# The Ongoing Online Dating Advice Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 27, 2010, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978 "2010-05-27T18:50:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 29
**Author:** ![Mauvaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mauvaise/32/11084_2.png) [@Mauvaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mauvaise)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2010, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/561 "2010-07-13T16:37:34Z")
> [@Bosstone](#): > > I’d proooobably wait until the weekend, or maybe Thursday if you’re interested in setting up another date for the weekend and don’t want it to be short notice. The weekend it is. I am busy myself this weekend (at least at night) with tennis matches, so calling on Thursday wouldn’t do any good except find out for sure sooner. 😉 > [@melodyharmonius](#): > > I just get a little gunshy about people who seem to drop out of sight now and then. I know that kind of person is not a good fit for me, so I tend to move on. That wouldn’t be a good fit for me either. I don’t need constant contact but if I’m actually involved with someone, I would want daily contact (whether it be email, text, or phone). So if this is a pattern of behaviour of his, like with the guy you met, it’s better to know now. And isn’t that what the whole dating process is anyway: finding out your ‘deal breakers’ early? ---
**Author:** ![melodyharmonius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/melodyharmonius/32/21310_2.png) [@melodyharmonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melodyharmonius)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2010, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/562 "2010-07-13T16:46:02Z")
> [@Mauvaise](#): > > That wouldn’t be a good fit for me either. I don’t need constant contact but if I’m actually involved with someone, I would want daily contact (whether it be email, text, or phone). So if this is a pattern of behaviour of his, like with the guy you met, it’s better to know now. And isn’t that what the whole dating process is anyway: finding out your ‘deal breakers’ early? Exactly! My bf and I will often text or email during the day - but it’s no big deal if we don’t because we both know we have a set phone call every night at 10 PM. It’s something we started doing when we first began dating and lived 3 hours away - and it’s something we’ve maintained for 2 years even though we now live mere minutes from each other. Knowing that we’ll talk then has just made things easier. Even back when I was a youngster and was dating a guy in the army, I knew he would call every Sunday and just knowing when made life less stressful. I don’t think I could go back to not knowing when/if I would hear from some guy I dated. It would drive me nuts. ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2010, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/563 "2010-07-13T17:01:55Z")
I finally got the hint that my ex was sick of me when she raged that my just saying hello to her each day, via IM even, was being pushy and overbearing. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2010, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/564 "2010-07-13T17:10:14Z")
> [@Bosstone](#): > > I finally got the hint that my ex was sick of me when she raged that my just saying hello to her each day, via IM even, was being pushy and overbearing. :smack: That was just the justification she used to rage at you. Really. ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2010, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/565 "2010-07-13T17:14:50Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > That was just the justification she used to rage at you. > > Really. Oh, I know. She was certified crazy and also “just not that into me.” When you’re not into someone, having to pay attention to them is grating and annoying. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2010, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/566 "2010-07-13T17:20:28Z")
> [@Bosstone](#): > > Oh, I know. She was certified crazy and also “just not that into me.” When you’re not into someone, having to pay attention to them is grating and annoying. But yeah, I know what you mean about finding what seems to be a perfect match. I started chatting to one girl and things were going great (she was calling me “sir” and everything :swoon: ) but she deleted her profile without warning. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![melodyharmonius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/melodyharmonius/32/21310_2.png) [@melodyharmonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melodyharmonius)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2010, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/567 "2010-07-13T17:22:50Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > But yeah, I know what you mean about finding what seems to be a perfect match. > > I started chatting to one girl and things were going great (she was calling me “sir” and everything :swoon: ) but she deleted her profile without warning. ☹ Maybe her master found out. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2010, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/568 "2010-07-13T18:05:48Z")
> [@melodyharmonius](#): > > I have one guy, Mark, that I met on OKC and we had some great dates. But one day he’d be texting me regularly, and the next 3 days he’d disappear. There were always reasons - phone issues, work stuff, health stuff. I knew myself well enough to know that I needed more regular contact than that and so we became good, casual friends instead. > [@Mauvaise](#): > > I don’t need constant contact but if I’m actually involved with someone, I would want daily contact (whether it be email, text, or phone). You guys would want contact every day with someone you just started seeing? Or do you just mean _down the line_, once you’re actually in a relationship with the person? Because for me, someone whom I’d just met calling/texting/emailing every single day would be a big red flag to stay the hell away. ---
**Author:** ![umop\_ap\_sdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/dbc845/32.png) [@umop\_ap\_sdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umop_ap_sdn)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2010, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/569 "2010-07-13T18:08:53Z")
> [@Bosstone](#): > > It’s disheartening when even people who seem like perfect matches don’t bother to respond. Yup; I wrote to someone who is a 98% match according to the algorithm. No answer. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2010, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/570 "2010-07-13T18:10:37Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > I started chatting to one girl and things were going great (she was calling me “sir” and everything :swoon: ) but she deleted her profile without warning. ☹ It wasn’t the same day they rounded up that Russian spy ring, was it? ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2010, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/571 "2010-07-13T18:14:33Z")
> [@melodyharmonius](#): > > Maybe her master found out. > [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > It wasn’t the same day they rounded up that Russian spy ring, was it? :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Mauvaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mauvaise/32/11084_2.png) [@Mauvaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mauvaise)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2010, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/572 "2010-07-13T18:15:49Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > You guys would want contact every day with someone you just started seeing? Or do you just mean _down the line_, once you’re actually in a relationship with the person? Because for me, someone whom I’d just met calling/texting/emailing every single day would be a big red flag to stay the hell away. No, not right away (for me). That’s would be way too much. That’s why I said someone I was “actually involved” with, which I meant to mean once we’d already established we were an exclusive couple in a committed relationship. ---
**Author:** ![melodyharmonius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/melodyharmonius/32/21310_2.png) [@melodyharmonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melodyharmonius)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2010, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/573 "2010-07-13T18:21:36Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > You guys would want contact every day with someone you just started seeing? Or do you just mean _down the line_, once you’re actually in a relationship with the person? Because for me, someone whom I’d just met calling/texting/emailing every single day would be a big red flag to stay the hell away. I’m having a hard time answering this because my bf and I pretty much knew right away that we were in a relationship - and we enjoyed bantering back and forth. Not long, drawn out emails - but quick 1-2 sentence emails about something funny or what not. It’s not uncommon for he and I to exchange up to 60 emails in a day between the 2 of us (30 each or so) with little snippets and snits. It means that our 10 PM phone calls usually only last 10 minutes or so - since most of what we want to tell each other has already been said. That being said, thinking back before I met him and was dating guys like Mark: it wasn’t the lack of daily contact - it was the inconsistent contact. I’d be fine with just once or twice a week - but don’t text me nonstop and then disappear and then come back and text nonstop again. It was mucking with my expectations. ---
**Author:** ![melodyharmonius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/melodyharmonius/32/21310_2.png) [@melodyharmonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melodyharmonius)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2010, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/574 "2010-07-13T18:23:04Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > :eek: What? There’s a lot of BDSM on OKC. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2010, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/575 "2010-07-13T18:34:23Z")
Gotcha. I just got a little thrown because it was being discussed in the context of communication with someone you’d just started dating, which obviously wouldn’t be a perfect indicator of how communication would proceed once things got more serious. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2010, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/576 "2010-07-13T18:36:05Z")
> [@melodyharmonius](#): > > What? There’s a lot of BDSM on OKC. 🆒 My implication was that her master was a Russian spy. Trust me, I’m aware of all the… uh… horrible, disgraceful perverts that frequent the site. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![melodyharmonius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/melodyharmonius/32/21310_2.png) [@melodyharmonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melodyharmonius)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2010, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/577 "2010-07-13T18:57:15Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > Gotcha. I just got a little thrown because it was being discussed in the context of communication with someone you’d just started dating, which obviously wouldn’t be a perfect indicator of how communication would proceed once things got more serious. I guess for me the red flag was that he asked her to email him her phone number - and then never called her with it. Sent her a few emails - and then disappeared. It’s not a perfect indicator, per se. But in the early stages when you are supposedly trying to be impressive - this is not a good sign. > [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > My implication was that her master was a Russian spy. > > Trust me, I’m aware of all the… uh… horrible, disgraceful perverts that frequent the site. > > 😃 oh - y’mean like you and me? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2010, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/578 "2010-07-13T19:39:52Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > My implication was that her master was a Russian spy. > > Trust me, I’m aware of all the… uh… horrible, disgraceful perverts that frequent the site. > > 😃 There, there. You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2010, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/579 "2010-07-13T19:57:27Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > There, there. You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. That’s what the subs are for. ---
**Author:** ![Mauvaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mauvaise/32/11084_2.png) [@Mauvaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mauvaise)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2010, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/580 "2010-07-13T19:59:29Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > That’s what the subs are for. Or Doms depending on which way you go… 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=28) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=30)