# The Other Shoe is dead. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 5, 2013, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047 "2013-09-05T02:41:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Boggette](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/858c86/32.png) [@Boggette](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boggette)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2013, 12:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/101 "2013-09-05T12:28:28Z")
I’m crying for you. I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine what you’re going through. ---
**Author:** ![rbroome](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/838e76/32.png) [@rbroome](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rbroome)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2013, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/102 "2013-09-05T12:30:04Z")
I am so sorry to hear the news. My prayers are with you. ---
**Author:** ![Waxwinged](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c2a13f/32.png) [@Waxwinged](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waxwinged)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2013, 12:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/103 "2013-09-05T12:44:07Z")
**(((purplehorseshoe)))** ☹ You will be in my thoughts. ---
**Author:** ![Agent\_Foxtrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc29f/32.png) [@Agent\_Foxtrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agent_Foxtrot)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2013, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/104 "2013-09-05T13:17:46Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > … the thread I’d hoped I’d never have to start. I kissed him good-bye when I left for work, and came home to find him dead on the couch. > > He hadn’t been feeling well the last couple of days, but ever since coming home from the hospital he’s been as secretive as a feral cat, not wanting _anyone_ to know that anything was wrong with him. So I didn’t realize how sick he was - apparently - or I would never have left him to go to work. We’re broke as shit so I prioritized going into the office over staying home to care for him and if I’d been here I could have called 911 or started CPR or whatever might have kept him alive, and that decision can never be undone. > > They just wheeled him on the gurney out of our home an hour or so ago. (Black-humor aside: the wheelchair ramp this dad built for him probably made their lives easier.) I waved good-bye. > > I totally haven’t processed what happened yet. I haven’t even cried – his aunt screamed at me for that. But within minutes of finding him our house has been filled with official folks (including at least a half-dozen cops & detectives, because a death in a residence apparently triggers an automatic homicide investigation) and I’ve only had a few moments to call some of my closest friends, and to puke in quantity because they make you leave the house while doing the investigating and it’s hot and humid and the love of my life has just left me. > > What am I going to do without him? Wow, this post was a punch in the gut. About the most heart-wrenching of a death announcement I’ve ever seen on the Dope. You have my condolences. ---
**Author:** ![not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/not_what_you_d_expect/32/3246_2.png) [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/not_what_you_d_expect)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2013, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/105 "2013-09-05T13:21:34Z")
Oh, what a shock it was to see this thread. I’m so very sorry. RIP Johnny. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2013, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/106 "2013-09-05T13:36:02Z")
I’m so sorry purplehoreseshoe. It is such a shock. It sounds like his priority at the end was just time at home and with you. Having faced death before, I can say that suddenly having “normal” days, and being as small a burden as possible in my passing were the most important things to me. (I got lucky, danger passed decades ago.) If he’d shared the news, he would have had to face constant visits and intrusions of other people’s feelings. His priority was time at home with you, so he kept his secret and let you go on to work because he knew you’d need that resource when he was gone. While the secrecy may look baffling, it’s probably just an indication of his love for you and the home that you shared. Others have already assured you that the numbness is normal. The stages of grief come with different intervals and intensity for everybody, and the best you can do is to keep putting one foot in front of the other and protect your boundaries as you see fit. It sounds like you are already doing a great job of that. We are always here, and more than willing to listen or help. Please let us know when he feelings of being overwhelmed come, or nay time you need to vent. {{{{{{purplehorseshoe}}}}}} ---
**Author:** ![Capt\_Kirk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@Capt\_Kirk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capt_Kirk)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2013, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/107 "2013-09-05T13:36:48Z")
So sorry to hear this, I had so hoped he was getting better I wish I could reach out and give you a hug, hold on and vent at us My sincere condolences **Capt** ---
**Author:** ![Missy2U](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3bc359/32.png) [@Missy2U](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Missy2U)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2013, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/108 "2013-09-05T13:37:17Z")
I’m so very, very, very sorry - you’re in my thoughts and heart. ---
**Author:** ![Sailboat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sailboat/32/461_2.png) [@Sailboat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sailboat)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2013, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/109 "2013-09-05T13:41:56Z")
Oh no! Our thoughts are with you. I opened the Dope and saw the title in the index and had a second or two of doomed wild hope that there was something – anything – else this thread could be about. I’m so sorry. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2013, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/110 "2013-09-05T13:42:18Z")
I’m so sorry. ---
**Author:** ![Moonlitherial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4bbf92/32.png) [@Moonlitherial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moonlitherial)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2013, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/111 "2013-09-05T13:43:17Z")
I’m so so sorry to hear that. Please keep coming here for support - the nice things about message boards is that when it gets to be too much we don’t get offended when you shut off the computer for some space. You did everything you could and more - there is nothing to blame yourself for. ---
**Author:** ![dogbutler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dogbutler/32/428_2.png) [@dogbutler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dogbutler)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2013, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/112 "2013-09-05T13:48:43Z")
I’m sorry for your loss, ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2013, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/113 "2013-09-05T13:48:55Z")
> [@Sailboat](#): > > I opened the Dope and saw the title in the index and had a second or two of… … thinking, ‘Wait. Mr. Shoe, who was in the hospital and finally recovered?’ Having just gotten out of bed, too groggy to realise I’d gotten up too early, it didn’t make any sense. My condolences to you, **purplehorseshoe**. ---
**Author:** ![raventhief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/raventhief/32/4_2.png) [@raventhief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raventhief)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2013, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/114 "2013-09-05T13:57:29Z")
I am so so sorry for your loss. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2013, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/115 "2013-09-05T14:07:11Z")
I am so very sorry to hear it. Your posts brought tears to my eyes. I’ll be thinking of you. Don’t blame yourself. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2013, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/116 "2013-09-05T14:16:20Z")
Sincere condolences. You are both in my thoughts. ---
**Author:** ![JackieLikesVariety](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackielikesvariety/32/296_2.png) [@JackieLikesVariety](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JackieLikesVariety)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2013, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/117 "2013-09-05T14:17:13Z")
> [@Moonlitherial](#): > > I’m so so sorry to hear that. Please keep coming here for support - the nice things about message boards is that when it gets to be too much we don’t get offended when you shut off the computer for some space. > > You did everything you could and more - there is nothing to blame yourself for. I am so sorry for your loss. please, please take care of yourself. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/4bbf92/32.png) [@Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heart_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2013, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/118 "2013-09-05T14:19:00Z")
Oh, no. I’m so sorry to hear not only of his passing, but that you were both struggling more than anyone really realized. My heart goes out to you. Please lean on us, and know that if there’s anything that you need, all you need to do is ask. ---
**Author:** ![Minnie\_Luna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4bbf92/32.png) [@Minnie\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Minnie_Luna)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2013, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/119 "2013-09-05T14:22:37Z")
My deepest condolences on your loss \<3 ---
**Author:** ![Springtime\_for\_Spacers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Springtime\_for\_Spacers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Springtime_for_Spacers)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2013, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047/120 "2013-09-05T14:26:38Z")
So sorry to hear about this. I am another who lurked in the previous threads. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-other-shoe-is-dead/668047.md?page=7)