# The Ongoing Online Dating Advice Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 27, 2010, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978 "2010-05-27T18:50:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 34
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2010, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/661 "2010-07-25T20:12:00Z")
> [@Edward\_The\_Head](#): > > So what am I supposed to write? I thought you were supposed to ask a question or two and say something about their profile, which is what I’ve done. I keep it short, I even counted the words and it was around 200 or less for all of them. I spell check and everything. Is this normal to just not get anything back? Or am I writing the wrong things? It’s like a job interview, man. Unless you look like Fabio you’re going to have to be more interesting than all the other guys who message the girls you’re trying to talk to. And I promise you that they receive a BUNCH of messages a day. There is no standard formula. I sent a message to one girl asking if she was a gypsy and, if so, would she kindly return my children to me. That was a successful first message. Maybe you’re not into acting like a clown like me but I’ve found that messages of that nature get more replies than messages like “Hello there. I’m Nick. What’s your name? I see that you’ve been to Croatia. What did you like about it?” ---
**Author:** ![tr0psn4j](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/958977/32.png) [@tr0psn4j](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tr0psn4j)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2010, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/662 "2010-07-25T20:27:26Z")
I got a response from someone when I asked her if she was a zombie. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Edward\_The\_Head](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ce73a5/32.png) [@Edward\_The\_Head](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Edward_The_Head)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2010, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/663 "2010-07-25T20:40:21Z")
> [@tr0psn4j](#): > > I got a response from someone when I asked her if she was a zombie. 🙂 So you really wrote, “Are you a zombie” and nothing else? Guess I’ll have to come up with something out there then if that gets people to respond. ---
**Author:** ![tr0psn4j](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/958977/32.png) [@tr0psn4j](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tr0psn4j)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2010, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/664 "2010-07-25T21:22:18Z")
> [@Edward\_The\_Head](#): > > > [@tr0psn4j](#): > > > > I got a response from someone when I asked her if she was a zombie. 🙂 > > So you really wrote, “Are you a zombie” and nothing else? Guess I’ll have to come up with something out there then if that gets people to respond. Yeah, it was sort of relevant. I think I said “Are you _sure_ you’re not a zombie?” It was because she mentioned not being a zombie in her profile I think. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2010, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/665 "2010-07-25T21:31:08Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > > [@Joey\_P](#): > > > > When I’m online with match it seems that after somewhere between 10 minutes and an hour it shows me (at least to me) as off line. > > Are you actively using the site during this time, or are you just sitting on a page? The site could be set to automatically time you out due to inactivity, in which case your best bet would be an auto-refreshing addon for your browser. Nope, constantly using it. If not ‘actively’ at least refreshing the page fairly often while I’m watching TV. Of course, this is what my profile looks like to me. Maybe it’s fine to the outside world. And for those of you that have been following my story, I have an update. If you haven’t been, here’s a quick recap. I emailed her, she replied, I wrote back…nothing. Sent another a few days later…nothing. About two weeks later I sent a 'nice talking to you, if your still interested blah blah blah" and she wrote back. I replied then nothing again. Sent a few more, still nothing. About a month ago I gave up on that one. Partially due to suggestions here that either there’s someone else or she might just be flaky. Soon after that she closed her match account. (This might not be exactly correct, the time line is fuzzy, but most of it is in this thread) Well, she popped back online yesterday and we ended up on the phone for about 45 minutes. Turns out she had met someone else on match and didn’t feel it was fair to him or her to be talking to another person at the same time. I think that’s perfectly respectable. We’ll see where this leads. Unfortunately, she’s moving about 45 minutes away next week. Not to far for a promising relationship. But I think if we don’t get off to a great start, the distance might become a little too much. ---
**Author:** ![Edward\_The\_Head](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ce73a5/32.png) [@Edward\_The\_Head](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Edward_The_Head)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2010, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/666 "2010-07-25T22:10:25Z")
> [@tr0psn4j](#): > > Yeah, it was sort of relevant. I think I said “Are you _sure_ you’re not a zombie?” > > It was because she mentioned not being a zombie in her profile I think. So that’s it, just a one line message? I guess I’ll have to try just a short message, even though mine usually aren’t that long. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2010, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/667 "2010-07-25T22:16:55Z")
> [@Edward\_The\_Head](#): > > > [@tr0psn4j](#): > > > > Yeah, it was sort of relevant. I think I said “Are you _sure_ you’re not a zombie?” > > > > It was because she mentioned not being a zombie in her profile I think. > > So that’s it, just a one line message? I guess I’ll have to try just a short message, even though mine usually aren’t that long. I would think a line like “Are you sure your not a zombie” would work better on someone that put a line like “I’m not a zombie” in their profile then someone who had profile that didn’t involve humor. ---
**Author:** ![Edward\_The\_Head](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ce73a5/32.png) [@Edward\_The\_Head](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Edward_The_Head)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2010, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/668 "2010-07-25T22:21:42Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > I would think a line like “Are you sure your not a zombie” would work better on someone that put a line like “I’m not a zombie” in their profile then someone who had profile that didn’t involve humor. I understand that, I was asking if it was really just a one line message, or if he added something after that. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2010, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/669 "2010-07-26T03:47:39Z")
> [@Edward\_The\_Head](#): > > > [@Joey\_P](#): > > > > I would think a line like “Are you sure your not a zombie” would work better on someone that put a line like “I’m not a zombie” in their profile then someone who had profile that didn’t involve humor. > > I understand that, I was asking if it was really just a one line message, or if he added something after that. I mostly send one-line messages unless the chick specifically asks for longer messages on her profile. Why? Because I have shit to do. I can’t be typing up essays to every girl I message when only a small percentage are going to bother responding. If they respond that means they’re interested- THAT’s when I can start writing more detailed emails. ---
**Author:** ![melodyharmonius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/melodyharmonius/32/21310_2.png) [@melodyharmonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melodyharmonius)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2010, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/670 "2010-07-26T13:00:38Z")
**ACMelon** and **tr0ps** - those were creative one liners! I have to admit, I’d be more likely to answer those than some others I used to receive. Edward - when you responded back, did you compliment them at all? Sometimes if it’s just questions, that can be a little off-putting. And compliments on their looks can seem cheesy, but some enthusiasm and compliments on something they’ve mentioned in their profile is always an ego-booster and make them more inclined to write back. Just a thought. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2010, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/671 "2010-07-26T17:02:26Z")
> [@Edward\_The\_Head](#): > > So what am I supposed to write? I thought you were supposed to ask a question or two and say something about their profile, which is what I’ve done. I keep it short, I even counted the words and it was around 200 or less for all of them. I spell check and everything. Is this normal to just not get anything back? Or am I writing the wrong things? I’d say, yeah, it’s normal not to get anything back. I have gobs of messages I’ve never responded to–some because they were terribly bland generic fishing messages, and some because I just never log on anymore. How developed is your own profile? Have you filled out information about yourself? Most importantly: did you include a picture? IMO and IME, even an unflattering picture is way better than no picture at all. > [@Joey\_P](#): > > Unfortunately, she’s moving about 45 minutes away next week. Not to far for a promising relationship. But I think if we don’t get off to a great start, the distance might become a little too much. At least it will make a convenient excuse to cut things off, if it gets to that point. 45 minutes really isn’t that bad at all–if you meet in the middle, that’s not even half an hour of driving. ---
**Author:** ![Edward\_The\_Head](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ce73a5/32.png) [@Edward\_The\_Head](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Edward_The_Head)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2010, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/672 "2010-07-26T18:11:49Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > I’d say, yeah, it’s normal not to get anything back. I have gobs of messages I’ve never responded to–some because they were terribly bland generic fishing messages, and some because I just never log on anymore. > > How developed is your own profile? Have you filled out information about yourself? Most importantly: did you include a picture? IMO and IME, even an unflattering picture is way better than no picture at all. I’ve done all the development on my profile. I even had someone help me out with my grammar and such. I’m sure I could add some more, but it’s full. I’ve also got four photos up. I just wanted to know if I was getting the same amount of responses. From talking to my one other single friend he doesn’t get but a couple as well. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2010, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/673 "2010-07-26T18:32:16Z")
> [@Edward\_The\_Head](#): > > From talking to my one other single friend he doesn’t get but a couple as well. You’re probably just getting the short end of the male-female ratio stick, then. Sorry. ---
**Author:** ![Mauvaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mauvaise/32/11084_2.png) [@Mauvaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mauvaise)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2010, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/674 "2010-07-27T14:56:47Z")
> [@melodyharmonius](#): > > Edward - when you responded back, did you compliment them at all? Sometimes if it’s just questions, that can be a little off-putting. And compliments on their looks can seem cheesy, but some enthusiasm and compliments on something they’ve mentioned in their profile is always an ego-booster and make them more inclined to write back. Yes, compliments are nice, and to elaborate on the above about commenting on their looks I submit an example of how _not_ to send a 1st email (or even a 2nd). This was the opening paragraph of an “introduction” email: > [@](#): > > You sure know how to get a man’s attention. You have dreamy eyes and lips made for kissing, but I get the feeling there is more to you than a pretty face, there is some substance and depth to you. I sense a seductive something about you that I feel more than read, an energy you have that matches mine. That just creeped me out more than making me feel complimented and I didn’t even reply back to say I wasn’t interested. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2010, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/675 "2010-07-27T14:59:00Z")
> [@Mauvaise](#): > > That just creeped me out more than making me feel complimented and I didn’t even reply back to say I wasn’t interested. … Wow. _ **:weirded out:** _ ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2010, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/676 "2010-07-27T15:42:07Z")
> [@Mauvaise](#): > > Yes, compliments are nice, and to elaborate on the above about commenting on their looks I submit an example of how _not_ to send a 1st email (or even a 2nd). This was the opening paragraph of an “introduction” email: > > > [@](#): > > > > You sure know how to get a man’s attention. You have dreamy eyes and lips made for kissing, but I get the feeling there is more to you than a pretty face, there is some substance and depth to you. I sense a seductive something about you that I feel more than read, an energy you have that matches mine. > > That just creeped me out more than making me feel complimented and I didn’t even reply back to say I wasn’t interested. That screams “generic email” that they send out to tons of people. My friend showed me one of the emails she got from someone about 25 years older then her. It was something along the lines of “Based on your sign, you are a funny and pretty girl, you enjoy a good movie and great glass of wine blah blah blah” It was like reading a horoscope. Virtually everything in that email is set up to work on just about anyone. OTOH, I can see how some people can fall for it. Like spam, if you send out enough, someone will respond. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2010, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/677 "2010-07-27T18:49:48Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > That screams “generic email” that they send out to tons of people. Generic \*creepy \*email. Seriously, that email has a wispy moustache and drives an unmarked white van. > [@](#): > > Like spam, if you send out enough, someone will respond. :dubious: \*That \*email? Someone who’s into creepers, maybe. ---
**Author:** ![Mauvaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mauvaise/32/11084_2.png) [@Mauvaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mauvaise)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2010, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/678 "2010-07-27T18:52:26Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > Generic \*creepy \*email. Seriously, that email has a wispy moustache and drives an unmarked white van. The rest of it didn’t really make the opening any better: > [@](#): > > You will find me to be a bit of an unconventional thinker, intense and passionate, yet intellectually curious… successful in business, safe, sane and real with a bit of a wild streak at play. My daily routine includes a 5 mile run or workout, I like fitness and love to play, but have a balanced personality and lifestyle. > > Smart is sexy, so I had to write. My ideal woman is active, adventurous & fit, a doer rather than a watcher. I am looking for a one on one passionate connection that has intense emotional and sexual chemistry. > > Are you up for some sushi or a glass of wine sometime? Talking & meeting is better than email or texting, so if you are interested I will send my phone number to you. Let me know what you think, regular email is much easier for me, my email info is \. > > Are you up for an adventure? Though asking if I am “up for a glass of wine” lends credence to Joey P’s idea that it was a generic mass email thing as my profile clearly states “Not at all” under “Drinks”. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2010, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/679 "2010-07-27T19:20:29Z")
Yeah, I hereby move that we dub this an example of the Mass Creeper Email (MCE). Or should that be Creeper Mass Email (CME)? ---
**Author:** ![Jimmy\_Chitwood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f475e1/32.png) [@Jimmy\_Chitwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jimmy_Chitwood)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2010, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/680 "2010-07-27T19:26:18Z")
Laugh if you like. Most chicks I send that to are all over it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=33) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=35)