# The Ongoing Online Dating Advice Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 27, 2010, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978 "2010-05-27T18:50:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 62
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2010, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1221 "2010-12-28T17:21:43Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > [http://www.okcupid.com/profile/RobotArm2](http://www.okcupid.com/profile/RobotArm2) > > I think that will work without you having to log in. Unless you find anything glaringly wrong, I may not be inclined to change it much; for better or worse, it does seem mostly accurate. (Or is accuracy not the goal of this exercise?) > > Don’t skip the Journal page, some of the cleverest bits are there. Lurker here! Also Disclaimer: _I’ve never tried online dating so my opinions might be worth exactly zero, I’m just throwing out my opinion out there._ I think your profile is clever and funny. I only wonder if you’re being too funny? We know you here (kind of) so we get your humor. I wonder if it would seem a little too coy and too much for someone just reading you cold? Obviously I wouldn’t suggest getting rid of ALL of the funny or even most of it. But do you think it might help to cut a few of the jokes and be a little more direct for part of it? Just throwing that out there. ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2010, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1222 "2010-12-28T17:25:50Z")
**Joey P** , did you previously hide your email in a formerly-paid account somehow? I thought that was you…or perhaps you did it on eharmony, or previously on match? ---
**Author:** ![Tanaqui](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3bc359/32.png) [@Tanaqui](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tanaqui)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2010, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1223 "2010-12-28T18:16:40Z")
> [@lindsaybluth](#): > > Are you on any of the paid sites? Around here on OKC, there’s virtually nobody that’s college educated or with a solid job/looks/humor on OKC. As someone from Pittsburgh on OKC, thanks a lot. :rolleyes: Did I mention I met someone there? And a number of my friends are also on OKC? Thanks for insulting all of us! ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2010, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1224 "2010-12-28T18:57:23Z")
> [@lindsaybluth](#): > > **Joey P** , did you previously hide your email in a formerly-paid account somehow? I thought that was you…or perhaps you did it on eharmony, or previously on match? I don’t think so. None of these sites reveal your email to begin with. Either you have something confused or I don’t remember something I said. I think, waaay earlier I may have mentioned something about breaking up my email address…wait, I know. I was going to switch from Match to Eharmony. My plan was to let my Match account lapse back into a free account and put my email address (or facebook link) in the summary. Yes, I would have had to hide it…for example “contact me at Joey followed by the symbol for ‘at’ then domain and then a dot then com” or something along those lines. Since Match won’t let you do that…understandably. That was it. Eharmony sucks. I re-upped Match before it lapsed. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2010, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1225 "2010-12-28T19:04:46Z")
> [@Tanaqui](#): > > As someone from Pittsburgh on OKC, thanks a lot. :rolleyes: Did I mention I met someone there? And a number of my friends are also on OKC? Thanks for insulting all of us! Slow down there. You and Lindsey could be in totally different demographics. So perhaps she (or rather her MIL) doesn’t see many college grads in her search results while you do. Also, saying that there’s virtually no college educated people on a dating site in a certain city is hardly a slam against the entire area, and not only that but also (assuming you are college educated) even if it was a slam, you were specifically excluded from it. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2010, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1226 "2010-12-28T20:44:29Z")
> [@Tanaqui](#): > > Thanks for insulting all of us! She didn’t say there were \*no \*worthwhile people in Pittsburgh on OkC–just that there weren’t a lot. “You and your friends” are presumably a very tiny drop in the bucket of the millions of people of Pittsburgh and its surrounding areas. You could every single one of you be millionaire sports-star supermodel geniuses with triple-PhDs and recurring HBO standup specials and that \*still \*wouldn’t make it inaccurate to say that “there’s virtually nobody [in the Pittsburgh area] that’s college educated or with a solid job/looks/humor on OKC.” ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2010, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1227 "2010-12-28T21:22:00Z")
> [@lindsaybluth](#): > > I like the Journal section; you have me openly pining for being 20 years older and in MA. If it helps, I’m not in Massachusetts either, at the moment. Can’t do anything about the 20 years, though. Thank you for the many compliments; I don’t know if they’ll improve the profile, but my ego is soaring. I see what you mean about it being perhaps too funny; I think the English have a phrase for that, “too clever by half”. I’ll add some earnestness. I do have a profile on Match as well. It’s not quite so elaborate, and I haven’t contacted anyone there for a while. Not for lack of good candidates, just kind of ran out of steam. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2010, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1228 "2010-12-28T22:08:43Z")
Well, it also depends on the kind of person you’re trying to attract. No need to change things, for example, if your ideal woman would \*want \*a profile that’s more funny than serious. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2010, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1229 "2010-12-28T22:37:04Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > Well, it also depends on the kind of person you’re trying to attract. No need to change things, for example, if your ideal woman would \*want \*a profile that’s more funny than serious. Yeah, but if I knew that much about my ideal woman, I think I’d have found her by now. How you doin’? ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2010, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1230 "2010-12-28T22:49:05Z")
Not single. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2010, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1231 "2010-12-28T22:52:37Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > I think, waaay earlier I may have mentioned something about breaking up my email address…wait, I know. I was going to switch from Match to Eharmony. My plan was to let my Match account lapse back into a free account and put my email address (or facebook link) in the summary. Yep, this was it. Sorry for the confusion! > [@Tanaqui](#): > > As someone from Pittsburgh on OKC, thanks a lot. :rolleyes: Did I mention I met someone there? And a number of my friends are also on OKC? Thanks for insulting all of us! Um, sorry? Except that I’m not. I’ve mentioned many times in this thread that I’m in a committed relationship and that most of my feedback is through my future MIL, who (and you’re gonna find this surprising) is not in her 20’s, as you are. > [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > You could every single one of you be millionaire sports-star supermodel geniuses with triple-PhDs and recurring HBO standup specials and that \*still \*wouldn’t make it inaccurate to say that “there’s virtually nobody [in the Pittsburgh area] that’s college educated or with a solid job/looks/humor on OKC.” Fact: there are five brazillonaires in Pittsburgh, are they’re ALL on OKC. > [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > I do have a profile on Match as well. It’s not quite so elaborate, and I haven’t contacted anyone there for a while. Not for lack of good candidates, just kind of ran out of steam. Don’t hesitate to post it here if you want another critique (or, in your case, to be told you’re awesome ;)) ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2010, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1232 "2010-12-28T23:28:18Z")
Made a few changes on OKC. Don’t know if they show up right away or need to be approved. I know some people make changes just to get their profiles in heavier circulation, so maybe it’s worth it just for that. > [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > Not single. 😃 Happily? That figures. ---
**Author:** ![Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bad_News_Baboon)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2010, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1233 "2010-12-28T23:32:01Z")
> [@Edward\_The\_Head](#): > > Anyone want to look [over mine again](http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Kenderson) > > I’ve done some editing, made the sentences a bit different and added a bit of depth I hope. I think that what **lindsaybluth** said is right on. Looking over your profile I will give you my gut reaction: “I currently work for the FAA just outside of DC making aeronautical charts which is why…” The … portion has lost me. Maybe it’s a joke about where you live that is lost on me in Texas? “I’m also a millionaire and I own a mansion and a yacht, though my millions are in Romanian leis, my mansion is a house in the mountains of West Virginia, and my yacht is a kayak.” It’s funny, but to me seems really out of place with the rest of your profile. It seems like a forced joke in this context. If you are a funny kind of guy, add more like this. If you are not, then get rid of this. It sounds very disjointed to me. “Being spontaneous, I’ve been known to say I’m going to Wyoming for the weekend, and then went.” I would phrase this more like: I’m spontaneous! I’m the sort that will decide to go to Wyoming for a weekend getaway just for the fun of it. things you can do without. “My glasses” - I have never liked when people fill these things in with the obvious (water! air! food!). It tells me nothing about YOU other than you have bad vision (and your picture told me that anyway). Last comment - do you ever smile with your teeth showing? If you do, then add one of these pictures. A friend of mine once went on an online date and she told me his teeth were so awful that she would never date a guy with out a “toothy smile” on his profile. Now that she has told me this, it has stuck in the back of my head! To me, your most inviting facial expression is the one of you with your girls. **Joey P** , I tried to look at yours, but I am not a member of OKcupid. I tried to use it recently - deciding to try dating again - but the number of married men contacting me there was really stunning to me. I had used match previously and I didn’t have this problem (that I know of!). ---
**Author:** ![Edward\_The\_Head](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ce73a5/32.png) [@Edward\_The\_Head](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Edward_The_Head)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2010, 12:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1234 "2010-12-29T12:45:07Z")
> [@Bad\_News\_Baboon](#): > > “I currently work for the FAA just outside of DC making aeronautical charts which is why…” > > The … portion has lost me. Maybe it’s a joke about where you live that is lost on me in Texas? No it’s supposed to be a joke that I don’t fly, it obviously didn’t go over well. > [@](#): > > I would phrase this more like: > I’m spontaneous! I’m the sort that will decide to go to Wyoming for a weekend getaway just for the fun of it. I guess there’s no good way to write that then as I’ve been told three different ways. > [@](#): > > things you can do without. > “My glasses” - I have never liked when people fill these things in with the obvious (water! air! food!). It tells me nothing about YOU other than you have bad vision (and your picture told me that anyway). I’ll have to think that part over more. > [@](#): > > Last comment - do you ever smile with your teeth showing? No, I never smile with my teeth showing. I do have another question now. I wrote someone the other day, she didn’t write back until this morning, but she didn’t say much. Her original profile was small and the only real thing I had to go on was she said she makes killer oatmeal, so I asked about that. She responded how she makes it, but nothing else. I can’t tell if I should go ahead and respond or just assume she’s not interested. Though people don’t normally respond unless they seem to be interested. She’s since massively updated her profile so I’ll have more to ask about. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2010, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1235 "2010-12-29T12:56:00Z")
Go ahead and respond. Sure, it seems like some people just respond to make conversation, but they’ll stop replying after a while anyways. You’ve got nothing to lose. Upthread I said this: > [@](#): > > When all you write is " I’m looking for someone that wants to have fun, but can be serious as well. Someone who knows what they want out of life. Career, life and personal goals are so important. I enjoy my life, but I would really like to share it with someone else." > That gives me nothing to work with. I refuse to send unthoughtful messages that looks just like everyone else’s so if your profile has no sustenance, I can’t send you anything. Now, I understand that people that just signed up do this, but I expect them to fill it out over the next week or so as they get a chance to look at other people’s profiles, but there’s no excuse when you’ve been on for 4 months and it still looks like that. The person that said this (a new Match member) just added a line that said (paraphrased) “I keep my profile simple on purpose, there’s plenty of time to get to know more about me”. So, what the hell do you send to a person that says this? ETA, Found her facebook page and picked out a few things out of her interests section to ask about (not in an obvious way). I don’t think I’ve ever sent such a short, simple, boring email, but then, I’ve never written to someone with such a short, simple, boring profile. ---
**Author:** ![Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/848f3c/32.png) [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuzzy_Dunlop)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2010, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1236 "2010-12-29T16:03:18Z")
Is it ok to ask a random question without reading all 25 pages? I can’t tell if you guys are talking about something similar to my question or not. Do people routinely send messages back to be nice, or for any other reason, without expecting a further reply? I had made free accounts in the past but never really tried them. Yesterday I made an account on Plenty of Fish and OKCupid and sent two messages. Last night one of them wrote back. That’s exciting; good start for me. But it’s short and kind of stupid. There’s not much of anything in the message to write back about. I can’t tell if she isn’t very good at this or wasn`t expecting me to answer her. Obviously I’m just getting started with this but I expected that people would either ignore me or write back, anticipating a return message from me. Maybe a few conscientious people would feel the need to write back and say they’re not interested. Is that a reasonable belief? If someone writes back can I assume she’s expecting a reply or are people going to be replying to my messages not expecting a further response from me? It’s sort of irrelevant because I think I’ll just decide if I’m still interested and write back if I am, but I’m curious. Naturally I’m looking for other people’s general experiences not an absolute answer. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2010, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1237 "2010-12-29T16:04:07Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > That figures. I think \*\*lindsay \*\*and I are also about the same age, so you’re probably old enough to be my dad, too. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2010, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1238 "2010-12-29T16:11:43Z")
Funny you would ask that question with an opening line like that. Almost that same question was asked just a few posts up by Edward. Yeah, I think some people just write back because they don’t want to ignore a message or they just feel like making conversation. If I initiate the email and she replies, I just work on the assumption that she might be interested in me. If she’s not, the emails will die off soon enough. But, as I’ve said a few times, I really wish, if they weren’t interested, they just wouldn’t reply to begin with. There’s enough crap to wade through on these sites, we don’t need to be talking to people that aren’t interested. Also, some people may be interested in you, but just bad at writing emails. Which brings us to my tip of the day: Make sure each email you send contains at least one question mark. It prevents the other person from staring at the screen saying “Well how the hell am I supposed to respond to that?” Remember, you really do have to put effort into every aspect of online dating, including making it easy for your email recipient to respond to you. Writing an email that has questions in it will make it more likely for someone that’s only ‘meh’ about you (at this point) to respond since she/he won’t have to put a lot of effort into the email. He/she will answer the questions naturally and hopefully ask you some as well. Oh, go ahead and ask away without reading the entire thread. We’ve hashed and re-hashed quite a bit and I don’t think anyone has any problem re-re-hashing. Besides, every question is a little different. ---
**Author:** ![Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/848f3c/32.png) [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuzzy_Dunlop)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2010, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1239 "2010-12-29T17:08:58Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > Funny you would ask that question with an opening line like that. Almost that same question was asked just a few posts up by Edward. Thank you very much for the thoughtful answer. For the record I did see \*\*Edward The Head \*\*'s question. Rereading it now I see it’s pretty obviously the same question. When I posted I wasn`t sure if maybe it was related to something earlier in the thread. So I figured I’d just post my own. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2010, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1240 "2010-12-29T17:49:48Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > > [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](#): > > > > If someone writes back can I assume she’s expecting a reply or are people going to be replying to my messages not expecting a further response from me? > > If I initiate the email and she replies, I just work on the assumption that she might be interested in me. This. Unless the reply specifically says “thanks but no thanks,” your best bet is to assume she’s interested and keep writing to her. I reply to guys even when I’m not interested, but always with a clear “no thanks” message. I try not to fumble my first responses to guys who I’m interested in (or might be interested in), but I’d hate to think of someone assuming I’m not interested just because of a poorly-worded message. 🙂 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=61) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=63)