# The Ongoing Online Dating Advice Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 27, 2010, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978 "2010-05-27T18:50:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 58
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2010, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1141 "2010-12-06T20:58:39Z")
Congrats **EvilTOJ**! ---
**Author:** ![Mauvaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mauvaise/32/11084_2.png) [@Mauvaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mauvaise)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2010, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1142 "2010-12-08T19:34:21Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > She does say in her profile “please don’t add me to your favorite list or wink at me, just be bold and straightforward to say exactly what you want to say” … > > … > > ETA, she specifically says she wants people to be bold and straightforward, so maybe I’ll mention her ‘request’ and come right out and ask the question. If nothing else, I’m going to assume the email will stand out. It’s generally been my experience that people that go out of their way to say something (unprovoked) like that don’t actually like it when you are bold and straightforward. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2010, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1143 "2010-12-08T20:22:49Z")
> [@Mauvaise](#): > > It’s generally been my experience that people that go out of their way to say something (unprovoked) like that don’t actually like it when you are bold and straightforward. Never got a response from her anyways. Oh well, on to the next one. On another note, I’m proud of myself for emailing three people last night. To stay away from the “Shot From Guns Problem”\* (Talking about someone specific on the SDMB to find out later that they are not only a member, but actively participating in this thread\*\*) I won’t say too much about them, other then I had a few qualms with two of them, but decided to go for it anyways. The third one was the one I mentioned up thread. We were talking, she disappeared for a six weeks or so, showed back up a week or two ago but never came back to the conversation. I figured she lost interest in me, but sent her one anyways. There’s always the off chance she figured I wasn’t interested in her anymore. \*Needs a better name \*For the record, to the best of my knowledge this hasn’t happened to me, I’m just sayin’. ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2010, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1144 "2010-12-08T20:48:11Z")
> [@Mauvaise](#): > > It’s generally been my experience that people that go out of their way to say something (unprovoked) like that don’t actually like it when you are bold and straightforward. Yee-up. Similarly, “I don’t like drama!” Translation: Drama guaranteed within 5 minutes of beginning a conversation. Someone sent me an OKC message over the weekend and I’m kind of interested in replying, but I’m also in the middle of realizing I have some issues I need to work through. Doesn’t seem fair to subject someone to that now. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2010, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1145 "2010-12-08T21:47:52Z")
Well, there are two kinds of issues. One is the kind where a good relationship can help you work through them. The other is the kind where you need to be on your own to solve them, and if you’re in a relationship you’re going to end up permanently burning those bridges. If you’re not sure, assume it’s the latter to be on the safe side. Speaking personally, I would not look negatively on a reply that said, “You look really awesome, but I’ve recently realized that I have some shit in my life to sort out that would make it really irresponsible for me to make any commitments to another person right now. I don’t expect you to wait around or anything, but I’d definitely be interested in looking you up once I feel ready for a relationship again!” In fact, it’s the sort of thing that could come as a good sign, that the person is self-aware enough to know when they shouldn’t be dating. ---
**Author:** ![Purple\_Scottie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a698b9/32.png) [@Purple\_Scottie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Purple_Scottie)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2010, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1146 "2010-12-09T02:06:37Z")
I’m back on Match and Eharmony after a relationship from Match ended. This time I’m being more strict with the distance although since I am professional (doctor) in a semi-rural area this restricts the guys I’m interested in a bit more. If a guy (on match) basically indicates he doesn’t want a woman with higher level of education or money than they make, it is pretty much an automatic response to say no thanks. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2010, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1147 "2010-12-09T02:33:24Z")
> [@clipper](#): > > If a guy (on match) basically indicates he doesn’t want a woman with higher level of education or money than they make, it is pretty much an automatic response to say no thanks. You have to be careful with that though. I think a lot of people don’t really think that part through. On a fairly regular basis I’ll see someone that puts, in their “About my date” section some odd answers. For example Income: 20,000-30,000; 50,000-60,000. I’m thinking they meant 20-60k, or they started out with 20-30k to match theirs but then added in the 50-60k and didn’t think about the middle. Another thing I often see is Kids, Yes and they sometimes live at home. I assume these people are also willing to date people with no kids, however, you won’t be automatically matched with them. I’ve also seen plenty of people who’s profiles imply that they want to date someone that speaks Spanish or Russian, however, they forget to put English in as well. Anyways, on Match I’ve started ignore the “About My Date” section. At least to a point. I think a lot of that stuff gets setup when you first create your profile and you’re imagining your perfect mate. The people that are really serious about it usually bring it up in their summary as well. I’ve also learned to almost completely ignore their height requirement, unless it seems realistic. If I’m thinking about emailing someone and her height requirement says 6’0’‘-6’4’’ and I see that she’s 5’9’‘, I understand and appreciate that. But when she’s 5’2’', well, she’s still gonna get my email. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2010, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1148 "2010-12-09T19:43:24Z")
Hell with that. I’m six feet tall, and I’ve dated guys as short as 5’6". ETA: Amusingly enough, I wasn’t the tallest woman the 5’6" guy had dated–in fact, IIRC, I was #3. ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2010, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1149 "2010-12-09T19:45:38Z")
…seriously? You’re 6’ tall? Damn, girl. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2010, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1150 "2010-12-09T20:30:26Z")
Yes’m. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2010, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1151 "2010-12-09T20:40:34Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > Yes’m. I’m thinking it wasn’t a coincidence. I’m guessing he had a thing for tall girls. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2010, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1152 "2010-12-09T21:34:13Z")
Actually, my WAG is that it has to do with most guys of average height finding tall women intimidating. Whereas a shorter men have met a lot of women taller than them, so it’s just not that big an issue. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2010, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1153 "2010-12-09T21:41:46Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > Actually, my WAG is that it has to do with most guys of average height finding tall women intimidating. Whereas a shorter men have met a lot of women taller than them, so it’s just not that big an issue. Interesting and oddly plausible theory. Never thought about that. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2010, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1154 "2010-12-13T02:39:17Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > On another note, I’m proud of myself for emailing three people last night. To stay away from the “Shot From Guns Problem”\* (Talking about someone specific on the SDMB to find out later that they are not only a member, but actively participating in this thread\*\*) I won’t say too much about them, other then I had a few qualms with two of them, but decided to go for it anyways. The third one was the one I mentioned up thread. We were talking, she disappeared for a six weeks or so, showed back up a week or two ago but never came back to the conversation. I figured she lost interest in me, but sent her one anyways. There’s always the off chance she figured I wasn’t interested in her anymore. Quick update. Of the three that I mentioned, one hasn’t replied, in fact she (the one I was talking to a few weeks ago and then she disappeared) hasn’t even signed on since then. One I’m actively conversing with via email and the third, I’ve had a few back and forths with, but she hasn’t been online for a few days. My qualm with her was 100% put to rest in one of her emails. (She has two kids, but it turns out she only has them every other week). I also just got a reply from someone I emailed a few days after those three. So, I’m actively talking to three people. On the one hand that makes me kind of nervous. OTOH, I figure at least two of them will never go beyond the email stage…I don’t mean, I don’t like them and plan to stop emailing them, I just mean, most of the email conversations I have eventually wind up fizzling out (read: she stops replying), so might as well keep all three going and see what happens. ACM mentioned this waaaay upthread. ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2010, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1155 "2010-12-13T03:43:15Z")
Hey, when it rains, it pours 😉 Good luck! ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2010, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1156 "2010-12-14T03:33:34Z")
I lurk in this thread a bit so I wanted to show you guys Julian Assange’s alleged OKCupid profile 😉 [http://technolog.msnbc.msn.com/\_news/2010/12/13/5642324-assanges-okcupid-profile-youre-not-good-enough](http://technolog.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2010/12/13/5642324-assanges-okcupid-profile-youre-not-good-enough) ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2010, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1157 "2010-12-14T04:04:50Z")
I believe in what he’s doing and I think he’s bringing unprecedented transparency to our leaders who we employ. But he is a gross, ugly man. He has some sort of deformity with his right (ETA: left) arm. Other than photos of him in Wired, he generally looks like a pale, ghoulish hacker. Which is what he is. Eww. But that profile is _hilarious_. And probably real, too. Really intelligent/nerdy/withdrawl guys either feel women 1) are all dying to be with them 2) want nothing to do with them. Neither can stomach the reality that the truth is “somewhere in the middle”. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1158 "2010-12-17T02:48:44Z")
Need some input from y’all… Emailed a girl (one of the ones I mentioned earlier). Received a very nice and interesting (in a good way) reply from her. She answered the questions I asked. She put my major concern about messaging her to rest (I told her I was worried about dating someone with two kids, she explained that not only does she only have them every other week, but in the right relationship she would make time for the person she’s seeing). She even brought up things that were in my profile, but not mentioned in the email. She signed off with “Talk to you later” followed by her real name. I replied to her with a typical, getting to know you type email. That was almost a week ago with no reply. Now, here’s the thing. Since then, she has only singed on once, and looked at my profile during that time. I’ve had plenty of people read my email, look at my profile but not respond until hours or even a day or two later. My question is, since she hasn’t been actively online much since then, do I continue to wait for reply from her or do I send another email. And, if I send another email, do I just make it a normal ‘online dating’ type email or do I say something along the lines of “You don’t seem to be online that often, would you be interested in meeting somewhere so we could talk face to face” type email? All the people I’ve conversed with tend to stop replying after a while and I’m starting to wonder if I’m waiting too long to ask them out. I’m always waiting for the right time to do it. Normally, I wait for them to ask me a question that would better be answered IRL, but no one ever seems to ask anything terribly thought provoking on these sites. She’s only sent me one email (I’ve sent two), so on the one hand, I feel that it might be too soon, OTOH, she doesn’t seem to be online very often (she does have two kids) so maybe she’d be open to the idea. What say you? ---
**Author:** ![wolf\_in\_second\_hand\_clothing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/9d8465/32.png) [@wolf\_in\_second\_hand\_clothing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolf_in_second_hand_clothing)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 7:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1159 "2010-12-17T07:32:40Z")
Huh, I thought I vaguely remembered a dull wet slapping sound in 2006 that, in light of recent evidence, must have been thousands of women rolling their eyes at Assange’s profile in unison. Reading a profile like that is kind of like reading the Ron Thread, in that it motivates you to frantically examine yourself for any trace of the exhibited behavior, and ruthlessly expunge it. I’ll admit that my profile probably crosses the line between whimsical and douchey on occasion, but hopefully I catch the worst of it before it’s out there representing me for too long. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2010, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1160 "2010-12-17T16:19:56Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > My question is, since she hasn’t been actively online much since then, do I continue to wait for reply from her or do I send another email. And, if I send another email, do I just make it a normal ‘online dating’ type email or do I say something along the lines of “You don’t seem to be online that often, would you be interested in meeting somewhere so we could talk face to face” type email? Even if I weren’t interested in meeting someone yet, I don’t think I’d be remotely bothered by a request phrased in that way. It’s clear, at least to me, that you’re not pushing for a meeting, just giving her another option. > [@wolf\_in\_second\_hand\_clothing](#): > > Huh, I thought I vaguely remembered a dull wet slapping sound in 2006 that, in light of recent evidence, must have been thousands of women rolling their eyes at Assange’s profile in unison. I laughed so hard I almost drooled. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=57) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=59)