# The Passing of the SDMB Hamster **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 24, 2003, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-passing-of-the-sdmb-hamster/150616 "2003-01-24T16:09:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2003, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-passing-of-the-sdmb-hamster/150616/1 "2003-01-24T16:09:05Z")
It is with deep regret that we note the demise of the most recent SDMB hamster, **Slomo** , who carried on the solemn duty of spinning the cage wheel that powered the SDMB server (Radio Shack, $19.95). **Slomo** , a lifelong sufferer from anemia, asthma, and neurasthenia, was despondent over the 10,000 newbie GD thread centered on issues of Cosmic Significance _(Is God a Homo?)_ Foul play is not suspected. A replacement of equal quality was delayed by the requirements of SDMB’s policy of ensuring the useful employment of alternatively abled rodents. We welcome the arrival of **Deadmeat** , and urge our participants to patience and understanding, as **Deadmeat** has three legs and is addicted to barbiturates. We expect no discernible change in quality. And, of course, fuck. ---
**Author:** ![elf6c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c57346/32.png) [@elf6c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elf6c)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2003, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-passing-of-the-sdmb-hamster/150616/2 "2003-01-24T16:19:30Z")
Obviously the 8,000,000 post thread on alternative author versions of the Lord of the Rings in **Cafe Society** (and featured in slashdot) did not help things much. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2003, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-passing-of-the-sdmb-hamster/150616/3 "2003-01-24T16:22:48Z")
I believe the situation was also aggravated by infestation of dick jokes in the BBQ “virgins” thread. ---
**Author:** ![Gorgon\_Heap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f475e1/32.png) [@Gorgon\_Heap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorgon_Heap)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2003, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-passing-of-the-sdmb-hamster/150616/4 "2003-01-24T16:26:50Z")
Which makes me wonder: How many dick jokes does it take to kill a hampster? ---
**Author:** ![minty\_green](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@minty\_green](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/minty_green)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2003, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-passing-of-the-sdmb-hamster/150616/5 "2003-01-24T16:32:40Z")
And just how big is the hamster’s dick? It’s got three legs, after all. ---
**Author:** ![december](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/838e76/32.png) [@december](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/december)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2003, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-passing-of-the-sdmb-hamster/150616/6 "2003-01-24T16:40:54Z")
Is **Deadmeat** a hamster or a hamstress? ---
**Author:** ![jesuslynch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e99b99/32.png) [@jesuslynch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jesuslynch)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2003, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-passing-of-the-sdmb-hamster/150616/7 "2003-01-24T17:03:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by minty green \* > \*\*And just how big is the hamster’s dick? It’s got three legs, after all. \*\* Wouldn’t that be five? ---
**Author:** ![Neurotik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/91b2a8/32.png) [@Neurotik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neurotik)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2003, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-passing-of-the-sdmb-hamster/150616/8 "2003-01-24T17:12:48Z")
The fourth leg was caught in the wheel…very tragic. **Deadmeat** has had to improvise to get his job done. ---
**Author:** ![London\_Calling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@London\_Calling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/London_Calling)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2003, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-passing-of-the-sdmb-hamster/150616/9 "2003-01-24T17:21:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by elucidator \* > **Deadmeat** has three legs and is addicted to barbiturates. We expect no discernible change in quality. Sounds painful ! Perhaps he lost it when the treadmill was stuck…in Gere ? \ ---
**Author:** ![Spooky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Spooky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spooky)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2003, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-passing-of-the-sdmb-hamster/150616/10 "2003-01-24T17:21:24Z")
Godspeed, **Slomo** , and thank you. \>wiping tears\< All hail **Deadmeat**! Long live **Deadmeat**! ---
**Author:** ![B.Pants](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a87d85/32.png) [@B.Pants](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/B.Pants)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2003, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-passing-of-the-sdmb-hamster/150616/11 "2003-01-24T17:40:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by elucidator \* > **Deadmeat has three legs and is addicted to barbiturates.** We need to get him hooked on speed instead. I know it’s cruel, but the ends justify the means. Right?! ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2003, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-passing-of-the-sdmb-hamster/150616/12 "2003-01-24T17:59:44Z")
Although you all think you’re joking, I can just visualize **jdavis** sitting at a monitor reading threads like this aloud to his little friends, who are laughing maniacally. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2003, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-passing-of-the-sdmb-hamster/150616/13 "2003-01-24T18:10:06Z")
Sir, your suggestion is appalling. Not as appalling as **Werewolf of London** ’s execrable pun, to be sure. But, nonetheless appalling. This just in: it has been revealed that a previous power source, the aptly yclept **Twitch** , was experimented upon in precisely the manner you describe. It remains uncertain whether this was the actual cause of his induction into the Choir Invisible, or whether he succumbed to one-too-many of **Scylla’s** Proust-like excercises in self-revelation. Rumor has it that the Moderator involved was sentenced to Texas. ---
**Author:** ![wring](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/838e76/32.png) [@wring](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wring)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2003, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-passing-of-the-sdmb-hamster/150616/14 "2003-01-24T18:31:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by elucidator \* > \*\* Rumor has it that the Moderator involved was sentenced to Texas. \*\* Heartless bastids! ---
**Author:** ![Daowajan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3bc359/32.png) [@Daowajan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daowajan)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2003, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-passing-of-the-sdmb-hamster/150616/15 "2003-01-24T18:52:43Z")
My dick is so big, it could choke a hamster. _what?_ ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2003, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-passing-of-the-sdmb-hamster/150616/16 "2003-01-24T19:05:14Z")
Underpants. ---
**Author:** ![december](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/838e76/32.png) [@december](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/december)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2003, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-passing-of-the-sdmb-hamster/150616/17 "2003-01-24T19:15:03Z")
An unbalanced hamster named **Slomo** Got upset over _Is God a homo_? …So he gave up his seat …Was replaced by **Deadmeat** Who had last worked for Mario Cuomo. ---
**Author:** ![jesuslynch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e99b99/32.png) [@jesuslynch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jesuslynch)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2003, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-passing-of-the-sdmb-hamster/150616/18 "2003-01-24T19:21:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jesuslynch \* > \*\*Wouldn’t that be five? \*\* Wouldn’t that be four? I swear I don’t work for Auther Anderson. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2003, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-passing-of-the-sdmb-hamster/150616/19 "2003-01-24T19:28:02Z")
What do you call a well hung three legged hampster? Kick stand. Thank you! Thank You! I’ll be here all week! ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2003, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-passing-of-the-sdmb-hamster/150616/20 "2003-01-24T19:28:44Z")
Damn, **december**! That limerick complies with the rules of scancion, and is blessed with a modicum of wit. Clearly, our tutelage and patience is bearing fruit. We are amused, albeit mildly. Be that as it may, the rehabilitation required to compensate for the unspeakable groaner “cassus belly” may be beyond mortal means. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-passing-of-the-sdmb-hamster/150616.md?page=2)