# The Ongoing Online Dating Advice Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 27, 2010, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978 "2010-05-27T18:50:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 96
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2011, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1902 "2011-07-20T15:35:15Z")
> [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](#): > > But, really, I’m extrapolating from my own practices > [@Joey\_P](#): > > Yeah, that’s what I meant. Your exact scenario, just as you described, sans the actual music. So you’d be standing there, mouthing lyrics, but no actual sound coming out of your mouth? Hrmmmmmm. Creepier, but also makes it fairly impossible for her to tell what exactly you’re doing unless she can lip-read. > [@Edward\_The\_Head](#): > > Really? That’s what you get? I’ve gotten such gems as “u have beautiful eyes” and “SHOW ME THEM TITTAAAYYYYYYS!!!” > [@](#): > > Though isn’t it a bit forward to suggest meeting up in the first message? Depends on the preferences of the person you’re messaging. Personally, I’d rather meet up sooner than later. It’s much easier to gauge interest and chemistry in person. > [@SeamusMcCool](#): > > You.are.overrating.your.less.than.10.percent.statistic. Isn’t that for us, the readers, to decide? Personally, I find it relevant that two of your first 20 posts were insulting people outside of the Pit. That suggests to me that you’re the type of person who tries to just plunge straight into a new community without actually getting a feel for how it works and what isn’t acceptable. > [@SeamusMcCool](#): > > Anyways, you’re on my ignore. Yup, you definitely didn’t read the rules. After getting so many warnings, one would expect a clever person to backtrack and do that to avoid getting banned. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2011, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1903 "2011-07-20T15:36:28Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > No, I can honestly say I don’t. > What you’re saying is that since I explicitly said you did something less then 10% of the time but you feel the threshold for calling you out on it is 20%, I therefore implied that you did it 20% of the time…wow, that’s just, well…I will hereby not reply to anything else on the subject because logic clearly fails you. I just realized I mis-wrote my numbers here. What he actually was trying to say is that his magic threshold for being called out is when 80% of his posts include insults to other posters. So by calling him out when he hit ‘just shy of 10%’ I apparently implied that he hit the 80% mark. See posts 1881 and 1898 for reference. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2011, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1904 "2011-07-20T15:44:37Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > So you’d be standing there, mouthing lyrics, but no actual sound coming out of your mouth? Ummm, Hip Hop Hooray had some sort of hand waving thing that went along with it…duh. It’s not like I’d just be standing there. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2011, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1905 "2011-07-20T15:44:43Z")
> [@SeamusMcCool](#): > > Anyways, you’re on my ignore. I don’t suffer your kind of posting easily, so for the sake of my continued participation, you are on ignore. > > Good day to you. [Moderator Note]Mentioning who is/is not on your ignore list is against the rules here. Do not do it again.[/Moderator Note] ---
**Author:** ![Edward\_The\_Head](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ce73a5/32.png) [@Edward\_The\_Head](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Edward_The_Head)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2011, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1906 "2011-07-20T15:49:10Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > I’ve gotten such gems as “u have beautiful eyes” and “SHOW ME THEM TITTAAAYYYYYYS!!!” The first I can kind of see, the second I’m not sure if I’ve ever even said that to someone I’m dating. I should try it to see if I get any kind of response back. > [@](#): > > Depends on the preferences of the person you’re messaging. Personally, I’d rather meet up sooner than later. It’s much easier to gauge interest and chemistry in person. I have started to suggest a date with the second message. I didn’t think it good form to go right from the start. However it seems that some people don’t mind so I might try it. I can’t get any worse. Oh and SHOW ME THEM TITTAAAYYYYYYS!!! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2011, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1907 "2011-07-20T15:52:07Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > Ummm, Hip Hop Hooray had some sort of hand waving thing that went along with it…duh. It’s not like I’d just be standing there. 🆒 Didn’t we talk about softly mouthing the lyrics…maybe I’ll leave that part in. ---
**Author:** ![Invisible\_Chimp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f05b48/32.png) [@Invisible\_Chimp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Invisible_Chimp)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2011, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1908 "2011-07-20T17:05:02Z")
I browse the Internet via my smartphone more often than not these days(I’m typing this on Tapatalk) and my OkCupid app is freezing up/crashing a lot lately. Last night, I switched to Safari mobile and browsed OkC that way. When I switched back to the app, none of the women I looked at showed up as recently visited. I might exploit this bug to stalk some people’s profiles. Ultimately, I just wish the app would work properly again. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2011, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1909 "2011-07-20T19:04:34Z")
Were you signed in on Safari? If not, that would explain why. Note that this method won’t work for anyone who only has their profile visible to other OkC members. Otherwise, if you were still signed in, I’d say don’t count on the bug working both ways (i.e., just because they’re not on your list doesn’t mean you’re not on theirs). ---
**Author:** ![Mauvaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mauvaise/32/11084_2.png) [@Mauvaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mauvaise)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2011, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1910 "2011-07-20T19:05:03Z")
> [@Edward\_The\_Head](#): > > Really? That’s what you get? Maybe that’s what I need to try, can’t be any worse then now. I think I might have posted this previously, but here is a sampling of direct (and complete) messages I’ve received on OKC: > [@](#): > > Hi, I would love to chat. John > [@](#): > > Hey, you seem like a fun woman. So, how are you? > [@](#): > > Hey there > > You looking to meet someone new tonight? 🙂 > > I’m Ruben > [@](#): > > you are enticingly sexy.. I’m Garyn. could I call you sometime? > [@](#): > > Hot!! Really!! > [@](#): > > Hey gorgeous! Perhaps you’d be interested in a hung boytoy? > [@](#): > > hi > id love to meet you > [@](#): > > hello, thanks for stopping by here my number 323 394 XXXX you can call or text and i think it a lot better then sending emails and i.m. so drop me a line and let’s chat. This last one actually had his full number (thought I shouldn’t post it). I was bored one evening and had hit “random match” a few times, his was one of the profiles that I was taken to. Apparently just showing up on his visitor’s list was enough to get the above. ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2011, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1911 "2011-07-20T19:10:33Z")
On the one hand, guys have to deal with a severe lack of communication, because the competition resulting from the imbalance in genders means that for most women you have to be pretty exceptional to get a response. On the other hand, the same imbalance means woman receive a whole heck of a lot of messages, 99% of which are pure laughable crap that need to be sifted through to find the interesting ones. …So jumping off what **Guns** said yesterday, how is it _guys_ are the cynical ones here? ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2011, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1912 "2011-07-20T19:18:12Z")
Because we’re the ones doing the rejecting rather than being rejected, I’d assume. ---
**Author:** ![Man\_from\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Man\_from\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_from_Mars)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2011, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1913 "2011-07-21T02:08:44Z")
> [@Bosstone](#): > > On the other hand, the same imbalance means woman receive a whole heck of a lot of messages, 99% of which are pure laughable crap that need to be sifted through to find the interesting ones. I don’t know if 99% is an accurate number, but I’d rather have X amount of initial contacts to sift through, rather than to not have a single reply whatsoever after hundreds of contacts. I did have a couple of women actually IM me for some time but then they disappeared. I figure they were talking to multiple guys and I just bored them after a while and they dropped me. Who knows. All I can do is speculate about what I might have done wrong, which is a useless but unavoidably natural reaction in such a situation. ---
**Author:** ![Man\_from\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Man\_from\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_from_Mars)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2011, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1914 "2011-07-21T03:52:16Z")
By the way, I’ve made a “Hitler parody” inspired by my futility in the online dating game. Anybody want to watch it (and then tell me how cool and funny I am and then go out with me\*)? \*women only ---
**Author:** ![Invisible\_Chimp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f05b48/32.png) [@Invisible\_Chimp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Invisible_Chimp)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2011, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1915 "2011-07-21T04:30:07Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > Were you signed in on Safari? If not, that would explain why. Note that this method won’t work for anyone who only has their profile visible to other OkC members. > > Otherwise, if you were still signed in, I’d say don’t count on the bug working both ways (i.e., just because they’re not on your list doesn’t mean you’re not on theirs). I was signed in last night. I tried it again tonight and they did show up in my visited, so I’ll have to find another way to stalk people. ---
**Author:** ![Mauvaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mauvaise/32/11084_2.png) [@Mauvaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mauvaise)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2011, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1916 "2011-07-21T12:59:02Z")
> [@Invisible\_Chimp](#): > > I was signed in last night. I tried it again tonight and they did show up in my visited, so I’ll have to find another way to stalk people. Can’t you just change your profile settings to “browse anonymously”? I know you won’t see your visitors while you are, but… ---
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2011, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1917 "2011-07-21T13:42:09Z")
Speaking of visitors, I haven’t had many lately, but a majority are either known Dopers or strangers from far-flung locales…whom I also assume to be Dopers. Thats kind of fun. For some reason, I see quite a few updates from women in Oklahoma, when my search radius is only 100 miles? ---
**Author:** ![Mauvaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mauvaise/32/11084_2.png) [@Mauvaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mauvaise)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2011, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1918 "2011-07-21T13:57:43Z")
> [@Sicks\_Ate](#): > > For some reason, I see quite a few updates from women in Oklahoma, when my search radius is only 100 miles? 100 Miles?! :eek: That’s quite a radius. And here I’ve been lamenting that I can’t shrink it smaller than 25 miles! ---
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2011, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1919 "2011-07-21T14:03:36Z")
> [@Mauvaise](#): > > 100 Miles?! :eek: That’s quite a radius. And here I’ve been lamenting that I can’t shrink it smaller than 25 miles! Well, only because 50 miles doesn’t hit St. Joseph or Lawrence, and I’ve had alot of luck in Lawrence. I wouldn’t seriously entertain the thought of dating someone who was actually 100 miles away. The 45 minute 1-way to Lawrence is quite enough. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2011, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1920 "2011-07-21T16:08:27Z")
OkC dating story of the most reasonable excuse for canceling at the last second: I was supposed to have drinks Wednesday night with a guy I’d been chatting with. Less than 15 minutes before the date, he sent me a text message saying that he was really sorry, but he had to cancel, since he’d just gotten a message from his mom telling him that she was about to call him and then come over. He texted again the next morning to tell me his dad had _had an aneurysm_. 😮 > [@Mauvaise](#): > > And here I’ve been lamenting that I can’t shrink it smaller than 25 miles! So glad I’m not the only person who finds that obnoxious. Although I’m sure it has something to do with privacy concerns–stalkers could potentially narrow down your location if you could specify a smaller radius. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2011, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978/1921 "2011-07-21T16:17:18Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > OkC dating story of the most reasonable excuse for canceling at the last second: > > I was supposed to have drinks Wednesday night with a guy I’d been chatting with. Less than 15 minutes before the date, he sent me a text message saying that he was really sorry, but he had to cancel, since he’d just gotten a message from his mom telling him that she was about to call him and then come over. He texted again the next morning to tell me his dad had _had an aneurysm_. 😮 Tell him to put a band-aid on it and move on with life..sheesh. > [@](#): > > So glad I’m not the only person who finds that obnoxious. Although I’m sure it has something to do with privacy concerns–stalkers could potentially narrow down your location if you could specify a smaller radius. I hadn’t thought of it that way, on Match you can set it as small as you want. I figure they just want you to see _more_ people. I have mine (on OKC) set to 25 miles as well, and on the home page, where it shows all the people that have made changes to their profile or answered questions, most of them are from Chicago or Madison (both about 90ish miles), sometimes even further. I’d say that less then 10% of them are from Milwaukee. But I’d guess that’s just due to sheer numbers more then anything else. I’m sure there’s more 25-33 year old females in Chicago and Madison on OKC then Milwaukee. I’d guess that if I lived in Chicago, most of them would be in Chicago and not, say, Milwaukee. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=95) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ongoing-online-dating-advice-thread/540978.md?page=97)