# The Ongoing Online Dating Advice Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 27, 2010, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978 "2010-05-27T18:50:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 159
**Author:** ![nani](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/58956e/32.png) [@nani](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nani)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2013, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/3163 "2013-02-09T22:51:23Z")
Haha, looking at it in the light of a new day I’m also kind of saying “what the hell?” I’ll keep trying to fix up this one within its vision but maybe I should just go back to the old one… On the plus side, I’ve gotten in touch with some really cool-seeming people so far, including a couple in the last day or so, so despite my best efforts I’m not completely screwing this up. Thanks for your advice, guys. ---
**Author:** ![2ManyTacos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/2/3da27b/32.png) [@2ManyTacos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/2ManyTacos)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2013, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/3164 "2013-02-10T01:38:52Z")
I don’t really mean to derail this thread too much, but I think it makes more sense to ask this question in this topic here than to open an entirely new thread. With that out of the way, here’s a q’ to all of the more _seasoned_ folks in this thread: Would you guys say that most _attractive_ 18-24 year old girls are more often than not already going to have boyfriends or relationships by the time other guys get around to asking them out? I mean, I just don’t know how else to phrase that; in fact, I almost feel that I’m at the point at which I’m going to have to drastically lower my standards if I ever want to get anywhere in the dating arena at all. The thing is, I get hit on a lot by women who I have _no interest in,_ yet when I get around to talking to women who I’m actually keen on I’m always finding out that they already have a boyfriend or something. Maybe it’s just my petty little 21 year old self, 😛 but if you guys got any insight I’m all ears. ---
**Author:** ![rhubarbarin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eb9ed0/32.png) [@rhubarbarin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rhubarbarin)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2013, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/3165 "2013-02-10T06:52:30Z")
The hot are more likely to be tied up in relationships than the not, yes. And don’t forget that men from 14-40 are all flinging themselves at the same 18 to 24-year-old young women that you are. Statistically, if you are looking for a serious relationship, women in their early to mid 20s tend to seriously date/marry men 1-3 years older than them, so maybe it will get easier for you in a couple years. We all (hot or not) have the same problems at the core, though. I think we can all agree there are plenty of attractive people out there, but compatible people who are as interested in you as you are in them while you are both unattached, are rather rare and special. Also, it’s possible you’re aiming too high and if _accomplishing_ ‘dating’ is important to you, you may have to adjust your standards to some degree. This is a matter of individual priorities, personally I’m pretty sure I’d prefer to be single and never touch anyone the rest of my life rather than attempt to force attraction. But I’m a bit of a loner. If you’re patient though, and live a full life that allows you to come into contact with new, interesting people, you will doubtless meet someone you’re keen on (who is single). Or maybe one of those other girls will break up with their BF. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Noodles\_Fellicini](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e36b37/32.png) [@Noodles\_Fellicini](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Noodles_Fellicini)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2013, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/3166 "2013-02-10T22:52:55Z")
> [@rhubarbarin](#): > > And don’t forget that men from 14-40 are all flinging themselves at the same 18 to 24-year-old young women that you are. And you are stopping at 40 exactly why? I think the 50-somethings are even worse, all that mid-life crisis crap going on. At 55 I have no hope of meeting someone my own age much less someone a few years younger who would be more likely to be interested in the same things I am. And yes, I’m here for the rant, not for the advice. About once a year I get up the nerve to put up a profile and the only contacts I get are men 15 to 20 years older who obviously don’t care enough to read what I wrote. No, I’m not into geriatric tantric sex or I definitely would have mentioned it. ---
**Author:** ![Jaguars](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jaguars/32/5879_2.png) [@Jaguars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jaguars)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2013, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/3167 "2013-02-11T01:00:35Z")
Thanks for the reviews, guys. I didn’t include my height because I can’t remember! (And I forgot to get it measured this weekend, dammit!). My next project will be getting a newer picture to replace the jet one, which is really too old. (Although I haven’t changed much.) On the ‘financial independence’ thing, What I mean is “I’m looking at investing in real estate or stocks so that I’m not so reliant on my day job.”. So how could I rephrase that? It’s a bit tricky because I’d rather not imply ‘I’m loaded’ in a dating profile! ñañi, I’d just like to say I’m impressed by your “Most private thing” - I wrote dozens of those and rejected all of them. 2ManyTacos, think of it this way. Of those attractive non-single women that you talked to, I bet you that if you talk to them again in a few years, half of them will have been single for some period of time. It’s not like they a magically ‘taken’ for life every time. What I wish I could tell my 21 year old self (who I think felt a bit like you ) is that lots of those attractive ladies don’t go anywhere near weekend bars or parties. They live for their sport, or study or just about anything. You meet them pretty much just by living your life and going to new events, courses, clubs, etc. Joey P, you have 3 identical photos up the top. I suggest swapping one of the others in your profile. ---
**Author:** ![nani](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/58956e/32.png) [@nani](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nani)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2013, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/3168 "2013-02-11T02:02:57Z")
> [@Jaguars](#): > > On the ‘financial independence’ thing, What I mean is “I’m looking at investing in real estate or stocks so that I’m not so reliant on my day job.”. So how could I rephrase that? It’s a bit tricky because I’d rather not imply ‘I’m loaded’ in a dating profile! Oh. That changes things a bit. Honestly, the way you had it before, I interpreted it more like “Soon my parents won’t need to be making my car payments anymore.” I think this thread has shown how bad my own judgment about these things is, but might I suggest something more like: “I’ve been very successful at my work and I’m looking to branch out into new possibilities” if you want to keep it vague. > [@](#): > > ñañi, I’d just like to say I’m impressed by your “Most private thing” - I wrote dozens of those and rejected all of them. Thank you. I’m keeping on working, but that one I’m leaving be. ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2013, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/3169 "2013-02-18T14:28:45Z")
How many visitors to your profile are you guys getting per week on OKC? I currently get 12 visitors per week. Male, 58. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2013, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/3170 "2013-03-17T15:58:15Z")
Bringing the thread back to life just to whine a little… It’s been six months since my last relationship, and for a while life was a little crazy so I haven’t so much as met someone for coffee in that time (my OKC profile has been inactive for just over a year). Now, however, life is a little calmer, my emotional and psychological states are much improved, and I feel like dating again. But I get as far as thinking, “Maybe it’s time to resurrect my OKC profile” before I remember that – outside of work and my dog – my life is pretty jazz-focused (and I like it that way). I also remember that I’m hoping to move in less than two months: not to another state or anything, but hopefully much closer to DC. I don’t know where yet, though, so I can’t start looking for guys in the new area + I don’t want to start dating someone who lives here. Oh yeah, and my work/life balance will be significantly tilted toward “work” for the entire month of April, because I expect to be heads-down on a big proposal. For all of the above reasons, I’m not _actually_ ready to date again yet. The music thing won’t be going away any time soon, but if I wait just two months I’ll be all moved and work will be calm again. I figure it might be easier to find someone who’s also into jazz – meeting another musician would rock! – if I don’t compound it with moving and not being available for a whole month. In the meantime, though, I’m kinda lonely. ☹ I want someone to watch movies with, take my dog to the park with, mess around with, etc. I’m not looking for the “big L,” but I’d like to have some fun and meet some new people. Two months feels like a long time. I figure that pretty soon I’ll be too busy to be lonely, but for now…meh. \ ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2013, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/3171 "2013-03-17T18:26:50Z")
> [@Misnomer](#): > > In the meantime, though, I’m kinda lonely. ☹ I want someone to watch movies with, take my dog to the park with, mess around with, etc. I’m not looking for the “big L,” but I’d like to have some fun and meet some new people. Two months feels like a long time. I figure that pretty soon I’ll be too busy to be lonely, but for now…meh. You could put an ad on Craigslist for male friends. I think that would be better than OKC for that because it’s not an actual dating site. You’d probably get a lot of responses. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2013, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/3172 "2013-03-17T19:56:35Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > You could put an ad on Craigslist for male friends. I think that would be better than OKC for that because it’s not an actual dating site. You’d probably get a lot of responses. You’re funny. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2013, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/3173 "2013-03-17T23:10:23Z")
> [@Misnomer](#): > > You’re funny. 🙂 I am funny, but I wasn’t being funny here ☹ They have a platonic friends section. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2013, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/3174 "2013-03-18T15:37:27Z")
Sorry, I assumed you were making a joke because nowhere in my post did I say that I wish I had more friends (which would be a different thread entirely; plus, if I _were_ looking for new friends, why would I limit myself to just men?). I have plenty of friends already. I want to date, I just can’t yet because of logistics issues – 2/3 of which will be resolved in a couple of months, but my point was that waiting sucks. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2013, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/3175 "2013-03-18T23:24:28Z")
> [@Misnomer](#): > > Sorry, I assumed you were making a joke because nowhere in my post did I say that I wish I had more friends (which would be a different thread entirely; plus, if I _were_ looking for new friends, why would I limit myself to just men?). I have plenty of friends already. I want to date, I just can’t yet because of logistics issues – 2/3 of which will be resolved in a couple of months, but my point was that waiting sucks. I’m sure a lot of those men in the Platonic section aren’t really exclusively looking for 100% platonic friendships, but they’re apparently not only looking for a serious relationship either. I bet many of them would be happy to have the kind of setup you want right now. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2013, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/3176 "2013-03-19T17:52:19Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > I’m sure a lot of those men in the Platonic section aren’t really exclusively looking for 100% platonic friendships, but they’re apparently not only looking for a serious relationship either. You’re funn…oh, wait, are you being serious again? That’s called _dating._ I want to date, I can’t right now, I’ll be able to in a couple of months, and in the meantime I indulged in some minor whining about having to wait. What part of this don’t you get? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2013, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/3177 "2013-03-19T19:22:42Z")
It’s you that apparently doesn’t get the type of relationship I’m talking about. I’ve done it, so I know it exists. If it’s not for you, fine, but it’s not some crazy thing I’m coming up with. ---
**Author:** ![Surriess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e79b87/32.png) [@Surriess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Surriess)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2013, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/3178 "2013-03-20T05:53:37Z")
I have spent almost a year online dating. And one of my biggest pet peeve is that either the profile has no pics or that when i do meet up with the person, she looks nothing like the picture. seriously, whats the point of having a fake picture when you are planning to meet up anyways? I never understood that. Also, stop asking me for money. i am not going to give you anything. Every once in a while i will get a lady trying to persuade me into giving her some money because she has some sort of family crisis…lol at least make it more believable. ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2013, 11:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/3179 "2013-03-20T11:44:43Z")
> [@Surriess](#): > > I have spent almost a year online dating. And one of my biggest pet peeve is that either the profile has no pics or that when i do meet up with the person, she looks nothing like the picture. seriously, whats the point of having a fake picture when you are planning to meet up anyways? I never understood that. I once got a message from a woman who was using a picture of Beyonce. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2013, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/3180 "2013-03-20T13:15:52Z")
> [@Fear\_Itself](#): > > I once got a message from a woman who was using a picture of Beyonce. How do you know she wasn’t Beyonce? ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2013, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/3181 "2013-03-20T15:59:14Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > It’s you that apparently doesn’t get the type of relationship I’m talking about. I’ve done it, so I know it exists. If it’s not for you, fine, but it’s not some crazy thing I’m coming up with. I’m not accusing you of making anything up. :rolleyes: And the type of relationship you’re talking about _doesn’t matter_. I want to date, I can’t right now, but I’ll be able to in a couple of months. In the meantime, I whined a little about having to wait. THAT IS ALL. I don’t want new friends, I don’t want a fuck buddy, I don’t want whatever it is that you think I don’t understand. I want to _date_, period. I really don’t know how I can make this any clearer. So if you _still_ don’t get it, I give up. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2013, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/3182 "2013-03-20T20:23:15Z")
Yeah, um, I said fine. I was just making a suggestion based on what you said you wanted (someone to walk the dog with, watch movies, etc.). Maybe you’ll be less grumpy when you’re getting some. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=158) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=160)