# The Ongoing Online Dating Advice Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 27, 2010, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978 "2010-05-27T18:50:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 26
**Author:** ![melodyharmonius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/melodyharmonius/32/21310_2.png) [@melodyharmonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melodyharmonius)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2010, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/501 "2010-06-29T13:37:57Z")
no - i think i told him I was too much potatoes for his lean meat and closed the IM . . . 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2010, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/502 "2010-06-29T14:43:39Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > You let a real winner slip between your fingers. Not if she keeps turning him down like that, she won’t be. ---
**Author:** ![umop\_ap\_sdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/dbc845/32.png) [@umop\_ap\_sdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umop_ap_sdn)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2010, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/503 "2010-06-29T15:11:24Z")
I had a 21 year old guy message me and the message contained only one word: Sex? Insta-block! Though I thought about just writing back “Female.” 😃 21 is outside my age range anyway. What’s even more funny is his photos all show him looking like he’s about to beat the living daylights out of a motor vehicle. WTF? ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2010, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/504 "2010-06-29T15:28:10Z")
On the bright side, he was very up-front about what he was interested in, and he wasted an absolute minimum amount of your time ascertaining whether you’d be a good match. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2010, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/505 "2010-06-29T15:29:36Z")
I’ll have to try that. I wonder how many responses I’ll get if I just shotgun-message a bunch of women “Sex?” ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2010, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/506 "2010-06-30T00:19:07Z")
> [@DivineComedienne](#): > > And while I’m asking…I’m in my mid-forties, and keep getting approached by 25-year-olds. Now, this is flattering, I admit; but am I correct to assume that they’re mostly looking to get laid by a (I hate using this word but it seems to fit here) “cougar”? That’s probably what they’re looking for, yeah, but you’ve got your terminology wrong. A cougar is an older woman who pursues younger men. They’re the aggressor. As the person being approached, you’d be a MILF, whether or not you’re actually a mother. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2010, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/507 "2010-06-30T14:37:22Z")
You sure about that, **Aes**? I thought a cougar was any middle-aged-or-older woman dating a much-younger (probably 20-something) man, regardless of who instigated the relationship. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2010, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/508 "2010-06-30T21:21:36Z")
I think **Aes** is the one with the correct definition, **Guns**. I’d be happy to call a cougar any older woman who prefers relationships with younger men but in my mind they’ve always been older women who cruises bars looking for young guys. Edit: The infallible and omniscient editors at Wikipedia agree: > [@Wikipedia](#): > > Cougar—a woman, 40[4] years of age or older, who pursues younger men, typically more than eight years her junior.[5] The origin of the word is debated; however, it is thought to have first appeared in print on the Canadian dating website [Cougardate.com](http://Cougardate.com)[6] and has been used in TV series, advertising and film. The 2007 film Cougar Club was dedicated to the subject and in Spring 2009 TV Land aired a reality show called The Cougar. The sitcom Cougar Town explores the difficulty and stigma of many so-called “Cougars”. The even more infallible editors at Urban Dictionary agree, too: > [@Urban Dictionary](#): > > Noun. A 35+ year old female who is on the “hunt” for a much younger, energetic, willing-to-do-anything male. The cougar can frequently be seen in a padded bra, cleavage exposed, propped up against a swanky bar in San Francisco (or other cities)waiting, watching, calculating; gearing up to sink her claws into an innocent young and strapping buck who happens to cross her path. Man is cougar’s number one prey. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2010, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/509 "2010-06-30T21:35:12Z")
There you go, then. ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2010, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/510 "2010-07-01T00:49:41Z")
I’m sad that I knew that without checking either wikipedia or urbandictionary. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2010, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/511 "2010-07-01T00:59:57Z")
> [@Aesiron](#): > > I’m sad that I knew that without checking either wikipedia or urbandictionary. I knew that without checking either of those places and I’m not sad. :3 Why are you? Never take pride in ignorance! ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2010, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/512 "2010-07-01T01:17:24Z")
There are a number of things I’m proudly ignorant of: American Idol, daytime television, Ed Wood’s fimography, and anything written by L. Ron Hubbard, just to name a few. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2010, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/513 "2010-07-01T01:39:03Z")
Is seekintimacy .com a legit site? From time to time I’ll see someone’s profile that says that if you want to contact them it would be better if you did it on the other site. Now, I’ve seen where people say that it’s better to email them direct or catch them on OKC because they don’t have a paid subscription on match and therefore can’t read an email and that makes sense, but Seekintimacy .com just doesn’t sound like it’s totally legit. I just clicked over to their home page and it mentions that it’s a partner of heartdetectives .com, a site from which of recived several emails saying that someone or other is interested in my profile or sent me an email and I should check it out. I don’t have an account there, but oddly enough, the username/PW they sent in the same email were the same as the ones I have for a throwaway POF account (who also sends your username/pw in every mailing). ---
**Author:** ![umop\_ap\_sdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/dbc845/32.png) [@umop\_ap\_sdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umop_ap_sdn)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2010, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/514 "2010-07-01T04:46:10Z")
If they’re redirecting you to another website in their first message to you, it’s generally a very bad sign. I’m not sure if they’re a scammer, spammer, or what but they’re almost certainly up to something. * * * I made a few changes to my [profile](http://www.okcupid.com/profile/moondragons). It’s probably fine but I’m curious how you all would critique it anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2010, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/515 "2010-07-01T04:55:51Z")
> [@umop\_ap\_sdn](#): > > If they’re redirecting you to another website in their first message to you, it’s generally a very bad sign. I’m not sure if they’re a scammer, spammer, or what but they’re almost certainly up to something. It was right in her profile too. The only thing I don’t mind is when they come out and say that they aren’t a paid subscriber and that it’s better to contact them on OKC, which I know is legit. I didn’t go past the home page on the other site, I wonder if you need a CC to email someone. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2010, 11:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/516 "2010-07-01T11:29:14Z")
I just realized that the person who winked at me with the link in her profile, never actually viewed my profile, she just clicked the wink button from the search results. I guess that answers that. I wonder if there’s a way to report that? ETA, nevermind. Her profile is already gone (and she was “NEW” yesterday). ---
**Author:** ![melodyharmonius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/melodyharmonius/32/21310_2.png) [@melodyharmonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melodyharmonius)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2010, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/517 "2010-07-01T13:21:11Z")
yup - it’s a scam, Joey P. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2010, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/518 "2010-07-01T15:23:04Z")
> [@Aesiron](#): > > There are a number of things I’m proudly ignorant of: American Idol, daytime television, Ed Wood’s fimography, and anything written by L. Ron Hubbard, just to name a few. Hey now! You haven’t \*lived \*'til you’ve thrown paper plates at \*Plan Nine from Outer Space \*at B-Fest. ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2010, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/519 "2010-07-01T18:00:10Z")
Hey all, my future MIL is ready to (finally) jump back into the dating world after dozen years. To give you some background, she’s a lit professor at a midsized college, and has been for the past 21 years (she’s 51). She’s not terribly computer literate (uses email/word processing and online surfing/shopping as needed, but not more than 1.5 hours/day on average), and was hesitant to jump into a bunch of paid sites. She asked me for advice. Can you guys recommend 1-2 paid sites, and a bunch of free sites that have worked for you? Neither the SO nor I have ever tried online dating, so I’d have no clue where to direct her. I don’t even know if the biggies are any good anymore. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2010, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/520 "2010-07-01T19:11:01Z")
> [@lindsaybluth](#): > > Can you guys recommend 1-2 paid sites, and a bunch of free sites that have worked for you? Neither the SO nor I have ever tried online dating, so I’d have no clue where to direct her. I don’t even know if the biggies are any good anymore. My personal experience with OkCupid (free) has been good. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=25) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=27)