# The Opposite Sex: you thought \_\_ was a clear sign of interest. It wasn't. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 27, 2010, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-opposite-sex-you-thought-__-was-a-clear-sign-of-interest-it-wasnt/530684 "2010-02-27T21:06:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Vernon\_Vernons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/ce73a5/32.png) [@Vernon\_Vernons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vernon_Vernons)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2010, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-opposite-sex-you-thought-__-was-a-clear-sign-of-interest-it-wasnt/530684/41 "2010-03-03T17:08:10Z")
She talked really close, made lots of incidental physical contact, presented me with her ass so I could check the size of the pants she was wearing on the inside tag, invited me over when her husband was out of town, sat close to me on the couch and rested her legs over my lap while we watched a movie, then reacted with sheer horror and indignation when I finally went in for the kill. “What do you think my HUSBAND would think of you doing this?” :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2010, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-opposite-sex-you-thought-__-was-a-clear-sign-of-interest-it-wasnt/530684/42 "2010-03-03T19:45:48Z")
> [@Dragwyr](#): > > My guess at what happened, **Skald** , is that you were jumping through her hoops. You told a funny joke, then she kept asking your to tell more jokes, which you did. She was using you as her personal entertainment center. Obviously I wasn’t there, but I’m making an educated guess that she went to the store with you as a sort of carrot to keep you interested in her so she could continue to be entertained, which was her only interest in you. That’s insane. For it to be true, my jokes would have to be funny. I should think my posting history would make it clear that such is rarely, if ever true. ---
**Author:** ![kelly5078](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/6f9a4e/32.png) [@kelly5078](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kelly5078)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2010, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-opposite-sex-you-thought-__-was-a-clear-sign-of-interest-it-wasnt/530684/43 "2010-03-03T23:43:40Z")
When I was in college, my GF was out of town doing an internship for a term. I decided to take a weaving course, and one of her housemates took it too. I thought we got along fairly well, and we went out for some pizza a couple of times after the class. This made me think the woman had some interest in me, although I had none in her. I even mentioned it to my GF, which proved somewhat embarrassing in view of ensuing events. The following term, it turned out that the housemate had interpreted my being friendly as a come on, and decided that I was so odious that she and the other housemate (herself a piece of work) even threw my GF out of the house! This was probably the biggest WTF moment of my life. 40 years later, I still don’t understand it. It did clue me in to the fact that people can be irrational, back-stabbing assholes, and that you’ll never have a clue what’s coming until it comes. I’ve seen things like this happen to others a few times over the intervening years; thankfully it’s never happened to me again, so far. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2010, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-opposite-sex-you-thought-__-was-a-clear-sign-of-interest-it-wasnt/530684/44 "2010-03-03T23:57:49Z")
It just occurred to me that I have a better one. Some years ago, after a job interview, I was sitting at Starbucks reading The Tao of Pooh. A woman nearby was reading The Te of Piglet. We got along extraordinarily well and ended up talking for about two hours. I was sure I was in like Flynn when she brought up the subject of soulmates and asked me if I believe in them. When I said I didn’t, she replied that neither did her husband. :smack: There’s a happy ending, though. Sort of. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2010, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-opposite-sex-you-thought-__-was-a-clear-sign-of-interest-it-wasnt/530684/45 "2010-03-04T02:38:30Z")
She was a masseuse? ---
**Author:** ![Lama\_Pacos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Lama\_Pacos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lama_Pacos)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2010, 9:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-opposite-sex-you-thought-__-was-a-clear-sign-of-interest-it-wasnt/530684/46 "2010-03-05T09:30:54Z")
I don’t really get all the bewilderment. It’s possible to like someone enough to want to sit on their lap but not to want to fuck them. ---
**Author:** ![FordTaurusSHO94](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f07891/32.png) [@FordTaurusSHO94](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FordTaurusSHO94)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2010, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-opposite-sex-you-thought-__-was-a-clear-sign-of-interest-it-wasnt/530684/47 "2010-03-05T22:52:28Z")
> [@Lama\_Pacos](#): > > I don’t really get all the bewilderment. It’s possible to like someone enough to want to sit on their lap but not to want to fuck them. There’s sitting in someone’s lap, and then there’s doing it while facing them and rubbing their crotch on yours while smiling. I think it’s possible to think she might at least want a kiss. ---
**Author:** ![anya\_marie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ebca7d/32.png) [@anya\_marie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anya_marie)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2010, 8:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-opposite-sex-you-thought-__-was-a-clear-sign-of-interest-it-wasnt/530684/48 "2010-03-08T08:34:55Z")
When he asked me to go to next year’s prom… ---
**Author:** ![Mosier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ea924/32.png) [@Mosier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mosier)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2010, 8:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-opposite-sex-you-thought-__-was-a-clear-sign-of-interest-it-wasnt/530684/49 "2010-03-08T08:42:12Z")
There was that one who said “hello.” Oh yeah, and that other one who gave me the time once. Couple of teases, those two. ---
**Author:** ![crazyjoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f14d63/32.png) [@crazyjoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/crazyjoe)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2010, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-opposite-sex-you-thought-__-was-a-clear-sign-of-interest-it-wasnt/530684/50 "2010-03-08T19:18:43Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > That’s insane. For it to be true, my jokes would have to be funny. I should think my posting history would make it clear that such is rarely, if ever true. Here’s what I think happened. At the party, someone mentioned to her “That guy is a huge dick.” She misunderstood, and thought she was told “That guy HAS a huge dick.” She then was trying to get you to show it (or feel it, with all the lap hopping) and was dismayed when it did not make an appearance before the end of the night. ETA: 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2010, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-opposite-sex-you-thought-__-was-a-clear-sign-of-interest-it-wasnt/530684/51 "2010-03-08T20:11:33Z")
> [@crazyjoe](#): > > Here’s what I think happened. At the party, someone mentioned to her “That guy is a huge dick.” She misunderstood, and thought she was told “That guy HAS a huge dick.” She then was trying to get you to show it (or feel it, with all the lap hopping) and was dismayed when it did not make an appearance before the end of the night. > > ETA: 😉 The usual threats. It’s acid-excreting tapeworms this week. ---
**Author:** ![Darkhold](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/90db22/32.png) [@Darkhold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darkhold)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2010, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-opposite-sex-you-thought-__-was-a-clear-sign-of-interest-it-wasnt/530684/52 "2010-03-08T21:20:31Z")
> [@Lama\_Pacos](#): > > I don’t really get all the bewilderment. It’s possible to like someone enough to want to sit on their lap but not to want to fuck them. It’s unclear if she wanted to fuck or not. Just that she didn’t want to give out her phone number. I’m going to assume if someone hangs out with me for a whole night and sits on my lap is ok with giving me her number. Hardly an unreasonable leap of logic. My guess? Boyfriend. She was kinda sorta thinking about cheating and just wanted to be able to say later she was swept away and when he made it ‘real’ by asking for her phone number she chickened out. ---
**Author:** ![BlinkingDuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eada6e/32.png) [@BlinkingDuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlinkingDuck)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2010, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-opposite-sex-you-thought-__-was-a-clear-sign-of-interest-it-wasnt/530684/53 "2010-03-08T22:03:20Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > A few years back, a friend invited me to her autumnal equinox party. I met a girl there who seemed utterly fascinated by me–laughing at my jokes, asking me to tell MORE jokes, complimenting me to newcomers at the party, insisting on accompanying me to the store when I was asked to go get more ice, inviting herself to sit on my lap as soon as we got back from the store. > > Around 1 a.m., when I said I had to get going, she volunteered to walk with me to my car. Having gotten what I thought were about a dozen clear signals, I asked her for her phone number as soon as we were alone. She declined. You are making an assumption here…one that I made quite a bit when I was younger until I realized the issue. Some women are…screwed up. Look at all the screwed up guys you know. Now, realize that women are just as screwed up as a group…and, at the risk of female wrath…possibly more screwed up than guys are. You didn’t misinterpret anything. She was just screwed in the head. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2010, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-opposite-sex-you-thought-__-was-a-clear-sign-of-interest-it-wasnt/530684/54 "2010-03-08T23:11:08Z")
There was a amazingly cute young woman about 10 years back who would touch me \*alot \*- on the shoulder, on the arm, on the leg. She would lean close when we talked. She laughed at all I said. She called to chat with me. She turned me down when I asked her out… ---
**Author:** ![Imasquare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Imasquare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Imasquare)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2010, 7:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-opposite-sex-you-thought-__-was-a-clear-sign-of-interest-it-wasnt/530684/55 "2010-03-09T07:25:54Z")
> [@Zhen\_ka](#): > > … > > Like it’s been said before, “Maybe she’s just not that ‘in’ to you.” > > You misread the signs. Man up and deal. She sat on his lap. ---
**Author:** ![Tanaqui](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3bc359/32.png) [@Tanaqui](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tanaqui)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2010, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-opposite-sex-you-thought-__-was-a-clear-sign-of-interest-it-wasnt/530684/56 "2010-03-09T14:55:02Z")
> [@Dogzilla](#): > > I must be a horrible kisser. ☹ Something very similar happened to me last fall, only I slept with the guy before he stopped talking to me. So apparently I am terrible at sex. :o To be fair, it was my first time. Shouldn’t I at least have gotten a few practice runs, so to speak? ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2010, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-opposite-sex-you-thought-__-was-a-clear-sign-of-interest-it-wasnt/530684/57 "2010-03-09T15:05:29Z")
> [@Khadaji](#): > > There was a amazingly cute young woman about 10 years back who would touch me \*alot \*- on the shoulder, on the arm, on the leg. She would lean close when we talked. She laughed at all I said. She called to chat with me. She turned me down when I asked her out… She was probably disgusted by your use of _alot_. ---
**Author:** ![Yorikke](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yorikke/32/4335_2.png) [@Yorikke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yorikke)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2010, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-opposite-sex-you-thought-__-was-a-clear-sign-of-interest-it-wasnt/530684/58 "2010-03-09T17:00:23Z")
> [@Tanaqui](#): > > Something very similar happened to me last fall, only I slept with the guy before he stopped talking to me. So apparently I am terrible at sex. :o To be fair, it was my first time. Shouldn’t I at least have gotten a few practice runs, so to speak? If you make that face, you’ll be fine… Joe ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2010, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-opposite-sex-you-thought-__-was-a-clear-sign-of-interest-it-wasnt/530684/59 "2010-03-09T20:21:23Z")
> [@Darkhold](#): > > It’s unclear if she wanted to fuck or not. Just that she didn’t want to give out her phone number. I’m going to assume if someone hangs out with me for a whole night and sits on my lap is ok with giving me her number. Hardly an unreasonable leap of logic. > > My guess? Boyfriend. She was kinda sorta thinking about cheating and just wanted to be able to say later she was swept away and when he made it ‘real’ by asking for her phone number she chickened out. Unfortunately I know that’s not the case. Bear in mind we had a mutual friend, the host of the party, who knew for a fact that she hadn’t a boyfriend and was surprised at the outcome of the night’s events. ---
**Author:** ![Rex\_Goliath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bcef8e/32.png) [@Rex\_Goliath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rex_Goliath)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2010, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-opposite-sex-you-thought-__-was-a-clear-sign-of-interest-it-wasnt/530684/60 "2010-03-09T20:54:36Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Unfortunately I know that’s not the case. Bear in mind we had a mutual friend, the host of the party, who knew for a fact that she hadn’t a boyfriend and was surprised at the outcome of the night’s events. Clearly she was playing hard to get and you were just too clueless to pick up on the signs. There, I think we’ve sufficiently covered every possible explanation. That is what the SDMB is best at, after all. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-opposite-sex-you-thought-__-was-a-clear-sign-of-interest-it-wasnt/530684.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-opposite-sex-you-thought-__-was-a-clear-sign-of-interest-it-wasnt/530684.md?page=4)