# The Ongoing Online Dating Advice Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 27, 2010, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978 "2010-05-27T18:50:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 145
**Author:** ![Noodles\_Fellicini](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e36b37/32.png) [@Noodles\_Fellicini](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Noodles_Fellicini)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2012, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2882 "2012-06-13T03:02:14Z")
I know, but I’m going to steal part for my dating mantra. If a date doesn’t go well I can always look up and think ar. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2012, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2883 "2012-06-13T03:07:15Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > There are more flakes than blizzard on these dating sites. That is my conclusion after 20 first dates, 14 second dates, and zero third dates in 4 months. They have hit me where it really hurts now - my wallet and that pisses me off. I am obviously doing something wrong. My profile has them lined up around the block and I only take the top couple of percent but playing things that way has its downsides. Would you mind linking to your profile so I can crib off it and get them lined around the block? Seriously. That said, from the dates I have gotten, you’re right, more flakes than snow. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2012, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2884 "2012-06-13T03:40:36Z")
> [@Noodles\_Fellicini](#): > > “i to have some one in my life to to with for are life to love take walk and by the river blank and look up at the star at night an think ar” So, that’s the competition, huh? I’m doomed. ---
**Author:** ![Edward\_The\_Head](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ce73a5/32.png) [@Edward\_The\_Head](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Edward_The_Head)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2012, 11:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2885 "2012-06-13T11:21:58Z")
> [@Noodles\_Fellicini](#): > > “i to have some one in my life to to with for are life to love take walk and by the river blank and look up at the star at night an think ar” Sounds like a drunken pirate to me. Either that or a genius. I can’t figure out which. ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2012, 12:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2886 "2012-06-13T12:24:59Z")
> [@Noodles\_Fellicini](#): > > I know, but I’m going to steal part for my dating mantra. If a date doesn’t go well I can always look up and think ar. Pirates need love too, y’know. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2012, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2887 "2012-06-13T17:50:30Z")
Alright, tear me up, folks: [http://www.okcupid.com/profile/RJ-Seven?cf=regular](http://www.okcupid.com/profile/RJ-Seven?cf=regular) ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2012, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2888 "2012-06-13T18:22:55Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > I think the fact that I am playing the hottest available women near the end of their peak fertility years is a definite disadvantage. My uncle is running into this problem as well; he’s almost 60 and has gone on a zillion dates with 35-40 year old women. Is that your age bracket or are you going lower? Also, why are you bleeding money? I hope you’re only going out for one drink or a coffee date. You shouldn’t be going out to the movies or dinner on dates 1 or 2. That’s just not economically smart. I’m a strong advocate for said uncle (he has no children, I’m his closest niece) going to Starbucks or a local coffee joint and he’s a lot happier since he started dating that way. **RickJay** , your profile is remarkably sweet and honest. 1. I wouldn’t mention kids so early. Leave your daughter till the “6 things”. 2. remove “, and I’ve already told at least two.” at the end of the first paragraph. 3. Leave out the self-depricating Hyundai joke. That’s funny but not a turn on. 4. Delete “The weirdest compliment I’ve ever gotten was that a girlfriend once told me I had great forearms”. Nobody likes to be reminded of their date’s past. 5. “In terms of food, I try to eat the things that keep the weight off” Women don’t like to be reminded of weight in any context, so I’d delete this. I actually like what I’m reading of yours, so maybe a guy can give a better opinion. And, of course, you should put women 5 years older than you, not just only younger 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2012, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2889 "2012-06-13T18:47:34Z")
**RickJay** , I no longer have an active profile on OKC so I can’t look at your profile myself, but just a note to be sure to take these… > [@lindsaybluth](#): > > 1. Delete “The weirdest compliment I’ve ever gotten was that a girlfriend once told me I had great forearms”. Nobody likes to be reminded of their date’s past. > > 2. “In terms of food, I try to eat the things that keep the weight off” Women don’t like to be reminded of weight in any context, so I’d delete this. …with a grain of salt. I think both of those statements are completely fine – in fact, the one about food might actually make me _more_ inclined to message you – and I’m a fat chick. (“Nobody likes” and “women don’t like” = “ **lindsaybluth** doesn’t like.” :)) ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2012, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2890 "2012-06-13T20:34:45Z")
I’ve never had an OKC profile and I clicked on his link and saw it just fine. **Misnomer** , I can see how#5 may be up for debate. I honestly don’t see any upside to #4 though. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2012, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2891 "2012-06-13T21:12:16Z")
> [@lindsaybluth](#): > > I’ve never had an OKC profile and I clicked on his link and saw it just fine. > > **Misnomer** , I can see how#5 may be up for debate. I honestly don’t see any upside to #4 though. I reworded #2, #3 and #4. #5 I think I forgot to do anything about. #1… men, I don’t think it matters where it is in the profile, I think what matters is it’s in there once. If it’s not in there at all the profile would be profoundly dishonest. Twice, and I seem like I’m overdoing it. So I redid the “six things” entirely. ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2012, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2892 "2012-06-13T23:26:42Z")
Wow, I like what you did. Reads a lot smoother and even funnier. It was great to start out with but now I really think it’s nearly perfect. ((PS I wasn’t advocating leaving out your daughter; I meant keep her in the 6 things where she already was, though I like how you updated the 6 things now)) ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2012, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2893 "2012-06-13T23:53:01Z")
> [@lindsaybluth](#): > > Wow, I like what you did. Reads a lot smoother and even funnier. It was great to start out with but now I really think it’s nearly perfect. > > ((PS I wasn’t advocating leaving out your daughter; I meant keep her in the 6 things where she already was, though I like how you updated the 6 things now)) I agreed with the jist of it; your feedback was excellent, in fact, and I really appreciate it. Just mention her once; but when I reviewed it I decided to rework the six things to add some more of my personality, and leave the mention of her where it set up a joke. Aaaaand someone just messaged me. Knock on wood. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2012, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2894 "2012-06-14T14:15:19Z")
> [@lindsaybluth](#): > > I’ve never had an OKC profile and I clicked on his link and saw it just fine. D’oh! I didn’t even try to click on it: I assumed that everyone there has their profiles set to “only viewable by other OKC members.” > [@](#): > > **Misnomer** , I can see how#5 may be up for debate. I honestly don’t see any upside to #4 though. I thought it was funny. _shrugs_ > [@RickJay](#): > > Aaaaand someone just messaged me. Knock on wood. Good luck! ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2012, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2895 "2012-06-14T14:41:21Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > I didn’t mean this particular woman was my last resort, just online dating in general. It’s not going terribly well, I’m just not sure where one goes after failing at this. Robot Arm, we here all know that you are a great guy, so your problem must be a matter of initial presentation, and that can be bettered by training and advice. But it can’t be online advice, it must be face to face. What can someone in your situation do? 1 Sign up for a "dating classes"or a dating coach. Think Will Smith in that movie “Hitch”, if you’ve seen it. 1. Go see a psychotherapist (or several) and ask them for input on your dating life. Maybe you have psychological issues/beliefs that make you sabotage yourself. I’ve seen it often, also with attractive women friends of mine. 2. If that fails, do traditional matchmakers still exist in your neighbourhood? Usually they are more expensive then a dating site, but they take a more agressive approach. 3. If lack of sexual experience is an issue, an sexual surrogate might be helpful. 4. Try an foreign dating site. While it may sound like a sad thing to do, who cares if you end up with a great match? And that _does_ happen. ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2012, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2896 "2012-06-14T15:32:10Z")
> [@Maastricht](#): > > What can someone in your situation do? > > 1 Sign up for a "dating classes"or a dating coach. Think Will Smith in that movie “Hitch”, if you’ve seen it. > > 1. Go see a psychotherapist (or several) and ask them for input on your dating life. Maybe you have psychological issues/beliefs that make you sabotage yourself. I’ve seen it often, also with attractive women friends of mine. > > 2. If that fails, do traditional matchmakers still exist in your neighbourhood? Usually they are more expensive then a dating site, but they take a more agressive approach. > > 3. If lack of sexual experience is an issue, an sexual surrogate might be helpful. Just curious; are these services generally covered by health insurance in Holland? Because they are not in the US, and would would cost thousands of dollars if he tried them all. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2012, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2897 "2012-06-15T01:21:43Z")
> [@Maastricht](#): > > What can someone in your situation do? > > 1 Sign up for a "dating classes"or a dating coach. Think Will Smith in that movie “Hitch”, if you’ve seen it. Funny you should mention it, I did discover a group for just this sort of thing. Went to one meeting and then there weren’t any new events scheduled for a while. Looked like I may have killed the group, but now there is something for next week. I think the foreign dating site is probably not the way to go. I don’t see how I’d be likely to do better with someone I might have even more difficulty communicating with. Options 2-4 I’m not sure about. ---
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Imp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58956e/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Imp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Imp)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2012, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2898 "2012-06-16T20:31:07Z")
> [@Misnomer](#): > > **RickJay** , I no longer have an active profile on OKC so I can’t look at your profile myself **Misnomer** , our success story! Good to see you back in this thread, hope it’s still going well? 🙂 I don’t think I’ve bored everyone with my progress for a while - I’ve had a second date with “Gerrald” which also went very well, and I’m seeing him again next week, a little more seriously this time. If things happen as I hope they will, how do I go about sussing out if we’re a couple or not? It’s all a bit scary 🙂 I never heard from Mr My-Ex-Is-Back again after I reciprocated his honesty/openness and let him know I was going on a first date with someone else. C’est la vie! ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2012, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2899 "2012-06-18T23:47:00Z")
> [@Misnomer](#): > > Good luck! The first date is set for tomorrow date but she insisted on starting off texting. So that’s been a little different, in that I’d rather bust out the personality on the first date. ---
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Imp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58956e/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Imp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Imp)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2012, 8:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2900 "2012-06-19T08:34:13Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > Alright, tear me up, folks: > > [OkCupid](http://www.okcupid.com/profile/RJ-Seven?cf=regular) Oh god, now I’m dying of curiosity about what the moth joke is! I’m guessing that’s worked, and you’ve had women message you to ask? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2012, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/2901 "2012-06-19T13:22:06Z")
> [@hermette](#): > > Oh god, now I’m dying of curiosity about what the moth joke is! > > I’m guessing that’s worked, and you’ve had women message you to ask? 🙂 Actually I just added it in the last edit to replace a longer and duller conclusion to the ad. The moth joke must be told in person. Its brilliance cannot be conveyed in print. If told correctly - and I emphasize correctly - and at the right time, a bright person will think you’re the smartest, most hilarious human alive. I always get a great reaction (from anyone) with my rendition of the Moth Joke. [Here’s Norm Macdonald telling it,](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jTNGpkwtm0E) and I think he does a pretty good job, though I’ve done it better. Each rendition of the Moth Joke must reflect your personality in its telling. It must be a little bit different from the last, adding your own flavour to the setup (Macdonald chooses a weird Tolstoyesque flavour to this one) and working to the audience’s reactions and expectations, keeping them on the edge between impatience and anticipation, dragging it out just as long as you possibly can but not one second longer. And when you get to the end, and deliver the 50-megaton punchline, if you’re done it right, you bring the house down. Takes practice, though. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=144) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=146)