# The Ongoing Online Dating Advice Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 27, 2010, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978 "2010-05-27T18:50:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 23
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/441 "2010-06-22T00:05:44Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > I tried to be really careful…what did I miss? **Guns** might have seen something else, but what stands out for me is using a period when a question mark would have been appropriate. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/442 "2010-06-22T00:09:23Z")
> [@Bosstone](#): > > **Guns** might have seen something else, but what stands out for me is using a period when a question mark would have been appropriate. I do that a lot here for some reason. Sry; All try not 2 mak that mistke nemore .Thanks for readng my profle . ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/443 "2010-06-22T15:30:28Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > I tried to be really careful…what did I miss? The way you constructed your list, you were saying that you _don’t_ like to see [correct] spelling and grammar in people’s profiles. > [@The\_Punkyova](#): > > I also run away from “I’m so lonely” or “I need the touch of a woman to make me whole” or “The nights are long and dark” or “I need a woman to fill up the void in my life.” I’m pretty sure the Poster Children [have a song](http://www.posterchildren.com/music.php?album=5&song=1) about those types of people. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/444 "2010-06-22T15:34:00Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > The way you constructed your list, you were saying that you _don’t_ like to see [correct] spelling and grammar in people’s profiles. Oh yeah, that. I was having a brain fart trying to figure out how to word that and just said “fuckit, they’ll figure it out.” ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/445 "2010-06-22T15:36:43Z")
Damn, I _did_ miss that. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/446 "2010-06-22T22:35:59Z")
So, I sent someone an email a month or two ago. About two weeks ago I sent her another one, it would be bad form to send a third say “Geez, at least _look_ at my profile”…right? Kicking myself though, I know she only signs on once or twice a week, shoulda sent a VIP email to keep at the top of her inbox until she signed on again. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![wolf\_in\_second\_hand\_clothing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/9d8465/32.png) [@wolf\_in\_second\_hand\_clothing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolf_in_second_hand_clothing)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/447 "2010-06-22T23:02:24Z")
I have been building up my profile a bit at a time. I have also looked at pretty much all of the ones posted in this thread, so don’t be alarmed to see me as a visitor. [www.okcupid.com/profile/geoffreywithag](http://www.okcupid.com/profile/geoffreywithag) One of the problems I’m running into is that my ex-girlfriend is still pretty much my only friend, and I don’t really want to mention her too much and make it seem like I’m still in love with her. But if anyone looks at my facebook they’ll see that almost all of my photo albums have her in them, and I don’t want to look like I’m trying to hide her. Right now I’m leaning towards just not mentioning her at all for now. ---
**Author:** ![umop\_ap\_sdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/dbc845/32.png) [@umop\_ap\_sdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umop_ap_sdn)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/448 "2010-06-22T23:34:27Z")
I haven’t had a chance yet to read through this entire thread (something like halfway down page 1) but wanted to catch it while it’s still current. I’m the 29/F/Bi in AZ who’s been viewing everyone. 🙂 My summary is pretty short; I’m waiting for inspiration to strike for something good to write in it. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2010, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/449 "2010-06-23T00:02:39Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > I do that a lot here for some reason. Sry; All try not 2 mak that mistke nemore .Thanks for readng my profle . Here’s a gem I ran across just now > [@](#): > > MY IDEAL MATCH : A MANWITH A GOOD SENSE OF HUMOR LOVES TO LIVE LIFE N HAS NO LIMITES N NOT SCARED TO BE HIM SELF, AND NOT SCARED TO BE A DORK OR TO MEET NEW PEOPLE. SOMEONE THAT HAS CONFIDENCE AND THAT RESPECTS EVERYONE NO MATTER WHAT BACKGROUND THEY COME FROM OR HOW THEY LOOK, BUT FOR THEY WAY THEY PRESENT THEM SELVES N THE WAY THEY TREAT YOU WITH RESPECT ITS NOT ALL ABOUT APERANCE CUS THE MOST TATTOOED OR PIERCED OR TO SUM MAY BE ODD LOOKEN PEOPLE ARE THE MOST NICEST BUT JUST JUDGED ON HOW THEY LOOK BUT THEY ARE THE ONES THAT ARE THE MOST SWEETEST N KINDEST PEOPLE SO IN ALL SAID DONT JUDGE A BOOK ON ITS COVER. THANKZ FOR READING ALIL ABOUT ME N WAT IM LOOKEN FOR N SUM OF MY OPINION. IF YOU WANT TO KNOW MORE FEEL FREE TO SEND A MESSAGE. MUAH!!! THANKZ ---
**Author:** ![umop\_ap\_sdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/dbc845/32.png) [@umop\_ap\_sdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umop_ap_sdn)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2010, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/450 "2010-06-23T00:34:06Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > What do you think about be saved as a favorite? Personally, I don’t like to save others, I feel creepy doing it. When I’ve done it about a day after sending an email. I know they get a notification (on match) when I do it, so I use it as a sort of reminder that I emailed them. Personally, it bugs me when someone uses it as a wink. When someone saves me as a favorite but never contacts me in any other way. When they do that I pretty much ignore them - maybe I’ll skim over their profile to gauge their creepiness level but that’s it. Unless they’re somebody I already know, in which case I’ll save them in return. I use my saved profiles section as a place to bookmark people I want to contact but haven’t yet composed a message in my head. > [@](#): > > 2)How do you feel about someone checking out your profile multiple times? I do that but reluctantly, for fear of seeming like an oddball. It’s sort of unavoidable with my favorites strategy above so when I go back I try to make sure right then to write something & send it. ---
**Author:** ![tr0psn4j](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/958977/32.png) [@tr0psn4j](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tr0psn4j)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2010, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/451 "2010-06-23T01:24:56Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > Here’s a gem I ran across just now She sounds like a keeper! ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2010, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/452 "2010-06-23T15:16:26Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > So, I sent someone an email a month or two ago. About two weeks ago I sent her another one, it would be bad form to send a third say “Geez, at least _look_ at my profile”…right? Yes. A third email at this point would be rapidly verging on DANGER WILL ROBINSON level of creeper territory. If you’re still interested in her a couple months down the line, \*then \*you can drop her another message. > [@wolf\_in\_second\_hand\_clothing](#): > > One of the problems I’m running into is that my ex-girlfriend is still pretty much my only friend, and I don’t really want to mention her too much and make it seem like I’m still in love with her. But if anyone looks at my facebook they’ll see that almost all of my photo albums have her in them, and I don’t want to look like I’m trying to hide her. Right now I’m leaning towards just not mentioning her at all for now. 1.) It can come off as a little weird that you only have one friend, and it’s someone you used to date. Not weird necessarily that you’d stay friends with someone after you’ve broken up with them, but that you don’t seem to have any middle ground with people. Or much ground to speak of, I guess. 2.) Definitely don’t mention it on your own. Don’t be evasive if someone flat-out asks, but you don’t have to give them the whole relationship history. “That’s WomanX, one of my best friends.” Maybe even, “That’s WomanX–we dated for a while, but stayed good friends even after we decided to see other people.” > [@Joey\_P](#): > > Here’s a gem I ran across just now OHSHTI CAPSLOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR AWESOME!!! ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2010, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/453 "2010-06-23T17:44:55Z")
I’ve got some new photos up that I took recently. I realized that all of my photos involve huge sunglasses…I’m inseparable from my sunglasses. So I took some new ones. Everything in the Chinese dress is new. Critiques? [My profile](http://www.okcupid.com/profile/jenniferrobot) ---
**Author:** ![tr0psn4j](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/958977/32.png) [@tr0psn4j](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tr0psn4j)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2010, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/454 "2010-06-23T17:58:40Z")
You have a lot of fun looking pictures. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2010, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/455 "2010-06-23T21:10:38Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > I’ve got some new photos up that I took recently. I realized that all of my photos involve huge sunglasses…I’m inseparable from my sunglasses. So I took some new ones. Everything in the Chinese dress is new. Critiques? > > [My profile](http://www.okcupid.com/profile/jenniferrobot) I liked your old default better. I don’t even know what the hell those things are in the background (flags? bags? parachutes?) but I think the picture is cool. ---
**Author:** ![jsc1953](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5daacb/32.png) [@jsc1953](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jsc1953)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2010, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/456 "2010-06-23T22:12:57Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > OHSHTI CAPSLOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR AWESOME!!! I got matched with a profile very much like that. She was also a big Oakland Raiders fan (redundant). 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2010, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/457 "2010-06-24T00:35:18Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > I’ve got some new photos up that I took recently. I realized that all of my photos involve huge sunglasses…I’m inseparable from my sunglasses. So I took some new ones. Everything in the Chinese dress is new. Critiques? > > [My profile](http://www.okcupid.com/profile/jenniferrobot) I think I’d have to go along with **ClockMel** on this; since there’s only one picture on the main page, I liked the previous one better. The newer ones look a little more staged, and out of your element. Still a great username, though. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2010, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/458 "2010-06-25T00:21:12Z")
Okay, how about another question. What do you say in an email to someone that you (based on their profile) like, but (again, based on their profile) you don’t share many interests. There’s someone that I emailed probably about two months ago, it wasn’t a good email, I’ll admit that, I’d like to send her another one, but I’m worried it’s going to be another bad email since I don’t have much to go on. The first email I wrote something along the lines of “I’ve been meaning to email you, but I keep coming up blank on what to say” and then I latched on to the one thing I could find, she listed motorcycle rides as one of her interests, I asked her if she has one or if she likes to ride on the back…or something like that. I’d like to send her another email, but when I look over her profile, which hasn’t changed, there’s just nothing for me to latch on to. She mentions traveling, which I don’t do, and her favorite bands are people that I’ve never heard of (and checking them out on youtube, shows that they’re mostly indie rock bands. A type of music I’ve never really been able to get in to. Reading the profile as a whole, she seems interesting, but like I said, I just can’t find something to say “Hey, we both…” and go from there…Just move on? ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2010, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/459 "2010-06-25T00:37:23Z")
Actually, I just thought of something. A few weeks ago I got an email on OKC from a girl that said she had tried to IM me just as I signed off. (Until she said that I didn’t even know OKC had IMs). I’m wondering if a good opener to a second email, or even a first is something like that. "Hi there, I just tried to IM you, but you signed off/had IMs turned off, I had sent you an email a few weeks ago and I just wanted to say Hi and ask you…[about something we have in common, for example, “I see you’re into the Black Keys, I’ve never really listened to them, but they’ll be at Summerfest, are you planning to go? (wait, that sounds like I’m asking for a date, back off, don’t want to put any pressure on her) I’m not even sure if I’m going to make it to Summerfest this year, if you are going, have fun. Hope to hear from you.]”. If winking shows a little interest and emails show a lot of interest, an IM, I would think would be even more. I’ve always been weary of actually sending one because that kind of backs the other person in to a corner. I think doing it this way is a bit of a step back. It shows interest, it tells them you’re willing to IM with them without forcing them to make a decision right then and there. Would doing something like this be kosher? ---
**Author:** ![Jimmy\_Chitwood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f475e1/32.png) [@Jimmy\_Chitwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jimmy_Chitwood)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2010, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/460 "2010-06-25T01:43:53Z")
Moving on is probably the way to go, but if you really want to try it, why not. I’d imagine, though, that if the first contact didn’t get the job done and you aren’t sure what to say in the second, your chances of establishing anything are already vanishingly small. By the way, everyone, I just did another round of creeping; that guy in Pennsylvania who is 90-some percentage with a few of you, that’s me. High five. Long as I’m here, how about some input from you lot: coffee meeting went reasonably well, if kind of restrained. Asked her out again, she said she’s into it, good and great man. She said how about this week but because of our schedules we agreed (over email on Monday or so) the next meeting would have to be sometime next week but nothing firmer. In the meantime, I feel like the resultant silence is a little awkward. I sent the last email saying “we’ll just have to put it off 'til next week.” If I was following some kind of rulebook I guess I’d say the ball’s in her court to get in touch when she wants, but I’m not at all interested in that sort of thing, and I do like her. So my question, I guess, is which is the greater danger: just letting it play out and be more aloof than I’d like to be, or continuing the conversation myself and possibly trampling on her efforts to be aloof? Call, text, leave her alone, what? Yes, I know that it’s a silly question, but this thread promised a service, damn it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=22) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=24)