# The Ongoing Online Dating Advice Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 27, 2010, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978 "2010-05-27T18:50:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 52
**Author:** ![Khaki\_Campbell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9de053/32.png) [@Khaki\_Campbell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khaki_Campbell)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2010, 9:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1021 "2010-10-19T09:17:50Z")
> [@Mississippienne](#): > > I feel terrible because I don’t want to lead him on, but at the same time he’s one of the few who seems to really want to see me. But surely he deserves someone who wants to see him just as much. Aah, the “it’s not you it’s me”. Never gets old. In those situations (when I was online dating) I preferred the woman to spill the beans bluntly. ---
**Author:** ![jsc1953](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5daacb/32.png) [@jsc1953](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jsc1953)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2010, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1022 "2010-10-19T13:18:42Z")
Miss…enne, is it possible the 2nd half of your post answers the 1st half? In other words – you’ve established a verbal rapport with people; you have similar interests and your personalities mesh. But when you meet F2F the guy just doesn’t feel the spark - doesn’t want to take his pants off. It happens. Nothing personal; don’t let it get you down. (In many cases where I’ve been the one who never called back, it’s partly because of looks – and that’s because the pictures she posted were several years old.) ---
**Author:** ![Ruken](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f475e1/32.png) [@Ruken](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruken)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2010, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1023 "2010-10-19T22:33:28Z")
> [@Mississippienne](#): > > Throwing my [profile](http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Nicholstorm)back out there in hopes of another critique. I’m not sure what I’m doing wrong. I’m still not getting many messages, and I’ve identified a terrible pattern I’ve gotten myself into. On several ocassions where my rapport with someone reached the phone number exchange stage, pre-date, I’ve found myself talking to a guy for \*hours \*on the phone, talking about our histories, our thoughts, funny things that happened to us, etc. Then we meet in person, go out on a date, I have a great time, and then… I never hear from him again. It’s all the more upsetting because clearly he liked my personality well enough to talk to me for extended periods. It’s just when they meet me in person that they seem to find me… disappointing. I just can’t figure out what it is unless its my looks. Your profile and looks (assuming accurate pics) check out just fine. In fact, I double checked your location (alas, 300+ miles–let me know if you move to VA ;)). You might want to be sure the “the two of us” questions match things you’ve written in your profile; there’s one about \>2-person relationships that doesn’t, which might garner attention from folks you’d rather avoid. I know I’ve accidentally clicked the opposite of what I intended on these, or hit the down arrow to scroll down and instead moved my selection down. I’ve no idea what might be going wrong in person. Maybe try to shorten the pre-meeting conversations so the some of the better stories and such can happen in person? Maybe not. ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2010, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1024 "2010-10-20T00:47:34Z")
> [@Ruken](#): > > I’ve no idea what might be going wrong in person. Maybe try to shorten the pre-meeting conversations so the some of the better stories and such can happen in person? Maybe not. Yeah, do this. Maybe some emails and a phone call, then meet at a coffee shop. No reason to waste good stories in print! ---
**Author:** ![wolf\_in\_second\_hand\_clothing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/9d8465/32.png) [@wolf\_in\_second\_hand\_clothing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolf_in_second_hand_clothing)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2010, 5:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1025 "2010-10-22T05:19:33Z")
I’m currently in Alaska for a four month internship, and as I don’t expect any of the 78 people in this town to have an OKC profile, I decided to not change my location and just add note that I’d be away. My inbox has been blowing up with messages and notifications that I’ve been favorited or rated highly. It’s like this site is just messing with me. Also, I assume guys can get awards, right? [Someone give me an award](http://www.okcupid.com/profile/geoffreywithag). Even if you don’t know me, just give me one. I’d be completely fine with reciprocating with a disingenuous award myself. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2010, 5:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1026 "2010-10-22T05:32:55Z")
> [@wolf\_in\_second\_hand\_clothing](#): > > Also, I assume guys can get awards, right? [Someone give me an award](http://www.okcupid.com/profile/geoffreywithag). Even if you don’t know me, just give me one. I’d be completely fine with reciprocating with a disingenuous award myself. Well, I think the system shows who gives the awards, so the subterfuge probably wouldn’t last. Trading awards seems to be lacking in integrity, somehow. The scientific illustration stuff sounds kinda cool, though. And what happened to **Mississippienne**? There’s a couple of perfectly good compliments here just waiting for her. ---
**Author:** ![wolf\_in\_second\_hand\_clothing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/9d8465/32.png) [@wolf\_in\_second\_hand\_clothing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolf_in_second_hand_clothing)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2010, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1027 "2010-10-22T05:41:29Z")
Right, I had a part about putting “clearly made up reasons” when giving them to me, but then I changed some wording around and forgot to add that part back in. It’s supposed to be funny, not deceptive. But having that kind of ridiculousness on your profile might not appeal to everyone. I did score “The Manchild” for my personality test, after all. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2010, 7:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1028 "2010-10-22T07:21:55Z")
> [@wolf\_in\_second\_hand\_clothing](#): > > Right, I had a part about putting “clearly made up reasons” when giving them to me,… Now that I could actually get behind, just for the creative possibilities. I’m on a run of truly outstanding snark in the BBQ Pit tonight, if I do say so myself. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2010, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1029 "2010-10-22T17:29:36Z")
> [@wolf\_in\_second\_hand\_clothing](#): > > I did score “The Manchild” for my personality test, after all. So did I! Not that any of you are surprised. ---
**Author:** ![Mississippienne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d2c977/32.png) [@Mississippienne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mississippienne)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2010, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1030 "2010-10-22T20:28:27Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > And what happened to **Mississippienne**? There’s a couple of perfectly good compliments here just waiting for her. I’m still here. While I appreciate the compliments – and **Ruken** , why don’t YOU move to NYC? – no one seems to know what I’m doing wrong, other than possibly I have the sexual appeal of a bump on a log. ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2010, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1031 "2010-10-23T01:02:32Z")
Hey hey now, I said don’t waste all your good stories via email or the phone! Everyone loves a good “My mom is against interracial marriage”\* story! \*My mom and dad are approaching their 25th anniversary and are in an interracial marriage. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2010, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1032 "2010-10-23T03:32:48Z")
Dating advice from about seventy years ago: [Tips for Single Ladies (1938)](http://www.sadanduseless.com/2009/10/tips-for-single-ladies-1938/) ---
**Author:** ![Ruken](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f475e1/32.png) [@Ruken](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruken)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2010, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1033 "2010-10-24T17:37:55Z")
> [@Mississippienne](#): > > . . . and **Ruken** , why don’t YOU move to NYC? It could happen some day; I’ll let you know if it does. This thread, which I’ve been browsing in an attempt to slowly build my own profile, highlights how slim the pickings are out here in the boonies. There are exactly 67 single, non-smoking, 24-34 year old women within 25 miles who have used their okcupid accounts in the past month. When we start eliminating those with whom I have obvious incompatibilities, I wonder why I’m even bothering. Seeing profiles from really awesome doper women makes the locals seem bland. However, I think that’s due to the combination of good profile \*plus \*good SDMB posts. For instance, I enjoyed **Mississippienne** ’s history threads and **kimera** ’s[?] posts on monkey studies long before I saw their posts here or even knew they were women. So that just makes them seem cooler. I plan on changing jobs in a year (+/- a bit), so maybe I’ll end up somewhere more populated. Or I could (gasp) try to meet people in real life. It’s not as if I live in an unpopulated wasteland. We’ll see about that. ---
**Author:** ![Electric\_Warrior](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@Electric\_Warrior](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Electric_Warrior)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2010, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1034 "2010-10-24T18:07:27Z")
> [@wolf\_in\_second\_hand\_clothing](#): > > Also, I assume guys can get awards, right? [Someone give me an award](http://www.okcupid.com/profile/geoffreywithag). Even if you don’t know me, just give me one. I’d be completely fine with reciprocating with a disingenuous award myself. At the risk of sounding creepy: you, sir, are extremely good looking (and have an awesome profile). If I were a few years older and located in Alaska… 😛 However just a tip: it’s called “Bed Intruder”, not “Home Intruder”. ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2010, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1035 "2010-10-24T18:50:34Z")
**Ruken** , are there any lock & key events around you? (For the record, I’ve never been to one but I’ve heard from others they’re quite good). ---
**Author:** ![wolf\_in\_second\_hand\_clothing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/9d8465/32.png) [@wolf\_in\_second\_hand\_clothing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolf_in_second_hand_clothing)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2010, 6:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1036 "2010-10-25T06:18:10Z")
> [@Electric\_Warrior](#): > > At the risk of sounding creepy: you, sir, are extremely good looking (and have an awesome profile). If I were a few years older and located in Alaska… 😛 > > However just a tip: it’s called “Bed Intruder”, not “Home Intruder”. Thanks! Your risk of sounding creepy is pretty minimal for such an innocuous (but flattering) statement. And you’re right, it _is_ the bed intruder song-- I hope **too** many people didn’t write me off as undateable because of that… ---
**Author:** ![Ruken](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f475e1/32.png) [@Ruken](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruken)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2010, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1037 "2010-10-26T01:24:20Z")
> [@lindsaybluth](#): > > **Ruken** , are there any lock & key events around you? (For the record, I’ve never been to one but I’ve heard from others they’re quite good). Doesn’t look like it. I’m not terribly concerned; this is all pretty low-priority. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2010, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1038 "2010-10-26T01:32:21Z")
> [@Muffin](#): > > Dating advice from about seventy years ago: [http://www.sadanduseless.com/2009/10/tips-for-single-ladies-1938/](http://www.sadanduseless.com/2009/10/tips-for-single-ladies-1938/) Some of those still hold true: Don’t flirt with other guys, don’t drink so much you pass out on a first date, don’t talk to the waiter about all the fun you had last night with a different guy. Also, I might be a little standoffish if a girl sat like that and stuck her finger in my ear on a first date, I’ll keep my ear boogers right where they are thankyouverymuch. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2010, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1039 "2010-10-26T02:38:34Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > Some of those still hold true: Don’t flirt with other guys, don’t drink so much you pass out on a first date, don’t talk to the waiter about all the fun you had last night with a different guy. These all fall under the category of “So obvious they should not have to be said. And if they do need to be said, I don’t want the people who don’t see them as obvious to be aware of it so I am better aware of who is or is not dateable, immediately.” If that makes sense. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2010, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1040 "2010-10-26T03:02:37Z")
> [@rachelellogram](#): > > These all fall under the category of “So obvious they should not have to be said. And if they do need to be said, I don’t want the people who don’t see them as obvious to be aware of it so I am better aware of who is or is not dateable, immediately.” > > If that makes sense. There was someone that emailed me a few weeks ago. Her profile and email was looked like a text message. I considered writing back to her to tell her she’d be doing herself a huge favor by cleaning it up. Then I figured, nah, I’d rather it was like that so If I bump into her in the future, I’ll remember why I never replied. Besides, I’d rather she paired up with a guy that liked that kind of writing. That way he’s not there to date someone that would date someone that would date someone with a profile like that…If that makes sense…basically exactly what you said. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=51) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=53)