# The Ongoing Online Dating Advice Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 27, 2010, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978 "2010-05-27T18:50:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 136
**Author:** ![Invisible\_Chimp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f05b48/32.png) [@Invisible\_Chimp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Invisible_Chimp)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2012, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2702 "2012-03-28T18:03:17Z")
I’ve never received that message, yet I get women messaging me telling me I’m sexy, cute, etc. on a semi-regular basis. I’ll take that over a message from the OkC bot any day. ---
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Imp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58956e/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Imp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Imp)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2012, 6:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2703 "2012-04-01T06:36:05Z")
> [@Sicks\_Ate](#): > > F\*\*k that, I got that message because I’m hot. I’ve never had that message! Nice one **Misnomer** , glad it’s going well! As for me, well, I’m home from my holiday, it’s been over a week and a half since the first date, and we spent most of that texting each other constantly, and umm, I’ll just say _looking forward_ to date number two, which was meant to be Tuesday. Last night I got two short texts “Been a weird night which has left me a bit confused” and “I’m ok, got something to work out”. Am I right to get paranoid? Beyond asking him “is everything ok”, which I’ve already done, should I say/do anything, or just leave him to it and see if he gets back to me? Hopefully I’m just overreacting and it’s nothing to do with me, and nothing to do with anyone else who he may have met last night, but right now I’m worried if Tuesday’s date is even still on. And I had \*plans \*for that date! (damn holiday. I knew I shouldn’t have gone away!) ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2012, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2704 "2012-04-01T15:33:08Z")
> [@hermette](#): > > Am I right to get paranoid? Beyond asking him “is everything ok”, which I’ve already done, should I say/do anything, or just leave him to it and see if he gets back to me? I say wait: I think that asking “is everything ok” is about all you can or should do. And I’d assume that Tuesday’s date is still on, unless/until you hear otherwise. Frankly, my immediate reaction is that it’s not fair of him to dump whatever he’s dealing with on you like that – with two short, cryptic text messages. I’m actually wondering if maybe he sent them to you by mistake? Drunk texting? 🙂 Be sure to let us know when you find out the story! ---
**Author:** ![ArrMatey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/arrmatey/32/3522_2.png) [@ArrMatey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArrMatey)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2012, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2705 "2012-04-01T15:47:06Z")
And you never know… Remember what day it is. Wouldn’t be the - best - thing to do on AFD, but it’s still possibly a gag. ---
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Imp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58956e/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Imp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Imp)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2012, 9:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2706 "2012-04-02T09:19:26Z")
> [@Misnomer](#): > > I say wait: I think that asking “is everything ok” is about all you can or should do. And I’d assume that Tuesday’s date is still on, unless/until you hear otherwise. > > Frankly, my immediate reaction is that it’s not fair of him to dump whatever he’s dealing with on you like that – with two short, cryptic text messages. I’m actually wondering if maybe he sent them to you by mistake? Drunk texting? 🙂 Be sure to let us know when you find out the story! Gutted. I’m absolutely gutted. Yes, the texts were for me, and hey, yeah, he was probably drunk (but we’re Scottish y’know, so that’s to be expected) 😉 Apparently he bumped into an old girlfriend who wants to give it another go. He’s seeing her later in the week. I don’t know if he thinks we’re still meeting tomorrow night. I don’t know if I’m really in the mood now. I know it was just one date and a drunken snog, but I really liked him. We’d been texting for months, and oh, I’d got my hopes up. Excuse me for a few minutes please. ☹ Did I mention I knew I shouldn’t have gone away on holiday? ---
**Author:** ![PookahMacPhellimey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pookahmacphellimey/32/3175_2.png) [@PookahMacPhellimey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PookahMacPhellimey)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2012, 9:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2707 "2012-04-02T09:46:44Z")
> [@hermette](#): > > Did I mention I knew I shouldn’t have gone away on holiday? I’m really sorry that things aren’t going your way, but I have to comment on this. I totally understand what you mean about the holiday, in fact, I know I’d feel the same way in your position, but someone who is good for you would wait for you that week. You want someone to positively choose _you_, not someone who loses interest just because you have your own life for a week or so. He might still do…or someone else will. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Imp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58956e/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Imp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Imp)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2012, 9:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2708 "2012-04-02T09:53:21Z")
> [@PookahMacPhellimey](#): > > I’m really sorry that things aren’t going your way, but I have to comment on this. I totally understand what you mean about the holiday, in fact, I know I’d feel the same way in your position, but someone who is good for you would wait for you that week. You want someone to positively choose _you_, not someone who loses interest just because you have your own life for a week or so. He might still do…or someone else will. 😉 Yeah, yeah, I know, I’d been thinking all of that while I was away as well. 😛 But, if I’d seen him here that week, rather than been away, the chances are very good that I’d least I’d have got laid! 😉 (Seriously, thanks for your comments **PookahMacPhellimey**. I agree completely, and they might make me feel better once I’ve calmed down. Right now, I’m still in WTF-mode.) Oh, and it looks like he thinks we’re still meeting tomorrow night. WTF? ---
**Author:** ![ArrMatey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/arrmatey/32/3522_2.png) [@ArrMatey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArrMatey)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2012, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2709 "2012-04-02T21:03:01Z")
**Hermette** , _wince_ yeah… Sorry about all that. I hope that the guy has something good to say for himself after all this, but after some recent collisions, I think the only thing I can say positively is that it’s better you had this happen now than, say, a few months from now, no? No matter. One way or another, we’re still here for ya, and I can say with a reasonable amount of confidence that things will continue to improve for ya. **grateful mcgee** , I’ve been in a near-identical situation for a while, psychologically. It helps that I’m seeing a really good therapist, but I’ll share with you something that has helped some. I’ve -thrown- myself into other things. If I’m not exercising, writing another chapter in the novel, editing, working on the (several) LARPs I’m co-writing for GenCon, or other of a million things I’m throwing myself at, that negative, lonely feeling will creep up and start choking me. So… I’m doing all of the above. Yeah, I know. It doesn’t feel like that’ll help from the outside. Seriously, I didn’t believe it would either, but just keeping yourself busy and distracted? Not only does it… Well… Keep you distracted from negative things, but it makes you feel like you’re -doing- something. I can’t begin to describe the difference in my energy levels in the past three months. So, find something you want to accomplish, totally apart from this. Even if it’s a long shot. Even if it’s something insane. So long as it’s legal, and it takes more than just one day to sit down and do (might I suggest learning a new subject? Or building something?) and go out and do it every time you start to feel the despair creep in. It helps. I’m totally serious. In the meantime, we’re here, we’re rooting for you (and everyone else in this thread who’s giving the college try, as it were), and we wish you the best. Myself? Uhm… Heh. Been busy. And a little too gunshy after the last explosion to get back on the horse. But it’ll happen, I suspect. Just need to work on the confidence a little more. ---
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Imp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58956e/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Imp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Imp)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2012, 8:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2710 "2012-04-03T08:26:14Z")
> [@Misnomer](#): > > Eh, I say see him tomorrow night and hear what he has to say. Then you can decide how to proceed. And who knows: even if it becomes clear that you don’t want to see him again, maybe you can still get laid… 😃 Good advice, but apparently he changed his mind (again!!) and decided it would be unfair to me. I’ve thanked him for his honesty, and told him to give me a call if things change in future. I mean, he did alert me straight away that something was up, even if he was a bit drunk and cryptic! Right, back to OKCupid and see if beardy-ginger-man still wants to meet up for that coffee sometime! Which reminds me, where on earth does one find the “Journal” feature on OKC? I’ve heard two guys mention it now - is it only visible to paying users? Or is a US specific thing? ---
**Author:** ![Edward\_The\_Head](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ce73a5/32.png) [@Edward\_The\_Head](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Edward_The_Head)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2012, 9:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2711 "2012-04-03T09:32:54Z")
> [@hermette](#): > > Which reminds me, where on earth does one find the “Journal” feature on OKC? I’ve heard two guys mention it now - is it only visible to paying users? Or is a US specific thing? I think the journal is long gone, I haven’t seen one in awhile. That might mean those guys haven’t changed that part of their profiles in a year or more. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2012, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2712 "2012-04-03T13:33:47Z")
> [@hermette](#): > > Good advice, but apparently he changed his mind (again!!) and decided it would be unfair to me. Meh. Sorry. Good luck with beardy-ginger-man. 🙂 > [@Edward\_The\_Head](#): > > I think the journal is long gone, I haven’t seen one in awhile. That might mean those guys haven’t changed that part of their profiles in a year or more. I agree. Also, remember back when OKC had us include three adjectives in our profiles? When they took that feature away the adjectives got dumped at the end of any “about me” text…I _still_ sometimes see profiles with those adjectives at the end. I tend to skip them. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2012, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2713 "2012-04-03T13:54:36Z")
> [@Edward\_The\_Head](#): > > I think the journal is long gone, I haven’t seen one in awhile. That might mean those guys haven’t changed that part of their profiles in a year or more. I hope it’s not gone; mine contains some of my finest ramblings. It may be the best part of my profile (such as it is). ---
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Imp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58956e/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Imp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Imp)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2012, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2714 "2012-04-03T15:19:17Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > I hope it’s not gone; mine contains some of my finest ramblings. It may be the best part of my profile (such as it is). I’m looking at your profile right now (stalker alert!) and all I can see are four tabs: About, Photos, Personality and Tests. No sign of a Journal on any of them either ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Edward\_The\_Head](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ce73a5/32.png) [@Edward\_The\_Head](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Edward_The_Head)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2012, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2715 "2012-04-03T15:40:17Z")
Wow that’s interesting. I made a post with a quote to I’m guessing our sock and my whole post is gone. Anyway I had a good date last night. I thought it went well, but I have such a hard time telling. She is 8-9 years older, but that’s not a problem for me. I’ll have to email her today as I’m going on vacation for a week. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2012, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2716 "2012-04-03T15:46:45Z")
Is that what happened? We had a sock? I noticed that one of my posts “disappeared,” as well – the one that **hermette** quotes in #2710 – but apparently I wasn’t bothered enough to remember to mention it earlier. Glad your date went well! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2012, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2717 "2012-04-03T18:45:27Z")
> [@hermette](#): > > I’m looking at your profile right now (stalker alert!) and all I can see are four tabs: About, Photos, Personality and Tests. No sign of a Journal on any of them either ☹ That’s odd. I can still get to it. Here’s the link if you’d like to try: > **[OkCupid](https://www.okcupid.com/profile/RobotArm2/journal)** It does seem that OKC has been trying to de-emphasize the Journal, but I hope they say something before getting rid of it entirely. I’d like to keep copies of some of what I wrote. > [@Edward\_The\_Head](#): > > Wow that’s interesting. I made a post with a quote to I’m guessing our sock and my whole post is gone. Well, didn’t his first post say something about giving up and hanging himself? That sort of comment could be frowned upon around here. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Cymbeline](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_cymbeline/32/9244_2.png) [@Green\_Cymbeline](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Cymbeline)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2012, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2718 "2012-04-03T22:01:50Z")
Hello fellow online dating Dopers, I need you all to commiserate with me. I am so frustrated by a recent dating experience. I met a guy, let’s call him “Zed,” on Plenty of Fish. He messaged me first, and we messaged for about a week, and talked about a bunch of shared interests. Then he asked me out. Our first date (a Saturday) we met for drinks. I thought we’d be done by 10 or 11pm, but we stayed out until 1am. It went well, and he asked me for another date. Next date (a Wednesday) was dinner and a movie. He kissed me, and asked me for another date, to go hiking at a park. Third date (a Saturday) was good, the hike was nice and we went to dinner after. Again, he kissed me. We made tentative plans for a fourth date mid-week (this week). During this whole time, we emailed each other at least once a day. After our last date on Saturday, I texted him that I had a good time, and he texted back that he did too. Then Sunday night I emailed him a short “how are you?” email. Then nothing. Haven’t heard from him since. It’s been 2 days. I know he’s been online, I can see that he was on Plenty of Fish yesterday and today. He even looked at my profile yesterday. I thought we had a spark. All indications were that he was interested, and I was definitely interested in him. I just don’t understand why he would go to complete radio silence if he were not interested. That is just so rude, and cowardly, IMO. I emailed him again today saying, “I have not heard from you, have you maybe changed your mind?” I have heard nothing back yet. I am disappointed, but also pretty angry that someone would just do an about face and not even bother to say anything. Maybe I am reacting too soon, but we have emailed each other every day for over 2 weeks, why would he stop responding, especially when we were supposed to make plans for our 4th date this week? Fellow dating Dopers, tell me, how do you deal with the disappointment? I spent a lot of time and energy with this guy and I feel I deserve at least a “not interested” response. Hugs would also be appreciated 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2012, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2719 "2012-04-03T22:07:16Z")
> [@Green\_Cymbeline](#): > > Fellow dating Dopers, tell me, how do you deal with the disappointment? I spent a lot of time and energy with this guy and I feel I deserve at least a “not interested” response. > > Hugs would also be appreciated 😉 Hang in there, **GC**. Online dating sucks, right up until the moment when it doesn’t. (Or so I’m told.) ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Cymbeline](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_cymbeline/32/9244_2.png) [@Green\_Cymbeline](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Cymbeline)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2012, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2720 "2012-04-03T22:10:33Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > Hang in there, **GC**. Online dating sucks, right up until the moment when it doesn’t. (Or so I’m told.) Thanks **Robot!** This thing is driving me crazy! I just think he is being very rude and cowardly not to respond to me ☹ \ ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2012, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2721 "2012-04-04T00:06:30Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > That’s odd. I can still get to it. No one’s saying that your journal isn’t there anymore, merely that there is no link to it anywhere on your profile (which I just verified: the “Journal” tab does not appear at all). So if you want people to see it, you need to include a link – especially in the part of your text where you direct the reader to your journal. 🙂 > [@Green\_Cymbeline](#): > > Hugs would also be appreciated 😉 Ouch…sorry. ☹ I second **Robot Arm** ’s “hang in there.” However, it’s not “online dating” that sucks: _dating_ sucks. Until it doesn’t. 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=135) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=137)