# The Other Shoe is dead. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 5, 2013, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047 "2013-09-05T02:41:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![Gagundathar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a183cd/32.png) [@Gagundathar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gagundathar)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/181 "2013-09-06T00:11:26Z")
Oh my, **purplehorseshoe** , this is a horrible thing to read. The two of you obviously had a very special love and to be without him must seem impossible to you. My dear love died a little over two years ago. Survivor guilt is a very real and potentially dangerous reaction. If you ever need to just talk about it with someone else who has gone through something similar, just send me a PM. Don’t isolate yourself. Let your friends both IRL and here help you through this. You aren’t alone. Death sucks. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Girlfriend](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.girlfriend/32/193_2.png) [@Dr.Girlfriend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Girlfriend)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/182 "2013-09-06T00:12:04Z")
Oh damn. I am so sorry for your loss. We’re here for you. ---
**Author:** ![Kerrigan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/49beb7/32.png) [@Kerrigan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kerrigan)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/183 "2013-09-06T00:18:35Z")
Few things make me cry but this did. I don’t think I posted once in all of the hospital and recovery threads, but I read every word. I know you’re very careful with posting identifying information, **'shoe,** but I live in Arlington and am probably easy driving distance from where you are. Let me know if there’s anything I can bring you. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/184 "2013-09-06T00:22:36Z")
I am so, so sorry. I know nothing we say here can help diminish the pain, but I do hope you find peace and comfort from friends and family in the days to come. Take care of yourself. ---
**Author:** ![kayT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayt/32/3633_2.png) [@kayT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayT)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/185 "2013-09-06T00:27:12Z")
As you can see so far, **purple** , there are a lot of us who followed all your bad times and troubles and who are totally shocked at the way it turned out. I hope you can get some comfort from knowing how many of us you touched so deeply. I for one had no clue West Nile was so awful and have learned so much from reading your posts – especially learned about being strong, as you both were. You did good, lady, and you will get through this. I especially like the idea of the SDMB biker gang. Somebody should design a logo. If you let us know when the memorial is we can have a Doper Moment of Silence. I like to think the Other Shoe would have appreciated that. Please keep up with the black humor as it will help you get through the worst times. Don’t blame yourself; he would NOT want that! And as someone said earlier, vent on us. We’re here for you. ---
**Author:** ![Brynda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e79b87/32.png) [@Brynda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brynda)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/186 "2013-09-06T00:45:36Z")
There will be times you think you won’t be strong enough to survive this, but you will. The best advice I got when my beloved husband died was “cry every tear.” You can’t avoid grief, you have to go through it, and that path has lots of pain, anger, and gallons of tears. The best thing I did was to reach out to other widows and widowers. It made all the difference. My deepest sympathies to you. ---
**Author:** ![Rebo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rebo/32/13005_2.png) [@Rebo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rebo)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/187 "2013-09-06T01:00:04Z")
I’m so sad for your loss, **purplehorseshoe**. We were all so pleased when he got to come home from the hospital. What a shock it must be. Please talk to us if you need someone to vent to. **{{{purplehorseshoe and family}}}** ---
**Author:** ![kittenblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ba8739/32.png) [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/188 "2013-09-06T01:09:25Z")
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Know that you are in my thoughts tonight. Want me to smack his aunt for you? ---
**Author:** ![keturah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e95f7d/32.png) [@keturah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/keturah)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/189 "2013-09-06T01:17:32Z")
I followed your threads about this and count me in as someone in a mosquito ridden area who learned a lot about WNV following Johnny’s story. You have been on an incredible rollercoaster of emotions and obstacles over the last year and have shown nothing other than strength and grace. I am so sorry for your loss. And by that I mean the loss of your husband now, but also the loss of your husband and the relationship you had before the virus. It is OK to feel…well, any way you feel. Be good to yourself lady. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/190 "2013-09-06T01:19:11Z")
I am so sorry for your loss. A dear friend of mine is an Anatomy/Occupational Therapist prof at the state university. She has told me about the memorial services that she and all the students perform for all their body donors, and how truly grateful they are for the people who so generously agree to donate. I thought that was a very comforting thought when she told me. I hope it brings you a bit of comfort, too. ---
**Author:** ![KSO](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f07891/32.png) [@KSO](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KSO)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/191 "2013-09-06T01:23:43Z")
I am so, so sorry for your loss and for everything you’ve been through over the past year. You are in my thoughts. ---
**Author:** ![Taters](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/taters/32/2845_2.png) [@Taters](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taters)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/192 "2013-09-06T01:44:37Z")
I am so very sorry for your loss. Please accept my condolences. ---
**Author:** ![flatlined](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eb9ed0/32.png) [@flatlined](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flatlined)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/193 "2013-09-06T01:55:22Z")
I am so very sorry. This just sucks. Words fail me. ---
**Author:** ![saje](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saje/32/3631_2.png) [@saje](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saje)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/194 "2013-09-06T02:10:37Z")
> [@needscoffee](#): > > I am so sorry for your loss. > > A dear friend of mine is an Anatomy/Occupational Therapist prof at the state university. She has told me about the memorial services that she and all the students perform for all their body donors, and how truly grateful they are for the people who so generously agree to donate. I thought that was a very comforting thought when she told me. I hope it brings you a bit of comfort, too. My husband is a doc, and we were together when he was in med school. I know first hand how _very_ grateful he and his classmates were to the people they worked on in their anatomy class. They gave them nicknames, and were really quite fond of them. I know that sounds weird, but it’s true. At the end of the semester they did indeed hold a memorial, two actually. The first was a school sponsored affair, quite formal. The second was the “Post Gross (anatomy) Toast”, and was a clambake and picnic on the beach. A wake, in fact. Your dear Johnny will be giving student doctors a fabulous gift, and in return he will be honored for his gift, and he will be remembered forever with gratitude. Be good to yourself, Purplehorseshoe. And say the word if you need anything - I know the Dope will find a way to help. ---
**Author:** ![Wednesday\_Evening](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b2d939/32.png) [@Wednesday\_Evening](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wednesday_Evening)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/195 "2013-09-06T02:16:40Z")
I am so, so sorry. I had followed the thread of The Other Shoe’s illness and had been happy that he was getting better, both for his sake and yours. You are in my thoughts. ---
**Author:** ![Shayna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shayna/32/17976_2.png) [@Shayna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shayna)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/196 "2013-09-06T02:29:39Z")
Oh no! I’m so, so sorry for your loss, purplehorseshoe. The two of you fought so hard and we thought you’d won the battle. I cannot imagine your pain and sorrow right now, but know you are in all our hearts. Rest in peace, John, you deserve it. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/197 "2013-09-06T02:29:41Z")
Ohhhhhh nonononononononono ☹ Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I had not been on the Dope today (busy at work) and **Typo Knig** just told me he’d seen the thread. My deepest condolences. ---
**Author:** ![rhubarbarin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eb9ed0/32.png) [@rhubarbarin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rhubarbarin)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/198 "2013-09-06T02:38:23Z")
I’m so sorry. Your love for your husband was so clear from your threads here, and so wonderful. I don’t think there is any right or wrong way for you to process and grieve this loss. I hope your loved ones can support you during this time in whatever way you need. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/199 "2013-09-06T02:47:49Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > His parents & I agree that body donation is the right choice. I’m absolutely 115% certain that’s what he woulda wanted anyway: his attitude towards organ donation in general was “well, shit, I’m not using it.” My first husband was a strong proponent of organ donation, and I was able to fulfill that wish. I got letters later from some fo the people who were helped. My husband the atheist healed the halt and the blind! He would have been amused. Some of us cope with humor. It can shock some observers, but it’s worth it. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2013, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/200 "2013-09-06T03:28:53Z")
My sympathies to you on your loss. But please keep in mind that you have friends here. Keep posting. Vent, cry, scream, makes no difference. We’ll be here for you. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047.md?page=9) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047.md?page=11)