# The Onion's got a new Smoove B article! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 12, 2005, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onions-got-a-new-smoove-b-article/284413 "2005-01-12T18:35:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2005, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onions-got-a-new-smoove-b-article/284413/1 "2005-01-12T18:35:14Z")
I love that [guy](http://www.theonion.com/opinion/index.php?issue=4102&o=2). He cracks me up. > [@Smoove B](#): > > To make up for all the foolish things I said, tomorrow night, I will escort you to my crib, where I will prepare for you a romantic meal comprised of succulent lobster from the finest sea. We will both eat the lobster and enjoy a side dish of rice with it. There will also be a baked potato waiting for you, and some butter for you to place upon that potato. In addition, there will be sour cream, which you may also put on the potato if you so desire. > > I will also serve juice. > [@Smoove B](#): > > It does not matter whether you want a purple grape or a white grape, as I will supply myself with grapes of both colors. > [@Smoove B](#): > > Just say the word, and I will sting you. I will Smoove you. > > All night long. ::snort:: ---
**Author:** ![CandidGamera](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/candidgamera/32/2878_2.png) [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2005, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onions-got-a-new-smoove-b-article/284413/2 "2005-01-12T18:42:36Z")
I’m more of a Herbert Kornfeld fan, myself. Tha H-Dogg in Hiz-ouse. Shout-outs to my dawgs in Accounts Ree-ceevable. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2005, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onions-got-a-new-smoove-b-article/284413/3 "2005-01-12T18:48:42Z")
Alas, I think it is an old Smoove B. article. The Onion seems to still be on re-run mode. Don’t worry **Anaamika** , I’m sure Smoove will make it up to you somehow. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2005, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onions-got-a-new-smoove-b-article/284413/4 "2005-01-12T18:57:37Z")
That’s OK, I don’t remember it, so all is made up. But only if he travels to Belgium to get me an authentic piece of Belgian chocolate. 😃 **CandidGamera** , I love Smoove because I have actually met guys just like him. I’m sure every girl has! ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2005, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onions-got-a-new-smoove-b-article/284413/5 "2005-01-12T19:07:58Z")
> [@CandidGamera](#): > > I’m more of a Herbert Kornfeld fan, myself. > > Tha H-Dogg in Hiz-ouse. Shout-outs to my dawgs in Accounts Ree-ceevable. Word. H-Dogg would grab Smoove B by the throat, slice 'em open with the Letter Opener of Death, grab his ho, and take off in the Night Ridah. Wack-ass “Smoove” mother fuckah…please… ---
**Author:** ![Caricci](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Caricci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caricci)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2005, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onions-got-a-new-smoove-b-article/284413/6 "2005-01-12T19:35:18Z")
You know, at first I thought Kornfeld was the cat’s pajamas. Then I was pretty sure Teasdale was the bee’s knees. But those two ain’t got nothin’ on B! The finest of seas, indeed! Now THAT’S Smoove! ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2005, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onions-got-a-new-smoove-b-article/284413/7 "2005-01-12T19:38:21Z")
_It is then that I will hit you doggy-style._ Ha! As long as he remembers the cloth napkins, I’m good to go. ---
**Author:** ![fluiddruid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c2a13f/32.png) [@fluiddruid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fluiddruid)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2005, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onions-got-a-new-smoove-b-article/284413/8 "2005-01-12T19:40:14Z")
Yeah, pretty sure that’s a rerun unless there’s more than one Smoove B that mentions that there will “also be juice”. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2005, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onions-got-a-new-smoove-b-article/284413/9 "2005-01-12T20:25:40Z")
Man, I’ve learned a thing or two from Smoove. But I can’t get enough of The Outside Scoop with Jackie Harvey. **Item!** Rumor has it **Brad Pitt’s** ready to be a daddy. The question remains, though: just when is he going to find time to impregnate his lovely wife, **Jennifer Hanson**? I hear he’s pretty wrapped up in promoting his latest blockbuster **Ocean 1 2**. Good luck guys! ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2005, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onions-got-a-new-smoove-b-article/284413/10 "2005-01-12T20:50:40Z")
Rerun or not, this cracked me up. **Anaamika** , I’m so glad you pointed out that they had posted it! ---
**Author:** ![Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freddy_the_Pig)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2005, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onions-got-a-new-smoove-b-article/284413/11 "2005-01-13T05:08:33Z")
For my money, give me Jean Teasdale or Jim Anchower. REO rulez! ---
**Author:** ![E.Thorp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@E.Thorp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E.Thorp)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2005, 7:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onions-got-a-new-smoove-b-article/284413/12 "2005-01-13T07:17:52Z")
Damn. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2005, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onions-got-a-new-smoove-b-article/284413/13 "2005-01-13T14:21:42Z")
> [@overlyverbose](#): > > Rerun or not, this cracked me up. **Anaamika** , I’m so glad you pointed out that they had posted it! Sure! ---
**Author:** ![jnglmassiv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f07891/32.png) [@jnglmassiv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jnglmassiv)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2005, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onions-got-a-new-smoove-b-article/284413/14 "2005-01-13T14:38:36Z")
Its def a rerun: “Please…Enjoy this issue of classics from the Onion as part of your Martin Luther King Day celebration.” -from my Milwaukee issue. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2005, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onions-got-a-new-smoove-b-article/284413/15 "2005-01-13T16:08:28Z")
Aargh! We got it, it’s a rerun. Who cares?! ---
**Author:** ![jnglmassiv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f07891/32.png) [@jnglmassiv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jnglmassiv)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2005, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onions-got-a-new-smoove-b-article/284413/16 "2005-01-13T17:24:39Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Who cares?! Not me!..It came up so I gave what info I had. I can only grab the finest Newspaper in the Republic every few weeks and all the articles were new to me. ---
**Author:** ![Caricci](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Caricci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caricci)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2005, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onions-got-a-new-smoove-b-article/284413/17 "2005-01-13T19:19:08Z")
My husband did a few car-related errands with my car at lunch today. He’s a recent Smoove convert and informed me that he searched all the finest countries of Europe till he found just the right wiper blade. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Big\_Cheese](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8baadc/32.png) [@The\_Big\_Cheese](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Big_Cheese)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2005, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onions-got-a-new-smoove-b-article/284413/18 "2005-01-13T23:03:41Z")
Anchower rules. I just wish he didn’t take so long to rap at us. But i guess he needs that much time to fix his ride. ---
**Author:** ![Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freddy_the_Pig)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2005, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onions-got-a-new-smoove-b-article/284413/19 "2005-01-14T20:24:06Z")
I like the way someone’s always “pussing out” on him. Either his dealer pusses out and won’t sell him weed, or Wes pusses out and won’t give him a ride to the REO concert. The guy can’t _buy_ a break. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2005, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onions-got-a-new-smoove-b-article/284413/20 "2005-01-14T23:31:11Z")
I would have a hard time picking my favorite between: Smoove B. Love Man and his well-placed “Damn” and of course Freaking you savage. Herbert Kornfeld – all that is Tha H-dog Jim Anchower – because he IS my best friend in high school Jackie Harvey & Teasdale make me want to rip out my eyes and pour salt into the holes. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-onions-got-a-new-smoove-b-article/284413.md?page=2)