# The Other Shoe is dead. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 5, 2013, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047 "2013-09-05T02:41:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2013, 9:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/81 "2013-09-05T09:11:02Z")
Please don’t blame yourself; as others have said, there may not have been anything you could have done at all. My dad passed away in his sleep and I know my mom blamed herself some for sleeping soundly or for not checking him when she woke up as usually he was an early bird. (And I find myself occasionally checking my own husband for warmth or breath if he seems silent during sleep.) I’m so very sorry, and you will be in my thoughts. Please hang on. What’s the Churchill (?) quote - “when you’re going through hell, keep going.” ---
**Author:** ![Heckity](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a5b964/32.png) [@Heckity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heckity)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2013, 9:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/82 "2013-09-05T09:29:33Z")
I too never posted on your other threads, but I was so impressed with the depth of your love and courage in the face of so many twists, turns and complications. You showed a strength even in exhaustion and so many unknowns. As others have said, be kind to yourself. Johnny knew how much he was loved by you and for that he was blessed. I know that life isn’t fair; it’s just life . . . but this isn’t fair **Purplehorseshoe**. You’re in my thoughts at this terrible time. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2013, 9:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/83 "2013-09-05T09:39:02Z")
Words always seem in adequate for a situation like this, but they’re all I have: I’m so sorry for your loss. ---
**Author:** ![pullin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c57346/32.png) [@pullin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pullin)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2013, 9:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/84 "2013-09-05T09:43:30Z")
Wow. From your fellow DFW denizens\*, we’re really really sorry to hear this. \*apologies if I’ve misremembered the location ---
**Author:** ![Sticks\_and\_Scones](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sticks_and_scones/32/16951_2.png) [@Sticks\_and\_Scones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sticks_and_Scones)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2013, 10:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/85 "2013-09-05T10:11:27Z")
☹ So, so sorry for your loss. You’re obviously a strong woman. My thoughts are with you. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2013, 10:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/86 "2013-09-05T10:14:46Z")
I’m so sorry for your loss. FWIW, John, you and the whole family is in my thoughts and prayers. ---
**Author:** ![Antigen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/848f3c/32.png) [@Antigen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antigen)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2013, 10:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/87 "2013-09-05T10:41:58Z")
I am so, so sorry for your loss. You guys fought so hard. > [@jsgoddess](#): > > You may not cry right away, or ever really. We all process loss and shock and grief differently. That may end up upsetting some people. Be as merciful for them in their ignorance as you can stand to be. I want to second this. It’s entirely _normal_ no be numb in response to something like this. People deal with pain in different ways. Anyone who says otherwise is wrong and needs to go do their own form of grieving elsewhere. At times like this I wish we Dopers were closer to each other geographically, so we could rally to help. ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2013, 10:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/88 "2013-09-05T10:45:30Z")
I’m so sorry. It’s just so terribly sad to read your pain, and my heart goes out to you. ---
**Author:** ![Gleena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b3f665/32.png) [@Gleena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gleena)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2013, 10:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/89 "2013-09-05T10:54:15Z")
Oh no. ☹ I’m so very, very sorry. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2013, 11:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/90 "2013-09-05T11:24:30Z")
I’m so very sorry, **purplehorseshoe** … ---
**Author:** ![iftheresaway](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ecae2f/32.png) [@iftheresaway](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iftheresaway)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2013, 11:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/91 "2013-09-05T11:38:42Z")
I am so very, very sorry that you had to type those words. Don’t be troubled for a moment about when or where or how your tears come. No one who read what you wrote about John could ever doubt the depth of your love for him. ---
**Author:** ![Cub\_Mistress](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea666f/32.png) [@Cub\_Mistress](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cub_Mistress)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2013, 11:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/92 "2013-09-05T11:57:48Z")
I am so very sorry for your loss. ---
**Author:** ![papergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/aca169/32.png) [@papergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/papergirl)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2013, 11:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/93 "2013-09-05T11:58:03Z")
I’m thinking of you, and will keep you in my heart. Please be as kind to yourself as your beloved would be. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2013, 11:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/94 "2013-09-05T11:59:02Z")
I’m so terribly sorry for your loss. Wishing you peace and strength as you deal with this. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2013, 12:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/95 "2013-09-05T12:08:48Z")
So very sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself. ---
**Author:** ![shantih](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f6c823/32.png) [@shantih](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shantih)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2013, 12:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/96 "2013-09-05T12:09:32Z")
I’m so, so sorry for your loss. How awful this must be for you! Please take very gentle care of yourself. ---
**Author:** ![Registered\_at\_Last](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bc79bd/32.png) [@Registered\_at\_Last](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Registered_at_Last)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2013, 12:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/97 "2013-09-05T12:12:06Z")
Another post with words that seem inadequate: So very sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself **purplehorseshoe**. You and Johnny are in my thoughts. ---
**Author:** ![MissTake](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misstake/32/3189_2.png) [@MissTake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissTake)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2013, 12:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/98 "2013-09-05T12:15:58Z")
I am so sorry for your loss. Our thoughts are with you and your family. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2013, 12:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/99 "2013-09-05T12:21:05Z")
Well fuck. I’m so sorry to hear this. I lurked the hospital thread and I thought he was getting better ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Draelin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@Draelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Draelin)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2013, 12:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/100 "2013-09-05T12:26:29Z")
I’m so very sorry. To echo the others, be gentle with yourself. You’re in all our thoughts. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047.md?page=6)