# The Ongoing Online Dating Advice Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 27, 2010, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978 "2010-05-27T18:50:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 78
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2011, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1542 "2011-06-08T18:05:15Z")
> [@melodyharmonius](#): > > that’s far away? Dude, you were just here for HeroesCon! Or that’s too many months? Because we are doing a Mel Brooks/Monty Python pub-style trivia contest next Friday - usually a very good time - and there’s alcohol! Charlotte, you say? I hate the “six things you can’t live without” question; or maybe just restrictive, pseudo-clever questions in general. My answer is one I haven’t seen from anyone else. ---
**Author:** ![melodyharmonius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/melodyharmonius/32/21310_2.png) [@melodyharmonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melodyharmonius)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2011, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1543 "2011-06-08T18:12:19Z")
> [@CandidGamera](#): > > No, I said HeroesCon was a thing that happened in Charlotte this past weekend. 🙂 Ahh, but you said you had friends around here. That plus geeky singles should be the right combo for a visit . . . > [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > Charlotte, you say? Well technically, I typed it, but yes - Charlotte indeed . . .😃 ---
**Author:** ![EvilTOJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee59a6/32.png) [@EvilTOJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilTOJ)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2011, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1544 "2011-06-08T19:00:00Z")
> [@Invisible\_Chimp](#): > > You’re probably looking at the exact same girls I am. We live in the same area and are around the same age, IIRC. I am willing to date single moms, though. I was rejected by eHarmony too. We would probably have better luck going to bars together. It’s probably because you’re invisible, **Chimp**. Try wearing clothes or spraypainting yourself or something to be more visible. 😉 I don’t date single moms because all the women my age have kids that are 10 years younger than mine. I’m done with the family thing and not doing it again, so they’re all yours! It really annoys me on OKCupid how everyone seems to make their profiles sound like a resume. It really does! There’s no real … personality to any of them! **JoeyP** , I hate all that and I changed mine too. I put that I usually eat bland simple foods at home but love going to dinner and trying new exotic food. I also prefer staying at home but like going on an adventure every so often. I remember one girl who’s profile said specifically “I love going to live shows at least once a week. If this isn’t you, we won’t work out” and I appreciated that. We SO would not have worked out. You ever notice S T R N L E is almost the word STRANGLER? Hmmm… maybe I shouldn’t put that in my profile… ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2011, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1545 "2011-06-08T20:59:03Z")
> [@EvilTOJ](#): > > You ever notice S T R N L E is almost the word STRANGLER? Hmmm… maybe I shouldn’t put that in my profile… Well, it’s easy to remember that E is the most commonly used; and the consonants are all in the word NOSTRIL. ---
**Author:** ![Invisible\_Chimp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f05b48/32.png) [@Invisible\_Chimp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Invisible_Chimp)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2011, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1546 "2011-06-08T21:28:14Z")
I think my best bet would be to move to Brooklyn. Sure there are a lot of high matches locally, but there is only one 99% in all of Portland. She is only 21 and that violates the my age/2+7 rule. There are only two 99% matches in Oregon. In Brooklyn there are are at least 10 with 99%, and that’s not counting the other boroughs. It’s not just the higher population because there are only about half that in Chicago and a third in L.A. Funnily enough, I always thought I was a West Coast guy. But if there was anywhere on the East Coast I’d live, I think it’d be NYC, even though I’ve never even visited. EDIT: typo ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2011, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1547 "2011-06-08T21:42:36Z")
> [@EvilTOJ](#): > > It’s probably because you’re invisible, **Chimp**. You think he’s got problems. > [@Invisible\_Chimp](#): > > I think my best bet would be to move to Brooklyn. Sure there are a lot of high matches locally, but there is only one 99% in all of Portland. She is only 21 and that violates the my age/2+7 rule. There are only two 99% matches in Oregon. In Brooklyn there are are at least 10 with 99%, and that’s not counting the other boroughs. It’s not just the higher population because there are only about half that in Chicago and a third in L.A. Funnily enough, I always thought I was a West Coast guy. But if there was anywhere on the East Coast I’d live, I think it’d be NYC, even though I’ve never even visited. Are you referring to the match and friend percentages on OKCupid? I look at those, but they’re not the be all and end all. Read the profiles and make up your own mind; I’d trust that a lot more than whatever formula they’re using. ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2011, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1548 "2011-06-08T21:57:29Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > Are you referring to the match and friend percentages on OKCupid? I look at those, but they’re not the be all and end all. Read the profiles and make up your own mind; I’d trust that a lot more than whatever formula they’re using. Broadly speaking, they track pretty well. I’ve found that people under 80% are just too different from me to be interesting. I don’t think it tracks well enough that a 99% is automatically going to beat out a 95%, though. ---
**Author:** ![Dahnlor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dahnlor/32/533_2.png) [@Dahnlor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dahnlor)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2011, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1549 "2011-06-09T03:08:28Z")
> [@EvilTOJ](#): > > … and then there’s the whole eHarmony debacle. Thirty fucking minutes of doing their questionnaires only to be told “Sorry, we don’t know what to do with you GOOD LUCK” without even a half-assed attempt at trying to bilk me out of $60 a month. My only experience with any of the major sites was with e-Harmony. A few years back, I was feeling particularly lonely and depressed, and decided to take their personality profile. The result was the same as you describe: “We’re sorry, but _some_ people just aren’t good enough for us.” Then, two years ago, armed with anti-depressants and generally improved personal situation, I decided to go back and take the test again and see if I get the same result. Much to my surprise, there were _tons_ of matches. I’m pretty sure that being in a better mood at the time is what changed the outcome. Over the course of the next year, I went out on more dates than probably my entire life before. The thing I liked about e-Harmony was its “guided communication” process. I know some people think it’s lame, but I’m terrible at starting up casual conversation on my own, so it made the first contact less intimidating, and helped to feel someone out before I had to figure out what to say. I had looked at [Match.com](http://Match.com), Plentyoffish, and Zoosk, but never got very far with them. I couldn’t come up with anything to write in their profiles. While EH asked dumb questions like “What are you passionate about?”, it at least gave me a starting point (although, all the ladies responding to this question with “LIFE!!” got rather annoying). I can’t report much in the way of success, though. Plenty of first dates, but only managed a second a couple of times. Can’t really blame the site for that, aside from not being the perfect matchmaker that their commercials make them out to be. ---
**Author:** ![Invisible\_Chimp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f05b48/32.png) [@Invisible\_Chimp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Invisible_Chimp)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2011, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1550 "2011-06-11T23:42:47Z")
I just looked through the beginning of this thread again and a lot of people linked their OKCupid profiles and I clicked on all of them; about half of them were gone as this thread is over a year old and they’ve apparently found love, but some were still active. I realized I’ve never linked my profile, although I’ve mentioned my user name. My profile is very much a work in progress. Actually it’s awful, but I like my pictures. [Here](http://www.OKCupid.com/profile/InvisibleChimp) it is. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2011, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1551 "2011-06-11T23:44:48Z")
> [@Invisible\_Chimp](#): > > I just looked through the beginning of this thread again and a lot of people linked their OKCupid profiles and I clicked on all of them; about half of them were gone as this thread is over a year old and they’ve apparently found love, but some were still active. I realized I’ve never linked my profile, although I’ve mentioned my user name. My profile is very much a work in progress. Actually it’s awful, but I like my pictures. [Here](http://www.OKCupid.com/profile/InvisibleChimp) it is. I had a feeling this thread was just about to get another post. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2011, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1552 "2011-06-11T23:54:37Z")
Two quick things. 1)Fix this: “I like people watching and playing board games.” I had to read it twice to figure out what you meant. The first time I read it I thought you meant you like watching people play board games or that you like people watching you play games or that you like people watching you and you like board games. Maybe put ‘people watching’ in quotes or just make two sentences out of it. 2)Get rid of this “I am introverted, intellectual, and anti-ignorance.” Those were the three things OKC asked you to write about yourself when you first signed up years ago. Then they got rid of that section and dropped it into the middle of everyone’s profile where it looks nice and clunky. People that have been around for a while know why it’s there, to new people I have to assume it looks arrogant (we all had that until we noticed it). Other then that, I’d say work on turning all your short sentences into a coherent set of paragraphs that flow nicely. Read lots of profiles and steal ideas from them. That’s what I’ve done over the years. Kind of a “Hey, I TOO like \_\_\_\_\_, I’ll add that to my profile” and every couple of days I add something, take something else out, edit a sentence, change a few words etc. Also, each time you make a change, you show up on other people’s front pages. ---
**Author:** ![Invisible\_Chimp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f05b48/32.png) [@Invisible\_Chimp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Invisible_Chimp)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2011, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1553 "2011-06-12T00:23:10Z")
I do so like the three words. I’ve completely redone my profile a few times since 2008. This is all new from the last month. I didn’t have to put them in there. You’re right that it probably confuses people though. I redid that people watching/board games sentence. Two things I’ve seen that I’ve been tempted to steal: a woman directed people to the website Stuff White People Like and said that it pretty much all applied. Another woman put as her Six Things six of the seven deadly sins. In her Most Private Thing she admitted she stole it. Upthread, I mentioned I stumbled upon a Doper woman who was a 96% match and cute, too. I figured that of course, we’re high matches, we’re both Dopers. But checking the other Doper profiles in this thread, that is not always the case. Blast it that she lives 2000 miles away. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2011, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1554 "2011-06-12T01:11:50Z")
> [@Invisible\_Chimp](#): > > Upthread, I mentioned I stumbled upon a Doper woman who was a 96% match and cute, too. I figured that of course, we’re high matches, we’re both Dopers. But checking the other Doper profiles in this thread, that is not always the case. Blast it that she lives 2000 miles away. Funny you should mention that. There’s an OKC member that I too recognized from the gallery and hadn’t seen around in a while. I ended up sending her an email. I’ve known her on here long enough (and based on her profile as well) to know that we aren’t exactly a match made in heaven, but we’re meeting up on Monday after work for dinner as friends. ---
**Author:** ![Invisible\_Chimp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f05b48/32.png) [@Invisible\_Chimp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Invisible_Chimp)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2011, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1555 "2011-06-12T05:08:57Z")
I disabled my account late last year when I lost my job. I reenabled it about a month ago. I’ve been getting more looks than before; I guess the ladies like my goatee. There have been no unsolicited messages, unlike before. I linked it here to get help and right away I get an unsolicited message from a woman. Also, I start my new job on Monday. ---
**Author:** ![Man\_from\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Man\_from\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_from_Mars)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2011, 5:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1556 "2011-06-12T05:21:39Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > Two quick things. > 1)Fix this: “I like people watching and playing board games.” I had to read it twice to figure out what you meant. The first time I read it I thought you meant you like watching people play board games or that you like people watching you play games or that you like people watching you and you like board games. Maybe put ‘people watching’ in quotes or just make two sentences out of it. I think a hyphen could do the trick: “I like people-watching . . .” ---
**Author:** ![Invisible\_Chimp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f05b48/32.png) [@Invisible\_Chimp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Invisible_Chimp)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2011, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1557 "2011-06-13T02:15:00Z")
This is the first time a woman has sent me something that wasn’t a glorified wink to open. I like her message and her profile. She’s my age, not hideous, and we’re an 86% match. As my opening in my profile makes clear, I pay close attention to people’s questions. I went to look at hers and I find she’s answered over 200, but only 16 publicly. I’m still going to reply, but I found that extremely irritating. I’m thinking I may ask her about why she’s answered so few questions publicly. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2011, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1558 "2011-06-13T02:28:47Z")
> [@Invisible\_Chimp](#): > > This is the first time a woman has sent me something that wasn’t a glorified wink to open. I like her message and her profile. She’s my age, not hideous, and we’re an 86% match. As my opening in my profile makes clear, I pay close attention to people’s questions. I went to look at hers and I find she’s answered over 200, but only 16 publicly. I’m still going to reply, but I found that extremely irritating. I’m thinking I may ask her about why she’s answered so few questions publicly. I’ve wondered if some people do that by accident. OKC has gone back and forth between automatically making the questions public and automatically making it private. Also, don’t forget, if she only has 16 public answers, those are the only 16 questions of yours that she can see the answers to (assuming you answered those same questions). ---
**Author:** ![melodyharmonius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/melodyharmonius/32/21310_2.png) [@melodyharmonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melodyharmonius)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2011, 12:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1559 "2011-06-13T12:20:33Z")
> [@Invisible\_Chimp](#): > > As my opening in my profile makes clear, I pay close attention to people’s questions. I went to look at hers and I find she’s answered over 200, but only 16 publicly. I’m still going to reply, but I found that extremely irritating. I’m thinking I may ask her about why she’s answered so few questions publicly. I would be careful about asking that - if someone asked me a question in the tone you are writing, I might get put a little on the defensive. If you said something like “I love reading people’s answers to questions - I hope you don’t mind, but I tried to take a peek at some of yours, but only about 16 seemed to be public.” ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2011, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1560 "2011-06-13T14:07:45Z")
> [@melodyharmonius](#): > > I would be careful about asking that - if someone asked me a question in the tone you are writing, I might get put a little on the defensive. > > If you said something like “I love reading people’s answers to questions - I hope you don’t mind, but I tried to take a peek at some of yours, but only about 16 seemed to be public.” In the end, if he/she has any interest in you, unless your email makes you sound like a complete jackass (assuming your profile and pictures don’t)…she’ll reply. OTOH, it doesn’t matter how charming your initial email is, if she’s not into you, you won’t hear back and you’ll be sitting there trying to figure out what you did wrong. IOW, it doesn’t matter how nicely you ask her to answer some more questions, if she doesn’t like you to begin with, it’s moot. And with that, if your question comes off as a bit crass, if she’s been thinking about emailing you as well, she’ll still write back. ---
**Author:** ![melodyharmonius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/melodyharmonius/32/21310_2.png) [@melodyharmonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melodyharmonius)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2011, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1561 "2011-06-13T14:57:26Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > In the end, if he/she has any interest in you, unless your email makes you sound like a complete jackass (assuming your profile and pictures don’t)…she’ll reply. > OTOH, it doesn’t matter how charming your initial email is, if she’s not into you, you won’t hear back and you’ll be sitting there trying to figure out what you did wrong. > > IOW, it doesn’t matter how nicely you ask her to answer some more questions, if she doesn’t like you to begin with, it’s moot. And with that, if your question comes off as a bit crass, if she’s been thinking about emailing you as well, she’ll still write back. I appreciate your opinion on that, I do tend to disagree, however. As a girl, if I felt that someone was “irritated” that I didn’t make my answers public (which I may or may not be aware of) and let that irritation show through, I might not respond back, even if I initially thought he was interesting. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=77) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=79)