# The Ongoing Online Dating Advice Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 27, 2010, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978 "2010-05-27T18:50:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 70
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2011, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1382 "2011-01-27T05:10:18Z")
> [@lindsaybluth](#): > > First of all, I love the natural history museum. Yes, but would you go out with one of the artifacts? > [@](#): > > Secondly, please tell me #2 has never happened to you… No, but when a woman shoots me down she’s not required to give a reason. ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2011, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1383 "2011-01-27T20:34:28Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > And even then, I’m hoping all all that’s necessary is to break up my username with some slashes so at least someone reading this thread can still find my profile, but someone looking at my profile can’t find this thread. Good thinking. Hell, when I met my SO, I burst out with “Oh, _you’re_ that asshole from the paper!” They published their head shots in the student newspaper, so he was a mini celebrity. Whatever, he knew that was what most people were thinking. And enjoyed my honesty. > [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > Yes, but would you go out with one of the artifacts? If you’re an \*actual \*dinosaur, you’re too good to be true. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2011, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1384 "2011-01-27T21:24:27Z")
> [@Edward\_The\_Head](#): > > Well it seems I might have some real thinking about what to do. I now seem to have 3 dates with 3 different women. One I’ve been out with and she seems pretty good, we text a couple of times a day. The other two I haven’t gone out with, but can’t for a couple of more weeks. What sucks is that the one I’ve been out with lives an hour away. > > From no dates to three in no time. I guess I’ll have to choose soon. But I think I’ll give it a couple of more weeks. Woohoo! You’ll get back on your dating feet easily. You’re highly datable. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2011, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1385 "2011-01-27T22:39:49Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > Point taken, and I do appreciate the compliments. They just always seem to end with “if I weren’t seeing someone”, or “if I weren’t 1,000 miles away”. I’d like to hear it without the ‘if’ part, eventually. I’m seeing someone. I’m 1,000 miles away. That helped, right? … Right? ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2011, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1386 "2011-01-28T00:22:29Z")
> [@lindsaybluth](#): > > If you’re an \*actual \*dinosaur, you’re too good to be true. No, but I’ll have to add that to the list of excuses. 1. “If you weren’t 1,000 miles away,…” 2. “If I wasn’t already seeing someone,…” 3. “If you were an actual dinosaur,…” ---
**Author:** ![Mauvaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mauvaise/32/11084_2.png) [@Mauvaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mauvaise)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2011, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1387 "2011-01-28T14:37:36Z")
I’ve got an EHarmony question for those of you that are using it, or have in the past: On the, as I call it, Essay portion of the guided communication (2nd set of questions, the ones that are open-ended), they allow for 1000 character answers. A friend of mine (male, if that matters) is also a member of EH and he told me that I should be “careful when your ALL your answers are too long. Long on one might be ok, but 1000 characters is long enough. Better to be concise. Why you ask? You want to give them a taste, not the whole entrée. Long answers can be interpreted as being a little needy and desperate.” I disagree because I expect (or hope for, I guess is a better way to put it) long thought out answers to the essay questions. If I get a short sentence or two it makes me think one is just going through the motions with a minimal of effort. I would be happy to get long (full 1000 characters or just under) answers to all three questions (if they required it). I know another friend of mine felt the same way when she was a member of EH. Is this a difference between men & women? Or just this particular man? I’m not too concerned with scaring off the guy I just sent long answers to, it’s who I am (wordy and shit) and better he know that upfront and close the match before we both waste our time if that’s not what he wants, or he feels me needy and desperate because I actually put thought into answering his questions (two of which were original and not the form questions provided). ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2011, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1388 "2011-01-28T15:04:06Z")
> [@Mauvaise](#): > > I’ve got an EHarmony question for those of you that are using it, or have in the past: > > On the, as I call it, Essay portion of the guided communication (2nd set of questions, the ones that are open-ended), they allow for 1000 character answers. > > A friend of mine (male, if that matters) is also a member of EH and he told me that I should be “careful when your ALL your answers are too long. Long on one might be ok, but 1000 characters is long enough. Better to be concise. Why you ask? You want to give them a taste, not the whole entrée. Long answers can be interpreted as being a little needy and desperate.” > > I disagree because I expect (or hope for, I guess is a better way to put it) long thought out answers to the essay questions. If I get a short sentence or two it makes me think one is just going through the motions with a minimal of effort. I would be happy to get long (full 1000 characters or just under) answers to all three questions (if they required it). I know another friend of mine felt the same way when she was a member of EH. > > Is this a difference between men & women? Or just this particular man? > > I’m not too concerned with scaring off the guy I just sent long answers to, it’s who I am (wordy and shit) and better he know that upfront and close the match before we both waste our time if that’s not what he wants, or he feels me needy and desperate because I actually put thought into answering his questions (two of which were original and not the form questions provided). For the record, the above quote is 1500 characters, to trim it down to 1000, it would be just a little more then > [@](#): > > I’ve got an EHarmony question for those of you that are using it, or have in the past: > > On the, as I call it, Essay portion of the guided communication (2nd set of questions, the ones that are open-ended), they allow for 1000 character answers. > > A friend of mine (male, if that matters) is also a member of EH and he told me that I should be “careful when your ALL your answers are too long. Long on one might be ok, but 1000 characters is long enough. Better to be concise. Why you ask? You want to give them a taste, not the whole entrée. Long answers can be interpreted as being a little needy and desperate.” > > I disagree because I expect (or hope for, I guess is a better way to put it) long thought out answers to the essay questions. If I get a short sentence or two it makes me think one is just going through the motions with a minimal of effort. I would be happy to get long (full 1000 characters or just under) answers to all three questions (if they required it). 1000 characters isn’t much. Write it out. Any guy that’s scared off by a 1000 characters isn’t going to be someone that’s worth having a conversation with. I only found one person worth making it to that point with and I know I had a very hard time keeping it under 1000 characters. The way I see it, write whatever the hell you want. Anything else (purposely keeping answers short, allowing one answer to be long but keeping the other answer short etc) IMHO is ‘playing games.’ Don’t do it. Answer the question the best you can. If you can answer it shortly, do that. If your answer runs long. Fine. ---
**Author:** ![Mauvaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mauvaise/32/11084_2.png) [@Mauvaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mauvaise)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2011, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1389 "2011-01-28T15:14:54Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > The way I see it, write whatever the hell you want. Anything else (purposely keeping answers short, allowing one answer to be long but keeping the other answer short etc) IMHO is ‘playing games.’ Don’t do it. Answer the question the best you can. If you can answer it shortly, do that. If your answer runs long. Fine. That’s my opinion as well. I am who I am and I won’t play any games trying to hide that. If that turns people off, so be it. Why would I want to be with someone that doesn’t like the real me? Or only will like the real me after he gets to know some fictional version of me? Or, even worse, doesn’t like the real me and then I either have to hide who I really am for the duration of the relationship, or it’s over and we’ve both wasted our time. I just don’t see the point. Which is why I’ll continue to give “overly long” answers when I feel I need to to properly answer the question. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2011, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1390 "2011-01-28T17:51:54Z")
> [@Mauvaise](#): > > Is this a difference between men & women? Or just this particular man? Some people prefer longer answers. Some people prefer shorter. The important thing to remember is that you want someone who will be attracted to **you**. So if you want to push right up against the character limit every time, don’t feel obligated to limit yourself to a sentence or two just because someone else said that’s what \*they’re \*looking for: you want someone who’s looking for _you_. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2011, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1391 "2011-02-02T18:43:53Z")
[Match buys OKC.](http://www.crainsnewyork.com/article/20110202/SMALLBIZ/110209966#) ---
**Author:** ![Edward\_The\_Head](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ce73a5/32.png) [@Edward\_The\_Head](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Edward_The_Head)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2011, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1392 "2011-02-02T18:47:46Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > [Match buys OKC.](http://www.crainsnewyork.com/article/20110202/SMALLBIZ/110209966#) Man I hope they don’t change it much. I’ve had ZERO luck on Match, and I have a few dates this weekend with people from OKCupid. It just seems to work much better for me. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2011, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1393 "2011-02-02T18:50:04Z")
> [@Edward\_The\_Head](#): > > Man I hope they don’t change it much. I’ve had ZERO luck on Match, and I have a few dates this weekend with people from OKCupid. It just seems to work much better for me. My guess, having read nothing more then that article, is that it’ll go the way the of Yahoo! Personals. Which is to say it’ll just disappear over the next few months. I’m not happy about that. I’ve said, many times, I like the people better on Match, but I really like all the questions on OKC. I think you learn more about someone from those questions then you do from the little blurb they write about themselves. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2011, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1394 "2011-02-02T18:50:07Z")
Booooooooo. ☹ I’m surprised that they said the company’s only been around for six years; I could have sworn I started using OkC in late 2003. ---
**Author:** ![cuauhtemoc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecb155/32.png) [@cuauhtemoc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cuauhtemoc)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2011, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1395 "2011-02-02T19:05:20Z")
I was on OkCupid for a while, and I wasted a lot of time there. It was almost addictive, like a new video game. But so utterly pointless. I know, every man says the same thing, “The women never write back,” but this was a little ridiculous. I’ve never felt more invisible online. I don’t know if it’s the area I live in, or pure chance, or maybe I’m actually an ugly loser and don’t know it, but it just wasn’t worth it. I still check my profile there sometimes, but I don’t write anybody. ---
**Author:** ![cuauhtemoc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecb155/32.png) [@cuauhtemoc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cuauhtemoc)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2011, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1396 "2011-02-02T19:06:47Z")
Shit, I meant to post that in the other thread. ---
**Author:** ![cuauhtemoc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecb155/32.png) [@cuauhtemoc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cuauhtemoc)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2011, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1397 "2011-02-02T19:19:20Z")
Ok, I’m an idiot, I did post it in the right thread. Never mind that last post. Another thing I wanted to say, regarding the area I live in: Anybody who’s familiar with New York probably knows that inter-borough dating can be tough. For example, if you live in Queens, as I do, and you’re dating someone in Brooklyn, that is a long-distance relationship, even though you may only be five miles away. So why should a Brooklyn woman date a Queens guy when there are plenty of eligible guys in Brooklyn? So why didn’t I just write to more women who lived in Queens? Well, perversely, _extremely_ improbably, there weren’t any! Seriously, do a search with a Queens zip code. About one in fifty women’s profiles are in Queens. How is that possible? There are about two million people in Queens, roughly as many as in Brooklyn. Even accounting for the fact that a lot of people here are married with children, and a lot of others are part of closed ethnic or religious communities that don’t generally date outside, I still don’t understand how the numbers can be so lopsided. Very weird. ---
**Author:** ![Invisible\_Chimp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f05b48/32.png) [@Invisible\_Chimp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Invisible_Chimp)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2011, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1398 "2011-02-02T19:33:00Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > [Match buys OKC.](http://www.crainsnewyork.com/article/20110202/SMALLBIZ/110209966#) I originally was going to post the news here, but decided to start a new thread instead. I hope OKC doesn’t go away. I really liked it. Where will poor people go for their online dating? I’ve never tried POF, but I’ve heard nothing but bad things about its layout. I would refuse to pay for online dating. ---
**Author:** ![Edward\_The\_Head](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ce73a5/32.png) [@Edward\_The\_Head](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Edward_The_Head)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2011, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1399 "2011-02-02T19:35:56Z")
> [@Invisible\_Chimp](#): > > I’ve never tried POF, but I’ve heard nothing but bad things about its layout. I killed my POF account because I hated the way it looked. Plus, even with Ad-Blocker I was getting ads for things like ‘Find a Hook-up for tonight’. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2011, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1400 "2011-02-02T20:17:44Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > [Match buys OKC.](http://www.crainsnewyork.com/article/20110202/SMALLBIZ/110209966#) That’ll be convenient for me; I can consolidate all my futility in one place. ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2011, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1401 "2011-02-02T20:25:27Z")
**cuauhtemoc** , are you young? (Brooklyn tends to skew young) Could it just be your age range perhaps? Have you tried other zip codes in Queens? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=69) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=71)