# The Ongoing Online Dating Advice Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 27, 2010, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978 "2010-05-27T18:50:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 30
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2010, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/581 "2010-07-13T20:10:31Z")
> [@Mauvaise](#): > > Or Doms depending on which way you go… 😃 1.) \*She \*was calling \*him \*sir. 2.) If you’re being hard on your Dom, you’re not doing it right. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Mauvaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mauvaise/32/11084_2.png) [@Mauvaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mauvaise)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2010, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/582 "2010-07-13T20:12:36Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > 1.) \*She \*was calling \*him \*sir. > 2.) If you’re being hard on your Dom, you’re not doing it right. 😉 I was going based on what you quoted of “you shouldn’t be too hard on yourself” not the person calling anyone ‘sir’. Meaning it’s your Doms job to be hard on you. ---
**Author:** ![melodyharmonius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/melodyharmonius/32/21310_2.png) [@melodyharmonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melodyharmonius)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2010, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/583 "2010-07-13T20:16:09Z")
Domination clarification on an online dating advice thread. This is why I love SDMB!! ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2010, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/584 "2010-07-13T20:24:20Z")
> [@Mauvaise](#): > > I was going based on what you quoted of “you shouldn’t be too hard on yourself” not the person calling anyone ‘sir’. > > Meaning it’s your Doms job to be hard on you. Right, but it was a guy who was pretty clearly interested in _being the Dom_, being told not to be hard _on himself_, to which my response was that he should be hard _on the sub instead_. Otherwise, the joke doesn’t make sense. ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2010, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/585 "2010-07-13T20:31:18Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > Right, but it was a guy who was pretty clearly interested in _being the Dom_, being told not to be hard _on himself_, to which my response was that he should be hard _on the sub instead_. Otherwise, the joke doesn’t make sense. I think y’all done killed that there poor defenseless joke. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2010, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/586 "2010-07-13T20:34:45Z")
Weren’t my fault I had to 'splain it. ---
**Author:** ![Purple\_Scottie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a698b9/32.png) [@Purple\_Scottie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Purple_Scottie)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2010, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/587 "2010-07-13T23:10:46Z")
I’m wondering about people’s experiences who have used match or eharmony in less metro areas… I live in the largest city in my state with several surrounding suburbs but its definitely not a NYC or Boston (or even Nashville). It’s also in the south where online dating seems to have more of a stigma associated with it. I realize a lot of it is hit or miss. I was on ok cupid for about 3 days but despite not having “casual sex” listed… that seemed to be what I got (or messages about it). I’m debating about how much I should expand my search area. I did have an about six month relationship that could have continued more seriously but it just didn’t work out and I ended it. But it was very hard to have a relationship that was just more weekend based (in person) with phone during the week. There were other issues as well… but distance added to it. Anyway, I’m open to having input on my match profile (which is quite like my eharmony profile) but would feel more comfortable sending my user name there by PM rather than posting here. Thanks in advance. ---
**Author:** ![Brynda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e79b87/32.png) [@Brynda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brynda)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/588 "2010-07-14T04:46:05Z")
Just posting to say that I met someone on OKC. He’s the bomb diggity. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/589 "2010-07-14T05:37:59Z")
Btw, I didn’t post it in here, but I’ve officially gotten laid through OkCupid. Should I go start a bragging thread or should I keep my bragging here? 😛 One more and it beats out Myspace. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/590 "2010-07-14T05:39:18Z")
> [@melodyharmonius](#): > > Domination clarification on an online dating advice thread. This is why I love SDMB!! Yeah, I’m pretty happy that I found this site. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/591 "2010-07-14T05:51:12Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > Btw, I didn’t post it in here, but I’ve officially gotten laid through OkCupid. > > Should I go start a bragging thread or should I keep my bragging here? 😛 I don’t suppose you could just politely keep it to yourself. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/592 "2010-07-14T06:03:30Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > I don’t suppose you could just politely keep it to yourself. Shucks. Genie’s out of the bottle now. _Exaggerated sigh._ 😃 ---
**Author:** ![EvilTOJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee59a6/32.png) [@EvilTOJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilTOJ)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 10:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/593 "2010-07-14T10:07:35Z")
OK tell me what’s wrong with my [profile](http://www.okcupid.com/profile/EvilTOJ). I’ve been emailing people on OKCupid for months, and I rarely, if ever, get a response. No one ever even views it unless I view them first, and not always then either. So gimmie some (constructive) criticisms people! ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 10:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/594 "2010-07-14T10:22:56Z")
> [@EvilTOJ](#): > > OK tell me what’s wrong with my [profile](http://www.okcupid.com/profile/EvilTOJ). I’ve been emailing people on OKCupid for months, and I rarely, if ever, get a response. No one ever even views it unless I view them first, and not always then either. So gimmie some (constructive) criticisms people! Get a haircut you hippie. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/595 "2010-07-14T12:55:00Z")
> [@EvilTOJ](#): > > OK tell me what’s wrong with my [profile](http://www.okcupid.com/profile/EvilTOJ). I’ve been emailing people on OKCupid for months, and I rarely, if ever, get a response. No one ever even views it unless I view them first, and not always then either. So gimmie some (constructive) criticisms people! I’m a guy, so take what I say with a grain of salt, but my guess is that you are not doing yourself any favours when you describe yourself as a “scruffy” “hobbit” who likes “bland comfort food” from “roach coaches”. ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/596 "2010-07-14T13:33:39Z")
> [@EvilTOJ](#): > > OK tell me what’s wrong with my [profile](http://www.okcupid.com/profile/EvilTOJ). Your photo’s should be better. Ask a friend to make some pictures, outdoors. Also, you say you can clean up nicely; I suggest you do so for the picture. In general, think a little bit more about what you might be able to offer a girl, and put that in your profile. Also, think about what you would like in a girl, personalitywise and relationshipwise. Right now, the profile suggests the only things you want are: young woman, puts out, and otherwise lets you alone to play on the internet. ---
**Author:** ![Mauvaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mauvaise/32/11084_2.png) [@Mauvaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mauvaise)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/597 "2010-07-14T13:51:59Z")
> [@Muffin](#): > > I’m a guy, so take what I say with a grain of salt, but my guess is that you are not doing yourself any favours when you describe yourself as a “scruffy” “hobbit” who likes “bland comfort food” from “roach coaches”. Speaking as a woman, I don’t have issues with the “scruffy” or the “hobbit” bits. I don’t know what type of women you’re contacting, but the things in your profile that are issues for me (and this is just for me, I don’t speak for all women): The “Sometimes” under ‘Drugs’. I don’t suggest you lie, it’s always better to tell the truth but that’s not something I want in my life any more. Mentioning ‘Sex’ in your list of things you can’t do without. That one is a personal pet peeve of mine. I would probably not want to respond favourably to someone that listed “casual sex” as something they were looking for because it would say to me that they weren’t looking for the same things as I was. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/598 "2010-07-14T14:12:12Z")
> [@clipper](#): > > I’m debating about how much I should expand my search area. I did have an about six month relationship that could have continued more seriously but it just didn’t work out and I ended it. But it was very hard to have a relationship that was just more weekend based (in person) with phone during the week. There were other issues as well.. but distance added to it. IME and IMO, LDRs \*\*\*rarely \*\*\*work out unless you know each other before you start dating. Talking on the phone or sending emails just won’t let you connect the same way–or evaluate a person as well–as being around someone in person. > [@Mauvaise](#): > > The “Sometimes” under ‘Drugs’. I don’t suggest you lie, it’s always better to tell the truth but that’s not something I want in my life any more. Mentioning ‘Sex’ in your list of things you can’t do without. That one is a personal pet peeve of mine. I would probably not want to respond favourably to someone that listed “casual sex” as something they were looking for because it would say to me that they weren’t looking for the same things as I was. These are all things he should \*keep \*in his profile, assuming they’re things he desn’t want to change about himself. The idea is to \*pre-filter-out \*people who wouldn’t be compatible with you. Lying about recreational drug use, being interested in casual sex, or considering sex an essential part of a relationship are all things that will lead to connecting with people who will be terrible matches for you. ---
**Author:** ![Mauvaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mauvaise/32/11084_2.png) [@Mauvaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mauvaise)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/599 "2010-07-14T14:21:14Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > These are all things he should \*keep \*in his profile, assuming they’re things he desn’t want to change about himself. The idea is to \*pre-filter-out \*people who wouldn’t be compatible with you. Lying about recreational drug use, being interested in casual sex, or considering sex an essential part of a relationship are all things that will lead to connecting with people who will be terrible matches for you. I agree with you 100%. I even said he should be honest. But he asked why he wasn’t getting replies so I gave my opinion - I can’t be the only woman that doesn’t want a partner that “sometimes” does drugs and is only interested in casual sex or a short-term relationship (which is the impression that can come across). I’ve also explained this way up thread - I like sex and find it a vital part of a relationship as well. If you’re not happy in bed together, you won’t be happy out of bed either. But I personally dislike putting sex on your profile (especially more than once as I’ve seen some people do) because (to me) it’s too forward. I mean if you were at a party where there were several attractive people you might be interested in, you wouldn’t proclaim “Sex is one of the most important things in my life. Who wants to talk to me?” ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/600 "2010-07-14T14:24:40Z")
I think most men would be willing to have meaningless sex with someone that they’re attracted to. Just take it off your page, dude. Yes, _lie_. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=29) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=31)