# The Ongoing Online Dating Advice Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 27, 2010, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978 "2010-05-27T18:50:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 50
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/981 "2010-10-06T18:21:26Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > > [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > > > So I start going through QuickMatch, figuring that whoever shows up there is probably the one who chose me. None of them did. I cycled through thirty or forty profiles. None of the magic nine came up. > > Aren’t you supposed to just, you know, go to \*those nine \*and rate them or however it works? Not look for them to come up again somewhere else? I remember someone else mentioning something similar upthread. No, you’re supposed to click on the link in the email to go to QuickMatch and then, supposedly, the one that gave you five starts will be in the first handful that you rate. > [@jsc1953](#): > > In today’s batch o’ matches from eHarmony, I had two from the same woman. Same pictures, same name, 90% same profile (one had an additional line). The biggest difference was that one was 6 years older than the other. 😕 I’d report them both. Okay, my turn, though I think I already know the answer. Emailed a girl, few months later I emailed her again. Nothing both times. The second email was a few weeks ago. She just came up in my Daily5. I assume it would be annoying at this point to click ‘yes’. Match now gives you the opportunity to send a message when you click ‘yes.’ I was going to say “Yeah, Yeah, I know, but it asked if I had any interest so I clicked ‘yes’” ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/982 "2010-10-06T18:45:16Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > > [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > > > So I start going through QuickMatch, figuring that whoever shows up there is probably the one who chose me. None of them did. I cycled through thirty or forty profiles. None of the magic nine came up. > > Aren’t you supposed to just, you know, go to \*those nine \*and rate them or however it works? Not look for them to come up again somewhere else? I remember someone else mentioning something similar upthread. I don’t know if that would work or not; never done it that way. If you hover the mouse over any of the nine pictures, there’ll be a popup hint that tells you that person’s username. Click on any of the pictures, though, and you’ll go to OKCupid’s Quickmatch section. That shows you one profile at a time (matching your search criteria) and asks you to rate each one. I always figured that whoever’s rating prompted the e-mail would just get worked into the rotation. (Can’t remember if I read that on the site somewhere or just assumed that’s how it would work.) (Oh, yes, it says so in the e-mail, actually.) The thing is, they try to keep it anonymous, but being too curious for own good, we try to figure out who gave us the high rating. If only one of the nine shows up, that’s a bit of a giveaway. I’ll try your approach and see what happens. Maybe it’s not bringing up the other profile because it’s outside of my search range. When I searched for each of the nine names, one of them said it didn’t exist, so another possibility is that someone rated me highly, then was intimidated by my pure awesomeness[sup]\*[/sup] and deleted her profile. Or maybe no one gave me a high rating and OKCupid is just trying to up their hit count by sending me pictures of hot New York babes. Or sobered up. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2010, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/983 "2010-10-06T18:53:56Z")
Eh, I have no clue how this QuickMatch stuff works. They didn’t have it back when I was active on OkC. ---
**Author:** ![Ruken](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f475e1/32.png) [@Ruken](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruken)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2010, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/984 "2010-10-07T01:05:55Z")
I signed up Sunday and just today got a set of Quickmatches from Buffalo, NY. I live in Virginia. 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2010, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/985 "2010-10-07T03:35:17Z")
> [@Ruken](#): > > I signed up Sunday and just today got a set of Quickmatches from Buffalo, NY. > > I live in Virginia. If you go to the Quickmatch section, do any of their profiles show up? And did you happen to check their ages? Among my New York nonet, there were a few who were much younger than I am. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2010, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/986 "2010-10-07T18:26:40Z")
I just got winked at, since I’m getting really tired of this, I’m asking this question semi seriously…Can I write to the person and say “Really, you live 7.5 hours away from me, my profile clearly states that I’m looking for people in a 30 mile radius, why would you wink at me? What are you hoping to get out of it? Do you think I’ll drop everything and move to Iowa? And really, with a distance of nearly 500 miles between us, don’t you think that warrants an e-mail?” I don’t expect a response, but I’m thinking about doing it. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2010, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/987 "2010-10-07T18:30:35Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > I just got winked at, since I’m getting really tired of this, I’m asking this question semi seriously…Can I write to the person and say “Really, you live 7.5 hours away from me, my profile clearly states that I’m looking for people in a 30 mile radius, why would you wink at me? What are you hoping to get out of it? Do you think I’ll drop everything and move to Iowa? And really, with a distance of nearly 500 miles between us, don’t you think that warrants an e-mail?” I don’t expect a response, but I’m thinking about doing it. Do it and report back. Meanwhile, on my side of the internet, I guess they finally got the Icebreaker system working or whatever, because I was informed that I’d been matched with someone who likes _Fight Club_, which is funny, considering that _Fight Club_ isn’t mentioned anywhere on my profile, so I’m wondering how they knew to match me with someone who likes it. Oh well. I took the bait and sent the icebreaker message. Something along the lines of “if you get this message, call 911, I’m being watched”, etc. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2010, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/988 "2010-10-07T18:46:10Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > Can I write to the person and say “Really, you live 7.5 hours away from me, my profile clearly states that I’m looking for people in a 30 mile radius, why would you wink at me? What are you hoping to get out of it? Do you think I’ll drop everything and move to Iowa? And really, with a distance of nearly 500 miles between us, don’t you think that warrants an e-mail?” I don’t expect a response, but I’m thinking about doing it. IMO, do it. What’s the worst that can happen? Someone you’ve never met and will never meet thinks you’re a jerk because you dared to point out that they did something stupid. Horrors. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2010, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/989 "2010-10-07T19:03:47Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > I just got winked at, since I’m getting really tired of this, I’m asking this question semi seriously…Can I write to the person and say “Really, you live 7.5 hours away from me, my profile clearly states that I’m looking for people in a 30 mile radius, why would you wink at me? What are you hoping to get out of it? Do you think I’ll drop everything and move to Iowa? And really, with a distance of nearly 500 miles between us, don’t you think that warrants an e-mail?” I don’t expect a response, but I’m thinking about doing it. If you send that e-mail, what are you hoping to get out of it? ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2010, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/990 "2010-10-07T19:14:35Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > IMO, do it. What’s the worst that can happen? Someone you’ve never met and will never meet thinks you’re a jerk because you dared to point out that they did something stupid. Horrors. The worst that I could see happening is them reporting me for sending a snarky e-mail. But I doubt that would happen and I doubt they would do anything if it did. > [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > If you send that e-mail, what are you hoping to get out of it? Nothing really other then feeling better for calling out someone. I would like to know what goes through peoples minds when they do this. It was just kind of a breaking point type thing. I’m sick of getting winks and emails from people that live hundreds of miles away. That’s why I’m asking how terrible it would be to send it. I don’t want to take it out on this person, she didn’t know she’s millionth person to do this or that I was annoyed by it. ETA, I’ve only seen the email which shows a picture, location and age. I haven’t actually looked at her profile yet. This could all be over nothing if her profile explains that she travels back and forth or she’s moving to my area…or it’s spam. We’ll see when I get home and look. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2010, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/991 "2010-10-07T19:23:05Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > I’m sick of getting winks and emails from people that live hundreds of miles away. I’m getting tired of receiving nothing; who do I complain to about that? ---
**Author:** ![PoliticsNut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b2d939/32.png) [@PoliticsNut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PoliticsNut)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2010, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/992 "2010-10-07T19:40:12Z")
Vladimir Putin is so sexy! ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2010, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/993 "2010-10-07T19:41:14Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > The worst that I could see happening is them reporting me for sending a snarky e-mail. I doubt it’s against the rules, so I don’t see how that’s any worse. > [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > I’m getting tired of receiving nothing; who do I complain to about that? Whoever wrote your profile. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2010, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/994 "2010-10-07T19:42:25Z")
> [@PoliticsNut](#): > > Vladimir Putin is so sexy! I was really, \*truly \*hoping that you’d registered \*just \*to make that post. But I see that you have four other posts in four other threads. Thanks for crushing my dreams. ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2010, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/995 "2010-10-07T20:01:55Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > > [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > > > I’m getting tired of receiving nothing; who do I complain to about that? > > Whoever wrote your profile. Gotta agree with this. I had a particular profile up for a long time and never got any real hits. I started adjusting it and writing out a less goofy profile, and between that and the activity putting me on people’s front pages, I’ve started getting quite a few women saying hi to me. Of course, what that’s finally revealed about me is that I need an active social circle more than I need an SO. I’m looking forward to NaNoWriMo meet-ups more than a potential date. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2010, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/996 "2010-10-07T20:13:13Z")
I sent it. I’m guessing it’s a fake profile. She winked at me, but she never looked at my profile. Now, she could be browsing privatly in which case that would happen, but when you add in that her entire profile consists of 1 paragraph, nothing down the left side is filled out and the entire “about my date” section is blank that almost always means the profile is fake. My guess, the profile will be gone in less then 24 hours. The only thing that makes me not sure if it’s fake or not is that she doesn’t look like a model. She looks like a perfectly normal 30 year old divorced mother. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2010, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/997 "2010-10-07T20:33:32Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > I sent it. I’m guessing it’s a fake profile. She winked at me, but she never looked at my profile. Now, she could be browsing privatly in which case that would happen, but when you add in that her entire profile consists of 1 paragraph, nothing down the left side is filled out and the entire “about my date” section is blank that almost always means the profile is fake. My guess, the profile will be gone in less then 24 hours. > > The only thing that makes me not sure if it’s fake or not is that she doesn’t look like a model. She looks like a perfectly normal 30 year old divorced mother. Her reply "lol well it does warrant an email just hadnt gotten to it yet. and im moving to wisconsin this weekend " ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2010, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/998 "2010-10-07T21:52:09Z")
Well there you go! ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2010, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/999 "2010-10-08T02:15:14Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > Okay, my turn, though I think I already know the answer. > Emailed a girl, few months later I emailed her again. Nothing both times. The second email was a few weeks ago. She just came up in my Daily5. I assume it would be annoying at this point to click ‘yes’. > > Match now gives you the opportunity to send a message when you click ‘yes.’ I was going to say “Yeah, Yeah, I know, but it asked if I had any interest so I clicked ‘yes’” Any thoughts on this? ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2010, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1000 "2010-10-08T16:09:27Z")
She hasn’t reponsed to any of your previous messages. The message is _optional_. Click yes and then move on. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=49) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=51)