# The Ongoing Online Dating Advice Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 27, 2010, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978 "2010-05-27T18:50:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 22
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/421 "2010-06-17T14:09:33Z")
> [@Bosstone](#): > > Newly Single? > > Personally, I’d just put “single,” but you say you need the implication. See, “newly single” implies, to me, that I just got out of a relationship and might not be ready for another one. Of course, I’ve been on the site long enough that most people probably recognize my face at this point. I started to put “Finally Divorced!!!” but I don’t what to put of the “My ex wife was a bitch” vibe, I understand that’s not really a turn on. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/422 "2010-06-17T14:16:39Z")
Okay, I just changed it to “Now Single!” I think that’ll do it. ---
**Author:** ![Brynda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e79b87/32.png) [@Brynda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brynda)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/423 "2010-06-17T14:33:24Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > Okay, I just changed it to “Now Single!” I think that’ll do it. How about “New and Improved–now with extra singleness” ? ---
**Author:** ![Mauvaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mauvaise/32/11084_2.png) [@Mauvaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mauvaise)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/424 "2010-06-17T14:35:26Z")
> [@Brynda](#): > > How about “New and Improved–now with extra singleness” ? I like this much better than just “newly single”. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/425 "2010-06-17T14:54:04Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > I don’t prohibit my girlfriends from interacting with guys and I don’t tell them how paranoid it makes me. > > I suffer on the inside. :rolleyes: You roll your eyes, but that’s actually pretty impressive. Not everybody is able to recognize their own irrational prejudices and cram them down deep inside to avoid inflicting them on everybody else. ---
**Author:** ![jsc1953](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5daacb/32.png) [@jsc1953](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jsc1953)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2010, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/426 "2010-06-17T14:56:08Z")
I’m mostly just here to announce (brag, gloat)…the system seems to have worked. I met someone on eH; the usual guided communication, followed a flood of emails, getting to know each other better and better – leading to a first date last Thursday (which was awesome, although it ended in just a hug); a second date on Sunday (with kisses) and last night (passing a significant major milestone, ahem). We definitely got a Thing Goin’ On and I can’t stop grinning. 😃 My only problem is that I’ve got 15 or so women in various stages of eH guided communication, that I can either ignore or close. Dunno. Don’t care. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Brynda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e79b87/32.png) [@Brynda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brynda)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2010, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/427 "2010-06-18T00:52:55Z")
Go, you!!! Congratulations on the relationship! I had a first lunch date with someone today that went well. We are having dinner tomorrow. Wish me luck! ---
**Author:** ![jsc1953](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5daacb/32.png) [@jsc1953](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jsc1953)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2010, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/428 "2010-06-18T01:12:02Z")
> [@Brynda](#): > > Go, you!!! Congratulations on the relationship! I had a first lunch date with someone today that went well. We are having dinner tomorrow. Wish me luck! Back to back dates…sounds like there must’ve been some sparks. Good luck!! ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2010, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/429 "2010-06-18T03:14:56Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > You roll your eyes, but that’s actually pretty impressive. Not everybody is able to recognize their own irrational prejudices and cram them down deep inside to avoid inflicting them on everybody else. I’m going to go write dark poetry at a Starbucks now. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Punkyova](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@The\_Punkyova](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Punkyova)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2010, 10:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/430 "2010-06-19T10:04:56Z")
> [@Brynda](#): > > Somehow this got off track, and while it is interesting, it doesn’t answer my question, which is not about messaging someone twice. Let me try again: > > What I am asking is what it means if someone doesn’t reply to an initial message for several days, then suddenly does (without further contact from me) several days later. I don’t get that. Either I am interested, in which case I respond within a day, or I am not, in which I either send a polite no or just don’t respond. I don’t understand this waiting several days, then responding to say they are interested. That’s what I am asking about. Does it mean (as I think it does) that they are not really interested? Why bother to reply several days later? I do this. It doesn’t mean I’m not interested. I just need a little time to process the message, and decide how to respond. When I first read the message, my mind is literally blank. It’s not until I’ve let it simmer a while that I know how I want to respond, or if I’m interested. (I do send a polite no if I’m not.) I also don’t check dating sites (or any sites, or e-mail) every day. I try to sit down once a week or so and check all the messages, but sometimes it’s longer. I’ve been told that people interpret this as not interested, but it’s just the way my life works. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2010, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/431 "2010-06-19T18:37:33Z")
Okay, to keep this thread moving, can we talk about things we don’t like to see in other’s profiles. -No pictures with kids unless they are yours or at least a big part of your life. -No pictures with similar aged guys unless they are family…and you explain it. -----(These are both easier with OKC where you can add captions, I wish Match would let you add captions) -Don’t start off your profile with “I’m only doing this because…” If you’re only doing it because your sister did it, or your friend made you do it etc… It doesn’t make you sound like you’re ready for a relationship. -For the love of god, more then one picture of you, and in different settings. I’ll leave this one alone, I think we’ve all seen profiles with shitty worthless pictures. -Grammar and spelling. This is HUGE for me. There have been people that based on pictures and what they wrote I could spend my life with (on paper anyways), but the grammar is sooo bad, I can’t take it. I understand if you learned ESL, but some of these people just write like they never made it out of grade school. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2010, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/432 "2010-06-20T12:50:06Z")
Got two winks overnight and have two more things to add to my list. -You shouldn’t be doing the [kissy face](http://www.freewebs.com/bighairyarses/Rece_s_kissy_face_Jan_07.jpg)\* in all 5 of your pictures. In fact, I’ve always found it odd when you have plenty of pictures in all different settings but have exactly the same look on your face in each one. -Here’s something not to put in your profile “I am kinda the type guys hang out with, but never actually date”…If no one else wants to date you, why would I? \*That’s not her, just a picture I found on the internet. ---
**Author:** ![Mauvaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mauvaise/32/11084_2.png) [@Mauvaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mauvaise)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2010, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/433 "2010-06-20T13:01:21Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > -You shouldn’t be doing the [kissy face](http://www.freewebs.com/bighairyarses/Rece_s_kissy_face_Jan_07.jpg)\* Ahh, yes, the dreaded [duck face](http://antiduckface.com/). Not a good look and even worse when a guy does it (and yes, I’ve seen some). I think another good tip would be to be careful of your 3 words on OKC. I ran across one profile the other day whose self-summary ended with “I am introverted, alienated, and lonely.” Not a good way to sell yourself. I thought at first it might have been a joke, but the rest of his profile didn’t seem to bear that out. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2010, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/434 "2010-06-20T13:23:15Z")
> [@Mauvaise](#): > > Ahh, yes, the dreaded [duck face](http://antiduckface.com/). Not a good look and even worse when a guy does it (and yes, I’ve seen some). I was going to make the comment that “even on a girl, it still makes you look like a douche bag.” Except this girl didn’t look like a douche bag, she looked like her username “Amanduh” (with some other letters and numbers) > [@](#): > > I think another good tip would be to be careful of your 3 words on OKC. I ran across one profile the other day whose self-summary ended with “I am introverted, alienated, and lonely.” Not a good way to sell yourself. I thought at first it might have been a joke, but the rest of his profile didn’t seem to bear that out. That almost sounds like a cry for help. Like they looking for someone to come and rescue them. Did their profile almost sound like a blog? “Today I was walking down the street and a dog kept jumping on me while the owner totally ignored it, asshole” ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2010, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/435 "2010-06-20T13:32:17Z")
Ya know what’s funny. I changed my profile picture to one that I didn’t think is “good.” I need a haircut and a shave, I’m wearing an old T-shirt, I’m talking so I have a weird look on my face, my body is in an odd posture since I was leaning on a table after our plates were cleared at a restaurant ( [http://www.okcupid.com/profile/joey31415](http://www.okcupid.com/profile/joey31415) ) and since I changed it to that, I’ve had an email and three winks in just a few days\*. I wonder how much of it is from that, and how much is from changing my status from separated to divorced. Too bad the one I was hoping to catch the attention of either turned her profile off or left match altogether and my number two only signed on once since I made the change and sent her an email, didn’t even look at my profile, hopefully she will next time she signs on which seems to be about twice a week. My fear is that by the next time she signs on she’ll have 30 more emails and mine will have been forgotten about. \*I’ve been on match for about 6 months, so I’m at the point where only one or two people look at my profile each day since most of them have already seen it. ---
**Author:** ![Mauvaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mauvaise/32/11084_2.png) [@Mauvaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mauvaise)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2010, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/436 "2010-06-21T14:46:32Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > That almost sounds like a cry for help. Like they looking for someone to come and rescue them. Did their profile almost sound like a blog? “Today I was walking down the street and a dog kept jumping on me while the owner totally ignored it, asshole” No, but if I recall, under the “What I’m doing with my life section” he wrote “giving up”. I have a very good sarcasm meter, but either he’s one of those people that try to be funny and just can’t pull it off or (and I’m going with this option) he’s really that screwed up. But, in his defense, at least the giant red flags are out there in his profile. As for the sudden interest after your profile pic change - I’m not sure, maybe it’s because it’s natural and completely not posed? ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2010, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/437 "2010-06-21T14:48:25Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > -You shouldn’t be doing the [kissy face](http://www.freewebs.com/bighairyarses/Rece_s_kissy_face_Jan_07.jpg)\* in all 5 of your pictures. In fact, I’ve always found it odd when you have plenty of pictures in all different settings but have exactly the same look on your face in each one. You have inspired me! Please visit my brandy-spankin’ new [Online Dating Tropes](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=567972)thread. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2010, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/438 "2010-06-21T21:20:43Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > I’m going to go write dark poetry at a Starbucks now. Make sure to include some sort of comparison between your soul and a raven. Chicks totally eat that shit up. > [@Joey\_P](#): > > Okay, to keep this thread moving, can we talk about things we don’t like to see in other’s profiles. [snip] > -Grammar and spelling. Gaudere strikes again. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2010, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/439 "2010-06-21T22:16:38Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > Gaudere strikes again. I tried to be really careful…what did I miss? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Punkyova](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@The\_Punkyova](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Punkyova)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2010, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/440 "2010-06-21T22:59:16Z")
One of the biggest things I don’t like is the empty profile. For some reason, I get a lot of contact from guys who don’t fill out their profile, or fill it out as sparsely as possible. I hate that. It feels like someone who isn’t willing to show who he is, staring at other people’s lives. It’s borderline creepy. I also run away from “I’m so lonely” or “I need the touch of a woman to make me whole” or “The nights are long and dark” or “I need a woman to fill up the void in my life.” Yes, those are all pretty close paraphrases. Those profiles feel like the guy is a needy vacuum, wanting to suck all the energy and vitality from my life because his is so empty. I’d rather meet a guy with something to share. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=21) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=23)