# The Ongoing Online Dating Advice Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 27, 2010, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978 "2010-05-27T18:50:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![Macnbaish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@Macnbaish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Macnbaish)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/141 "2010-06-02T00:13:44Z")
Since we’re sharing… here’s mine: [http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Macnbaish](http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Macnbaish) As far as weight goes, as others have said, just be honest about it. Don’t assume I’m a chauvanistic pig (although most men are). The problem is when you stretch the truth, I get an image in my mind of what to expect. If we meet and you don’t meet that image… disappointment ensues. For this reason I would actually say you should lean towards implying that you are less attractive than you usually are. Of course, this could lower the amount of initial contacts you get, but on the other hand, if you get lots of initial contacts that fizzle after first meeting, that’s not doing you much good either. I’m learning firsthand that even when somebody looks perfect on paper, there sometimes just is no “spark.” It’s really funny how that works… and it makes me really appreciate those few women in my life that I really have hard a spark with. It’s rare. Oh and regarding the religious thing - as you can see from my profile I’m pretty religious. I would say this - if the guy is very religious and one that you probably wouldn’t be compatible with, he probably won’t be interested when he sees that you’re agnostic. For me, I know how important my faith is in my life - because of that, if there is no mention of God in a profile, I move past it, even if everything else we have in common is perfect. So to sum up, if you are open that you aren’t religious, that in itself should rule out the “true” religious types (in my opinion). Even if the guy claims to be a christian, if he’s pursuing you when you’ve made it clear that you’re not, he’s probably not that into his faith. My two cents. ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/142 "2010-06-02T00:20:17Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > I’m not specifically referring to any one dating site. > > But did you go onto the site\* looking\* for just friends, or is that just how those relationships turned out? Just friends? No. I’m interested in any type of relationship, but my baseline is friendship, and that’s specifically what I am looking for any time I message someone the first time. Some I wouldn’t mind for more to develop; others, I’m interested in keeping it platonic, but I don’t rule either out. ---
**Author:** ![Valgard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/7feea3/32.png) [@Valgard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Valgard)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/143 "2010-06-02T06:00:33Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > Here’s mine > [http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Joey31415](http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Joey31415) > > [Match.com](http://Match.com) is were I spend quite a bit more time and when I change something over there I cut and paste it over here. Just looking through it a little while ago I realized I had one paragraph in there twice and some other things out of order. I cleaned up some of that, but it still isn’t all that polished. If anyone would like to take a look at my Match profile, it’s a bit more up to date. I think that’s a well done profile (disclosure - I’m a 40 year old straight guy so I don’t represent the hordes of hot single babes milling around Wisconsin). You sound pretty relaxed and friendly and you know what you’re doing with your life. You’re upfront about the smoking which is a habit that can be a dealbreaker for some folks, everything else looks good to me. Question - that last photo isn’t from your own wedding with your ex clipped out, is it? **Mauvaise** , I’d approach your profile differently since you aren’t looking for dates but I don’t think that I’d start off with the UPS rant. If I met someone at a party or other social event and that’s how the conversation started I’d probably think that’s the big thing in this person’s life and if it wasn’t also important to me we wouldn’t have much to talk about. Although you’ve specifically addressed that in your profile I’d think it’d work better to put everything else in the “self summary” which establishes more about you, your sense of humor and sarcasm and so forth, and then rant away if you wish - in my mind at least that’s a more natural flow; a reader will have an idea of what to expect. And of course fair’s fair so here I am: [http://www.okcupid.com/profile/MarathonMensch](http://www.okcupid.com/profile/MarathonMensch) ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 11:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/144 "2010-06-02T11:38:54Z")
> [@Valgard](#): > > I think that’s a well done profile (disclosure - I’m a 40 year old straight guy so I don’t represent the hordes of hot single babes milling around Wisconsin). You sound pretty relaxed and friendly and you know what you’re doing with your life. You’re upfront about the smoking which is a habit that can be a dealbreaker for some folks, everything else looks good to me. Question - that last photo isn’t from your own wedding with your ex clipped out, is it? No, I was standing up in that wedding. At one point that picture wasn’t cropped and my profile said something along the lines of “Just so you know, that picture isn’t my wedding, my best friend asked me to stand up in her wedding” or something like that. It was a good picture of me and it subtly mentioned that I have close female friends. Now, that picture where I’m holding a baby…that’s my ex’s arm over my head. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/145 "2010-06-02T12:56:20Z")
[Here is mine!](http://www.okcupid.com/profile/jenniferrobot) I won’t be back in the States for a couple months, but I’m hoping I can meet some new people when I get into town. ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/146 "2010-06-02T13:02:37Z")
> [@Macnbaish](#): > > Oh and regarding the religious thing - as you can see from my profile I’m pretty religious. I would say this - if the guy is very religious and one that you probably wouldn’t be compatible with, he probably won’t be interested when he sees that you’re agnostic. For me, I know how important my faith is in my life - because of that, if there is no mention of God in a profile, I move past it, even if everything else we have in common is perfect. Doesn’t this contradict itself? If someone seems a perfect match, but doesn’t mention religion, you just move on instead of just asking them about it? Seem, in my opinion, a little short-sighted. There are plenty of reasons for a religious person to keep that to himself on a dating profile. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/147 "2010-06-02T13:15:25Z")
> [@Munch](#): > > Doesn’t this contradict itself? If someone seems a perfect match, but doesn’t mention religion, you just move on instead of just asking them about it? Seem, in my opinion, a little short-sighted. There are plenty of reasons for a religious person to keep that to himself on a dating profile. It means that he is only interested in people whose religion is important enough to them to warrant being mentioned on their dating profiles. If that’s what’s important to him, so be it. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/148 "2010-06-02T14:03:01Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > [Here is mine!](http://www.okcupid.com/profile/jenniferrobot) I won’t be back in the States for a couple months, but I’m hoping I can meet some new people when I get into town. Good profile; great name. ---
**Author:** ![melodyharmonius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/melodyharmonius/32/21310_2.png) [@melodyharmonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melodyharmonius)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/149 "2010-06-02T14:26:54Z")
For those that are more religious-minded, have you tried using any faith-specific dating sites? I had a co-worker who posted her dating profile on a Christian-specific dating site - I tried it out for a while, but never had much success. But I was not as diligent or devout as she was. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/150 "2010-06-02T14:29:44Z")
> [@Macnbaish](#): > > Since we’re sharing.. here’s mine: > > [http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Macnbaish](http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Macnbaish) Rap is not a proper noun. You don’t have to capitalize it. Other than that, good job. If I were (1) single, (2) female, and (3) a Christian, I’d be all up in your inbox. ETA: Stop restricting your profiles to OKCupid users, people! :mad: ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/151 "2010-06-02T14:35:19Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > ETA: Stop restricting your profiles to OKCupid users, people! :mad: I don’t want people sneakviewing my profile. I like knowing who’s checking me out. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/152 "2010-06-02T14:38:12Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > It means that he is only interested in people whose religion is important enough to them to warrant being mentioned on their dating profiles. If that’s what’s important to him, so be it. That’s fine, but like I said - there are plenty of people who are extremely religious who have perfectly good reasons to leave that off their profile. Simply asking, “my faith is very important to me - do you mind if I ask you about yours?” could unveil a great number of potentials. ---
**Author:** ![Ostrya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/35a633/32.png) [@Ostrya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ostrya)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/153 "2010-06-02T14:42:45Z")
concerning **even sven** ’s profile.. > [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > Good profile; great name. I wholeheartedly agree with both these statements. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/154 "2010-06-02T14:43:00Z")
> [@Munch](#): > > That’s fine, but like I said - there are plenty of people who are extremely religious who have perfectly good reasons to leave that off their profile. Simply asking, “my faith is very important to me - do you mind if I ask you about yours?” could unveil a great number of potentials. That’s fine, but like I said, maybe he’s only interested in people whose religion is important enough to them to warrant having it stated on their profiles to begin with. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/155 "2010-06-02T14:59:44Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > That’s fine, but like I said, maybe he’s only interested in people whose religion is important enough to them to warrant having it stated on their profiles to begin with. I think you’re missing the point; there are lots of people for whom religion is the most important thing in their lives, but who do not wish to advertise the fact. Gerald Ford, for example, was a born again Christian, participated in weekly Bible study groups while in office, and prayed over the phone with Billy Graham while deciding whether to pardon Nixon - but never publicly discussed his religion unless directly asked about it. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/156 "2010-06-02T15:04:08Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > I think you’re missing the point; there are lots of people for whom religion is the most important thing in their lives, but who do not wish to advertise the fact. Gerald Ford, for example, was a born again Christian, participated in weekly Bible study groups while in office, and prayed over the phone with Billy Graham while deciding whether to pardon Nixon - but never publicly discussed his religion unless directly asked about it. But there are plenty of people on OkCupid who _do_ mention their religious affiliations on their profiles (especially in the Six Things I Can’t Live Without section). Why send messages asking people about how serious they are about their religion when there’s a group that basically come out and state it? ---
**Author:** ![Mauvaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mauvaise/32/11084_2.png) [@Mauvaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mauvaise)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/157 "2010-06-02T15:12:55Z")
> [@Valgard](#): > > **Mauvaise** , I’d approach your profile differently since you aren’t looking for dates but I don’t think that I’d start off with the UPS rant. If I met someone at a party or other social event and that’s how the conversation started I’d probably think that’s the big thing in this person’s life and if it wasn’t also important to me we wouldn’t have much to talk about. Although you’ve specifically addressed that in your profile I’d think it’d work better to put everything else in the “self summary” which establishes more about you, your sense of humor and sarcasm and so forth, and then rant away if you wish - in my mind at least that’s a more natural flow; a reader will have an idea of what to expect. Ok, I am open to switching the two sections if you think it would flow better. Thanks for the feedback. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/158 "2010-06-02T15:21:43Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > But there are plenty of people on OkCupid who _do_ mention their religious affiliations on their profiles (especially in the Six Things I Can’t Live Without section). Why send messages asking people about how serious they are about their religion when there’s a group that basically come out and state it? The original post in question stated that they’re excluding people who seem like absolutely perfect matches, other than the fact that they don’t publicly mention god in their profiles. I suggested that may be a tad shortsighted. Do you disagree with that? ---
**Author:** ![Mauvaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mauvaise/32/11084_2.png) [@Mauvaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mauvaise)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/159 "2010-06-02T15:25:03Z")
Ok, I tweaked the self-summary and what I’m doing with my life sections, and moved the rant down to the “what people notice about me section.” The only reason I’m leaving the rant in the profile at all is that I do actually get an email about once a month or so from random people that liked it. So, if anyone wants to critique again, I can handle it (no, I can’t - be gentle 😉 ) [http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Mauvaise6](http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Mauvaise6) ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2010, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/160 "2010-06-02T15:33:26Z")
> [@Munch](#): > > The original post in question stated that they’re excluding people who seem like absolutely perfect matches, other than the fact that they don’t publicly mention god in their profiles. I suggested that may be a tad shortsighted. Do you disagree with that? _I_ wouldn’t exclude people based on that, but he wants people whose lives revolve around God. He didn’t mention frustrations at not being able to find people who mention God so I’d say his exclusionary style is doing fine. The only alternative is that, as you suggested, he message people asking about their religion. As I responded to that, there are plenty of people who do, in fact, mention God so it’s not a problem. So yes, he is potentially excluding people who might be good with him. But it doesn’t matter because there’s a large enough selection of people whose profiles meet his standards. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=9)