# The Ongoing Online Dating Advice Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 27, 2010, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978 "2010-05-27T18:50:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 17
**Author:** ![Brynda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e79b87/32.png) [@Brynda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brynda)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2010, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/321 "2010-06-09T22:46:03Z")
Well, aren’t you looking at matches? So if you are seeing a preponderance of bisexual women, it _could_ mean that there are a lot of bi women in your area who are on OKC or it \*could \*mean that you are answering questions in a way that matches you with bi women. Heck, if you looked at my matches you would think there are lots of non-religious men here in the Bible belt. ---
**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2010, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/322 "2010-06-10T00:32:35Z")
> [@Kaio](#): > > Anyway, another thought that occurred to me over the weekend: I want to see your eyes in your photo. Preferably your main one, but _at least_ in one of them. No giant mirrored sunglasses, not a fuzzy out-of-focus photo where I can barely make out broad facial features, and no details at all. FWIW, I completely changed my mind about talking to someone simply because he changed his photo to one that was close enough to clearly see his face and eyes. Thinking about it, I realized I didn’t feel like I could get a “read” on his face without that. Attitude and personality does, in fact, come through in the eyes. So, yeah, this guy. I’ll just reiterate the point about the photos by saying that our meetup went _ **exceptionally well** _ today. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2010, 12:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/323 "2010-06-10T12:12:03Z")
I made a profile so I could spy on you all. No feedback for you yet, but if you see “OpalCat” has visited, well, kind of obviously that’s me. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2010, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/324 "2010-06-10T14:52:17Z")
> [@OpalCat](#): > > I made a profile so I could spy on you all. No feedback for you yet, but if you see “OpalCat” has visited, well, kind of obviously that’s me. [del]Hi, Opal![/del] Nevermind. ---
**Author:** ![melodyharmonius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/melodyharmonius/32/21310_2.png) [@melodyharmonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melodyharmonius)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2010, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/325 "2010-06-10T15:04:58Z")
Here’s a question for you: Would you be put off by someone who is looking for a relationship, but also has “casual sex” checked on their dating profile? ---
**Author:** ![Mauvaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mauvaise/32/11084_2.png) [@Mauvaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mauvaise)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2010, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/326 "2010-06-10T15:11:26Z")
> [@melodyharmonius](#): > > Here’s a question for you: > > Would you be put off by someone who is looking for a relationship, but also has “casual sex” checked on their dating profile? It would definitely give me pause, but I don’t know if I’d be put off completely. I would certainly be more wary (emotion-wise) and way more on guard than I normally am, which can already be great. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2010, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/327 "2010-06-10T15:53:48Z")
> [@melodyharmonius](#): > > Here’s a question for you: > > Would you be put off by someone who is looking for a relationship, but also has “casual sex” checked on their dating profile? No. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2010, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/328 "2010-06-10T16:02:30Z")
> [@melodyharmonius](#): > > Would you be put off by someone who is looking for a relationship, but also has “casual sex” checked on their dating profile? It would certainly prompt a discussion about their STD prevention habits, but that’s it. ETA: I wouldn’t be so concerned by what people would be put off by. Represent yourself accurately. If you’re really looking for relationships or casual sex, don’t just put “relationships,” or you’re cheating yourself out of filtering out people who’re turned off by anyone who has casual sex. Better to self-select out of their pool of potentials in advance then only find out about this conflict of values after a few dates. ---
**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2010, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/329 "2010-06-10T19:12:08Z")
> [@melodyharmonius](#): > > Would you be put off by someone who is looking for a relationship, but also has “casual sex” checked on their dating profile? Yes, because I’m looking for something completely different. > [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > ETA: I wouldn’t be so concerned by what people would be put off by. Represent yourself accurately. If you’re really looking for relationships or casual sex, don’t just put “relationships,” or you’re cheating yourself out of filtering out people who’re turned off by anyone who has casual sex. Better to self-select out of their pool of potentials in advance then only find out about this conflict of values after a few dates. I agree with this. It’s more important to find who you’re compatible with than to worry about putting off people you’re not compatible with. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2010, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/330 "2010-06-10T19:31:57Z")
That’s what I don’t get about people who post outdated photos, too. I mean, sure, you might suck more people in initially. But when they actually meet you, they’re going to figure out what you look like now. Then, one of two things happens: 1.) They never speak to you again, because your physical appearance is part of the reason they were interested in you. You’ve just wasted your time and theirs. 2.) Your physical appearance isn’t a dealbreaker for them, in which case they probably would have talked to you even without the old picture. In neither case are your interests served by posting a picture that doesn’t reflect your current appearance. ---
**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2010, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/331 "2010-06-10T19:54:27Z")
Or 2A: your physical appearance wasn’t that important to them, but your honesty is, and you’ve just shown that you’re not incredibly honest (and they never speak to you again). ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2010, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/332 "2010-06-10T20:01:18Z")
Eh, I tend to go with the newest good picture of myself I can find. Since I don’t take pictures of myself very well, it tends to be a little out of date. I _should_ make an attempt to get a new photo, though; my puppy-punching one makes my neck look fat. I also need to reupdate my OKC profile…I spent a lot of time one night a couple months ago renovating it and filling things out in what I hoped was an appealing and interesting way, but after I finished it I’ve been too embarrassed about what I wrote to even go back to the website since then. :o ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2010, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/333 "2010-06-11T14:44:45Z")
Okay, let’s get this thread going again. Some questions… 1)What do you think about be saved as a favorite? Personally, I don’t like to save others, I feel creepy doing it. When I’ve done it about a day after sending an email. I know they get a notification (on match) when I do it, so I use it as a sort of reminder that I emailed them. Personally, it bugs me when someone uses it as a wink. When someone saves me as a favorite but never contacts me in any other way. OTOH, one person on OKC saved me as a favorite and when I looked at her profile it started out with “If I saved you as a favorite it’s my way of saying…” So, I guess that works, but I didn’t like it. I like that on OKC I can save someone as a favorite and opt not to let them know that I did it. 2)How do you feel about someone checking out your profile multiple times? Also, what are your thoughts on someone checking out your profile after sending you an email (or wink)? I like it. I think it’s odd when someone winks or emails me and they never look at my profile again. It makes me wonder if they’re sending out winks or emails to 30 guys a night to see who responds. If I send someone an email, I like to stop by their profile a few times over the next week or so, I feel it’s like saying “Hey, I’m interested in you, it wasn’t just a drive by email” 3)Do you block people from search? That is, they can still email you or wink at you, but they won’t show up in your search results. I do, but only certain people. I block the people who’s picture grabs my attention but something in their profile (something they said, something about their other pictures) makes me say NO WAY. I block them so that I don’t wind up visiting their profile on a regular basis giving them the impression I’m interested. 4)Upthread everyone seemed to think it was okay to send a second email if you never heard back from the first time. Should the second one sound like it’s first one, or should it sound like a second email? That is, should it say “Hi, I saw your profile etc etc etc” or should it be more like (this is what I do) “Hi, I sent you an email a few weeks ago but I just wanted to stop by and say hi again [then continue with the email, saying/asking different things then before”? Also, how long should you wait before sending the second one? A few days? Weeks? A month? My feeling is that it should probably be two or more weeks. On [Match.com](http://Match.com) it saves your received emails for 30 days, so whether I wait more or less then 30 days to a point depends on if I want them to be able to look back at that one. 5)Your thoughts on [Match.com](http://Match.com)’s VIP email. Each week you get one VIP email. When you send this email you can tell when they opened it, and also for the next 30 days it sits at the top of their in box. No matter how they sort their mail, this one will always be at the top. I’ve only used mine twice. Once for a girl that seemed to log on about once every 2 months. I figured she wouldn’t ever see it anyways and once for someone that I had been talking to who just suddenly stop responding to me. I wanted to know that she had at least read it. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2010, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/334 "2010-06-11T15:09:17Z")
With me it is “Do you have your own PFD?” ---
**Author:** ![Mauvaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mauvaise/32/11084_2.png) [@Mauvaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mauvaise)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2010, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/335 "2010-06-11T15:12:11Z")
> [@Muffin](#): > > With me it is “Do you have your own PFD?” I know what a pdf is, but I’m unclear on a PFD. 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2010, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/336 "2010-06-11T15:21:31Z")
> [@Muffin](#): > > With me it is “Do you have your own PFD?” > [@Mauvaise](#): > > I know what a pdf is, but I’m unclear on a PFD. 😕 I have no idea, I figured Muffin posted to the wrong thread since there’s another thread about a drowning in Lake Michigan. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2010, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/337 "2010-06-11T15:23:13Z")
Personal Flirtation Device? ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2010, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/338 "2010-06-11T15:25:57Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > Personal Flirtation Device? Win. A PFD is something like a lifejacket. Most of my dates involve kayaking or canoeing, ergo . . . ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2010, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/339 "2010-06-11T15:54:38Z")
> [@Muffin](#): > > With me it is “Do you have your own PFD?” Not only do I have my own, but there’s 14 k of g in it. ---
**Author:** ![Mauvaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mauvaise/32/11084_2.png) [@Mauvaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mauvaise)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2010, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/340 "2010-06-11T15:58:52Z")
I’ve got a question - re. OKC: If you rated someone a 4 or 5 and accepted them as one of your quiver matches, why wouldn’t you reply if they sent you a short, innocuous email? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=16) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=18)