# The Onion-proofing of the President of the United States **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 11, 2025, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-proofing-of-the-president-of-the-united-states/1014180 "2025-02-11T18:22:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2025, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-proofing-of-the-president-of-the-united-states/1014180/1 "2025-02-11T18:22:11Z")
How the flying fuck can you parody the Prez when he takes Official Action to promote plastic straws?[Ending Procurement and Forced Use of Paper Straws – The White House](https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/2025/02/ending-procurement-and-forced-use-of-paper-straws/) ---
**Author:** ![colinfred](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colinfred/32/21338_2.png) [@colinfred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colinfred)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2025, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-proofing-of-the-president-of-the-united-states/1014180/2 "2025-02-11T18:27:56Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > he takes Official Action to promote paper straws? He didn’t ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2025, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-proofing-of-the-president-of-the-united-states/1014180/3 "2025-02-11T18:33:23Z")
Sorry, I meant to say promote plastic straws. Thanks for the catch. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2025, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-proofing-of-the-president-of-the-united-states/1014180/4 "2025-02-11T18:55:48Z")
It’s the ultimate expression of Poe’s Law. He has become a parody of himself. If you’d predicted this, prior to the election, you’d have had right-leaning people telling you not to indulge in ridiculous hyperbole. ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Cad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saint_cad/32/18907_2.png) [@Saint\_Cad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Cad)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2025, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-proofing-of-the-president-of-the-united-states/1014180/5 "2025-02-11T20:38:49Z")
When Betsy de Vos became the Sec’y of Education I shared a HuffPost parody saying that she was going to flatten all of the globes in classrooms to represent the Flat Earth as God made it. Many teachers I showed it to thought it was real _but it was fake_. Just let that sink in for a minute. ---
**Author:** ![wguy123](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wguy123/32/3161_2.png) [@wguy123](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wguy123)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2025, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-proofing-of-the-president-of-the-united-states/1014180/6 "2025-02-12T04:27:08Z")
Posted elsewhere, but relevant here. To be clear, the screenshot below is not from the Onion. Really. > [@Trump now wants to use military force to take the Panama Canal and Greenland](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/trump-now-wants-to-use-military-force-to-take-the-panama-canal-and-greenland/1012691/295): > > Over on the Fox News website, they are jizzing their pants over a “Nordic Takeover”. This is really what you see as their top story if you go to their website. > > [Imgur: The magic of the Internet](https://i.imgur.com/bwq7WFd.png) > > Apparently the right is now fully onboard with our Orange Conquistador. > > BTW, catchy new name is as stupid as you could imagine: “Red, White, and Blueland”. Image doesn’t seem to be showing in the quote. Here it is in all it’s Onion’ish glory: [![](https://i.imgur.com/bwq7WFd.png) ](https://i.imgur.com/bwq7WFd.png) ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2025, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-proofing-of-the-president-of-the-united-states/1014180/7 "2025-02-12T04:29:15Z")
Even 8 years ago, it was getting hard. > **[The Onion Struggles to Lampoon Trump](https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2017/03/20/the-onion-struggles-to-lampoon-trump)** > > At a headline pitch meeting, the writers of the satirical newspaper try to stay away from low-hanging fruit. > **[How to Satirize This Election? Even the Onion Is Having Trouble (Published 2016)](https://www.nytimes.com/2016/11/05/business/media/how-to-satirize-this-election-even-the-onion-is-having-trouble.html)** > > The 2016 presidential campaign, with its unsavory issues and unpopular candidates, has proved challenging to the staff of the satirical website The Onion. ---
**Author:** ![Coriolanus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/coriolanus/32/18769_2.png) [@Coriolanus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coriolanus)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2025, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-proofing-of-the-president-of-the-united-states/1014180/8 "2025-02-12T23:34:35Z")
Satire isn’t dead just yet: > **[Danes offer to buy California to spite Trump’s Greenland aims: ‘We’ll bring...](https://www.theguardian.com/world/2025/feb/11/denmark-california-greenland-california)** > > Satirical petition from Denmark, which owns Greenland, racks up 200,000 signatures as Trump eyes Arctic island > Danes offer to buy California to spite Trump’s Greenland aims: ‘We’ll bring hygge to Hollywood’ > Satirical petition from Denmark, which owns Greenland, racks up 200,000 signatures as Trump eyes Arctic island Dunno what “hygge” is yet they’re trying. My father was Norwegian so I’d heard this tale before: > **[Greenland](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greenland)** > > in the Kingdom of Denmark (light green) Greenland\[e\] is an autonomous territory\[f\] in the Kingdom of Denmark. It is the largest of three constituent parts of the kingdom, the other two being metropolitan Denmark and the Faroe Islands; the citizens of all territories are full citizens of Denmark. Greenland is one of the Overseas Countries and Territories of the European Union. The capital and largest city of Greenland is Nuuk. Greenland lies between the Arctic and Atlantic oceans, east of the ... The _[Saga of Erik the Red](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saga_of_Erik_the_Red)_ states: "In the summer, Erik left to settle in the country he had found, which he called Greenland, as he said people would be attracted there if it had a favourable name. > Hygge is a word in Danish and Norwegian that describes a cozy, contented mood evoked by comfort and conviviality. ---
**Author:** ![Thing.Fish](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thing.fish/32/9168_2.png) [@Thing.Fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thing.Fish)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2025, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-proofing-of-the-president-of-the-united-states/1014180/9 "2025-02-13T20:30:52Z")
> [@Coriolanus](#): > > In the summer, Erik left to settle in the country he had found, which he called Greenland, as he said people would be attracted there if it had a favourable name. Hm. So Greenland was conquered by a shady real estate developer? History repeats itself. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2025, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-proofing-of-the-president-of-the-united-states/1014180/10 "2025-02-14T22:08:53Z")
Damn! If Denmark buys California, I’ll waste half my life going through Customs! ---
**Author:** ![snowthx](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowthx/32/10660_2.png) [@snowthx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snowthx)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2025, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-proofing-of-the-president-of-the-united-states/1014180/11 "2025-02-14T22:12:10Z")
I will welcome our new Danish overlords, and their baked goods! ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2025, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-proofing-of-the-president-of-the-united-states/1014180/12 "2025-02-14T23:03:56Z")
I need to renew my Passport if I wanna ski The Face anymore. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2025, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-proofing-of-the-president-of-the-united-states/1014180/13 "2025-02-14T23:12:01Z")
I can see it now; Ozempic for everyone! (One of the biggest companies in Denmark is Novo Nordisk, makers of Ozempic and Wegovy.) ---
**Author:** ![DavidNRockies](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidnrockies/32/6279_2.png) [@DavidNRockies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DavidNRockies)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2025, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-proofing-of-the-president-of-the-united-states/1014180/14 "2025-02-14T23:13:14Z")
In the immortal words of the Grateful Dead … > The other half found me stumblin’ around, all drunk on Burgundy wine. ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2025, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-proofing-of-the-president-of-the-united-states/1014180/15 "2025-02-14T23:25:37Z")
> [@snowthx](#): > > I will welcome our new Danish overlords, and their baked goods! And LEGO! ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2025, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-proofing-of-the-president-of-the-united-states/1014180/16 "2025-02-14T23:49:53Z")
In 2023 I made this post that had a frighteningly large number of contributions. [Real headlines related to trump and his enablers that sound like made-up ‘The Onion’-style joke headlines](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652) Now, in just the first few _ **weeks** _ of his presidency, the sheer number and level of crazy of these Onionesque headlines is mind-boggling. What is 4 _ **years** _ of this going to bring? 😱 ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2025, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-proofing-of-the-president-of-the-united-states/1014180/17 "2025-02-15T00:08:58Z")
Directly from the Prez’s official website: President’s Intelligence Advisory Board Establishing the President’s Make America Healthy Again Commission > **[Presidential Actions Archives](https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/)** ---
**Author:** ![DavidNRockies](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidnrockies/32/6279_2.png) [@DavidNRockies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DavidNRockies)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2025, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-proofing-of-the-president-of-the-united-states/1014180/18 "2025-02-15T00:34:26Z")
Rather than comment on what IS there, I’ll just mention what’s conspicuously absent: - Firearms (leading cause of death for US children and teens) - Traffic accidents - Working too hard at jobs you don’t like … for ever decreasing wages … under constant threat of termination, outsourcing, or automation - Not having access to high quality affordable child care - Being the only advanced economy nation without Universal Health Care - Direct-To-Consumer prescription drug advertising (only in the US and New Zealand!!) I presume that’s all coming. In two weeks. And that’s ignoring the blatantly obvious irony: just like Melania’s “Be Best” anti-bullying campaign … Trump’s lifestyle choices make this _astoundingly_ hypocritical. But I’ll give credit where credit is due. We are in awfully poor shape as a nation. I just Do Not Trust Trump and his administration even a little bit to do the right thing(s) about it. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2025, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-proofing-of-the-president-of-the-united-states/1014180/19 "2025-02-15T00:39:09Z")
He is well known as the Health and Intelligence President. Just ask him. With a straight face. If you can. ---
**Author:** ![Coriolanus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/coriolanus/32/18769_2.png) [@Coriolanus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coriolanus)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2025, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-proofing-of-the-president-of-the-united-states/1014180/20 "2025-02-21T06:22:07Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > President’s Make America Healthy Again I got through some of the press briefing: Trump has 12X times Biden on answering questions, 4X Obama on something else and 73 EO’s that all read (at best) like the output of ChatGPT. Although I just asked ChatGPT to write an EO to MAHA and we won’t be doing this one: (#2 of 5) **Physical Fitness & Active Lifestyles** - Establish a **National Fitness Initiative** to encourage Americans to engage in **at least 150 minutes of exercise per week**. - Provide tax incentives to businesses that implement **employee wellness programs**. - Expand funding for **public parks, bike lanes, and pedestrian-friendly infrastructure**. Asked for an EO encouraging Americans to cheat at golf and it’s like it knows him so well: ### **SECTION 2: GUIDELINES FOR STRATEGIC PLAY** To uphold the values of competition, entertainment, and self-improvement, the following best practices shall be recognized as **acceptable modifications to traditional golf etiquette** : 1. **Mulligans for All** – Every golfer shall be entitled to an unlimited number of mulligans, as long as no one objects—or notices. 2. **Improved Ball Placement** – If a ball lands in a bunker, behind a tree, or in any location deemed “unfair,” the player may discreetly relocate it to a **preferred** position. 3. **Flexible Stroke Counting** – Scores may be adjusted **as necessary** to maintain competitiveness and self-esteem. If questioned, a player may invoke the **“Presidential Privilege Clause”** , asserting that any witnessed strokes were simply “practice swings.” 4. **Putt Until You Make It** – Any putt that comes within **three feet of the hole** is to be considered a successful putt, as long as the player “definitely would have made it” in better conditions. 5. **The Honor System** – All players shall be encouraged to **self-report** their scores with absolute discretion and may adjust as needed to reflect **how they feel they performed** rather than how they actually played.