# The Other Shoe is dead. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 5, 2013, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047 "2013-09-05T02:41:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 13
**Author:** ![kayT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayt/32/3633_2.png) [@kayT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayT)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2013, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/241 "2013-09-07T18:50:47Z")
I don’t know if it will help, **purple** , but you might think of it as trying to be in control of something himself rather than shielding you. I mean, he surely was frustrated and angry, and maybe just wanted some part of his life to be his choice. So he chose to try to keep his pain a little to himself. Maybe it would not have played out any differently even if he hadn’t done that. Just don’t be second-guessing yourself (easier said than done I know). And if you want to be pissed off at him, that’s OK too. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Woo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7c8e57/32.png) [@Dr.Woo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Woo)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2013, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/242 "2013-09-07T19:21:32Z")
I’m so sorry **purplehorseshoe**. What a terrible shock. ---
**Author:** ![Renee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/renee/32/287_2.png) [@Renee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Renee)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2013, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/243 "2013-09-07T19:41:43Z")
I’m terribly sorry for your loss. ---
**Author:** ![Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/bc8723/32.png) [@Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unauthorized_Cinnamon)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2013, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/244 "2013-09-07T22:00:44Z")
I read the thread title, and I just couldn’t wrap my head around it. I can’t imagine how you feel actually dealing with everything. I’m so, so sorry. It’s so damn unfair. I’ll echo what others have said above - it’s normal to feel guilty, but try to remind yourself that it’s not accurate. You don’t have to try not to feel it, but you don’t have to believe the feeling. And it’s OK to be mad at him too. Do what you need to to take care of yourself. And please come here and touch base once in a while. We care about you. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2013, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/245 "2013-09-07T22:01:40Z")
☹ ---
**Author:** ![Lsura](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7993a0/32.png) [@Lsura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lsura)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2013, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/246 "2013-09-07T22:08:53Z")
oh gads. I am so sorry. I can’t \offer anything other than thoughts of strength and peace for you and the rest of the family, but know you have those in abundance. ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2013, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/247 "2013-09-08T00:57:31Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > Oh, fuck that noise. Shielding me, and even more so shielding his parents, hiding so much from them, meant we couldn’t help him when he needed it the most. I hope this is OK to say but I read that and thought, “Yeah, she’s going to come through this ok.” I know it sucks beyond all things that have ever sucked, but you have a backbone of steel, it seems, as well as a hell of a lot of people pulling for you. ---
**Author:** ![InternetLegend](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/internetlegend/32/13154_2.png) [@InternetLegend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InternetLegend)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2013, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/248 "2013-09-08T01:40:39Z")
I just saw this today, and I am so very sorry. This is so completely unfair and wrong, after everything you’ve been through in the past year or so. As others have been saying, please know that it’s okay to be feeling whatever you feel at any given time. Mourning isn’t one thing: it’s just how you get through every day that comes. I hope you can be easy on yourself - and maybe even on the idiot family members who say unkind or stupid things to you. None of this is your fault in any way. If there is anything that we invisible friends can do for you, please don’t be too shy (or proud) to ask. It might even make some of us feel a little less useless at this time. ---
**Author:** ![Kenm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bc79bd/32.png) [@Kenm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kenm)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2013, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/249 "2013-09-08T02:05:56Z")
I was a lurker in the other thread, pulling for the other shoe all the way as I continued to read of his bravery and no less your own. Your loss is also being felt internationally, literally. ---
**Author:** ![MacCat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/maccat/32/216_2.png) [@MacCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacCat)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2013, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/250 "2013-09-08T03:23:48Z")
Rest In Peace, John and sincere condolences to you. ---
**Author:** ![Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a88e4f/32.png) [@Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Digital_is_the_new_Analog)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2013, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/251 "2013-09-08T04:00:48Z")
Oh crap! I’ve been off the board since Tuesday, so I just saw this. {{{{horseshoe}}}} Going along for the ride in the whole hospital thread…then the “he’s home” thread… TOS became one of us. I can’t image your pain. Feel free to PM or e-mail me if you want to talk or vent less publicly. I’m here for you…as is the rest of the Dope. ---
**Author:** ![Hokkaido\_Brit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/d26b3c/32.png) [@Hokkaido\_Brit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hokkaido_Brit)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2013, 12:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/252 "2013-09-08T12:15:05Z")
I am so sorry for your loss. What a shock to read this. Wishing you strength in the road ahead. xxx ---
**Author:** ![Suse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@Suse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Suse)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2013, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/253 "2013-09-09T03:55:21Z")
I had read the other threads but never posted, but was pulling for you both. I am so sorry about both his illness and death and amazed at your strength. I wish you peace. ---
**Author:** ![DrumBum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e79b87/32.png) [@DrumBum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrumBum)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2013, 11:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/254 "2013-09-09T11:59:11Z")
My condolences to you. RIP \*\*The Other Shoe \*\* ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2013, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/255 "2013-09-09T12:58:57Z")
What’s all this “strength” bullshit? Where is everyone getting this from, that I’m so strong? Are you hoping for a self-fulfilling prophecy ? ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2013, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/256 "2013-09-09T13:07:23Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > What’s all this “strength” bullshit? Where is everyone getting this from, that I’m so strong? Are you hoping for a self-fulfilling prophecy ? It’s what people say. It got under my skin when people said it to me when my kid was sick, too. I know you don’t feel strong and think that even if in moments you might be strong due to a lack of alternatives, you’d rather be totally weak and yet have your husband back. At least, that is how I felt. Mostly I’m just glad to see you still posting. (Also, someday when you are up for it, I hope you get to tell his aunt what a massive bitch she was to you. Grief excuses a lot of things, but not everything.) ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2013, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/257 "2013-09-09T13:26:17Z")
I’m so very sorry. You’ve been through the wringer these past few months, but I thought you’d pulled through. Please know that we’re here with you, even though virtual connections seem very inadequate at a time like this. If I could hug you through the screen, I could. Best of luck to you in getting through the days ahead. Lisa ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2013, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/258 "2013-09-09T13:40:54Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > What’s all this “strength” bullshit? Where is everyone getting this from, that I’m so strong? Are you hoping for a self-fulfilling prophecy ? Sometimes strength is just getting through the next 5 minutes, or getting out of bed. **{{{{purplehorseshoe}}}}** ---
**Author:** ![JackieLikesVariety](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackielikesvariety/32/296_2.png) [@JackieLikesVariety](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JackieLikesVariety)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2013, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/259 "2013-09-09T13:50:31Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > What’s all this “strength” bullshit? Where is everyone getting this from, that I’m so strong? Are you hoping for a self-fulfilling prophecy ? you may not feel strong so that’s why we point it out. strength is what you are doing - keep on keeping on. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2013, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/260 "2013-09-09T14:06:20Z")
> [@JackieLikesVariety](#): > > you may not feel strong so that’s why we point it out. strength is what you are doing - keep on keeping on. As someone who has been through a traumatic experience or two, I would like to just say that although people seem to feel this is a helpful statement to make, I often found it annoying to enraging, and it seems as though **purplehorseshoe** may feel the same way, and it would be cool if people would respect that. It is okay to not be strong. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047.md?page=12) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047.md?page=14)