# The Ongoing Online Dating Advice Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 27, 2010, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978 "2010-05-27T18:50:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 171
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2013, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/3404 "2013-11-05T18:00:30Z")
I will never understand why some people can’t accept a simple “thanks, but no thanks.” Dude messages me the other day: truly horrible writing, plus he lives in Texas. I reply with: “I appreciate the message, but don’t think we’re a good match. I hope you find who you’re looking for!” Last night I got: [QUOTE=Bad Writer From Texas] why do you think we bot good match,you cant get to know someone who you have not met… you should have given me some chance to talk to you and you will know if we are match or not [/QUOTE] _sigh_ ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2013, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/3405 "2013-11-05T21:50:50Z")
> [@Bijou\_Drains](#): > > Am I the only person who keeps seeing a lot of women with pictures of their dogs on match? Very few cats but lots of dog pictures. Some of them are women with their dog but a lot of them are just a picture of the dog. I think dogs project more about one’s lifestyle than cats. I would guess a lot of those dog pictures are outdoorsy, and they are trying to say that they are active more than anything else. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2013, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/3406 "2013-11-05T21:57:39Z")
Can you fwd me his profile? I’m in love. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2013, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/3407 "2013-11-05T22:58:04Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > I think dogs project more about one’s lifestyle than cats. I would guess a lot of those dog pictures are outdoorsy, and they are trying to say that they are active more than anything else. I can think of two other possibilities a)people have more pictures of themselves with their dogs then with their cats since dogs tend to be more social then cats. Go to someone’s house that has dogs and the dogs are out and about, playing with everyone, seeking attention, sitting in laps etc. Go to a cat household and you might be there for two hours without even knowing the person has a cat. b)Some girls might realize that a guys would rather date a girl that has a dog or two rather then a girl that has a one or two cats. Statistically, I’d guess that more guys are dog guys then cat guys. But money is on A. I don’t think it’s on purpose, it’s just that there’s more pictures of people with their dogs then people with their cats. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2013, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/3408 "2013-11-06T00:55:11Z")
Or they can just really like their dog? Dogs are pretty kick ass animals, for one, and for another, I’ve found that those most enamoured with their pets and also under the impression that others will be too, are essentially always dog owners. How many of your friends’ dogs have Facebook profiles? Maybe two? Now how about cats? Zero? I love dogs and don’t care for cats at all, but I respond with some combination of rolled eyes and bewilderment to the constant stream of dog updates on Facebook. Really, dog owners, get a grip. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2013, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/3409 "2013-11-06T17:31:38Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > Can you fwd me his profile? I’m in love. 😃 > [@MeanOldLady](#): > > I love dogs and don’t care for cats at all, but I respond with some combination of rolled eyes and bewilderment to the constant stream of dog updates on Facebook. Really, dog owners, get a grip. BUT SHE’S MY PERFECT LITTLE FURRY BALL OF LOVE!!! (Guilty. :o) ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2013, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/3410 "2013-11-06T23:24:57Z")
> [@Misnomer](#): > > BUT SHE’S MY PERFECT LITTLE FURRY BALL OF LOVE!!! > > (Guilty. :o) Well, it could be a way of screening out non-pet lovers? They see the pic and (one hopes) they won’t wink (is that still the way it works?) at you? ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2013, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/3411 "2013-11-07T15:03:45Z")
Oh, I was talking about having lots of dog-related posts on Facebook; not on OKCupid. 🙂 I mention my dog in my profile, but I don’t have any pictures of her or anything. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2013, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/3412 "2013-11-14T06:13:37Z")
This is new > [@](#): > > Hiding Users > > If you don’t want a particular person appearing in your Match Search, Quickmatch, Welcome and sidebar matches, or in your Visitors list, you can hide them. Hiding is reciprocal, and will also stop you from appearing in all of the same areas for the person you hid. I mean, you’ve always been able to hide people (on OKC) but now if you hide someone, you’ve also hidden yourself from them. On the one hand, that’s nice for those cases when you happen to notice an IRL friend or co-worker and you can hide them before they (hopefully) notice you, but that creates a bit of a conundrum for me. Over the years there’s a few people who I’ve hidden because I’ve emailed once or twice (spaced way apart) and didn’t get a reply and basically figured “well, if they ever want to reply to me, that’s great and I look forward to it, but in the mean time I don’t feel like knowing that they’re online all the time and seeing their activity on my front page every day”. Now I’ve found out I’m essentially gone to them as well. I mean, if they happen to think of me months later and haven’t deleted the email, great, but what are the chances of that. I was always hopping that someday one of them might see me pop up in a search or see some activity and think “Hey, he emailed me a while back…”. So, on the one hand, there’s a few people I’d like to un-hide (myself from), OTOH, I hate to torture myself seeing a bunch of girls that I know, in all likelihood aren’t going to email me. ---
**Author:** ![PookahMacPhellimey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pookahmacphellimey/32/3175_2.png) [@PookahMacPhellimey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PookahMacPhellimey)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2013, 10:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/3413 "2013-11-16T10:36:33Z")
I’m almost sure I got catfished for the first time a few weeks ago. Nothing happened in the sense that I didn’t fall in love or shared personal info or anything, but it’s an icky feeling and the effect has been that now I’m completely paranoid in that every time I get on well with someone on OKC, I think “are they a catfish?” “are they telling me what I want to hear?”. Ugh. So just as therapy, I’m wondering if anyone has dealt with a catfish. Do you guys feel it’s common? What made you figure it out and how did you deal with it? ---
**Author:** ![pancakes3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ba9def/32.png) [@pancakes3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pancakes3)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2014, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/3414 "2014-02-08T01:31:40Z")
Does anyone using this thread also use Tinder? ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2014, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/3415 "2014-02-08T03:22:45Z")
> [@pancakes3](#): > > Does anyone using this thread also use Tinder? Never heard of it until now, but I read a little about it and installed it. Based on what I read I had a funny idea that something was going to go wrong right off the bat. Here are two of my three [profile](http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lt78pmSvkD1qaxtnyo1_500.jpg) [pictures](http://media.shawconnect.ca/tv/files/2012/10/wrappedinplastic600.jpg), because it just grabs them right from facebook. It did get one recent one (my only recent one on FB). I’ll have to see what I can do about deleting the other two and/or putting more recent ones up. ---
**Author:** ![PookahMacPhellimey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pookahmacphellimey/32/3175_2.png) [@PookahMacPhellimey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PookahMacPhellimey)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2014, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/3416 "2014-02-08T17:46:41Z")
Hahahahaha, that’s brilliant, **Joey**. I would also like to hear about people’s Tinder experiences, btw. I’m interested, but a bit chicken. I also think there are probably about 3 people on it where I live (not in the States - even OKC is for the very “cutting edge” or the very net savvy), but it would be good to get a headstart on the info. Plus, just curious. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2014, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/3417 "2014-02-08T17:49:22Z")
I checked it out, but I don’t like that it uses Facebook for all of its info. **Joey** , you’ll definitely have to let us know if you have any success! ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2014, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/3418 "2014-02-08T18:47:10Z")
I’ve been playing with it. There’s A LOT of overlap with it and OKC/Match. Years ago, in this thread I suggested something. I suggested that someone set something up, where one person would ‘wink’ at someone else, then the other person would wink back. Then and only then would communication begin. (Shot From Guns had a compelling reason that this wouldn’t work). Tinder is essentially this idea. You go through pictures and say Yes or No. That’s it. You can’t see who saw you and you can’t look back at who you saw. If you say no that’s the last you’ll ever see of them, period. If that person happens to say yes to you, you start talking. They don’t know you said yes to them before hand, they don’t even know you saw them. Because of this, the site has been called a hookup site. Remember HotOrNot, it’s a spin off of that, I think it may be made by the same people. On the one hand I’m sort of liking it. I have a real ‘problem’ with way, way, way overthinking things. If I email someone I’ve spend a lot of timing thinking about the email, finding out what I can about the person etc. Now, all I can do is say yes or no based on a few pictures. Of course, it’s still fairly easy to track down a facebook profile since you know they have one and there’s a lot of overlap with Match/OKC so you can find those profiles as well, but I’m trying my best to just say yes or no based on the picture. OTOH, it’s really not my style to say yes or no based just on a picture. Misnomer, I did feel a bit odd as it came right out and told me it was rifling though all my facebook stuff. But years ago I cleaned that all out, there’s not much to be gathered from it, but it is interesting when it shows me someone and tells me we both like a TV show/activity or have a few friends in common. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2014, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/3419 "2014-02-08T19:17:38Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > Years ago, in this thread I suggested something. I suggested that someone set something up, where one person would ‘wink’ at someone else, then the other person would wink back. Then and only then would communication begin. (Shot From Guns had a compelling reason that this wouldn’t work). Tinder is essentially this idea. You go through pictures and say Yes or No. That’s it. You can’t see who saw you and you can’t look back at who you saw. If you say no that’s the last you’ll ever see of them, period. If that person happens to say yes to you, you start talking. They don’t know you said yes to them before hand, they don’t even know you saw them. Wait, could you go through this again? If you say ‘no’ to someone and they say ‘yes’ to you, do you start talking? That wouldn’t seem to make much sense. But if you only start talking after mutual 'yes’es, then you know she (and she knows that you) said ‘yes’. It’s just possible that I may be overthinking things as well. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2014, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/3420 "2014-02-08T19:39:03Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > Wait, could you go through this again? If you say ‘no’ to someone and they say ‘yes’ to you, do you start talking? That wouldn’t seem to make much sense. But if you only start talking after mutual 'yes’es, then you know she (and she knows that you) said ‘yes’. > > It’s just possible that I may be overthinking things as well. I read somewhere that if you say ‘no’ to someone that they’re gone forever\*. Based on that (And that alone), I assume that if you say no to someone you’re not even go to show up for them. \*A FAQ I read somewhere along the line asked how to get someone back if you say no and the answer was that you couldn’t. You do have to be careful that you don’t swipe to fast. ---
**Author:** ![pancakes3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ba9def/32.png) [@pancakes3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pancakes3)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2014, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/3421 "2014-02-08T19:50:09Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > You do have to be careful that you don’t swipe to fast. I don’t mean to key in on one sentence of an otherwise great description of how Tinder works but I think the good part of Tinder for people that have aren’t very successful at dating is that: 1. It helps you come to terms of just how many fish there are in the sea\*. You could sit there and swipe through dozens of girls and once they’re gone, they’re gone. You might have a few respond back but the hit/miss rate is low. Very low. Becoming comfortable with that fact is a good thing. 2. It teaches that appearance does matter. Appearance isn’t 100% of the equation but it is a significant portion. I’ve met a lot of girls that roll their eyes whenever Tinder comes up in conversation about how shallow it is, and how it’s basically a hookup app (which I’m not denying) but it does shine a light on why some guys out there might be great once in a relationship, but why they’re having problems finding “the right one” and appearance is often a big reason why. Lose a few pounds. Dress better. Smile more. Posture. Groom/shave. Not look boring in your pictures. \*You do at times see people you know on it though, which could be exciting, or awkward, or both. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2014, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/3422 "2014-02-08T20:11:56Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > You do have to be careful that you don’t swipe to fast. > [@pancakes3](#): > > I don’t mean to key in on one sentence of an otherwise great description of how Tinder works but I think the good part of Tinder for people that have aren’t very successful at dating is that: > > 1. It helps you come to terms of just how many fish there are in the sea\*. You could sit there and swipe through dozens of girls and once they’re gone, they’re gone. You might have a few respond back but the hit/miss rate is low. Very low. Becoming comfortable with that fact is a good thing. > > 2. It teaches that appearance does matter. Appearance isn’t 100% of the equation but it is a significant portion. I’ve met a lot of girls that roll their eyes whenever Tinder comes up in conversation about how shallow it is, and how it’s basically a hookup app (which I’m not denying) but it does shine a light on why some guys out there might be great once in a relationship, but why they’re having problems finding “the right one” and appearance is often a big reason why. Lose a few pounds. Dress better. Smile more. Posture. Groom/shave. Not look boring in your pictures. > > \*You do at times see people you know on it though, which could be exciting, or awkward, or both. I think I should clarify what I meant by 'you have to be careful you don’t swipe to fast. Just now, literally just now, I was looking at a girl’s picture, she (I could see from the little dots) had two more pictures. I tried to swipe through the other three pictures, but since I wasn’t in the gallery part, instead of swiping through the other two pictures I said “Nope” to her AND the next three girls. Also, a few times I’ve just gotten on a run of Nope, Nope, Nope, Nope YES, whoops I hit nope already. That’s what I mean, I mean, literally just not paying attention and hitting the Nope button too fast. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2014, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/3423 "2014-02-08T20:33:17Z")
> [@pancakes3](#): > > \*You do at times see people you know on it though, which could be exciting, or awkward, or both. I didn’t see that comment before. That’s something else I like about this. You can see someone you know and you can hit NOPE and they’ll never even know you saw them. Or, something that’s happened to me a few times. I’ve seen a few people I’ve messaged emailed a few years/months ago. Some haven’t been active in a while on the other sites (some had). The nice then is I can give them a yes on Tinder and they’ll never know it unless they give me a yes as well. If they give me a Nope, it’s not like they’ll be sitting there going ‘ugh, this guy _again_’. If they see my picture and say ‘wow, I forgot about this guy, he sent me a few emails a while back’ and give me a yes, well, good for me. Not that I’m counting on that. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=170) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=172)