# The Onion says "Shalom!" **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 18, 2001, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-says-shalom/82399 "2001-09-18T15:35:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Miss\_Creant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b487fb/32.png) [@Miss\_Creant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Creant)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-says-shalom/82399/1 "2001-09-18T15:35:30Z")
From today’s page a day calender: **Jews To Celebrate Rosh Hashasha Or Something** JERUSALEM-Jews the world over are preparing to celebrate Rosh Hashanukah or something this weekend, the traditional Jewish holiday marking some sort of rebirth and new beginning, or maybe the Jews’ liberation from some foreigh ruler 55,000 years ago "Rash Kishansha is a very holy time for the Jewish People,"said Paul Castellano, a guy from Houston who’s gastroenterologist is Jewish. “I think Dr.Futterman said it’s the holiday where they light that chandelier and blow that horn.” …Ran Hosea is followed by Yor Kiplach, the Festival of Sand, during which no buttered bread my be eaten in remembrance of the flooding of the ancient Temple of Hosea.-_September 11, 1996_ God, I love The Onion ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-says-shalom/82399/2 "2001-09-18T15:44:08Z")
I figured a chick _like you_ would enjoy that. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Cap\_n\_Crude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Cap\_n\_Crude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cap_n_Crude)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-says-shalom/82399/3 "2001-09-18T15:49:18Z")
[homer] Heh, heh, heh! It’s funny because it’s true! [/homer] I still have to prepare for the celebration of Mal Alaguenya. L’shannen doherty to all my fellow hebes. Especially that scrumptious little knoedl, Miss Creant. ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Creant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b487fb/32.png) [@Miss\_Creant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Creant)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-says-shalom/82399/4 "2001-09-18T15:49:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by thinksnow \* > \*\*I figured a chick _like you_ would enjoy that. 😉 \*\* Like what? What kind of chick _am I?_ ---
**Author:** ![magdalene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@magdalene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/magdalene)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-says-shalom/82399/5 "2001-09-18T15:56:05Z")
Oh, so this is the famous “memo” that we were all wondering about. "Dear All Jews, Happy New Year! Pray for the world, it needs you. Love, magdalene" ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Creant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b487fb/32.png) [@Miss\_Creant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Creant)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-says-shalom/82399/6 "2001-09-18T16:03:47Z")
I totally forgot about that one… I think it was: TO: ALL JEWS RE: HOLIDAY FR: GOD/ISRAEL Please note that today is Rosh Hashanah. You still have to go to work. Happy New Year. cc:Pope, T Bush, G.W. ---
**Author:** ![BoBettie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@BoBettie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoBettie)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-says-shalom/82399/7 "2001-09-18T16:06:57Z")
WHERE did you get an Onion Page-A-Day calendar?? Must own! Must own! Zette ---
**Author:** ![katiekilldare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/838e76/32.png) [@katiekilldare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/katiekilldare)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-says-shalom/82399/8 "2001-09-18T16:13:59Z")
> [@](#): > > “I think Dr.Futterman said it’s the holiday where they light that chandelier and blow that horn.” That is hysterical. ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Creant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b487fb/32.png) [@Miss\_Creant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Creant)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-says-shalom/82399/9 "2001-09-18T16:18:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zette \* > \*\*WHERE did you get an Onion Page-A-Day calendar?? > > Must own! Must own! > > Zette \*\* I think I found it at Barnes and Noble Its the Onion’s Finest News Reporting page a day. I don’t know if there is one for 2002. ---
**Author:** ![DynoSaur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DynoSaur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DynoSaur)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-says-shalom/82399/10 "2001-09-18T18:41:45Z")
So far, I’ve seen one page-a-day Onion calendar for 2002. Not sure if it was Our Dumb Century, or just the Finest News Reporting, though. As for wall calendars for 2002, I’ve seen Our Dumb Century and Dispatches from the Tenth Circle. Again, all at Barnes and Noble. ---
**Author:** ![mobo85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mobo85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mobo85)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-says-shalom/82399/11 "2001-09-18T20:47:10Z")
Happy Rozabrams Haddasah, everyjew! ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-says-shalom/82399/12 "2001-09-18T22:52:19Z")
Allow me to chime in and wish all our Jewish posters a happy Roast Havannah! ---
**Author:** ![Semp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/fbc32d/32.png) [@Semp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Semp)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-says-shalom/82399/13 "2001-09-18T23:40:21Z")
And this gentile wishes everyone a happy Rosh HaShaNaNa, the Jewish celebration of do-wop. ---
**Author:** ![BoBettie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@BoBettie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoBettie)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2001, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-says-shalom/82399/14 "2001-09-19T00:31:30Z")
Zette hauls ass over to Barnes and Noble. Woohoo! ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Creant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b487fb/32.png) [@Miss\_Creant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Creant)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2001, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-says-shalom/82399/15 "2001-09-19T03:07:39Z")
**Zette** : email me if you find one!! ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2001, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onion-says-shalom/82399/16 "2001-09-19T03:59:33Z")
For something like 25 years now my Mom has bought me a wall calendar for my birthday (it’s in December, how convenient.) This year it was a Onion calendar! She can be pretty cool sometimes for a senior citizen. Haj