# The Ongoing Online Dating Advice Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 27, 2010, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978 "2010-05-27T18:50:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 95
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2011, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1882 "2011-07-19T20:09:30Z")
> [@SeamusMcCool](#): > > Here’s an observation, not an insult. You are seriously lacking in perspective when using mathematical figures. The way you attack me in that post, you make it sound like 80% of my posts are insulting others, when I wasn’t aware that 100-10=80. Must be that New Math I keep hearing about. > [@](#): > > in reality you’re ONLY talking about less than 10%. Um, I’m pretty sure that’s almost exactly what I said (“just shy of 10%”). I’m not sure where you came up with 80% from. And I didn’t attack you, I’d prefer if you wouldn’t say that. All I did was point out that in your 22 posts, you’ve insulted people in two of them. That’s a pretty high ratio. Most of the people here rack up thousands and thousands of posts before getting warned for anything. ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2011, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1883 "2011-07-19T20:36:33Z")
> [@SeamusMcCool](#): > > Carry on everybody, but really, I’m glad I’ve been married for 14 years. I don’t like how the dating scene has changed and find it more than a little dangerous. Soooooo why even open a dating thread? ---
**Author:** ![Mauvaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mauvaise/32/11084_2.png) [@Mauvaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mauvaise)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2011, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1884 "2011-07-19T20:39:46Z")
> [@Bosstone](#): > > Soooooo why even open a dating thread? Because, obviously anyone who isn’t married and lowers themselves to online dating could benefit from his wisdom. Get out of the house and meet somebody?! :smack: Why didn’t _I_ ever think of that! I have seen the error of my ways! I didn’t know that only losers who live in their basements\* post profiles on dating websites! :rolleyes: \*I don’t have a basement ☹ ---
**Author:** ![SeamusMcCool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@SeamusMcCool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeamusMcCool)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2011, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1885 "2011-07-19T20:40:06Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > I wasn’t aware that 100-10=80. Must be that New Math I keep hearing about. > > Um, I’m pretty sure that’s almost exactly what I said (“just shy of 10%”). I’m not sure where you came up with 80% from. > > And I didn’t attack you, I’d prefer if you wouldn’t say that. All I did was point out that in your 22 posts, you’ve insulted people in two of them. That’s a pretty high ratio. Most of the people here rack up thousands and thousands of posts before getting warned for anything. Ponder the meaning of the statement, “you make it sound like…” Anyways, sorry for the derail. Carry on. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2011, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1886 "2011-07-19T20:59:45Z")
> [@SeamusMcCool](#): > > Ponder the meaning of the statement, “you make it sound like…” > > Anyways, sorry for the derail. Carry on. Ponder the difference between ‘infer’ and “I said nothing of the sort, where the hell did you come up with 80%?” ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2011, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1887 "2011-07-19T21:17:01Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > I was thinking of doing it without the boombox, and maybe something along the lines of OPP or Hip Hop Hooray…too much? I dunno. I really, really like the image of nothing actually coming out of your mouth, just the unbroken eye contact as you mouth the lyrics. > [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](#): > > The only issue I have with this advice is the great number of admonitory messages women post on their profiles scolding men for posting very brief messages containing no real substance-- “I will NOT respond to those” bbbyyy. You need to find a happy medium. Not “SHOW ME THEM TITTAAAAYYYYYYYYYS” or “hey how are you,” but not an epic screed, either. Long isn’t \*necessarily \*bad, but the longer the message is, the more you’re sending “way too clingy, too fast” vibes. Like the dude who showed up on our second date with flowers and a little gift (it was a toy, but still). Basically, you want enough to indicate something that drew your attention to this particular person, without going so overboard that you leave them with nothing else to talk about. > [@](#): > > Truth is, I suspect, that most people are responding to attractive photos (or other superficial attractions) and are rationalizing the way they respond (or don’t) to being approached. Man, what is up with all the guys in this thread being so cynical and bitter? I have to wonder how much worse your experiences are on these sites. > [@SeamusMcCool](#): > > You’re all losers. What’s that? I can’t hear you over the sound of all the amazing sex I’m having. > [@Joey\_P](#): > > Most of the people here rack up thousands and thousands of posts before getting warned for anything. 11k posts, considered by some to be one of the most obnoxious people here, and I don’t think I’ve ever gotten a full warning. :huffs on nails, buffs on shirt: > [@Mauvaise](#): > > I don’t have a basement Me neither. ☹ There are two levels of garage, though. I’d ask my apartment manager if we could sleep down there a night or two a week, but I think all of the indoor spots are taken. I do have a key to the bike room, though, so maybe we could plank on top of all the bicycles. Or do you think my storage room would count? ---
**Author:** ![pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pseudotriton_ruber_ruber)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2011, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1888 "2011-07-19T21:33:32Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > Man, what is up with all the guys in this thread being so cynical and bitter? I have to wonder how much worse your experiences are on these sites. I think “worse,” for sure. But, really, I’m extrapolating from my own practices–I just rejected a woman 10 years my senior (with photos suggesting that she’s slicing a few years off her stated age) by claiming tactfully that “New Jersey’s a little far for me, thanks” and then writing to a much more attractive woman my age (probably also lying, though) two counties further into Jersey. I’m avoiding telling the first one that the next guy to express interest in her body is probably going to be a mortician, but if the two had been reversed, so would my responses have been. How hot they are is 97% of my decision to respond as I do, but I couch my notes to them 100% without regard to their physical attractiveness. That’s what I assume women are doing in responding (or not) to me as well. ---
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2011, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1889 "2011-07-19T21:54:12Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > Man, what is up with all the guys in this thread being so cynical and bitter? I have to wonder how much worse your experiences are on these sites. Hey now…‘all’ is an absolute. I’m cynical and bitter about some things, sure, but so far not about dating… ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2011, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1890 "2011-07-19T21:55:16Z")
> [@SeamusMcCool](#): > > Anyways, sorry for the derail. Carry on. So you’re not sorry for insulting us, and you’re not sorry for getting the math wrong, but you are sorry for changing the subject? An odd experiment recently occurred to me. I’ll copy it here from my OKC Journal post: > [@](#): > > When you go to someone’s profile page and scroll down a bit, there’s a list of profiles that are similar, but a little different. What would happen if you just kept following those? If I clicked on one that was “more adventurous”, and then someone more adventurous than that, would I eventually find the most adventurous person in the world? ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2011, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1891 "2011-07-19T21:55:54Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > I dunno. I really, really like the image of nothing actually coming out of your mouth, just the unbroken eye contact as you mouth the lyrics. My first thought was “Didn’t you see what Guns said about mouthing the lyrics” Then I saw who wrote it. Yeah, that’s what I meant. Your exact scenario, just as you described, sans the actual music. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2011, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1892 "2011-07-19T21:58:18Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > So you’re not sorry for insulting us, and you’re not sorry for getting the math wrong, but you are sorry for changing the subject? > > An odd experiment recently occurred to me. I’ll copy it here from my OKC Journal post: In theory, it would only be the most adventurous person of your chosen sex (everything else seems to be ignored in the suggestions), on OKC…or maybe all suggestion eventually lead to the wikileaks guy, IIRC he seemed adventurous. Everytime I click on the suggestions they always skew really young. Like in the lower 20’s. ETA [Julian Assange](http://www.okcupid.com/profile/HarryHarrison) ---
**Author:** ![Edward\_The\_Head](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ce73a5/32.png) [@Edward\_The\_Head](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Edward_The_Head)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2011, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1893 "2011-07-20T00:50:32Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > ETA > [Julian Assange](http://www.okcupid.com/profile/HarryHarrison) He is 90% match for me and only 9% enemy. Too bad he lives in Australia and hasn’t been on since 2006. Oh and he’s a he. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2011, 8:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1894 "2011-07-20T08:08:10Z")
Messages that are too short or generic are along the lines of “hi there” or “sexy.” These are both messages I’ve received recently. A textbook perfect message length is “Good morning! You seem like a fun and adventurous person. I see you are a Sandwich Artist- I bet you have some great stories about that! Is there one sandwich that you just dread having to make? I’m a burrito engineer myself, so I know how it goes. Have you ever been to Burger King? It’s one of my favorite places. It’d be fun to meet up for coffee there and get to know each other better. Take care! -Sam” ---
**Author:** ![Edward\_The\_Head](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ce73a5/32.png) [@Edward\_The\_Head](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Edward_The_Head)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2011, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1895 "2011-07-20T13:18:36Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > Messages that are too short or generic are along the lines of “hi there” or “sexy.” These are both messages I’ve received recently. Really? That’s what you get? Maybe that’s what I need to try, can’t be any worse then now. [/quote] A textbook perfect message length is “Good morning! You seem like a fun and adventurous person. I see you are a Sandwich Artist- I bet you have some great stories about that! Is there one sandwich that you just dread having to make? I’m a burrito engineer myself, so I know how it goes. Have you ever been to Burger King? It’s one of my favorite places. It’d be fun to meet up for coffee there and get to know each other better. Take care! -Sam” [/QUOTE] How often do you get those kinds of messages? The ones I send are about twice as long, but they do offer a few questions. I think I’ll try and change how I send messages to something more like this. Though isn’t it a bit forward to suggest meeting up in the first message? ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2011, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1896 "2011-07-20T13:34:39Z")
Probably around half are along those lines. The rest are split between one and two worder and longer screeds. I guess speed of meeting up depends on the person. I’m not a fan of lots of online chatting- I’d rather just meet the person and figure out if we have chemistry or not. I think it’s always appropriate to plainly state your intentions, but YMMV. ---
**Author:** ![wayward](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a87d85/32.png) [@wayward](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wayward)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2011, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1897 "2011-07-20T14:55:47Z")
> [@Edward\_The\_Head](#): > > He is 90% match for me and only 9% enemy. Too bad he lives in Australia and hasn’t been on since 2006. Oh and he’s a he. He’s 93% for me. Stay away from my man! A few of you might have noticed me stalking your profile so it’s only fair if I invite comments on [mine](http://www.okcupid.com/profile/willh364). I had a half finished mess of a thing languishing away on there for a couple of years but a few weeks back I thought I’d give the whole thing a proper go and gave my profile a pretty major tune up. Though I haven’t met anyone yet I’ve had some message exchanges with a few nice girls since then, including two initiated by them, so I must be doing something right ---
**Author:** ![SeamusMcCool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@SeamusMcCool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeamusMcCool)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2011, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1898 "2011-07-20T15:05:00Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > Ponder the difference between ‘infer’ and “I said nothing of the sort, where the hell did you come up with 80%?” Hopeless. Let me give it to you slow. You.are.overrating.your.less.than.10.percent.statistic. In the real world, when somebody does something less than 10% of the time, nobody cares or consider it worth mentioning. You pull that figure out like it’s some kind of slam on my posting behaviour here. It would be IF your stat was closer to 80%. Understand, Kojak? ---
**Author:** ![SeamusMcCool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@SeamusMcCool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeamusMcCool)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2011, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1899 "2011-07-20T15:18:07Z")
Anyways, you’re on my ignore. I don’t suffer your kind of posting easily, so for the sake of my continued participation, you are on ignore. Good day to you. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2011, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1900 "2011-07-20T15:22:58Z")
> [@SeamusMcCool](#): > > Hopeless. > > Let me give it to you slow. > > You.are.overrating.your.less.than.10.percent.statistic. > > In the real world, when somebody does something less than 10% of the time, nobody cares or consider it worth mentioning. You pull that figure out like it’s some kind of slam on my posting behaviour here. It would be IF your stat was closer to 80%. > > Understand, Kojak? No, I can honestly say I don’t. What you’re saying is that since I explicitly said you did something less then 10% of the time but you feel the threshold for calling you out on it is 20%, I therefore implied that you did it 20% of the time…wow, that’s just, well…I will hereby not reply to anything else on the subject because logic clearly fails you. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2011, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1901 "2011-07-20T15:24:00Z")
> [@SeamusMcCool](#): > > Anyways, you’re on my ignore. I don’t suffer your kind of posting easily, so for the sake of my continued participation, you are on ignore. > > Good day to you. Ooooh, so sorry, don’t think that’s allowed outside the pit…thanks for playing. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=94) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=96)