# The Ongoing Online Dating Advice Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 27, 2010, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978 "2010-05-27T18:50:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 87
**Author:** ![Invisible\_Chimp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f05b48/32.png) [@Invisible\_Chimp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Invisible_Chimp)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2011, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1722 "2011-06-29T01:27:47Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > … I don’t really pay attention to the match% though. As my previous posts have made clear, I take great stock in OKC’s questions and percentages. In fact, it’s the only way I know how to judge how well I get along with someone. My friends who aren’t on OKC leave me so… confused. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2011, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1723 "2011-06-29T01:31:19Z")
> [@Invisible\_Chimp](#): > > Don’t get me wrong. SFG is still fucking awesome,… That’s better. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2011, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1724 "2011-06-29T01:43:43Z")
> [@Invisible\_Chimp](#): > > As my previous posts have made clear, I take great stock in OKC’s questions and percentages. In fact, it’s the only way I know how to judge how well I get along with someone. My friends who aren’t on OKC leave me so… confused. I actually take great stock in the questions as well, I just, for no particular reason, never paid very much attention to the actual percentage numbers. As I was saying to Guns one day. I typically go to the questions, and click on “Unacceptable Answers” to see if there are any deal breakers (like if they answered that the Moon is bigger then the Sun) in there for me. After that they I just look through the rest of them. Now, I just have to wonder why the person who I emailed a few days ago hasn’t checked out my profile yet. ---
**Author:** ![Invisible\_Chimp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f05b48/32.png) [@Invisible\_Chimp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Invisible_Chimp)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2011, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1725 "2011-06-29T02:33:46Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > I actually take great stock in the questions as well, I just, for no particular reason, never paid very much attention to the actual percentage numbers. > As I was saying to Guns one day. I typically go to the questions, and click on “Unacceptable Answers” to see if there are any deal breakers (like if they answered that the Moon is bigger then the Sun) in there for me. After that they I just look through the rest of them. This reminds me of something. When I first stumbled upon SFG’s profile, I looked at unacceptable answers under her questions. One stuck in my memory. The question was about whether you would visit a creationist/intelligent design museum. I answered “No,” because I’m an atheist and very serious about it. SFG answered “Yes,” which I had marked unacceptable. However, both of us had explanations. Hers said something about going just to laugh. Mine said something about maybe going for laughs, but I wouldn’t want to give them my money. So it goes from unacceptable answer to unusual date idea. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2011, 6:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1726 "2011-06-29T06:44:46Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > Message sent (and this was a tricky one). Fingers crossed. Got a reply; said she’s not interested in a lengthy correspondence. I don’t know if that’s a polite brushoff or an opening to write again when I’m back in Boston. (Oh, I will write again when I get back. I just don’t know if that’s what she’s hoping for.) ---
**Author:** ![EvilTOJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee59a6/32.png) [@EvilTOJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilTOJ)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2011, 7:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1727 "2011-06-29T07:18:38Z")
Definitely write her when you get back. ---
**Author:** ![Mauvaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mauvaise/32/11084_2.png) [@Mauvaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mauvaise)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2011, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1728 "2011-06-29T14:03:08Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > Got a reply; said she’s not interested in a lengthy correspondence. I don’t know if that’s a polite brushoff or an opening to write again when I’m back in Boston. > > (Oh, I will write again when I get back. I just don’t know if that’s what she’s hoping for.) I don’t know either, but I agree that you should definitely take a chance and write her again when you’re home. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2011, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1729 "2011-06-29T14:38:06Z")
> [@Invisible\_Chimp](#): > > Answering three questions last night would not give me pages and pages of 99% matches in my city when before I had none. Other people are noticing it too. Well that’s lame. > [@Joey\_P](#): > > I typically go to the questions, and click on “Unacceptable Answers” to see if there are any deal breakers (like if they answered that the Moon is bigger then the Sun) in there for me. I read this as “their Mom is bigger than the Sun.” Which I think is a much more interesting question. > [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > Got a reply; said she’s not interested in a lengthy correspondence. I don’t know if that’s a polite brushoff or an opening to write again when I’m back in Boston. Unless she specifically specified that you should get in touch when you’re back, that’s almost certainly a brush-off. Sorry. ☹ Not that you shouldn’t still make contact again when you’re back, but I wouldn’t get my hopes up about anything coming of it. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2011, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1730 "2011-06-29T14:44:28Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > I read this as “their Mom is bigger than the Sun.” Which I think is a much more interesting question. That too may be unacceptable. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2011, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1731 "2011-06-29T14:50:52Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > Unless she specifically specified that you should get in touch when you’re back, that’s almost certainly a brush-off. Sorry. ☹ Not that you shouldn’t still make contact again when you’re back, but I wouldn’t get my hopes up about anything coming of it. I could see it going either way. There’s a girl that caught my eye, her profile states that she’s living elsewhere right now, but cruising the OKC scene in Milwaukee since she’s going to be moving here soon. I _would_ contact her, but I’d hate to be emailing her back and forth for a month only to end up having to end it before I get to meet her because a ‘brick and mortar’ person shows up, so to speak. Once she updates her profile to say she’s in Milwaukee, I’ll probably send her an email. I’d suggest you drop it, forget about her, don’t even check her profile (so you don’t wind up giving her the creepy stalker vibe in the mean time). But when you move closer to her then send her another email. ---
**Author:** ![Trom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/958977/32.png) [@Trom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trom)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2011, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1732 "2011-06-29T15:23:35Z")
So I made a profile a month or so ago on OKC. I’ve gotten quite a few messages, but I haven’t replied to anybody. I’m not quite sure why… Anyway, I was basically forced to the other day when I randomly viewed a profile of a girl I’ve casually hooked up with a few times recently. I thought the idea of online dating was to awkwardly meet new people and become comfortable with them, not make already established, comfortable relationships awkward. :smack: 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2011, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1733 "2011-06-29T16:15:06Z")
Ahaha, well done, **Trom**. I’ve run into a couple of friends on OkC (it’s actually how I randomly got back in touch with a friend from high school who I ended up dating for a while), but never anybody I’ve slept with, thank goodness. ---
**Author:** ![Trom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/958977/32.png) [@Trom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trom)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2011, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1734 "2011-06-29T18:45:40Z")
I have a question about comparing questions on OKC… I click on the “Unacceptable answers” tab to compare answers. The question is “Should evolution and creationism be taught side-by-side in public schools?” I’ve answered that only evolution should be taught in public schools, chosen to accept only that answer, and labeled it very important. She answered the same as me, yet my answer shows up red. This means she does not accept my/her answer in matches, yes? I can’t think why this would be other than a careless error on her part…😕 ---
**Author:** ![Edward\_The\_Head](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ce73a5/32.png) [@Edward\_The\_Head](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Edward_The_Head)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2011, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1735 "2011-06-29T18:56:19Z")
> [@Trom](#): > > I click on the “Unacceptable answers” tab to compare answers. The question is “Should evolution and creationism be taught side-by-side in public schools?” I’ve answered that only evolution should be taught in public schools, chosen to accept only that answer, and labeled it very important. She answered the same as me, yet my answer shows up red. This means she does not accept my/her answer in matches, yes? I can’t think why this would be other than a careless error on her part…😕 I’ve seen this a few times and I don’t understand what happened either. I’m guessing that they unckecked it by accident or something, or it just wasn’t checked at all. Is it polite to answer back to all emails? I visited someone’s profile and didn’t like it at all. She wrote in all caps and things like that. I didn’t stay long as she didn’t interest me. She wrote me last night, the first person to do so, but she can’t write and I had no idea what she was even talking about. Very few people respond back to me, but it seems rude to me to not respond. ---
**Author:** ![Mauvaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mauvaise/32/11084_2.png) [@Mauvaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mauvaise)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2011, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1736 "2011-06-29T19:02:08Z")
> [@Edward\_The\_Head](#): > > I’ve seen this a few times and I don’t understand what happened either. I’m guessing that they unckecked it by accident or something, or it just wasn’t checked at all. > > Is it polite to answer back to all emails? I visited someone’s profile and didn’t like it at all. She wrote in all caps and things like that. I didn’t stay long as she didn’t interest me. She wrote me last night, the first person to do so, but she can’t write and I had no idea what she was even talking about. Very few people respond back to me, but it seems rude to me to not respond. My personal rule is if the person is at least making an effort to be sincere, then I reply back, even if it’s to say something in the flavor of “I’m not interested, but good luck in your search”. The last one was easy to dismiss as he was a smoker who lived 300 miles away, so I was able to say that both of those were deal breakers, sorry. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2011, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1737 "2011-06-29T19:13:10Z")
> [@Trom](#): > > I can’t think why this would be other than a careless error on her part…😕 Correct, that’s what it indicates, and it doesn’t make any sense. Could be an interesting lead into a PM if you’re interested in talking to her! > [@Edward\_The\_Head](#): > > Is it polite to answer back to all emails? Like **Mauvaise** , I respond to everybody who sends me a message that is anything more than a clear boilerplate. However, note that politeness != saying yes to everything. It’s entirely possible to politely tell someone you’re not interested. ---
**Author:** ![Trom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/958977/32.png) [@Trom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trom)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2011, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1738 "2011-06-29T19:22:34Z")
> [@Edward\_The\_Head](#): > > I’ve seen this a few times and I don’t understand what happened either. I’m guessing that they unckecked it by accident or something, or it just wasn’t checked at all. > > Is it polite to answer back to all emails? I visited someone’s profile and didn’t like it at all. She wrote in all caps and things like that. I didn’t stay long as she didn’t interest me. She wrote me last night, the first person to do so, but she can’t write and I had no idea what she was even talking about. Very few people respond back to me, but it seems rude to me to not respond. As I said above, I haven’t responded to any messages. This has led to me having a red “responds very selectively” dot next to my profile. I haven’t browsed lists of other dudes, but based on the messages I’ve gotten from girls specifically referencing the red dot, it must stand out. What to do!? Not respond and keep the dot or respond and lose it? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2011, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1739 "2011-06-29T19:42:53Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > Unless she specifically specified that you should get in touch when you’re back, that’s almost certainly a brush-off. Ah, I think we’ve found the abrasive part. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2011, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1740 "2011-06-29T19:52:18Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > Ah, I think we’ve found the abrasive part. No, that’s not abrasive, that’s just giving honest advice you might not want to hear. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2011, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1741 "2011-06-29T19:56:51Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > No, that’s not abrasive, that’s just giving honest advice you might not want to hear. 😃 It’s not rape, it’s..er..surprise sex! :D:D [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=86) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=88)