# The Other Shoe is dead. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 5, 2013, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047 "2013-09-05T02:41:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2013, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/61 "2013-09-05T04:56:44Z")
I’m so sorry to hear this. I know that you did all you could do. ---
**Author:** ![Stendhal\_Syndrome](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/77aa72/32.png) [@Stendhal\_Syndrome](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stendhal_Syndrome)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2013, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/62 "2013-09-05T05:03:23Z")
I have experienced similar pain. Please take care of yourself. I am here if you ever need to talk… Big warm hugs. ---
**Author:** ![Lacunae\_Matata](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lacunae\_Matata](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lacunae_Matata)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2013, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/63 "2013-09-05T05:05:17Z")
I’m so, so sorry. The two of you fought so bravely, and helped me immensely when I needed to learn how to be brave. Please be gentle with yourself, and ask for help if you need it. ---
**Author:** ![lavenderviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cdc98d/32.png) [@lavenderviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lavenderviolet)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2013, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/64 "2013-09-05T05:20:48Z")
Oh my goodness, how sad. ☹ Don’t blame yourself for this. You had no reason to think this would happen. Who would ever expect something this horrible to happen? Since it sounds like he didn’t try to call 911 himself, I suspect that whatever happened came on so suddenly that there was probably nothing you could have done even if you had been there, unfortunately. Even if someone is around to give CPR immediately when someone collapses, usually CPR doesn’t work in the vast majority of cases. I just mention this so you hopefully don’t feel like something you did or didn’t do caused this outcome. There is no reason to think you did anything wrong or that you could have changed things. I wonder if his aunt is in shock and taking it out on you because she isn’t thinking straight. There is nothing at all wrong with not crying. Everyone has their own way of dealing with things and the person who cries the hardest isn’t necessarily the person who has the strongest feelings. I hope that you can take comfort in good memories of your Johnny. It sounds like you had a very special relationship. He was lucky to have you and vice versa. ---
**Author:** ![FeAudrey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7feea3/32.png) [@FeAudrey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FeAudrey)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2013, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/65 "2013-09-05T05:24:45Z")
**Very, very sorry to read this.** > [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > … if I’d been here I could have called 911 or started CPR or whatever … If it happened so suddenly that he couldn’t have called you or 911 himself, there is likely little you could have done. But it sounds like he laid down to rest, and just slipped away. Which you also could not have done anything about. As others have posted, be gentle with yourself. Your threads on your Other Shoe’s illness and recovery testify to the battle he fought, and to your care, advocacy, and hard work every day of it. The same gang who posted on those threads still cares about you and will offer what practical and supportive messages we can. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2013, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/66 "2013-09-05T05:25:15Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > … the thread I’d hoped I’d never have to start. I kissed him good-bye when I left for work, and came home to find him dead on the couch. > > He hadn’t been feeling well the last couple of days, but ever since coming home from the hospital he’s been as secretive as a feral cat, not wanting _anyone_ to know that anything was wrong with him. So I didn’t realize how sick he was - apparently - or I would never have left him to go to work. We’re broke as shit so I prioritized going into the office over staying home to care for him and if I’d been here I could have called 911 or started CPR or whatever might have kept him alive, and that decision can never be undone.\ You probably won’t listen to us right now (and I don’t blame you), but please don’t blame yourself for this. You made the best decision you could with the information you had at the time. I’m so very sorry for your loss. Jesus, that seems like such a useless thing to say, but it’s from the heart. ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_Robson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gary_robson/32/3448_2.png) [@Gary\_Robson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Robson)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2013, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/67 "2013-09-05T05:31:08Z")
So sorry to hear this, **purplehorseshoe**. Listen to what **Cat Whisperer** said. This is not your fault. I beat myself up for years over not being by my father’s side when he died, and it didn’t change a thing. You made the choice you needed to make given the information you had at the time. You have enough to deal with right now without blaming yourself for it. Take care of yourself, and vent here whenever you need to. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Drake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Dr.Drake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Drake)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2013, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/68 "2013-09-05T05:35:28Z")
To add to the chorus: I am so very sorry to hear this. Please accept my condolences. Please do not blame yourself for going to work. No matter when it happened, you would have wished you had done something to stop it. You couldn’t. You and he did the best you could, and life just isn’t kind sometimes. I wish it weren’t so. ---
**Author:** ![FeAudrey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7feea3/32.png) [@FeAudrey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FeAudrey)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2013, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/69 "2013-09-05T05:41:42Z")
(\*should \* have edited my previous post – meant to express sorrow on reading of the Other Shoe’s death, not on the text of purplehorseshoe’s original post) ---
**Author:** ![aurora\_maire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aurora_maire/32/328_2.png) [@aurora\_maire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aurora_maire)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2013, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/70 "2013-09-05T05:43:21Z")
Oh, no. I’m so sorry to hear this. ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2013, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/71 "2013-09-05T05:48:11Z")
Oh no. I’m so sorry. ---
**Author:** ![GusNSpot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gusnspot/32/436_2.png) [@GusNSpot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GusNSpot)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2013, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/72 "2013-09-05T05:50:40Z")
Been there. Sometimes all you can do is endure & hang tough. You will come out the other side. ---
**Author:** ![TubaDiva](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tubadiva/32/507_2.png) [@TubaDiva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TubaDiva)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2013, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/73 "2013-09-05T05:52:01Z")
Oh my dear, I am so sad and sorry for your loss. I wish there was more we could do, could say … we were all so hopeful for better and reading your posts and cheering the both of you on. You did the most and the very best you could … that is everything. There is nothing more than everything. Nothing to blame yourself for, please don’t do that. We are here for you as you walk through this. Don’t withdraw, please; let us be here for you. Tell us what you need, what we can do. ---
**Author:** ![Becky2844](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Becky2844](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Becky2844)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2013, 5:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/74 "2013-09-05T05:58:21Z")
noooooooo ☹ You did everything you could and more. Do what you need to now, for yourself. Loss follows no rules. There aren’t any. Know that we want to help however we can, whenever you need us. I am _ **so** _ sorry. ---
**Author:** ![Lucky\_13](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucky_13/32/13209_2.png) [@Lucky\_13](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucky_13)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2013, 7:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/75 "2013-09-05T07:49:21Z")
Oh no! And I was thinking about you guys earlier… so sorry to hear this. ☹ ((((( **purplehorseshoe** ))))) ---
**Author:** ![emu2swan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e47774/32.png) [@emu2swan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emu2swan)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2013, 8:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/76 "2013-09-05T08:42:27Z")
Jesus Christ purplehorseshoe, you poor woman. I’m so sorry. ---
**Author:** ![\_Olive](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/_/4af34b/32.png) [@\_Olive](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/_Olive)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2013, 8:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/77 "2013-09-05T08:51:49Z")
i am so sorry. The both of you have been through a tremendous amount of stress. I can’t imagine how it feels to do all that you did and saw progress and now this. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2013, 8:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/78 "2013-09-05T08:55:38Z")
I’m sorry. Wish there was something I could do. ---
**Author:** ![ASanders](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asanders/32/3367_2.png) [@ASanders](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ASanders)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2013, 8:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/79 "2013-09-05T08:59:22Z")
I’m so sorry for your loss. As others have said, don’t blame yourself one little bit. Take care and be good to yourself, for John’s sake. ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2013, 9:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/80 "2013-09-05T09:02:33Z")
My condolences. You have friends, both physical and electronic, so make use of them when you can. Cry when you’re ready. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047.md?page=5)