# The Paranoia Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 19, 2000, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-paranoia-thread/22863 "2000-06-19T15:49:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-paranoia-thread/22863/41 "2000-06-20T17:26:09Z")
VaHermit: schizophrenics do Not have two personalities. ---
**Author:** ![Michi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c37758/32.png) [@Michi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michi)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-paranoia-thread/22863/42 "2000-06-20T17:39:54Z")
My cats can read my mind. ---
**Author:** ![Brea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/2bfe46/32.png) [@Brea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brea)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-paranoia-thread/22863/43 "2000-06-20T17:59:22Z")
The government now has samples of every human’s DNA on file, so that they can clone a body at will and use it for their alien-human hybrid experiments. If they create a clone from your DNA, is it ok to consider it your body? Maybe use it for spare parts? Roses are red, Violets are blue, I’m a schizophrenic, But then, you know that already, don’t you? You have been watching me, after all. I know it. I’ve seen your shoes peeking out from underneath my curtains in the living room, and your bad toupee sticking up over the shower curtain while I brush my teeth in the morning. Getoutofmyhead,youbastards! ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2000, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-paranoia-thread/22863/44 "2000-06-20T18:35:29Z")
I believe it waits until after I’ve watered my tomatoes to rain. I believe the Knicks play sucky because they know I’m watching. I believe that people are talking about my flat ass when I pass them on the street. I believe the bus comes just because I’ve lit a cigarette. In short, I believe I control the world, it just does not work to my advantage. ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2000, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-paranoia-thread/22863/45 "2000-06-21T00:23:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > > A lone gunaman can change the course of history? No, there had to be a conspiracy. > \*\* Well, I’m not one of them conspiracy nuts, except that I don’t believe that Lee Harvey Oswald could have possibly acted alone in killing JFK, because of one reason. Ever since then, not ONE person has been able to pull off three shots in less than six seconds with the type of rifle he used. And that’s without aiming first. I’m not saying the CIA/FBI/KGB/Mob/Illuminati/Martians/Anal Probe Guys did it, but someone else must have been involved somewhere. ---
**Author:** ![Grendel69](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7bcc69/32.png) [@Grendel69](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grendel69)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2000, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-paranoia-thread/22863/46 "2000-06-21T23:35:52Z")
Have you guys ever read Umberto Eco’s book, Foucoult’s Pendulum (sp?)? Seems to be right up your alley. It’s about a conspiracy of fake conspiracies. ---
**Author:** ![SILENT-BOB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4da419/32.png) [@SILENT-BOB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SILENT-BOB)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-paranoia-thread/22863/47 "2000-06-22T00:00:17Z")
:rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![\_SILENT-BOB\_NOT](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/_/e19adc/32.png) [@\_SILENT-BOB\_NOT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/_SILENT-BOB_NOT)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2000, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-paranoia-thread/22863/48 "2000-06-29T02:00:42Z")
:wally ---
**Author:** ![neuro-trash\_grrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3ab097/32.png) [@neuro-trash\_grrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/neuro-trash_grrrl)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2000, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-paranoia-thread/22863/49 "2000-06-29T02:10:12Z")
They installed a chip in my brain. But they didn’t do it quite right, they left a connection loose or something, because I can hear it. It makes a kind of tiny rhythmic noise, like two tiny bits of metal tapping together. And I don’t know what it does, but it seems to have something to do with motor control. Every time I extend my left arm, it gets softer, and when I pull it back, it gets louder again. I really think the government is trying to make me do things without knowing it! I can’t explain this ticking noise any other way… ticking noise? Oh, wait, never mind. It’s only my watch. Had me going for a second there, though. Whew! ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2000, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-paranoia-thread/22863/50 "2000-06-29T02:23:09Z")
I’m not paranod, even though everybody thinks I am. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-paranoia-thread/22863.md?page=2)