# The Ongoing Online Dating Advice Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 27, 2010, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978 "2010-05-27T18:50:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 35
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2010, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/681 "2010-07-27T19:26:30Z")
It gives me a great idea, though. _The sun is set. The stars shine in the sky. The night air is tinged with anticipation. And it is time to meet the Continental._ ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2010, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/682 "2010-07-27T19:52:05Z")
> [@Mauvaise](#): > > > [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > > > Generic \*creepy \*email. Seriously, that email has a wispy moustache and drives an unmarked white van. > > The rest of it didn’t really make the opening any better: > > > [@](#): > > > > You will find me to be a bit of an unconventional thinker, intense and passionate, yet intellectually curious… successful in business, safe, sane and real with a bit of a wild streak at play. My daily routine includes a 5 mile run or workout, I like fitness and love to play, but have a balanced personality and lifestyle. > > > > Smart is sexy, so I had to write. My ideal woman is active, adventurous & fit, a doer rather than a watcher. I am looking for a one on one passionate connection that has intense emotional and sexual chemistry. > > > > Are you up for some sushi or a glass of wine sometime? Talking & meeting is better than email or texting, so if you are interested I will send my phone number to you. Let me know what you think, regular email is much easier for me, my email info is \. > > > > Are you up for an adventure? > > Though asking if I am “up for a glass of wine” lends credence to Joey P’s idea that it was a generic mass email thing as my profile clearly states “Not at all” under “Drinks”. The funny thing is, that this would all be so much less creepy (though I still don’t find it creepy, just generic) if it was reworded and was just made part of his profile. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2010, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/683 "2010-07-27T20:03:14Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > The funny thing is, that this would all be so much less creepy (though I still don’t find it creepy, just generic) if it was reworded and was just made part of his profile. You know, I think it does push it more from creepy to cheesy. Or maybe it’s just that it’s the \*\*opener \*\*that’s really creepy, and then cheesy-stuff-about-him on top of creepy-stuff-about-you just serves to intensify the original creepitude factor. ---
**Author:** ![melodyharmonius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/melodyharmonius/32/21310_2.png) [@melodyharmonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melodyharmonius)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2010, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/684 "2010-07-27T20:10:15Z")
i don’t like the fact that he pushes so quickly to go straight to voice or meeting in person. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2010, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/685 "2010-07-27T20:10:40Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > > [@Joey\_P](#): > > > > The funny thing is, that this would all be so much less creepy (though I still don’t find it creepy, just generic) if it was reworded and was just made part of his profile. > > You know, I think it does push it more from creepy to cheesy. Or maybe it’s just that it’s the \*\*opener \*\*that’s really creepy, and then cheesy-stuff-about-him on top of creepy-stuff-about-you just serves to intensify the original creepitude factor. Yeah, it was definitely the opener. The rest was just dumb, but the opening bit she shared with us is really, really weird. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2010, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/686 "2010-07-27T21:44:35Z")
> [@melodyharmonius](#): > > i don’t like the fact that he pushes so quickly to go straight to voice or meeting in person. Speaking personally, objectively, that wouldn’t bother me so much. Some people just prefer verbal communication to written. ---
**Author:** ![Mauvaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mauvaise/32/11084_2.png) [@Mauvaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mauvaise)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2010, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/687 "2010-07-27T21:49:37Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > > [@melodyharmonius](#): > > > > i don’t like the fact that he pushes so quickly to go straight to voice or meeting in person. > > Speaking personally, objectively, that wouldn’t bother me so much. Some people just prefer verbal communication to written. I don’t necessarily object to that either. In fact, I much prefer to meet sooner rather than later because there’s no sense in having days and weeks of good email only to find the connection/chemistry is just not there in person. ETA: But not before at least exchanging a couple/few emails. The email, especially the opener, dinged my “creepy meter”. So if it is just a generic mass email and he isn’t driving around in one of those window-less vans then he might want to rethink his approach. Or maybe that works on the type of woman he wants to be with (which puts it back in the creepy camp). ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2010, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/688 "2010-07-27T22:00:36Z")
Hey, there’s nothing to say he \*can’t \*be driving around in his unmarked van \*and \*hanging out the window to lick his lips (/moustache) at every woman he thinks is hot. ---
**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2010, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/689 "2010-07-28T20:14:29Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > > [@Joey\_P](#): > > > > That screams “generic email” that they send out to tons of people. > > Generic \*creepy \*email. Seriously, that email has a wispy moustache and drives an unmarked white van. > > > [@](#): > > > > Like spam, if you send out enough, someone will respond. > > :dubious: \*That \*email? Someone who’s into creepers, maybe. Now I **REALLY** want to share (and point and laugh at) the creepy email I talked about in the [mini-rants thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=12695893#post12695893). It’s creepy AND hilarious. ---
**Author:** ![Mauvaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mauvaise/32/11084_2.png) [@Mauvaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mauvaise)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2010, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/690 "2010-07-28T20:21:50Z")
> [@Kaio](#): > > Now I **REALLY** want to share (and point and laugh at) the creepy email I talked about in the [mini-rants thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=12695893#post12695893). It’s creepy AND hilarious. [QUOTE=From other thread] He writes that he 1\> read my profile, 2\> understands that I’m independent, driven, and know what I want, 3\> but I shouldn’t be (in fact it is a character flaw), and 4\> if I want to date him, I should change. [/quote] That is hysterical! Seriously, I’d like to know what goes through these people’s heads. I mean obviously this is someone who wants/needs to control another person, so why would he deliberately contact someone that is not controllable? Is it the added challenge? I’m boggled. ---
**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2010, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/691 "2010-07-28T20:37:58Z")
> [@Mauvaise](#): > > That is hysterical! Seriously, I’d like to know what goes through these people’s heads. I mean obviously this is someone who wants/needs to control another person, so why would he deliberately contact someone that is not controllable? Is it the added challenge? I’m boggled. I’m pretty sure he saw “BDSM” in my profile and his brain vapor-locked. He even accused me of not being a “true submissive”, which is so cliche in online-kinkyland that it has a floor-length grey beard. I’m sure this guy has never had a relationship outside of chatroom fantasy, nor has he ever lived outside of his mother’s basement. ---
**Author:** ![melodyharmonius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/melodyharmonius/32/21310_2.png) [@melodyharmonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melodyharmonius)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2010, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/692 "2010-07-28T21:21:42Z")
**Kaio** is right. I get so tired of someone who finds out that I’m a sub and thinks that means they can order me to please them. You’re not my master, dumbass. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2010, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/693 "2010-07-28T21:28:00Z")
What the fuck is a “true submissive”? Whatever. Retards make it easier for the rest of us. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2010, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/694 "2010-07-28T21:48:12Z")
I think it’s something like a true Scotsman. ---
**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2010, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/695 "2010-07-28T22:03:25Z")
Okay, honestly, too good not to share. Please forgive me for indulging my less-than-noble pointing-and-laughing impulses. 😃 > [@](#): > > Subject line: Not an asshole but very much into BDSM …just like “No offense” invariably precedes a highly offensive statement. I knew I was in for a treat. > [@](#): > > I saw all your rules and requirements and I don’t self censor. \* [My “rules,” which are not rules, basically amount to a request to be respectful and make an effort to engage me in an actual conversation.] \* I know you are intelligent human being with a strong sense of do’s and don’ts. In my world that does not work. If you are a submissive you will observe some one else’s demands. If you wish to exert dominance it will be at your Master’s forbearance. Translation: he’s threatened by strong women and those who switch. At this point, the obvious question pops into my head, “If you don’t like me, why are you writing me?” > [@](#): > > Your preachy judge mental issues are not becoming and are not allowed by me. I’m sorry to hear that you suffered the pain of chemo but it is time to let that go. In context, my mention of chemo was both offhanded and the least important part of the overall statement; in essence I was saying I’ve made a choice in my life not to waste time unnecessarily. I think the backdraft from the whoosh tousled his hair. There may have been a sonic boom involved. > [@](#): > > Check out all my answers because I have made them all public. My profile unlike yours is purposely left brief. Take the time to read them and then decide if I interest you. We have many things in common and there is no reason for me to detail them all here for your quick, (lazy)???, decision making. If BDSM is important to you, you will reply because that is what submissives do. Oh yes, please, insult me. Why, what girl’s heart wouldn’t be going pitty-pat by now? I suppose it’s a good thing I’m not “a submissive” then, isn’t it? Cuz gee, apparently there’s only one way to be submissive. Who knew? > [@](#): > > Kind but dominant best wishes > > Terry or Master if you become interested! LOL After all of that, this is priceless. And I did not, in fact, choose to waste time by checking out his answers. Guess I was too lazy. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2010, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/696 "2010-07-28T22:14:00Z")
> [@Kaio](#): > > If BDSM is important to you, you will reply because that is what submissives do. That’s my favorite part. Makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. ---
**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2010, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/697 "2010-07-28T22:15:12Z")
Also, I’ve hate a spate of creepers lately, what the hell is that? Like, six in a row, not even the bland “I’m fishing but making no real effort” kind of thing, but actively weird. The stupid, it burns: “How often do people try tickling your feet during the foot routine? Looks like they can get stuck.” Foot routine is on the SPANISH WEB. I have no idea why he thought tickling was involved. Or why it should be funny. Most of them are old enough to be my father (EW), but the latest is obsessed with the fact that I’m queer. Uh, NO, you can’t watch. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2010, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/698 "2010-07-28T22:16:56Z")
Oooh, yeah, it’s a lot clearer now that you shared the text. He thinks he’s asserting control and being Big Man Dom. “I’m a dom, you’re a sub, now chop chop obey me!” ---
**Author:** ![Edward\_The\_Head](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ce73a5/32.png) [@Edward\_The\_Head](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Edward_The_Head)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2010, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/699 "2010-07-28T22:22:07Z")
Can someone kick me? I had emailed back and forth a couple of times and she asked me to coffee. I said I don’t like coffee, and left it at that. Dumb ass me meant to say, I don’t like coffee, but I’ll get tea. So that would be great. :mad: I was wondering why she hadn’t emailed me back for a couple of days, that is until I re-read my mail. Gah I’m a dumb ass. ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2010, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/700 "2010-07-28T22:25:00Z")
Oh…oh man. My sympathies, dude. I’m about as clueless as a child when it comes to picking up subtle cues, but even I could have seen that. “Going out for coffee” isn’t about coffee, it’s just a casual meeting that barely qualifies as a date. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=34) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=36)