distance thing. ---
**Author:** ![ataraxy22](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ataraxy22/32/307_2.png) [@ataraxy22](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ataraxy22)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2012, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2697 "2012-03-28T04:38:52Z")
I thought this was interesting: [http://bitchmagazine.org/post/okcupid-has-less-than-ok-policies-especially-if-youre-ugly](http://bitchmagazine.org/post/okcupid-has-less-than-ok-policies-especially-if-youre-ugly) ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2012, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2698 "2012-03-28T15:12:48Z")
I spent most of the weekend with the new guy. I think I’ll be deactivating my OKCupid profile soon. 🙂 > [@hermette](#): > > Oh, I’ll leave you with this opening message I got from a guy on OKCupid Wow. Just…wow. > [@ataraxy22](#): > > I thought this was interesting: > [http://bitchmagazine.org/post/okcupid-has-less-than-ok-policies-especially-if-youre-ugly](http://bitchmagazine.org/post/okcupid-has-less-than-ok-policies-especially-if-youre-ugly) This has come up before: there’s so much anecdotal evidence of “plain” people getting those messages, too, that I don’t think it’s anything worth noting/fretting about. IMO it’s just another marketing tool (“use our site more!”), targeted at random users. ---
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2012, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2699 "2012-03-28T15:15:44Z")
> [@Misnomer](#): > > This has come up before: there’s so much anecdotal evidence of “plain” people getting those messages, too, that I don’t think it’s anything worth noting/fretting about. IMO it’s just another marketing tool (“use our site more!”), targeted at random users. F\*\*k that, I got that message because I’m hot. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2012, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2700 "2012-03-28T16:38:29Z")
Of course you’re the exception…I thought that was implied. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2012, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2701 "2012-03-28T17:09:20Z")
Yeah, I got that message and I look like a mud fence. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=134) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=136)