# The Opposite Sex: you thought \_\_ was a clear sign of interest. It wasn't. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 27, 2010, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-opposite-sex-you-thought-__-was-a-clear-sign-of-interest-it-wasnt/530684 "2010-02-27T21:06:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![crazyjoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f14d63/32.png) [@crazyjoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/crazyjoe)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2010, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-opposite-sex-you-thought-__-was-a-clear-sign-of-interest-it-wasnt/530684/21 "2010-03-01T17:23:33Z")
I thnk she meant “please put 20 bucks into my G sring, but no touching, because this isn’t that kind of club” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![GESancMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gesancman/32/2923_2.png) [@GESancMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GESancMan)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2010, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-opposite-sex-you-thought-__-was-a-clear-sign-of-interest-it-wasnt/530684/22 "2010-03-01T18:39:39Z")
I had a recent experience where the woman in question lives a few hundred miles away. Some of the highlights: [ul] [li]She repeatedly told me she wished I lived closer[/li] [li]She said she’d been checking her phone every five minutes for a couple of hours, hoping for a message from me[/li] [li]She told me how many times she’d masturbated that day, hoping to “give me a little thrill”[/li] [li]She told me she was going to fly to my city so we could meet in person[/li][/ul] Then she suddenly stopped answering my emails, refused to talk to me anymore, and wouldn’t tell me why. So obviously these were not clear signs of interest, and I was a moron for mistaking them. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2010, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-opposite-sex-you-thought-__-was-a-clear-sign-of-interest-it-wasnt/530684/23 "2010-03-01T19:00:06Z")
She either had a boyfriend that found out, or she chickened out, for various reasons. Not that that excuses it. ---
**Author:** ![breaking-reality](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a8b319/32.png) [@breaking-reality](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/breaking-reality)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2010, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-opposite-sex-you-thought-__-was-a-clear-sign-of-interest-it-wasnt/530684/24 "2010-03-01T20:07:22Z")
> [@GESancMan](#): > > I had a recent experience where the woman in question lives a few hundred miles away. Some of the highlights: > > [ul] > [li]She repeatedly told me she wished I lived closer[/li] > [li]She said she’d been checking her phone every five minutes for a couple of hours, hoping for a message from me[/li] > [li]She told me how many times she’d masturbated that day, hoping to “give me a little thrill”[/li] > [li]She told me she was going to fly to my city so we could meet in person[/li][/ul] > Then she suddenly stopped answering my emails, refused to talk to me anymore, and wouldn’t tell me why. > > So obviously these were not clear signs of interest, and I was a moron for mistaking them. I had a similar experience, he even talked about the way he preferred my hair, and talked about stuff that was months into the future, but he wasn’t interested in anything more than a carnal/casual relationship. Perhaps your person just found someone else? I also think sometimes people make comments like that without really paying attention to what they are saying because they are 1. horny, or 2. just craving attention. ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2010, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-opposite-sex-you-thought-__-was-a-clear-sign-of-interest-it-wasnt/530684/25 "2010-03-01T20:24:57Z")
Okay, I’ll play: Hung out with a guy for pretty much the month of December. If friends were out, he txted me or I txted him and we went wherever the other one was. Never made it home before 3 a.m. Went to a movie with two other friends, cuddled a bit in the movie. A couple days after New Year’s he walked me to my car after a birthday party for his friend at his house… Hot kissing ensued. Next day, I got a “Thanks for hanging out” text. He did not respond to any of my invitations to go out again after that. I must be a horrible kisser. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2010, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-opposite-sex-you-thought-__-was-a-clear-sign-of-interest-it-wasnt/530684/26 "2010-03-01T20:29:25Z")
I’ve had women show signs of interest, then exercise (and arguably abuse) their right to shut it all down. I’ve applied for jobs with employers who were only auditing the labor market against their true intention of promoting from within. I’ve worked in sales/customer service where customers were only browsing/checking prices. The last is the worst, because with blue balls I only need a Kleenex, but a fucking boss demanding why I didn’t “close the deal” requires a Smith & Wesson. ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2010, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-opposite-sex-you-thought-__-was-a-clear-sign-of-interest-it-wasnt/530684/27 "2010-03-01T21:08:11Z")
A hot little brunette came rushing over to me at a party. She started asking me all sorts of questions about the sporty stuff I did: Do I still rock climb, who is my usual climbing partner, which climbing gym I went to, do I usually go a weekdays etc. It was like a thousand different questions and she was clearly really interested in all my answers. I swear she was hanging on my every word! So she was trying to figure out when she could accidentally-on-purpose bump into me at the climbing gym… and thusly run into my _climbing partner_! They’ve been together four years now. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![FordTaurusSHO94](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f07891/32.png) [@FordTaurusSHO94](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FordTaurusSHO94)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2010, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-opposite-sex-you-thought-__-was-a-clear-sign-of-interest-it-wasnt/530684/28 "2010-03-01T21:11:18Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Jesus please us. I have done that, exactly once, and it was a clear sign of interest, and oh yes did he get it. What on earth did she mean by it, then? To let me know that I’m her best guy friend I guess. I haven’t talked to her in about three years. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2010, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-opposite-sex-you-thought-__-was-a-clear-sign-of-interest-it-wasnt/530684/29 "2010-03-01T21:57:59Z")
Skald - maybe she was making a shallow judgment based upon the kind of car you drove? Any chance she decided you weren’t as wealthy as she originally thought? ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2010, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-opposite-sex-you-thought-__-was-a-clear-sign-of-interest-it-wasnt/530684/30 "2010-03-02T03:42:06Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > A few years back, a friend invited me to her autumnal equinox party. I met a girl there who seemed utterly fascinated by me–laughing at my jokes, asking me to tell MORE jokes, complimenting me to newcomers at the party, insisting on accompanying me to the store when I was asked to go get more ice, inviting herself to sit on my lap as soon as we got back from the store. > > Around 1 a.m., when I said I had to get going, she volunteered to walk with me to my car. Having gotten what I thought were about a dozen clear signals, I asked her for her phone number as soon as we were alone. She declined. I was in a situation like this, almost to the letter. IMHO, I think she just wanted a one night stand/quickie. i think. I, also, went home without the number. didn’t get any, either. hh ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2010, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-opposite-sex-you-thought-__-was-a-clear-sign-of-interest-it-wasnt/530684/31 "2010-03-02T03:46:16Z")
> [@Zhen\_ka](#): > > Or, maybe she doesn’t date black guys, maybe she really needed to find a shitter 'cause her tummy hurt… > > Please. These threads suck because they end up with this kind of shitty post blaming the woman. > > Like it’s been said before, “Maybe she’s just not that ‘in’ to you.” > > You misread the signs. Man up and deal. I think you need some kind of resolution before you post in threads like this. I’m not saying this to take potshots at you, but, clearly, you aren’t comfortable working with the OP as such. BTW, this thread is fantastic, and you are way the heck off in your assesment, and you need some extreme counselling. If you come onto a thread to say these threads suck, then you might be better served by going onto a thread that suits your needs. Best wishes, hh ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2010, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-opposite-sex-you-thought-__-was-a-clear-sign-of-interest-it-wasnt/530684/32 "2010-03-02T03:58:59Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I simply don’t believe that a woman forward enough to behave as she was doing, and willing to have sex on such short acquaintance, would have been balked by a request for a phone number. She would have said, “Well, why don’t I just go home with you instead?” or kissed me instead. Nope. In perspective, she probably thought that you were a player, and you let her down. She wanted a hot one night stand, with no attachments, and here you were, wanting to get married. (hyperbole) This drove her estrogen level down into the abyss. Attend! hh ---
**Author:** ![Dragwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dragwyr/32/2855_2.png) [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2010, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-opposite-sex-you-thought-__-was-a-clear-sign-of-interest-it-wasnt/530684/33 "2010-03-02T17:16:42Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > A few years back, a friend invited me to her autumnal equinox party. I met a girl there who seemed utterly fascinated by me–laughing at my jokes, asking me to tell MORE jokes, complimenting me to newcomers at the party, insisting on accompanying me to the store when I was asked to go get more ice, inviting herself to sit on my lap as soon as we got back from the store. > > Around 1 a.m., when I said I had to get going, she volunteered to walk with me to my car. Having gotten what I thought were about a dozen clear signals, I asked her for her phone number as soon as we were alone. She declined. My guess at what happened, **Skald** , is that you were jumping through her hoops. You told a funny joke, then she kept asking your to tell more jokes, which you did. She was using you as her personal entertainment center. Obviously I wasn’t there, but I’m making an educated guess that she went to the store with you as a sort of carrot to keep you interested in her so she could continue to be entertained, which was her only interest in you. What could have been done instead was to tell the joke, then when she clamors for more, you demonstrate your self worth by basically saying no to her, but in a cocky, almost funny sort of way… something like, “Hey, only one per night. Otherwise I will have to charge you.” That way you are not being rude, but at the same time you are demonstrating that you are confident in yourself and not some performing monkey. Then you can direct the conversation toward attracting her by showing her the person underneath that you really are. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2010, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-opposite-sex-you-thought-__-was-a-clear-sign-of-interest-it-wasnt/530684/34 "2010-03-02T18:46:03Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > Skald - maybe she was making a shallow judgment based upon the kind of car you drove? Any chance she decided you weren’t as wealthy as she originally thought? She’d already been in the car, remember? We’d gone to the store together for ice – at her insistence–and the lap bouncing happened after we got back. ---
**Author:** ![Push\_You\_Down](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/push_you_down/32/9095_2.png) [@Push\_You\_Down](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Push_You_Down)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2010, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-opposite-sex-you-thought-__-was-a-clear-sign-of-interest-it-wasnt/530684/35 "2010-03-02T23:17:16Z")
> [@Dragwyr](#): > > My guess at what happened, **Skald** , is that you were jumping through her hoops. You told a funny joke, then she kept asking your to tell more jokes, which you did. She was using you as her personal entertainment center. Obviously I wasn’t there, but I’m making an educated guess that she went to the store with you as a sort of carrot to keep you interested in her so she could continue to be entertained, which was her only interest in you. I’m going with this or she just wanted to get boned and didn’t want your number. ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2010, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-opposite-sex-you-thought-__-was-a-clear-sign-of-interest-it-wasnt/530684/36 "2010-03-02T23:57:55Z")
It’s funny for someone like myself old enough to remember the high-water mark of the Sexual Revolution, when there would regularly appear magazine articles lamenting “the death of flirting,” a pleasant, harmless exchange from a more innocent yet in some ways more sophisticated time, compared to the 1970’s when people would oafishly haul off and fuck each other. later, due to AIDS or shifting demographics or whatever, flirting made a comeback, and nostalgia diminished as everyone re-learned what this pleasant, harmless exhange actually was the majority of the time: a nasty game of “whoever cares less, wins.” ---
**Author:** ![Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maggie_the_Ocelot)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2010, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-opposite-sex-you-thought-__-was-a-clear-sign-of-interest-it-wasnt/530684/37 "2010-03-03T00:15:02Z")
The biggest one was repeatedly asking for naked pictures of me, till I had to tell him to back the hell off. Once that ended, we got to know each other and I realized he was actually pretty sexy, so I kissed him hard and let him know that I would be interested in more. His eyes got huge and he basically all but ran away. Of course, he was also a lot younger than me, and had never had a woman come on to him before, so that’s most of why he was freaked out. Still, though! ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2010, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-opposite-sex-you-thought-__-was-a-clear-sign-of-interest-it-wasnt/530684/38 "2010-03-03T00:19:24Z")
> [@Dragwyr](#): > > My guess at what happened, **Skald** , is that you were jumping through her hoops. You told a funny joke, then she kept asking your to tell more jokes, which you did. She was using you as her personal entertainment center. Obviously I wasn’t there, but I’m making an educated guess that she went to the store with you as a sort of carrot to keep you interested in her so she could continue to be entertained, which was her only interest in you. How is that different from getting along with someone at a party, regardless of gender? She wasn’t telling enough jokes of her own? ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2010, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-opposite-sex-you-thought-__-was-a-clear-sign-of-interest-it-wasnt/530684/39 "2010-03-03T01:59:03Z")
> [@MandaJo](#): > > Sometimes people change their mind. I can imagine being interested in a person and then, in the clutch, freaking out and losing my nerve, changing my mind. It doesn’t mean you were ever being dishonest. This. That Chris Rock bit where he talks about a woman deciding she’s going to sleep with a man, and thinking, “I hope he don’t say nothing too stupid,” should be required viewing for men. With a little more awareness of your surroundings, you can pinpoint the exact moment when you said something too stupid. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Dragwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dragwyr/32/2855_2.png) [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2010, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-opposite-sex-you-thought-__-was-a-clear-sign-of-interest-it-wasnt/530684/40 "2010-03-03T02:02:03Z")
> [@Cat\_Fight](#): > > How is that different from getting along with someone at a party, regardless of gender? She wasn’t telling enough jokes of her own? There isn’t any difference IF \*\*Skald \*\* IF he wasn’t trying to interpret any signals from her AND he wasn’t interested in her. But he was showing interest in her beyond just hanging out. If he wanted to attract her, he needed to show her he was more than just her personal entertainment for the evening. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-opposite-sex-you-thought-__-was-a-clear-sign-of-interest-it-wasnt/530684.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-opposite-sex-you-thought-__-was-a-clear-sign-of-interest-it-wasnt/530684.md?page=3)