# The Ongoing Online Dating Advice Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 27, 2010, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978 "2010-05-27T18:50:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 14
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/261 "2010-06-07T19:26:51Z")
> [@Kaio](#): > > The max percentage on the IM filter is 90%, but I suppose that’s as good as I’m gonna get. You can just set a bunch of other obnoxious filters that guarantees nobody can message you. The important thing is making sure you’ve got the whitelist options set correctly. ---
**Author:** ![Mauvaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mauvaise/32/11084_2.png) [@Mauvaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mauvaise)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/262 "2010-06-07T20:34:43Z")
> [@pricciar](#): > > ps: I am the oddball Patrick in Philadelphia snooping on everyone’s profile. I knew it was you - but since when are you in Philly? Am I that out of touch? Also, **kimera,** I agree with **pricciar** : Monkeys=awesome and the second picture is the best. ---
**Author:** ![Ostrya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/35a633/32.png) [@Ostrya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ostrya)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/263 "2010-06-07T23:48:19Z")
kimera, love your Self Summary opening paragraph and pics are great! My favorite is “I’m obsessed with monkeys” pic followed by the “volcanoes” one. But in all you look great! Wow! You’ve done an excellent job with your profile and your parents did an excellent job when they made you. ---
**Author:** ![Rasa](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rasa/32/3578_2.png) [@Rasa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rasa)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/264 "2010-06-08T00:05:24Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > Guys and girls (primarily girls), which of these pictures do you like best? > > [Picture 1](http://k2.cdn.okcimg.com/php/load_okc_image.php/images/16/150x150/558x800/328x34/567x274/0/5242560572356737392.jpeg) > [Picture 2](http://k0.cdn.okcimg.com/php/load_okc_image.php/images/16/150x150/558x800/249x12/535x299/0/12329974553382736949.jpeg) > [Picture 3](http://k0.cdn.okcimg.com/php/load_okc_image.php/images/16/150x150/558x800/18x0/369x350/0/15697675762960393357.jpeg) I’m totally not your target audience, so take my advice with a grain of salt of course, but do you have any photos with you smiling even slightly? If I saw those pics I’d sail right over because I’d think “Aha. Probably an emo cutter. Pass.” Online dating is all about the immediate, visceral, first impression. In order to separate the wheat from the chaff, as it were, you have to cast a pretty wide net. (Whoa, how many metaphors can I fit in that sentence?) The more people that click on your picture, the greater your chances that someone will message you. If you’re not a smiley guy, don’t fake smile for the camera just to look smiley, but maybe experiment with thinking of something that makes you really happy, and then snapping the pic? ---
**Author:** ![Rasa](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rasa/32/3578_2.png) [@Rasa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rasa)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/265 "2010-06-08T00:06:43Z")
> [@Mauvaise](#): > > I knew it was you - but since when are you in Philly? Am I that out of touch? ^^ Yeah, hey! When did you relocate?! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Punkyova](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@The\_Punkyova](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Punkyova)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/266 "2010-06-08T00:32:33Z")
I’ve tried to post this several times, but keep getting “your token timed out” messages. [This](http://www.okcupid.com/profile/tink23skidoo) is my profile at OK Cupid. I have broadly similar ones at eHarmony and Lutherans Online. ---
**Author:** ![Brynda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e79b87/32.png) [@Brynda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brynda)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/267 "2010-06-08T00:38:03Z")
I loved what you put under “most private thing”. I felt like that gave me a real sense of who you are. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Punkyova](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@The\_Punkyova](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Punkyova)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/268 "2010-06-08T00:43:20Z")
Now that that, more or less, worked, Melody Harmonius had asked about our experience with different sites. eHarmony - I actually like the layers of questions and so on. It feels safe. I joined at the beginning of the year, and got literally hundreds of matches. I was ruthless with the delete key. Lives too far away - delete. Profile not filled out - delete. Monosyllabic answers - delete. Mentioning Jesus more than once in the profile - delete. Any mention of Left Behind or Fox News - delete. Profile contains e-mail or phone number with instructions to contact directly - delete. Since then, my new matches have slowed down to one or two a week. I have had coffee once, and sent answers back and forth a couple of times, but no real leads. (Am I the only one who thinks that the one-year membership is paid in the first four months because that’s the point at which most people quit?) Lutherans Online - This is a part of the Thrivent website. It’s a fun group, with lively and friendly chat rooms and occasional off-line get-togethers. I had one pleasant exchange of e-mails, and one e-mail that challenged me to show that I had the courage, yes the courage, to throw caution to the winds and call him on his personal phone right this minute. (Delete.) Yahoo personals - I haven’t tried this, but a good friend did. She said that she got a lot of responses really quickly, but they started to sound suspiciously alike after the first round or two. Some Googling convinced her that the site has been completely taken over by Nigerian scammers. Not what I’m looking for. OK Cupid - The quizzes are fun. I’ve only been contacted by a couple of different 20-something guys on IM who wanted to hook up right then and there. (Delete.) Anyone else had similar experiences? ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/269 "2010-06-08T00:43:53Z")
> [@Rasa](#): > > I’m totally not your target audience, so take my advice with a grain of salt of course, but do you have any photos with you smiling even slightly? If I saw those pics I’d sail right over because I’d think “Aha. Probably an emo cutter. Pass.” You aren’t the first and you won’t be the last to make such an assumption. 😛 > [@Rasa](#): > > If you’re not a smiley guy, don’t fake smile for the camera just to look smiley, but maybe experiment with thinking of something that makes you really happy, and then snapping the pic? I tried exactly that a little while ago and I came up with [this](http://c1.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images02/130/l_655bfc8c7e004a02b1a82240ff74523c.jpg). Needless to say, I’m not photogenic and I’m half as photogenic when I’m smiling. Ah well. Two awesome updates: Today I was checking through my messages and I found a message from a _month_ ago that I had never read (OkCupid never highlighted it as new or whatever). It was, ah, very positive. So that’s one lead. The other is from a girl I’ve been talking to for a few days- got her number and it looks like I’m going to be taking her to a park to- don’t laugh- feed squirrels (it came up in conversation and it seemed like an opening and damn it, I took it). 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![The\_Punkyova](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@The\_Punkyova](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Punkyova)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/270 "2010-06-08T00:46:33Z")
Brynda - If that was to me, thanks. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/271 "2010-06-08T00:47:56Z")
> [@The\_Punkyova](#): > > Yahoo personals - I haven’t tried this, but a good friend did. She said that she got a lot of responses really quickly, but they started to sound suspiciously alike after the first round or two. Some Googling convinced her that the site has been completely taken over by Nigerian scammers. Not what I’m looking for. > > OK Cupid - The quizzes are fun. I’ve only been contacted by a couple of different 20-something guys on IM who wanted to hook up right then and there. (Delete.) > > Anyone else had similar experiences? Yahoo was just silly. I mentioned to a friend that it seems like most of the girls there sound like Russian mail order brides. A lot of broken English. The only ‘real’ people there are also on OKC and Match. I like the people I find on Match better, but I like the style of OKC better. I feel like I know a lot more about the other people with the match questions…and I like the way you can’t see the other person’s answer unless you’ve answered the question. It’s very easy to find potential deal breakers early on, like before you even contact the person. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/272 "2010-06-08T01:00:44Z")
> [@Tanaqui](#): > > Just in case everyone is wondering why the heck some random girl from Japan was looking at your profile, that was [me](http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Tanaqui07). We are a 74% match. ---
**Author:** ![Nutty\_Bunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/d07c76/32.png) [@Nutty\_Bunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nutty_Bunny)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/273 "2010-06-08T01:14:23Z")
> [@Kaio](#): > > It also irritates the crap out of me when people don’t message first so I can get an idea of who they are and why they’re interested, and respond when I actually have time. I’m usually only logged in to check my mail, not to get sucked into a lengthy IM conversation – I’m not planning to stick around for more than 10-20 minutes, most of which will be spent typing a response to someone. (I’m also not too interested in entertaining some guy I don’t know just because he’s bored.) > > Am I the only one who hates random IMs? You’re not alone…although my last random one got interesting! 😉 (see previous posts) I hate when I’m at work and as soon as I log on, I’ve got a couple of IMs and I have to explain that I’m at work and can’t talk now. I feel \*obligated \*to respond to an IM, rather than a message. I feel bad enough ignoring a message, but I feel even worse about ignoring someone in real time. I’ve got to grow a spine, I know. ---
**Author:** ![pricciar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f4b2a3/32.png) [@pricciar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pricciar)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/274 "2010-06-08T01:20:09Z")
> [@Mauvaise](#): > > I knew it was you - but since when are you in Philly? Am I that out of touch? > [@Rasa](#): > > ^^ Yeah, hey! When did you relocate?! I have been here much longer then expected, for sure. Things just kept happening! Once I get the clear bill of health I plan to head back to SB/Ventura. ---
**Author:** ![Rasa](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rasa/32/3578_2.png) [@Rasa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rasa)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/275 "2010-06-08T01:53:26Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > You aren’t the first and you won’t be the last to make such an assumption. 😛 > > I tried exactly that a little while ago and I came up with [this](http://c1.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images02/130/l_655bfc8c7e004a02b1a82240ff74523c.jpg). Needless to say, I’m not photogenic and I’m half as photogenic when I’m smiling. Ah well. I think this is an awesome photo! I didn’t notice how much you look like a friend of mine till just now. Good luck with the squirrel-girl; that sounds like a cute date and is pretty unique. ---
**Author:** ![tr0psn4j](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/958977/32.png) [@tr0psn4j](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tr0psn4j)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/276 "2010-06-08T01:54:16Z")
> [@pricciar](#): > > I have been here much longer then expected, for sure. Things just kept happening! Once I get the clear bill of health I plan to head back to SB/Ventura. Good choice. It’s so much nicer over here. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Nutty\_Bunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/d07c76/32.png) [@Nutty\_Bunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nutty_Bunny)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/277 "2010-06-08T01:57:24Z")
I just had a great conversation on this old-fashioned thing called a “landline” with a guy that messaged me on [match.com](http://match.com) last night. He seems really nice and when he said that he likes going out to dinner and then to a bookstore, I was so happy! Plus, he’s almost my age (38), not 25, not 59 like most of the other messages I’ve gotten. We’re meeting for coffee on Wednesday. Wish me luck! ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/278 "2010-06-08T01:58:56Z")
Good luck, **Nutty Bunny**! ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/279 "2010-06-08T04:05:39Z")
> [@Tanaqui](#): > > Just in case everyone is wondering why the heck some random girl from Japan was looking at your profile, that was [me](http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Tanaqui07). > [@Muffin](#): > > We are a 74% match. 81% here. In your face, Muffin! Oh, to be twenty years younger. And in Japan. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/280 "2010-06-08T13:58:11Z")
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