# The Ongoing Online Dating Advice Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 27, 2010, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978 "2010-05-27T18:50:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 154
**Author:** ![ReticulatingSplines](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e274bd/32.png) [@ReticulatingSplines](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ReticulatingSplines)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2012, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/3063 "2012-11-30T04:17:22Z")
> [@Weeping\_Wyvern](#): > > Well she was hesitant about meeting, yes, and I respected that. I wouldn’t have minded just talking to her online… I foolishly assumed that we both enjoyed it. If a woman ever expresses hesitation about meeting (or in person, she hesitates to give you her number), she’s already decided you’re out. It’s best to cut bait at that point; just end things with “okay, if you ever want to meet in the future, drop me a line” and then forget about her. Sucks though, I’m sorry. ---
**Author:** ![Weeping\_Wyvern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/858c86/32.png) [@Weeping\_Wyvern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weeping_Wyvern)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2012, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/3064 "2012-11-30T04:29:36Z")
> [@ReticulatingSplines](#): > > If a woman ever expresses hesitation about meeting (or in person, she hesitates to give you her number), she’s already decided you’re out. It’s best to cut bait at that point; just end things with “okay, if you ever want to meet in the future, drop me a line” and then forget about her. > > Sucks though, I’m sorry. Well like I said, I don’t really have anything against a virtual interaction. I would’ve been content with the “long distance pen pals” option with her. And she implied she was too. And she did give me her number… we talked on the phone once and we texted a bit. Very strange activity for someone you don’t enjoy talking to. Haha. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2012, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/3065 "2012-11-30T04:35:30Z")
> [@Weeping\_Wyvern](#): > > Well like I said, I don’t really have anything against a virtual interaction. I would’ve been content with the “long distance pen pals” option with her. And she implied she was too. > > And she did give me her number… we talked on the phone once and we texted a bit. Very strange activity for someone you don’t enjoy talking to. Haha. Sometimes people get bored, or sometimes they try to line up a back-up in case whoever they are pursuing doesn’t work out. Or sometimes people just get overwhelmed. There were times when I was on the Cupids where I was juggling nine or ten conversations and near daily dates, and it wasn’t uncommon for a thread or two to ge lost in the shuffle- especially if it was starting to work out with another guy. Don’t take it too personally. Some people like blondes, some people like redheads. It’s not bad to be either one. You weren’t this particular woman’s cup of tea, but you’ll find another who is absolutely taken with you. ---
**Author:** ![LaChatNoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e8c25b/32.png) [@LaChatNoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LaChatNoir)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2012, 5:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/3066 "2012-12-01T05:28:01Z")
What I don’t like is guys who want to my number or to meet before I have any idea what they are like. I enjoy getting to know someone via at least a few emails back and forth before I give out my number or meet. Usually, by the third email from a guy I can tell if I want to meet him. And if a guy doesn’t respect my wanting to email a few times first? Pffffft, it’s over right then. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2012, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/3067 "2012-12-01T13:25:56Z")
Here a profile I just stumbled across. This was the entire “About me” area. “I’m very outgoing, smart, attractive, and looking to have fun with someone race does not matter I just want to kick it I’m a massage therapist and a cocktail server so I do have the best of both worlds beauty brains and great hands lol”. Over the years that I’ve been on these dating sites, something I’ve noticed is that if someone mentions in their profile that they’re smart or intelligent, there’s about an 80% chance that for Education it’ll say High School or Some College. > [@LaChatNoir](#): > > What I don’t like is guys who want to my number or to meet before I have any idea what they are like. I enjoy getting to know someone via at least a few emails back and forth before I give out my number or meet. I never give out my number until a date is set up. Even then it’s only because you’ll need it for last minute changes to venue/time once the two of you are away from your computers. I wouldn’t ask for one either, but normally once one person sends one, the other reciprocates. This is assuming, of course, that we’re not moving from emails to phone calls, but I never liked that. Personally, I like going from emails to meeting in real life. > [@](#): > > Usually, by the third email from a guy I can tell if I want to meet him. And if a guy doesn’t respect my wanting to email a few times first? Pffffft, it’s over right then. OTOH, if we’ve been talking for two weeks, sent 10 emails back and forth and I ask someone out and they say no, that’ll usually bring the conversation to a grinding halt as well. As I said above, if they’re not going to meet you after two weeks, they’re not going to meet you after 6 either. At that point, you’re probably just talking to someone that either responds to everyone as a matter of course, isn’t that into you or just isn’t ready to meet people from the internet yet (check that question). At that point you’re going to wind up too emotionally invested in one person that’s never going to happen and you’ll end up missing other opportunities that might present themself and you won’t even see them because you have blinders on for this one person. So, yeah, I don’t think you should hand someone your phone number in the first email and ask them to call you, but I do think that within a week or so (5 or 6 emails each way maybe. Before the conversation starts dying) you should at least attempt to start setting something up IRL and see what happens. ---
**Author:** ![Invisible\_Chimp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f05b48/32.png) [@Invisible\_Chimp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Invisible_Chimp)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2012, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/3068 "2012-12-01T16:38:07Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > Over the years that I’ve been on these dating sites, something I’ve noticed is that if someone mentions in their profile that they’re smart or intelligent, there’s about an 80% chance that for Education it’ll say High School or Some College. I’m a college dropout. Many of my highest matches are grad students, so I want to demonstrate I’m not a complete dumbass. I don’t say I’m smart or intelligent, I try to show instead, but I understand the sentiment. People without college degrees often feel looked down upon. ---
**Author:** ![Stendhal\_Syndrome](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/77aa72/32.png) [@Stendhal\_Syndrome](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stendhal_Syndrome)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2012, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/3069 "2012-12-08T22:58:50Z")
I read this thread every now and then because I have always been curious about dating behaviors and what people are saying about it. The thread has been ongoing for a while now, so I haven’t read the initial posts. So I am sorry if this has been asked already. So have the single people here contacted each other to see if they might be a match? Has it worked out for anyone? ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2012, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/3070 "2012-12-08T23:28:26Z")
> [@Stendhal\_Syndrome](#): > > I read this thread every now and then because I have always been curious about dating behaviors and what people are saying about it. > The thread has been ongoing for a while now, so I haven’t read the initial posts. So I am sorry if this has been asked already. > > So have the single people here contacted each other to see if they might be a match? Has it worked out for anyone? There have been relationships, and even marriages, among people who met through this board. I’m not aware of any from this particular thread, though. Distance is certainly a factor. Among the whole board’s population, you’re likely to find someone close enough to meet in person (whole groups in larger cities, as occasionally happens); but the posters in this thread are a small enough subset that there may not be any two within easy meeting range. ---
**Author:** ![Stendhal\_Syndrome](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/77aa72/32.png) [@Stendhal\_Syndrome](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stendhal_Syndrome)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2012, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/3071 "2012-12-08T23:44:00Z")
Yeah, Robot Arm. I know a few doper couples. Just curious to see if this thread brought people together. I see how distance might be a factor. But it would be cool if people could find each other through this thread. It can be a cool dating story. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2012, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/3072 "2012-12-08T23:54:19Z")
> [@Stendhal\_Syndrome](#): > > Yeah, Robot Arm. I know a few doper couples. Just curious to see if this thread brought people together. > I see how distance might be a factor. Distance may be a factor, and the relatively small pool of participants may be another. Or it could be that the posters in this thread represent the more socially-challenged end of the spectrum. > [@](#): > > But it would be cool if people could find each other through this thread. It can be a cool dating story. However people find each other, it’s great. Here, Airman’s annual Steelers thread in the game room, it’s all good. ---
**Author:** ![Invisible\_Chimp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f05b48/32.png) [@Invisible\_Chimp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Invisible_Chimp)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2012, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/3073 "2012-12-09T00:13:02Z")
The two most prolific posters in this thread, **Joey P** and **Shots From Guns** , are both from the Milwaukee area and went on a date once, IIRC. **Bosstone** , **Mauvaise** , and **AClockworkMelon** are all prolific posters in this thread and are all from the Phoenix area, but no dates amongst them. **EvilTOJ** and I both from the Portland area, but we’re both straight dudes. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2012, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/3074 "2012-12-09T14:33:37Z")
There have been a few interesting guys in this thread, but I’m not aware of any of them living in Northern Virginia (and it would have be to my part of NoVa). I’m not currently in “dating mode,” but when I am I don’t do the long distance/pen-pal thing. Meeting in person needs to happen almost immediately, and doing so shouldn’t take an act of Congress. ---
**Author:** ![expectopatronum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/expectopatronum/32/173_2.png) [@expectopatronum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/expectopatronum)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2012, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/3075 "2012-12-10T01:07:52Z")
i just logged into my okcupid account after like three years away and i already don’t think i have the patience for this. my only activity has been to update my profile and i’ve already gotten a message from a guy i talked to last time i was active, who creeped me out because he was a little too insistent about meeting right away(as in, within a half hour of our first conversation) sent me message after message for days afterward, and just messaged me again upon seeing my account was active, saying “hi, remember me?” wtf. i also got one from loves2party69 and, well it doesn’t take a genius to figure out what he wanted. maybe being lonely isn’t such a bad thing… ---
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Imp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58956e/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Imp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Imp)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 9:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/3076 "2012-12-11T09:17:21Z")
> [@sisu](#): > > What’s the worse that can happen? Well, since you asked: [http://www.theawl.com/2012/03/online-dating-horror-stories](http://www.theawl.com/2012/03/online-dating-horror-stories) (trigger warning for stalking, assault and rape) ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2012, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/3077 "2012-12-20T06:07:57Z")
Just got the following e-mail from OKCupid: > [@](#): > > RobotArm2, co you want to die alone? > > As we all know, the world is ending 12/21. Why not find someone to spend your last moments with? As things heat up and the earth’s crust begins to melt, here’s a high match that would welcome your embrace — before your hearts burst into ash. Hey, better safe than sorry. Funny, but at the same time, really kinda depressing. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2012, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/3078 "2012-12-20T17:52:42Z")
Wow. I think the same point could have been made without the “do you want to die alone” zinger: to me, that’s the worst part. And it’d stay with me. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Noodles\_Fellicini](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e36b37/32.png) [@Noodles\_Fellicini](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Noodles_Fellicini)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2012, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/3079 "2012-12-20T22:25:10Z")
Thanks for posting that, **Robot Arm** , because I saw the subject line of that email and deleted it, unread, with extreme prejudice. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2012, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/3080 "2012-12-20T23:01:58Z")
> [@Noodles\_Fellicini](#): > > Thanks for posting that, **Robot Arm** , because I saw the subject line of that email and deleted it, unread, with extreme prejudice. That’s kind of a shame. There was an image of the world ending, under the title “We’re screwed. You should be too!” Perhaps a tiny little marketing fail from the OKCupid folks, there. ---
**Author:** ![Invisible\_Chimp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f05b48/32.png) [@Invisible\_Chimp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Invisible_Chimp)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2013, 8:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/3081 "2013-01-04T08:00:32Z")
Now that I have a job, I’m back in the dating game. I just sent my first message on OkC in awhile. I really hope she responds. I’m temporarily stuck in the burbs and she’s the only appealing person for miles. I can’t wait to move back to the city in a few months. She mentioned hating the burbs and trying to move back to the city too. There are so many more dating options there too. ---
**Author:** ![Atakapa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a8b319/32.png) [@Atakapa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atakapa)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2013, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/3082 "2013-01-06T03:28:35Z")
Throwing my profile out to the wolves for critique. [http://http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile\_id=48832026](http://http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=48832026) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=153) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=155)