# The Paranoia Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 19, 2000, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-paranoia-thread/22863 "2000-06-19T15:49:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![murano13](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/dec6dc/32.png) [@murano13](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/murano13)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-paranoia-thread/22863/21 "2000-06-20T00:16:06Z")
They are, really. People dressed in clown suits, following you, everwhere, until the day when they can get you alone and kill you. Until then, they just enjoy toying with your mind, letting you see them for a second, as they slip around the corner. I think there’s one in my house right now. ---
**Author:** ![Milossarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Milossarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Milossarian)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-paranoia-thread/22863/22 "2000-06-20T01:16:22Z")
Yeah, you’re all joking around. I’m serious. * * * P O E Peace On Earth Purity of Essence ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-paranoia-thread/22863/23 "2000-06-20T01:29:48Z")
I can’t believe some people give out their whole names and addresses on this thing. Don’t y’all know there are LOONIES out there who will stalk you down and kill you because you wrote something like, “Peanut butter and banana sandwiches suck.” ---
**Author:** ![CnoteChris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/278dde/32.png) [@CnoteChris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CnoteChris)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-paranoia-thread/22863/24 "2000-06-20T01:33:19Z")
Umm, not to interupt the paranoid theme running here, but I can answer the Price Is Right question. My sister-in-laws best friend, it’s true, I’ve talked to her personally, won a fridge on the race game. That’s the game where the contestant runs like mad around the stage putting price tags on prizes and pulling a lever to see how many you get right. Yeah, she really bombed but enjoyed the experience and a new Amana. Anyrate, according to her, a producer type comes around and basically sizes up the people waiting to play the showcase showdown. They then adjust the wheel according to the percieved strength of the contestants, or so she thought at the time. The reasoning behind this is simple when you think about it. Bob doesn’t want to stand there forever making small talk with Bruce from Atlanta who’s spun the wheel ninety-miles an hour. They adjust the tension of the wheel to accomodate Bruce, and Bob gets to move on to other things more exciting relatively quicker. ---
**Author:** ![Zarathustra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/898d66/32.png) [@Zarathustra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zarathustra)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-paranoia-thread/22863/25 "2000-06-20T01:35:43Z")
A number of governments have the ability to scan all telephone calls, e-mails, internet communications, and faxes worldwide for key words and phrases, and automatically record any such communications once a key word or phrase is picked up by their computers. These governments share this information among themselves, to get around laws that forbid them from spying on their own citizens. [You think this is a joke?](http://www.fas.org/irp/program/process/echelon.htm) The same governments are _determined_ to prevent **you** from having the means to prevent them from listening to your conversations and reading your mail. You thought America’s Clipper chip was disturbing? [Look what Britain proposes](http://www.cnn.com/TECH/computing/9907/29/ukencrypt.idg/index.html). At least you can say that the Brits don’t beat around the bush. ---
**Author:** ![Zarathustra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/898d66/32.png) [@Zarathustra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zarathustra)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-paranoia-thread/22863/26 "2000-06-20T01:39:55Z")
Punditlisa, I _hope_ you aren’t implying that **you** have something _against_ peanut butter and banana sandwiches. \ ---
**Author:** ![Zarathustra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/898d66/32.png) [@Zarathustra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zarathustra)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-paranoia-thread/22863/27 "2000-06-20T02:54:25Z")
A few highlights: > [@](#): > > [Britain’s proposed] bill calls for a possible two years in prison for anyone refusing to turn over the encryption key or the message in plain text to law-enforcement officials. It also calls for a five-year prison term for tipping off senders that they are being investigated, according to Caspar Bowden, director of the London-based Foundation for Information Policy Research. > > Even discussing an investigation in public, such as complaining about alleged abuses of law enforcement to the media, may also be punishable by imprisonment, said Bowden. Thank God for the American Revolution and thank God for the First Amendment. And if the First is ever threatened, then thank God for the Second. Zarathustra ---
**Author:** ![Sylence](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b19c9b/32.png) [@Sylence](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sylence)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-paranoia-thread/22863/28 "2000-06-20T03:08:06Z")
Cows are conspiring against us. Soon they will overthrow the world governments in the glorious Beefshevik revolution and put us in feed lots. – Sylence ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-paranoia-thread/22863/29 "2000-06-20T03:27:34Z")
Hey, Zara! Welcome back! Are we boring you? ---
**Author:** ![Zarathustra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/898d66/32.png) [@Zarathustra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zarathustra)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-paranoia-thread/22863/30 "2000-06-20T03:52:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > Hey, Zara! Welcome back! > > Are we boring you? > \*\* Huh? ---
**Author:** ![2nd\_Law](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/2/f475e1/32.png) [@2nd\_Law](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/2nd_Law)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-paranoia-thread/22863/31 "2000-06-20T04:38:58Z")
[rant} Sometimes I wonder if there is a conspiracy to fake conspiracies. The fact that most of the shit in the world actually happens at random for no actual reason is enough to make a lot of people with 2 watt bulbs for brains totally lose it. If they can’t explain it with something like “it’s god’s will,” the next best thing is for them to blame it on the commies. Or the government. Or the UFO’s. Or the Illuminati. A lone gunaman can change the course of history? No, there had to be a conspiracy. A new disease that seems to have an affinity for a certain demographic? It must have been created by the CIA/KGB/NSA/UFO. Gas shortage? If they didn’t surpress that 200 MPG carburator… [/rant] My paranoid delusion? How about printing horoscopes in the newspapers instead of an actual astronomy column is a conspiracy to keep the population as stupid as possible? Who’s behind it? No doubt it’s TPC. ---
**Author:** ![Biotop](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biotop/32/321_2.png) [@Biotop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biotop)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-paranoia-thread/22863/32 "2000-06-20T04:47:47Z")
I fear that if we vote down George Bush Jr, two more George Bushes will appear in his place. then after we vote them down, suddenly there’ll be four George Bushes, and then eight and then soon a thousand George Bushes and then the thousand points of light will turn out all to be George Bushes! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! ---
**Author:** ![Zarathustra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/898d66/32.png) [@Zarathustra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zarathustra)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-paranoia-thread/22863/33 "2000-06-20T05:04:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > Sometimes I wonder if there is a conspiracy to fake conspiracies. > The fact that most of the shit in the world actually happens at random for no actual reason is enough to make a lot of people with 2 watt bulbs for brains totally lose it. If they can’t explain it with something like “it’s god’s will,” the next best thing is for them to blame it on the commies. Or the government. Or the UFO’s. Or the Illuminati. > A lone gunaman can change the course of history? No, there had to be a conspiracy. A new disease that seems to have an affinity for a certain demographic? It must have been created by the CIA/KGB/NSA/UFO. Gas shortage? If they didn’t surpress that 200 MPG carburator… > \*\* You’re not kidding, 2nd Law. Idiots have been spouting and believing in this nonsense for a long time now. I remember years ago, some dimwits were saying that the president–_the president!_ had tried to throw an election by hiring some thugs to plant listening devices in his opponent’s party headquarters. They also accused him of using the CIA to spy on American citizens and to illegally break into several homes and offices of private citizens who were on his so-called “enemies list” (har har). God, if anyone had actually taken that bullshit seriously, it might be a different world. Zarathustra ---
**Author:** ![2nd\_Law](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/2/f475e1/32.png) [@2nd\_Law](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/2nd_Law)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-paranoia-thread/22863/34 "2000-06-20T05:17:28Z")
Zarathustra said: various high caliber things that we have all come to expect from him. Nixon? \*\*NIXON?[/b} I can’t possibly say {b}ANYTHING\*\* about Nixon outside the pit. But as to Watergate, you actually got me there. There was a conspiracy. Not a thousands-of-people-in-the-government conspiracy, but a conspiracy nonetheless. So I guess we should all be wearing them tinfoil hats, eh? ---
**Author:** ![Zarathustra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/898d66/32.png) [@Zarathustra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zarathustra)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-paranoia-thread/22863/35 "2000-06-20T05:22:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > Zarathustra said: various high caliber things that we have all come to expect from him.\*\* I think my refusal to use smilies in conjunction with irony gets me in trouble sometimes. And outright sarcasm, fuggedaboudit. But anyway, if there _are_ any conspiracies out there, I’m sure their perpatators would much prefer that we lump them in with the ravings of the tinfoil hat brigade. Zarathustra ---
**Author:** ![eggo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c4cdca/32.png) [@eggo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eggo)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 7:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-paranoia-thread/22863/36 "2000-06-20T07:40:50Z")
i think: Hubble was originaly designed to look _down_ at the earth, it was built durring the cold war, but it ended before they could launch it. they didn’t want to scrap it, so they flipped it around. (remember all the “it could read the date on a dime on the street” rumors? how do you think they knew?) that is also why it needed optical ajustments, it was designed to look through the earth’s thick atmosphere. ::donning my tinfoil hat:: ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 7:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-paranoia-thread/22863/37 "2000-06-20T07:50:28Z")
biotop: excellent! but I’m afraid its sad, not funny. If you want funny paranoia, just check out some preachers, like Texe Marrs, who say oh wait, I have been sworn to secrecy, cant tell ya… ---
**Author:** ![VaHermit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/ed655f/32.png) [@VaHermit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VaHermit)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 8:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-paranoia-thread/22863/38 "2000-06-20T08:27:21Z")
Everybody just leave me alone and stop trying to force me to answer these threads!!! I’ll speak when the voices tell me to, and not one minute sooner. Roses are red Violets are blue I’m schizophrenic And so am I ---
**Author:** ![Flypsyde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f0a364/32.png) [@Flypsyde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flypsyde)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-paranoia-thread/22863/39 "2000-06-20T13:42:42Z")
> [@](#): > > as High Programmer Junk-U-RDO-5, should you make disparaging comments about me again, I’ll have to let R&D know that you’re very enthusiatic about the prospects of testing their latest grenades. Congratulations on the activation of your _fifth_ clone, Junk-U-RDO-5. I hope this clone will be free of any accusations of Unregistered Mutations, Commie Mutant Traitorism, and suspicions of Secret Society Membership. The Citizens of Housing Preservation and Development & Mind Control are always ready to assist our fellow citizens in R & D and CPU, but I am busy following Friend Computer’s directives for the betterment of Alpha Complex. I’m sure you’ll agree with me that carrying out the Computer’s directives is of the utmost importance, and anyclone who gets in the way of such an important task by assigning a task differing from the Computer’s aforestated directives is surely a Commie Mutant Traitor. > [@](#): > > THE COMPUTER IS NOT YOUR FRIEND. > > ``` > I AM. > > ``` Citizen Fulz-G-NEA, this is a treasonous statement. You have been identified as a Commie Mutant Traitor. Please report for summary execution. Thank you and have a nice daycycle. ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-paranoia-thread/22863/40 "2000-06-20T17:22:35Z")
Sledman and other unnamed parties are out to steal all my posters! 😉 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-paranoia-thread/22863.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-paranoia-thread/22863.md?page=3)