# The Onion - J'Accuse! **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 26, 2005, 7:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-jaccuse/323461 "2005-09-26T07:12:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Rysto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ecccb3/32.png) [@Rysto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysto)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-jaccuse/323461/21 "2005-09-26T20:13:56Z")
My favourite Onion headline had to be the one about the start of WWI. It went something like: **Austria Declares War On Serbia Declares War On Germany Declares War On Russia Declares War On …** France Accidentally Declared War On Itself ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-jaccuse/323461/22 "2005-09-26T20:21:32Z")
**Local Housewife Indicted in Sex - For - Security Scandal** has always been my favorite. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-jaccuse/323461/23 "2005-09-26T21:33:52Z")
Oh, so many, which ones to choose, which ones to choose… **I Hope My Baby Don’t Come Out All Fucked Up and Shit** **I am Totally Psyched About this Abortion!** **South Postpones Rising Again for Yet Another Year** **Cool Dad a Terrible Father** **An Open Letter From The Makers Of Olean To Our Valued Customers** **Today’s New Age Music is Crap** **Crazy Japanese Punk Girl Delights Entire Dorm Floor** **Band Teacher Gay in Retrospect** **Japanese Exchange Student Taken To Japanese Restaurant** **High-School Science Teacher Takes Fun And Excitement Out Of Science** ---
**Author:** ![sqweels](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f19dbf/32.png) [@sqweels](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sqweels)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-jaccuse/323461/24 "2005-09-26T21:36:00Z")
One of my favorites is from just last week: **Elf Finger Found In Box Of Keebler Cookies** ---
**Author:** ![FatBaldGuy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecd19e/32.png) [@FatBaldGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FatBaldGuy)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2005, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-jaccuse/323461/25 "2005-09-26T21:59:56Z")
> [@sleeepy2](#): > > How about the one where congress was demanding a new Capitol, with retractable dome and superbox seating? > > Funny, yes, but then the Beijing Evening News picked it up as a true [story.](http://www.kuro5hin.org/story/2002/6/7/41557/70467) > > They were so lame that their correction pointed out that certain regular American papers run funny fictitious stories, so it wasn’t really their fault they were fooled. > > :smack: After Readers Digest ran an article about J.K. Rowling, some wacko wrote letters to the editor 2 months in a row quoting the Onion article about how Harry Potter was designed to lead children away from Christianity to devil worship. The editor finally had to break it to her that the Onion is a satire newspaper. ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2005, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-jaccuse/323461/26 "2005-09-27T00:59:15Z")
My favorite is the sidebar (no actual article attached): “Hank Williams, Jr. Honored by National Society for Football Preparedness”. In **Our Dumb Century** : In the early 1940s, there’s “Top Scientists Doing Absolutely Nothing in New Mexico Desert”. It’s all about how the scientists are having fun on a campout, making s’mores and hiking. The last sentence is something like “The scientists ask everyone stay at least 200 miles from their campsite as their ghost stories may be ‘very scary’”. In the mid-80s there’s “Your Legs: Are they Warm Enough?” ---
**Author:** ![alterego](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6bbea6/32.png) [@alterego](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alterego)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2005, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-jaccuse/323461/27 "2005-09-27T01:06:58Z")
**[Bush Announces Iraq Exit Strategy: 'We’ll Go Through Iran’](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30931)** my fav =) ---
**Author:** ![Bottle\_of\_Smoke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Bottle\_of\_Smoke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bottle_of_Smoke)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2005, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-jaccuse/323461/28 "2005-09-27T01:14:17Z")
The sidebars are always great. A lot of times they outdo the actual articles. My favorite ever: **Special Olympics T-ball stand pitches perfect game.** ---
**Author:** ![usar\_jag](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f0a364/32.png) [@usar\_jag](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/usar_jag)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2005, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-jaccuse/323461/29 "2005-09-27T01:36:39Z")
> [@Bottle of Smoke](#): > > The sidebars are always great. A lot of times they outdo the actual articles. Agreed. My all-time favorite sidebar is: “ **The State Lottery:** For the price of bread for your family, you can have a piece of paper with some numbers on it.” ---
**Author:** ![remisser](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b3f665/32.png) [@remisser](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/remisser)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2005, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-jaccuse/323461/30 "2005-09-27T02:02:28Z")
Best Article Ever: [http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39024](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39024) I’d like to see you read that without laughing. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2005, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-jaccuse/323461/31 "2005-09-27T02:14:33Z")
> [@remisser](#): > > Best Article Ever: > [http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39024](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39024) > > I’d like to see you read that without laughing. You won’t see me do it. I laughed at the title. ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2005, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-jaccuse/323461/32 "2005-09-27T02:24:42Z")
I liked this one [http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28251](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28251) ---
**Author:** ![Llama\_Llogophile](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@Llama\_Llogophile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Llama_Llogophile)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2005, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-jaccuse/323461/33 "2005-09-27T03:08:11Z")
I agree the sidebars are often the best. Some favorites: **Ebert Victorious** (right after the death of Gene Siskel \*\*Melon Balled Yak Chews Thoughtfully\*\* And from “Our Dumb Century”, 1943: **Chamberlain Increasingly Wary of Hitler. “I think he may be up to something,” says former British Prime Minister.** (Chamberlain really took a beating in that book…) ---
**Author:** ![jackelope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a6a055/32.png) [@jackelope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackelope)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2005, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-jaccuse/323461/34 "2005-09-27T03:14:24Z")
[37 Record-Store Clerks Feared Dead In Yo La Tengo Concert Disaster](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27870) is one of my favorites: > [@](#): > > “These people are simply not in the physical condition to survive this sort of trauma. It’s just a twisted mass of black-frame glasses and ironic Girl Scouts T-shirts in there.” […] > > “I haven’t seen this much senseless hipster carnage since the Great Sebadoh Fire Of '93,” said rescue worker Larry Kolterman, finding a green-and-gold suede Puma sneaker in the rubble. “It’s such a shame that all those bastions of indie-rock geekitude had to go in their prime. Their cries of ‘sellout’ have been forever silenced.” ---
**Author:** ![remisser](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b3f665/32.png) [@remisser](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/remisser)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2005, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-jaccuse/323461/35 "2005-09-27T03:18:03Z")
[Columbine Jocks Safely Resume Bullying](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29298) ---
**Author:** ![Sophistry\_and\_Illusion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@Sophistry\_and\_Illusion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sophistry_and_Illusion)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2005, 6:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-jaccuse/323461/36 "2005-09-27T06:54:40Z")
There was a one-two combo in one of the books that reduced me to helplessness, for some reason: Georgia adds rebel flag, middle finger to state flag Best Buy suggestion box brimming with urine The first one had an excellent photo(shop) accompaniment. ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2005, 8:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-jaccuse/323461/37 "2005-09-27T08:52:00Z")
Marines change it’s slogan to “The Few” ---
**Author:** ![Fromage\_A\_Trois](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a88e57/32.png) [@Fromage\_A\_Trois](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fromage_A_Trois)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2005, 9:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-jaccuse/323461/38 "2005-09-27T09:18:18Z")
[Kevin Bacon Linked to Al-Qaeda](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27669) ---
**Author:** ![Bytegeist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9dc877/32.png) [@Bytegeist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bytegeist)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2005, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-jaccuse/323461/39 "2005-09-27T14:21:09Z")
**Boyfriend Ceremoniously Dumped** ---
**Author:** ![thwartme](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecc23a/32.png) [@thwartme](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thwartme)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2005, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-jaccuse/323461/40 "2005-09-27T14:32:55Z")
> [@Fromage A Trois](#): > > [Kevin Bacon Linked to Al-Qaeda](http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27669) Ha! Is that second last one Molly Ringwald? Too funny. thwartme [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-jaccuse/323461.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-jaccuse/323461.md?page=3)