# The Onion - J'Accuse! **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 26, 2005, 7:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-jaccuse/323461 "2005-09-26T07:12:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![aldiboronti](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc348/32.png) [@aldiboronti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aldiboronti)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 7:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-jaccuse/323461/1 "2005-09-26T07:12:40Z")
I accuse the writers of The Onion of conspiring together to slay me by laughter. [This one](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/40764) almost finished me off, I’m still in recovery. **Bush Braces As Cindy Sheehan’s Other Son Drowns In New Orleans** Curse them! Any other candidates for best Onion headline ever? ---
**Author:** ![Rodgers01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b19c9b/32.png) [@Rodgers01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rodgers01)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 8:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-jaccuse/323461/2 "2005-09-26T08:28:47Z")
Well, the one I think a lot of people were curious about was their first headline after September 11th, 2001. It turned out to be classic – funny but not disrespectful: **Hijackers Surprised to Find Themselves In Hell** Not their laugh-out-loud funniest, of course, but one of their most memorable. ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 9:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-jaccuse/323461/3 "2005-09-26T09:35:56Z")
Their finest moment had to be during the disputed 2000 election: \*\*Nation Plunges Into Chaos: Pro-Bush Rebels Seize Power In West; D.C. In Flames Clinton Declares Self President For Life Bush Executes 253 New Mexico Democrats Bob Dole: “Bob Dole’s Been Shot” McVeigh Urges Calm\*\* ---
**Author:** ![Sophistry\_and\_Illusion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@Sophistry\_and\_Illusion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sophistry_and_Illusion)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-jaccuse/323461/4 "2005-09-26T13:54:38Z")
**Clinton Deploys Very Special Forces to Iraq** One of the greatest features of the Onion articles are the accompanying Photoshopped pix–this one had a picture of a cargo plane photoshopped to look like a short bus. ---
**Author:** ![flight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbce88/32.png) [@flight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flight)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-jaccuse/323461/5 "2005-09-26T15:57:38Z")
Clinton drops “Da Bomb”. Referring to Pres. George Clinton. ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-jaccuse/323461/6 "2005-09-26T16:23:25Z")
The headline when they started up again after 9/11 HOLY FUCKING SHIT! ---
**Author:** ![thwartme](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecc23a/32.png) [@thwartme](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thwartme)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-jaccuse/323461/7 "2005-09-26T16:28:22Z")
I think their best stuff is in the collection [“Our Dumb century”](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/069452199X/002-3537142-2268861?v=glance) . \*\*Martin Luther King: “I Had a Really Weird Dream Last Night” German Jews Worried About Hitler’s ‘Kill All Jews’ Policy\*\* and my personal favourite **Holy Shit Man Walks On Fucking Moon** My favourite of the post 9/11 edition was \*\*[God Angrily Clarifies ‘Don’t Kill’ Rule](God Angrily Clarifies Thou Shalt Not Kill Rule) \*\* thwartme ---
**Author:** ![TJVM](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b38774/32.png) [@TJVM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TJVM)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-jaccuse/323461/8 "2005-09-26T16:41:57Z")
[Neighbors Remember Serial Killer as Serial Killer](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/32531) ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-jaccuse/323461/9 "2005-09-26T16:45:48Z")
> [@Otto](#): > > Clinton Declares Self President For Life With the photo of Clinton in a white generalissimo’s uniform and some of his comments, that one was a classic. > [@Biggirl](#): > > The headline when they started up again after 9/11 > > HOLY FUCKING SHIT! I also remember a subhead that said something like “Life turns into Bruce Willis movie.” ---
**Author:** ![thwartme](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecc23a/32.png) [@thwartme](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thwartme)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-jaccuse/323461/10 "2005-09-26T17:10:42Z")
The whole post 9/11 issue is available in the Onion archives [here.](http://www.theonion.com/content/index/3734) ---
**Author:** ![Rodgers01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b19c9b/32.png) [@Rodgers01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rodgers01)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-jaccuse/323461/11 "2005-09-26T17:38:35Z")
Agreed that some of the best Onion headlines are from “Our Dumb Century.” One I particularly liked: **Anthropomorphic Juice Pitcher Among Dead in Jonestown Cult Suicide** –_Cyanide-Laced Juice Found Inside Giant Pitcher’s Glass Body_ –_Deceased Container as Yet Unidentified_ –_Enormous Pitcher-Shaped Hole Found in Jungle Commune’s Wall_ I’m pretty sure there was also one linking the McCarthyism hysteria to Charlie McCarthy, the ventriloquist’s dummy, but I can’t seem to find it… ---
**Author:** ![Bytegeist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9dc877/32.png) [@Bytegeist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bytegeist)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-jaccuse/323461/12 "2005-09-26T18:09:34Z")
**Falsehood Discovered on Internet** ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-jaccuse/323461/13 "2005-09-26T18:14:44Z")
_‘Urban Legends True,’ Says Friend Of Cousin’s Roommate_ ---
**Author:** ![jackelope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a6a055/32.png) [@jackelope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackelope)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-jaccuse/323461/14 "2005-09-26T18:19:33Z")
**African-American community terrorized by Ask Murderer** ---
**Author:** ![Zjestika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/8edcca/32.png) [@Zjestika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zjestika)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-jaccuse/323461/15 "2005-09-26T18:26:52Z")
**Why Do All These Homosexuals Keep Sucking My Cock?** was the best headline/article ever. ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-jaccuse/323461/16 "2005-09-26T18:56:17Z")
My favorite has always been: **Supreme Court Rules Supreme Court _Rules_** [http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30137](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30137) That article never ceases to remind me of _Marbury v. Madison_ (1803). ---
**Author:** ![Cliffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/59ef9b/32.png) [@Cliffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cliffy)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-jaccuse/323461/17 "2005-09-26T19:20:33Z")
Everything about the HOLY FUCKING SHIT! issue was great. I can’t put into words how helpful I found it at the time. I loved the God article, but my favorite may be “Not Knowing What Else to Do, Woman Bakes American-Flag Cake.” It perfectly encapsulated just how at a loss everyone was. Or everyone I knew, anyway. Also wonderful was the TV grid, which showed programs like “America Looks Around for Someone to Hit” (NBC), “Fuck It, Here’s Some Zebra Footage” (Animal Planet), and “Oh Shit, Man… Oh Shit!” (Public Access – also home of "Extremely Uniformed Debate). –Cliffy ---
**Author:** ![Gangster\_Octopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a8b319/32.png) [@Gangster\_Octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gangster_Octopus)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-jaccuse/323461/18 "2005-09-26T19:32:32Z")
I always got a kick outo f the one for _Our Dumb Century_ **World’s Largest Metaphor Hits Iceberg** and **WA-** in huge font with the sub headline “Banner headline continued on page 5” ---
**Author:** ![sleeepy2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@sleeepy2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sleeepy2)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-jaccuse/323461/19 "2005-09-26T20:07:29Z")
How about the one where congress was demanding a new Capitol, with retractable dome and superbox seating? Funny, yes, but then the Beijing Evening News picked it up as a true [story.](http://www.kuro5hin.org/story/2002/6/7/41557/70467) They were so lame that their correction pointed out that certain regular American papers run funny fictitious stories, so it wasn’t really their fault they were fooled. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-jaccuse/323461/20 "2005-09-26T20:11:15Z")
In regards to the 9-11 issue, I think my favorite was “Massive attack on Pentagon makes page 17 news”, in one of the sidebar newsbriefs (no accompianying story). But if we’re going to talk about Onion classics, I think it’s hard to top the one about J. K. Rowling teaching kids how to cast spells. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-jaccuse/323461.md?page=2)