# The Ongoing Online Dating Advice Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 27, 2010, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978 "2010-05-27T18:50:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 138
**Author:** ![Edward\_The\_Head](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ce73a5/32.png) [@Edward\_The\_Head](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Edward_The_Head)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2012, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2742 "2012-04-05T02:36:35Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > If it makes you feel any better, I recently had this exact same thing happen to me (except I am male). I can’t explain it either. The communication line went dead so abruptly that I thought something might have happened to her so I wrote to check three times just telling her to say she wasn’t dead or something. Nothing. Now I am pissed not because I liked her that much but because I didn’t know the game I was being sucked into. She is a lawyer though. Maybe they really don’t have a soul. This kind of thing has happened to me so many times it’s not even funny. It’s even happened to me IRL. I asked a woman out, she said yes, then when I went to give her my phone number and stuff the next time I saw her she didn’t say much. We ride the same commuter train a lot and she’s since changed cars. 😕 Hell I dated someone for a couple of months only to have her stop all forms of communication, even blocked me from Facebook. She did still want to play Words With Friends though. She never even told me she didn’t want to see me again. Unless I hear from them saying they’re not going to be around for a bit then then after a few days I might send something else, but usually not. People are strange and I don’t understand them. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Cymbeline](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_cymbeline/32/9244_2.png) [@Green\_Cymbeline](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Cymbeline)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2012, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2743 "2012-04-05T04:19:01Z")
> [@Misnomer](#): > > I hear there are good women there. 😉 Hey Misnomer, I totally missed that you’re also from Northern Virginia. Hey there neighbor! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Cicero](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cicero/32/3594_2.png) [@Cicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cicero)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2012, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2744 "2012-04-05T12:41:18Z")
Why is it none of you lovely ladies were around when I was in my prime. You wouldn’t have had to ask twice. You all have loads of personality and won’t have long to wait. Now, after reading this thread I am going to take a cold shower 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2012, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2745 "2012-04-05T13:39:25Z")
> [@Green\_Cymbeline](#): > > Hey Misnomer, I totally missed that you’re also from Northern Virginia. Hey there neighbor! 😃 No worries: I didn’t notice your location, either, until **Robot Arm** mentioned it. 🙂 Howdy! ---
**Author:** ![Time\_Stranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5fc32e/32.png) [@Time\_Stranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Time_Stranger)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2012, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2746 "2012-04-05T13:53:46Z")
Hey guys - long time no see! So something kind of unusual (for me) happened on Okcupid last night. I was messing around answering a lot of questions on my profile, when I answered one about dinosaurs that the site apparently posted in some public feed. I got a TON of messages about my answer. Is this something new they’ve implemented, or are people just really passionate about dinos? One guy said it showed up on his activity feed, but I don’t see any such “feed” on the site. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2012, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2747 "2012-04-05T14:37:52Z")
> [@Green\_Cymbeline](#): > > Ugh. Checked my messages at POF and I get shit like this: > > Seriously?? :rolleyes: > > Is anyone else using POF? I am also doing OKCupid, but I am not getting as many “bites” at OKCupid as I am with POF. I probably need to work on my profile at OKC. We all get those. For a while I had a line in my profile that said “Don’t wink, send an email”, then I got emails that said “wink” or “I’m following your instructions and sending you an email, hi” Anyways, here’s the latest message I got that I had to share, copied verbatim. > [@](#): > > Hey, how are you? You’re punctuation usage impressed me. lol. You seem cool, let me know if you want to talk ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2012, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2748 "2012-04-05T14:42:54Z")
> [@Time\_Stranger](#): > > Hey guys - long time no see! So something kind of unusual (for me) happened on Okcupid last night. I was messing around answering a lot of questions on my profile, when I answered one about dinosaurs that the site apparently posted in some public feed. I got a TON of messages about my answer. Is this something new they’ve implemented, or are people just really passionate about dinos? One guy said it showed up on his activity feed, but I don’t see any such “feed” on the site. The feed is your main page. You can’t be browsing anonymously to have it though (I think). Every time you edit your profile or answer a question it displays it on other people’s pages (seemingly at random). The same thing should be showing up on your front page as well. It should be showing just to the left of your “Recent Visitors” list. ---
**Author:** ![Invisible\_Chimp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f05b48/32.png) [@Invisible\_Chimp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Invisible_Chimp)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2012, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2749 "2012-04-05T17:30:26Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > The feed is your main page. You can’t be browsing anonymously to have it though (I think). Every time you edit your profile or answer a question it displays it on other people’s pages (seemingly at random). The same thing should be showing up on your front page as well. > > It should be showing just to the left of your “Recent Visitors” list. The only thing you lose when browsing anonymously is your visitors; you still get an activity feed. ---
**Author:** ![Time\_Stranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5fc32e/32.png) [@Time\_Stranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Time_Stranger)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2012, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2750 "2012-04-05T17:48:55Z")
Huh, strange. I still don’t see one, even when I turn off all my ad-blocking software. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2012, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2751 "2012-04-05T18:34:20Z")
> [@Time\_Stranger](#): > > Huh, strange. I still don’t see one, even when I turn off all my ad-blocking software. Is your profile filled out? Have you uploaded a picture? I’m wondering if the feed doesn’t start until after you’ve reached a certain percentage. ---
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Imp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58956e/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Imp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Imp)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2012, 7:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2752 "2012-04-06T07:28:39Z")
> [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](#): > > A lot of ladies seem to find this alternative preferable to dealing with men. Ha! > [@Green\_Cymbeline](#): > > Thanks, yes agreed dating SUCKS! (all caps!) > > Thanks so much **hermette**. I am trying not to dwell on him but I’m having a hard time picking my jaw up off the ground that someone would act so rudely. I really thought he was a nice guy, and he went from nice to uber-douche so quickly. It’s very surprising, and I can’t help but feeling angry at being treated so rudely. I guess I just feel like I was being treated as a commodity, not as a human. I’m just honestly very curious what happened, why he went from interested to not interested so fast, and how he thinks it’s OK to just go radio silence so suddenly. It’s so cowardly! I keep going through every detail of our last date to try to figure out if I did something wrong. It’s a real bummer. :mad:\ > > And **hermette** , I suppose I do have a “backup,” but I just hate that I spent so much effort cultivating a relationship with “Zed,” to have all my energy just wasted, for some unknown reason. > > Lastly, Dopers, what say you – should I say anything else to him? Any classy way of telling him what he did was shitty? Or should I just leave it be? I’d leave it be and try not to overanalyse, hard though it may be. I suspect **SicksAte** might have it right, and the guy had another woman going, and has decided to concentrate on her ☹ > [@Green\_Cymbeline](#): > > Is anyone else using POF? I am also doing OKCupid, but I am not getting as many “bites” at OKCupid as I am with POF. I probably need to work on my profile at OKC. I left PoF and moved to OKC when I joined this thread, as PoF just got me lots of “hi how r u”'s and OKC seemed to give me guys with a lot more wit in their opening messages! As for me, I’ve got coffee with ginger-beardy-doesn’t-want-kids this afternoon, and then I’ve got my BFF staying for the weekend and we’re hitting the clubs. So I get a text at 5am from Mr-My-Ex is back saying he “might see me as he’ll be out too” this weekend. _rolleyes_ ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2012, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2753 "2012-04-06T16:09:09Z")
> [@Time\_Stranger](#): > > One guy said it showed up on his activity feed, but I don’t see any such “feed” on the site. What **Joey P** said: it’s part of the main page. Though for me, it shows up kind of in the middle of the page. I usually just ignore it, but the other day I actually saw something from **hermette**. 🙂 > [@Joey\_P](#): > > For a while I had a line in my profile that said “Don’t wink, send an email”, then I got emails that said “wink” or “I’m following your instructions and sending you an email, hi” Yeah, my _You Should Message Me If_ section includes, “You will write more than just ‘hi’,” and I’ve gotten a few smart-ass messages, too. Some people just can’t resist. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2012, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2754 "2012-04-06T18:41:30Z")
> [@Misnomer](#): > > I hear there are good women there. 😉 I don’t know. Seems kinda hit-or-miss, don’t you think? > [@Green\_Cymbeline](#): > > Hey Misnomer, I totally missed that you’re also from Northern Virginia. Hey there neighbor! 😃 It’d be funny if it turned out you knew each other. I’ve seen Virginia on a map; there’s only a tiny little northern part of it. **GC** , do we get to see your profile, so the merciless teasing may begin? ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2012, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2755 "2012-04-06T19:16:14Z")
> [@Misnomer](#): > > What **Joey P** said: it’s part of the main page. Though for me, it shows up kind of in the middle of the page. I usually just ignore it, but the other day I actually saw something from **hermette**. 🙂 > > Yeah, my _You Should Message Me If_ section includes, “You will write more than just ‘hi’,” and I’ve gotten a few smart-ass messages, too. Some people just can’t resist. A smart-ass “hi/‘wink’” followed by a real message is one thing, but if all they do is write the word “wink” or “I’m saying more then just hi”, well, then, you don’t know if they’re being a smart ass or they didn’t actually read your profile or that’s really just the best they can do. Speaking of not reading your entire profile, another thing that bugs me is when I get a pop up saying that someone looked at my profile and then get an email 2 minutes later. My profile is _long_, I’ve answered over a thousand questions, more then half have explanations. I don’t expect you to read everything, but I do expect you to spend more then 2 minutes reading it. Hell, even if you spent a half hour reading it, I’d expect you to spend more then 2 minutes writing the email. As for the feed, I like it. It lets you see little glimpses of peoples profiles, recent answers, new pictures, without viewing the same person over and over. The problem (for me) is that I get a lot of people out of my area. I’m in Milwaukee and 90% of the people in my feed are from Chicago. Also, I try to use it to my advantage. When I’m online, I’ll make changes to my profile so it pops up on other people’s feeds. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Cymbeline](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_cymbeline/32/9244_2.png) [@Green\_Cymbeline](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Cymbeline)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2012, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2756 "2012-04-06T19:31:43Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > **GC** , do we get to see your profile, so the merciless teasing may begin? Yeah I will probably post my profile soon. It is terrible right now, many of the sections are blank or one sentence. Maybe that is why I have not been getting many bites 😉 Is there a way to post my profile link here without it getting indexed by Google? Or do I need to just PM people who ask? I would hate for a potential suitor to Google my profile and find my posts here 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Imp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58956e/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Imp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Imp)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2012, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2757 "2012-04-06T19:40:25Z")
> [@Green\_Cymbeline](#): > > Yeah I will probably post my profile soon. It is terrible right now, many of the sections are blank or one sentence. Maybe that is why I have not been getting many bites 😉 > > Is there a way to post my profile link here without it getting indexed by Google? Or do I need to just PM people who ask? I would hate for a potential suitor to Google my profile and find my posts here 😉 I’m guessing you could post a broken link and we could work it out from that, and it wouldn’t show up on Google? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2012, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2758 "2012-04-06T19:44:47Z")
> [@hermette](#): > > I’m guessing you could post a broken link and we could work it out from that, and it wouldn’t show up on Google? 🙂 Just post the screen name, but perhaps break it up somehow (“her followed by mette” for example). I posted my screen name and only later realized that I basically linked my OKCupid profile to my SDMB profile for anyone who cares to google my OKC user name. Of course even if someone really did want to troll through my thousands of posts here, I don’t think I’ve said anything I’m embarrassed by and they’d probably learn a lot about me. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2012, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2759 "2012-04-06T19:53:53Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > Just post the screen name, but perhaps break it up somehow (“her followed by mette” for example). I posted my screen name and only later realized that I basically linked my OKCupid profile to my SDMB profile for anyone who cares to google my OKC user name. Of course even if someone really did want to troll through my thousands of posts here, I don’t think I’ve said anything I’m embarrassed by and they’d probably learn a lot about me. Yeah, my posting here is as much a reflection of who I am as my profile is. I suppose I do put my best foot forward on OKC, but if some woman was really going to message me, I hope there’s nothing posted here that would change her mind. All the profile does is get you to a first date, anyway. After that, you either fly or crash-and-burn based on who you really are. Besides which, I’m not sure I’d want to go out with someone who did that sort of virtual stalking in advance. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2012, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2760 "2012-04-06T19:56:03Z")
> [@Green\_Cymbeline](#): > > Yeah I will probably post my profile soon. It is terrible right now, many of the sections are blank or one sentence. Well, perhaps we could offer some constructive criticism.[sup]\*[/sup] - Amidst the teasing. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Cymbeline](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_cymbeline/32/9244_2.png) [@Green\_Cymbeline](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Cymbeline)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2012, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2761 "2012-04-06T22:35:10Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > Well, perhaps we could offer some constructive criticism.[sup]\*[/sup] > > - Amidst the teasing. Robot Arm, you will see from my profile that I am in desperate need of some help. My profile is pretty much empty. I am so bad at talking about myself. I need you guys to help me make a profile! My OKC screenname is the same as my username here, except without the space and all lower case. Let the teasing begin! p.s. I don’t think I would want a new beau reading my SDMB posts, not quite yet 😉 Too much personal stuff about past relationships and girly stuff. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=137) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=139)