# The Ongoing Online Dating Advice Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 27, 2010, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978 "2010-05-27T18:50:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 83
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2011, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1642 "2011-06-19T22:02:07Z")
I have a car, but I typically stay within 25 miles. Mostly because I’m really not willing to relocate and I don’t want to have to drive more then 30 minutes or so to see each other while we’re dating. ---
**Author:** ![Sierra\_Indigo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@Sierra\_Indigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sierra_Indigo)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2011, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1643 "2011-06-19T23:30:59Z")
Only within the same city, which is about 30-50km, depending on what side they live on. I don’t drive, and I’ve done the long-distance thing twice now, with varying results. There’s nothing wrong with it, but I prefer to know that the person I’m talking to, we could potentially meet up and screw with less than 24 hours notice if required. ---
**Author:** ![Edward\_The\_Head](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ce73a5/32.png) [@Edward\_The\_Head](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Edward_The_Head)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2011, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1644 "2011-06-20T01:09:46Z")
How often do people get stood up? I had email someone for a few days, asked her out and she said yes. We made a time, I sent her my phone number and such. I didn’t hear anything from her for a couple of days but I wasn’t too worried. We were supposed to meet tonight, I gave her 30 minutes and she never showed. I kind of figured since I didn’t hear from her, but I would have at least thought she would have answered. I don’t know if I should email her or what. I don’t think I will and I’ve gotten rid of her emails, but they will stay for a few days at least. Just seems rather rude for an adult. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2011, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1645 "2011-06-20T01:32:45Z")
Never been stood up, but I was just thinking about what I would do in that situation. I would just leave it alone. I figure if she can come up with a great explanation for herself I’d giver her a second shot, otherwise I’d probably just keep looking. OTOH, you could have sent her a text as well “Hey, just got here a few minutes ago, are you at the bar or in the restaurant area” or something else that implies that she should be there already. Of course she’ll probably just ignore it. Anyways, at this point, if I were you and I didn’t hear something (good) in the next day or so, especially if she’s been online, I’d just assume she’s not that interested and move on. IME in the age of internet dating people won’t stand someone up, if they don’t want to go out with you, they’ll stop replying either before you get to the point of setting up a date or if the conversation gets to that point they’ll stop replying the first time you start trying to make specific plans (Monday or Thursday works for me, we could go to Cafe Lulu, Riverfront Pizza or The Wicked Hop…then, nothing). Which, on the one hand, is good, even if they are interested sometimes this means they aren’t ready to meet someone for anyone of a number of reasons. OTOH it’s too bad if the reason is just the fear of meeting some random person off the internet. ---
**Author:** ![Edward\_The\_Head](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ce73a5/32.png) [@Edward\_The\_Head](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Edward_The_Head)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2011, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1646 "2011-06-20T01:38:19Z")
I figured I would just leave it. We had 6-7 emails, not messages, back and forth. I sent her my phone number and didn’t hear anything. She hadn’t been online, at least on OK Cupid, since I last heard from her. We were supposed to meet in a public place and she had agreed and we had a couple of other emails after that. I’m not worried about it, but it does seem strange to say ok then not even bother to send an email and say I’m not interested. I deleted her emails and contact so I’ll not be sending her anything again. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2011, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1647 "2011-06-20T01:46:45Z")
Like I said, I’d wait for her to get back to you (and it sounds like you don’t have a choice for some reason (is her OKC profile gone?)) and when she does you can decide if her excuse is worth it to you or not. For example, to me if someone said a great concert came up or an old friend came into town etc that would be an okay excuse to break a date but to let you know first. Work ran late or she got into a fender bender would be an okay excuse to let you know ASAP (probably later that night) Family medical emergency, friend had a baby, house caught fire, car got stolen…sorry, you’re on the back burner and I could understand her calling/emailing you the next day to apologize. What I’m saying is, if she emailed tomorrow to say that she ended up going out with some work friends instead, I’d probably just ignore the email and move on. Even if she claimed to have forgotten. _I_ was really excited to meet her and if she wasn’t excited enough that she managed to forget about it, then it’s probably not worth going any further with it. But like I said, you’ll have to wait and see and it’s up to you how you want to proceed with the information you’re given. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2011, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1648 "2011-06-20T16:29:46Z")
> [@Invisible\_Chimp](#): > > I feel so shallow because otherwise she sounds awesome for me. For anybody who plans to be at all, uh, “physically active” with the people they date, physical attraction is \*absolutely \*part of the whole package. It doesn’t make you shallow; it makes you _human_. Some people are attracted to fat and some aren’t. If someone wants to date people who aren’t attracted to fat, it behooves them to stay at a healthy weight. This is one of the reasons that LDRs seldom work. Physical attraction is a very important part of romantic relationships for most people, and it’s \*very \*hard to gauge that remotely. > [@Joey\_P](#): > > I think it’s safe to assume if she were back down to ‘overweight’ she’d update her pictures and get rid of the morbidly obese ones. Fun fact: Part of the reason I updated my photos on OkC is that I have put on weight. Not enough to push me even into the “overweight” category, let alone “obese,” but I still think it’s kind of funny. > [@Sicks\_Ate](#): > > Wow, I have been lurking here for about a week, and lately the conversation has really taken off! Welcome to the SDMB! Always glad to have new people. > [@Invisible\_Chimp](#): > > How far away are y’all willing to message people? I almost never search out people far away, and it’s rare for me to PM someone first, but I’ll respond to messages from anyone. I think the farthest-away guy I’m talking to right now is in the U.K. As for people I’d consider _dating_, they have to be in Milwaukee. I refuse to even consider an LDR with someone I don’t already know well. > [@Edward\_The\_Head](#): > > How often do people get stood up? Never, but I’m making this face :dubious: about the guy I theoretically have a date with tomorrow. He keeps saying he’s still interested, but it’s taking him forever to respond to messages, and I haven’t heard back from him since the last one about a week ago, where he asked me to save tomorrow for him. I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt for the time being since he’s allegedly a doctor and really busy, but he’s pretty damn close to getting written off at this point. For me, breaking a date with no advance warning would be an auto-no unless there are some pretty fucking amazing mitigating circumstances. If you can’t be bothered to so much as text me five minutes before the date, then you’re probably a careless asshole who I have no interest in dating. If she has a fantastically great excuse for not showing up and not letting you know she wasn’t going to be there, give her a second shot, but otherwise, write her off and consider yourself to have dodged a bullet. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2011, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1649 "2011-06-20T16:36:32Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > Fun fact: Part of the reason I updated my photos on OkC is that I have put on weight. If you put on weight based on the older pictures, it’s mainly on the sides of your face. (you grew your hair out) ---
**Author:** ![CandidGamera](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/candidgamera/32/2878_2.png) [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2011, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1650 "2011-06-20T17:24:17Z")
Well, I’m going to have to sit down and sign up for OKCupid when I get back from my vacation, I suppose. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2011, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1651 "2011-06-20T18:38:20Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > I may have an opening for murder \*next \*week, though. Text me if your up for anything this week. Or, in OKC speak…Chk out my pix and hit me up if u wanna chat. l8r. ---
**Author:** ![Invisible\_Chimp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f05b48/32.png) [@Invisible\_Chimp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Invisible_Chimp)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1652 "2011-06-21T00:09:47Z")
I don’t know why I do it, but I need to stop searching for matches ‘anywhere.’ I see all these great women all over the world that I will never meet, and it just depresses me. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1653 "2011-06-21T00:12:04Z")
Anyone wanna take a stab at why 13 people (scattered all over the US) just looked at my profile all within an hour? I assume either this thread (or somehow my profile) was linked to on another board or OKC is doing something wonky with what they’re putting on other people’s home pages (except that most of them are straight males). ---
**Author:** ![Invisible\_Chimp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f05b48/32.png) [@Invisible\_Chimp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Invisible_Chimp)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1654 "2011-06-21T00:32:29Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > Anyone wanna take a stab at why 13 people (scattered all over the US) just looked at my profile all within an hour? I assume either this thread (or somehow my profile) was linked to on another board or OKC is doing something wonky with what they’re putting on other people’s home pages (except that most of them are straight males). I looked at all the OKCupid Dopers I know of last night, not today. I don’t know what is going on with your visitors. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1655 "2011-06-21T03:17:45Z")
Ok, so several more people have looked at my profile and someone messaged me and asked me how it felt to be famous. Clearly someone somewhere linked to my profile…but who, where? ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1656 "2011-06-21T03:43:40Z")
Found it. I got linked to on SomethingAwful. Here’s the quote > [@](#): > > An internet friend told me this story today and it’s too creepy not to post here. > > Months and months ago she was reading an okcupid thread on another message board. The thread is the same idea as this one with people posting their profiles for advice. She wasn’t browsing anonymously at the time but there was almost nothing in her profile, she had taken a couple of quizzes, filled some of the sidebar stuff, and one picture. One of the very few things she had actually written was that she wasn’t looking for a relationship she was with someone and happy. > > This guy [http://www.okcupid.com/profile/[myprofile]](http://www.okcupid.com/profile/%5Bmyprofile%5D) posted his profile, seems normal enough right? He sends her a message saying he saw her looking at his profile with a bunch of personal questions. She didn’t write back. > > Shortly after she says she stopped using that account totally. She logs in today and has 10+ messages from him. Telling her he’s still interested in chatting, telling her it’s obvious that she is too busy to respond to messages so they should just meet up in person. One of the messages had a bunch of questions about things that she didn’t mention on okcupid at all which he admits he got from finding her facebook. Holy loving creepy she has no idea how he found it, her last name isn’t anywhere on her okcupid. > > I’m not sure if posting the thread from the other forum is against the rules here, but I went and read it and the guy has posted dozens of times asking what the best way to message women who have ignored him previously is and he checks compulsively to see when the women who don’t answer him have logged in and monitors their okcupid activity. He also talks about finding other peoples’ facebooks so he has something to ask them about. > > So yeah, don’t be that guy. I have NO idea what this is about. I’ve never messaged anyone that’s stated they weren’t looking for a relationship. I’ve never messaged anyone 10+times that didn’t reciprocate. I’ve never told someone in an email that I dug them up on facebook and used that info to strike up a conversation. Also, the today referenced in the quote is actually today and in the last few months, I don’t think I’ve even sent 10 emails to one person (other then our very own Guns), much less to one person that didn’t reciprocate. So, whatever. Also, if you read back in this thread, you’ll see my stance on both emailing people not looking for a relationship (won’t do it) and emailing people that don’t reply (will send out a second email maybe a few weeks later, but that’s it). ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1657 "2011-06-21T03:56:56Z")
I see they’re also pulling some of my quotes over, very much out of context, but their dating thread seems to be about 10 times longer and I suspect it’ll blow over pretty quickly so I’m not really going to bother sitting here defending myself. I have to wonder who they’re accusing me of doing this too though. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1658 "2011-06-21T05:25:20Z")
I think I figured this all out. The person who posted this at SA was a poster here as well for a little while (13 posts under the same name). Near as I can tell he just grabbed a random post of mine and twisted some facts around. I know which post he’s reading but the facts are all over the place. I’ll bet, if confronted, he couldn’t tell me who the person is. (Because I don’t think he knows her, I think it’s they’re just snarking on this thread a bit). I asked the admins over there to delete the links to my profile and this board, but it seems like it already pretty much blew over. At this point, I’d just rather someone googling my username didn’t wind up over at that thread. ---
**Author:** ![melodyharmonius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/melodyharmonius/32/21310_2.png) [@melodyharmonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melodyharmonius)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1659 "2011-06-21T12:16:04Z")
weird! ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Sensitive](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/58956e/32.png) [@Darth\_Sensitive](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Sensitive)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1660 "2011-06-21T15:39:12Z")
Howdy thread, Figured I might want a little feedback on [my profile](http://www.okcupid.com/profile/ZebraTeacher) if y’all are willing to give me some. I’m not terribly invested in the place, but I’m enrolled in a hellaciously boring summer class, and generating a profile has kept me sane in there for the past while. Thoughts? ---
**Author:** ![melodyharmonius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/melodyharmonius/32/21310_2.png) [@melodyharmonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melodyharmonius)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2011, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1661 "2011-06-21T15:56:36Z")
> [@Darth\_Sensitive](#): > > Howdy thread, > > Figured I might want a little feedback on [my profile](http://www.okcupid.com/profile/ZebraTeacher) if y’all are willing to give me some. I’m not terribly invested in the place, but I’m enrolled in a hellaciously boring summer class, and generating a profile has kept me sane in there for the past while. > > Thoughts? Did you mean to leave the " by How I Met Your Mother just so they would have a grammatical error to contact you about? 😉 I think it’s got a nice beat and you can dance to it. 🆒 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=82) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=84)